Find Out What Kind Of Scarf-Porn Related Antics Cumberbatch and Company Will Get Up To In Season Three Of "Sherlock"

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Find Out What Kind Of Scarf-Porn Related Antics Cumberbatch and Company Will Get Up To In Season Three Of "Sherlock"

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | August 24, 2012 | Comments ()


In sporting news, Lance Armstrong has issued a statement explaining the whys and wherefores of his decisions to pull out of the USADA investigation into his performance thereby relinquishing his seven Tour de France titles, his Olympic gold medal and revenue from various sponsorships. It's an interesting question, I think, whether or not Lance did anything wrong. On the one hand my cousin, a former Olympic coach, thinks Lance adhered to the requirements put forth by the USADA, on the other hand, I think he violated the spirit of those requirements. For deeper insight into the drugs and non-drug-related methods in question, check out this TL: But You Should Totally Read article from The Smithsonian. I'd be interested to know your thoughts. (Smithsonian Mag)

Let me tell you my entire thought on these "Morning After" wedding photos: "GEEEUUUUGHHHHH." (She Finds)

I rarely link to Cracked because I presume you've read their site cover to cover, but this, their version of The Dark Knight Rises made me silent chortle until the tears came. Oh yes, I loved TDKR, but that doesn't make this version any less hilarious. (Cracked)

On the heels of TV genius Dan Harmon's reddit AMA comes film genius Rian Johnson's. It's going on RIGHT NOW. Scurry!! (Twitter)

Last year "Sherlock" creator Steven Moffat teased the plot of "Sherlock" Series Two with the words: Woman, Hound, Fall. He's just revealed the three words that will shape Series Three and I'm excited by that Final one. (Collider)

In other Cumberbatchian news, Benedict has joined the cast of August Osage County. That's another great actor in an adaptation of one of my favorite plays. But until I hear Julia Roberts has dropped out I will not be satisfied. Do you hear me, Julia? Do it for me. (THR)

You think you don't want to read this "9 Weapons That Failed Spectacularly" list? Well I have two words for you: Flaming. Pig. (Neatorama)

Muppeteer Jerry Nelson passed away this week. I loved him and I'm too sad to count the ways. (Bleeding Cool)

I'm a smidge too old for Pokemon, but you youngsters may enjoy these Pokemons (Pokemoni? Pokemon?) in the style of Tim Burton. The rest of you just might enjoy saying the word "squirtle" out loud. (Badass Digest)

Unreality has 7 Easy Steps To Becoming a DIY Vigilante. Step one is facekini, isn't it? (Unreality)

One of our readers sent along this really touching article on locked in syndrome written by his sister. It's beautifully written and, hopefully, will help you appreciate all the good things you have going in your life right now. (HuffPo)

Finally, to pour some sunshine on your weekend, here is Jimmy Fallon doing reggae by way of the Babershop. Why isn't he hosting All The Things yet?

10 People You May Not Have Realized Cut Their Teeth as "Saturday Night Live" Writers | Apparition, The Review: Spoilers will magically appear in this review

Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Kate at June

    I just directed a production of August:Osage County. We could not stop talking about the wonderful (Meryl!) and horrible (Roberts!) casting choices while backstage. It should be...interesting. I should submit our Barbara. She did an amazing job.

  • jams

    well...that's good !Do you like Cougar?

    I met my cougar mommy on C_o_u_g_a_r_s_t_e_r_c_0_m

  • Jen

    Pokemon is a lone word from Japanese. There is no difference between singular and plural in Japanese.

  • yocean

    Damn you for making me google goatse. Now i need a magical serum that cam make me unsee and unknow what that is. Or invent time machine to stop my own curiosity from killing a part of my soul.

  • John G.

    How have you been on the internet for more than five minutes and not heard of goatse? Do you have some kind of "good taste" filter?

  • yocean

    Re: Wedding Morning After photos; self obsessed ugly show offs. This really make me glad I did not chose to pursue photography. BLEAGHH

  • BiblioGlow

    Ok, I've read the Sherlock article like three times now and for the life of me I still only know one of the words. Are they in there? Am I doing it wrong? Can someone enlighten me?
    Don't judge; we can't all be Sherlock with the noticing of the details and swishing of sexy scarves and the tiny badass sidekick.

  • jmd

    Tor says the three words are Rat. Wedding. Bow.

  • JoannaRobinson

    Yeah, sorry chaps. I updated the link and was coming here to tell you the words but jmd beat me to it.

  • Anne At Large

    I'm totally confused too. Actually starting to wonder if it is the right link because I get an article about Sherlock from May 2012. And no sign of the words.

  • Kailan_Sunshine

    No, it's not just you. I couldn't find the three words either.

  • PerpetualIntern

    Sweet godtopus that gif never gets old.

  • Slash

    The "Dark Knight Rises" thing is lengthy, but enjoyable. Almost as funny as the "Prometheus Captain's Log" some guy did a couple months ago.

  • Slash

    From what I've read, the entire sport of cycling is (or was until very recently) dirty, doping was routine, everybody did it. Does seem slightly dumb to ream Armstrong now for doing what everybody else did. On the other hand, others (less celebrated than he was) did get punished for it, so why not? I'm not feeling too bad for him. He got rich and famous and he got to bang Sheryl Crow for awhile.

  • BarbadoSlim

    Meh, Sheryl Crow aint all that.

  • ,

    On that, we can agree.

    "Dog walking on its hind legs" theory at work there.

  • Yossarian

    The Rian Johnson Reddit AMA is next month, September 24.
    (Looper release date 9/28)

  • JoannaRobinson

    Oh. Nurtz

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Look, part of me feels for Lance Armstrong. And I have no idea if he's guilty - it's murky as hell. But if he took banned substances, even if he's not caught, he broke the rules. The rules aren't "don't get caught taking these forbidden substances" they are "don't take these substances"

  • Bert_McGurt

    Also true. Then again, it's not like other guys in the sport at the time WEREN'T getting caught. Was he just that much better at hiding it than his competition?

  • Maguita NYC


    Saying it out loud sounds dirty. Saying it 3 times in a row sounds like a big messy orgasm.

  • Uriah_Creep

    "Squirtle" sounds to me like what happens when your lions get moistened.

  • Maguita NYC

    Circus freak.

  • Puddin

    Oh my goodness, i figured it out. Bendyball Cumberquat can either look amazing or like a damn reptile, right? It boils down to two things- his forehead and his supersternal notch. When the forehead is exposed, his attractiveness goes down by ten Gryffindor points. But when his neck is exposed, it is raised by at least five Gryffindor points. So, by my calculations, in order for him o always look hot, he must wear bangs and v-necks at all times. I'm not even trying to be funny about this. This was about ten minutes of serious google image analysis.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    True. All true things. And it doesn't hurt that his speaking voice sends quivers to all of the bad places. All of them.

  • Slash

    Looking at the gif, I have to agree with this. He's geek hot. Not really handsome, but not off-putting, either.

  • PDamian

    And when he's fully exposed ... damn. Just ... damn.

  • BarbadoSlim

    Okay, that just made my day :)

  • psemophile

    Pokemon IS plural.

  • And I

    Before there were Bronies, there were Pokemen.

  • Puddin


  • $27019454
  • BarbadoSlim

    Lance might have a rep for being sort of a toolbag but I don't think he deserves any of what is happening to him. As I understand it they guy NEVER failed any test administered to him by the sanctioning bodies and is being stripped of his athletic life on the testimony of people who DID fail and were proven to be cheating. How fucked up is that?

  • This is a real mess, because what actually will be accomplished here - other than, as a friend said, making bike racing even less interesting to US folks who aren't already in it? Three things:

    1. Armstrong deserves to considered one of the greatest cyclists of all time. He is physically a freak, with a large heart and highest VO2 max testing ever recorded at a training facility in Colo Springs (when he was quite young). More than that, he also revolutionized the sport through his absolute commitment and highly-scientific approach to training (and not the drugs part). He was fierce, hyper competitive and would absolutely die before losing. In his era, he was without peer, with or without breaking the rules.

    2. There is pretty solid documentation of testing to indicate that, while he never was caught, the chances that his statements "never took illegal drugs" is true are very, very small. I've spoken to former bike racing friends who believe every professional was 'breaking the rules" during that period of racing. [There's a great story, which I can't find just now, of a writer/avid cyclist who took tried all the illegal methods to see how much they affected performance, and he really understood why EPO is used and people cheat. It's that good at boosting performance, mostly recovery.]

    3. I think Armstrong's move this week is one that enables him to prevent there from ever being a definitive judgment, valid or no. He knew he couldn't prevail, both because USADA is operating in a highly unethical and unprofessional way in this instance, and because there does exist significant circumstantial evidence. By walking away, it will always be a 'who do you believe?' and while he may lose his titles, he's sufficiently tarnished the process through which they were stripped that the broader community will always associate him as a champion.

    As a cyclist, I'm most sad because nothing here is in the best interest of bicycle racing, at least I don't see it. The moves USADA are making are divisive and so unusual that they don't offer any precedent value and don't create a different way forward in the future. It's still a 'gotcha' regulatory system, paralyzed by conflicting incentives among all parties.

    The idea of a 'biological passport', which athletes disclose everything they put in their bodies, is a step, but until athletes, doctors and coaches have to sign it and are criminally liable for anything showing up that didn't go into their bodies, testing protocols always will lag behind those who pioneer beyond the rules.

  • BierceAmbrose

    So, we have these competitions where people use everything they can think of to increase their performance. Training cycles, techniques and equipment have evolved constantly, like the Fosbury Flop and aluminum bats. Bicycle racing evolves more than most in these ways, plus it's highly dependent on regimes for recovery and nutrition during the long events.

    But, some stuff is banned. And some stuff is banned kind of retroactively.

    Of course they're going to do everything useful within the rules. Of course they're going to look at the rules for loopholes. And while I'm being not-PC, of course the people who succeed spectacularly are often mutants. Swimming seems particularly sensitive to people who are just genetically better fish. Mark Spitz was double-jointed. Phelps has freakishly long arms for his height. There's a reason there's a "swimmer's" body type.

    So, what's cheating?

  • ,

    "Lance Armstrong’s heart is almost a third larger than that of an average
    man. During those rare moments when he is at rest, it beats about
    thirty-two times a minute—slowly enough so that a doctor who knew
    nothing about him would call a hospital as soon as he heard it. (When
    Armstrong is exerting himself, his heart rate can edge up above two
    hundred beats a minute.) Physically, he was a prodigy."

    Read more

  • Bert_McGurt

    Yeah, I really don't trust the word of Floyd Landis here. Oh, and you have blood samples that are "fully consistent with" doping? I know weasel words when I hear them, USADA. If you had real evidence, those words aren't necessary.

  • Scully

    "Your honor, he was sad first." I die.

  • Kate at June

    "Grrgrll farggle raar!"

    I was happy that someone else was annoyed with how forced Batman and Catwoman's relationship was. I did think she figured out who he was long before the sewer scene, though, but whatevs.

  • Matthew Modine (sucks).

  • Snath

    Dammit, I was coming to post that!

    cracked, you kill me.

  • Scully

    Also: "You're too late! The progress bar is already full, so whatever that means happened!"

    I'm pretty sure my cackling scared off all my cubemates today.

  • Maguita NYC

    If international bodies governing cycling have repeatedly supported Armstrong, and have quite publicly admonished and ordered the USADA's to STOP their harassment, repeated mishandling, and overstepping on jurisdiction, why is the USADA still intended on discrediting an athlete based on hearsay, second-hand witnesses, and stripping away titles they have no jurisdiction on doing so in any way, shape or form?

    Armstrong, yes a douchebag, had always passed their tests with flying colors, no matter how often, and where, the USADA has requested samples of him in the past 7 years, he had made himself available for testing. The federal courts had also recognized the impropriety in the USADA's motives, conduct and process, so what gives?

    *Still reading the Smithsonian article hoping for enlightenment*

  • thegardenhead

    Statements from everyone that Armstrong has ever raced with saying that he doped, they saw him dope, and that they helped him dope aren't "hearsay." They're "testimony."

  • BarbadoSlim

    Where's the scientific, objective proof? There is a methodology in place to prove doping. Testimony from competitors shouldn't even be part of the equation. If the system is so subject to being circumvented then they should scrap it, strip EVERYONE who has EVER won and start from scratch. If at all.

  • Maguita NYC

    So far the USADA's puzzling attitude still remains: They have no jurisdiction in stripping away Armstrong of his Tour de France titles, BECAUSE, the organization still supports him AGAINST the USADA.

    Further more, to my knowledge, he cannot lose his Olympic medal: One, he never admitted to doping, and won his medal on a clean result, and two, because of precedence like this one:

    "Sprinter and three-time Olympic medalist Alvin Harrison received a four-year suspension in 2004 after admitting to using six performance-enhancing drugs, including insulin and human growth hormone. (He kept his Olympic medals, which he won before the admitted doping.)"

    And as everyone has been noting in this case, Armstrong IS a freak of nature, like many other super-athletes in their sport, he is physiologically better equipped than most in cycling. For example, Jacques Mayol, holder of many records in free diving was able to slow his heartbeat to a rate observed only in whales, seals and dolphins (my eternal love for all things Big Blue), and through yoga exercises was able to free-dive deeper than any human could ever.

    Armstrong, a freak of nature, made his freakishness even more notable through a scientific approach to training.

    Was this an unfair advantage? Are 7 feet tall basketball players an unfair advantage? Do swimmers with freakishly long arms have an unfair advantage on the rest of the competitors?

    The question still remains: If during all those doping years in the Tour de France, when many others got caught and were stripped of their rights to compete as well as their winnings, does Armstrong deserve to be stripped of said rights because he never got caught?

  • special snowflake

    Couple thegardenhead's statement/question "..just vacate the Tour de France titles from 1999-2005, since everybody in the sport was doping," while "every other member of the sport..[, all of whom] were doped to the gills?"
    and Maguita NYC's final paragraph/question above, and the easiest answer to both is 1) there's no changing the fact that enhancement drugs were being used; 2) these drugs will continue to be used, in most every physical sport at virtually every level ("They start very young."); and 3) either continue to re-write history and reevaluate every athletic accomplishment ever awarded a trophy, Title, or statistic, or accept points 1 and 2 so you can continue to appreciate and enjoy your preferred sports, despite the inconvenient truths that lay behind most any institution anymore.
    It's tempting to say 'Grow up already', but I hold creedence and blind loyalty to some things far less controversial & would therefore want to smack anyone who tried saying it to me.

  • thegardenhead

    Oh, and I agree with you that they should just vacate the Tour de France titles from 1999-2005, since everybody in the sport was doping. That's another reason why it's ridiculous to think that Armstrong wasn't. LITERALLY every top cycler from that era has been linked to EPO. You really think that Armstrong, non-chemically-enhanced, is just naturally better than every other member of the sport, all of whom were doped to the gills?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Not only that. They start very young. I've read an article about the issue a while back, and it said that cycling coaches for juniors give them cocktails that contain sparkling wine and painkillers before a race. To hide the taste, the mix juices in. The worst thing is: It's not illegal (apart maybe for giving minors alcohol to drink, which depends on the legal age in the respective countries).

  • thegardenhead

    He did test positive for EPO. Six times. In 1999, the first year he won the Tour de France. But he has since made the ridiculous claim that the laboratory in question spiked the blood samples with synthetic EPO (to spite him I guess), and thus he can continue to state over and over that he's never tested positive for EPO.

    But even if he hadn't, I'm satisfied with the fact that everyone in Armstrong's league during those days has been shown to be doping, that every teammate he's ever had has testified under oath that they've seen him dope, that his coach (Michele Ferrari) is the most notorious doper in the history of the sport, and that he refuses to allow anyone to re-test urine/blood samples using modern procedures to see if he was using EPO.

  • Salieri2

    Wait. Sidebar. They've got urine samples so old that the procedures used to test them when he peed them are no longer considered "modern"? Exactly how long do they hang onto these things?

    Grossest. Fridge. Ever.

  • Yes, if a rival alleged doping I'd be suspicious - but it's former TEAMMATES who are saying they and everyone including Armstrong were doping... hard to ignore. Unless you prefer to believe Armstrong is a super athlete.

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