web
counter

serial podcast / the walking dead / snl / mindhole blowers / netflix / celebrity facts / marvel


Filthy Dirty Greasy Chris Hemsworth Would Like to Have a Beer with You. In Your Bunk.

By Dustin Rowles | Pajiba Love | June 27, 2012 | Comments ()


0712-GQ-FEHE01.01.jpeg

Last week, Padma Lakshmi released a Emmy For Your Consideration ad that basically implied, "NOMINATE ME AND I'LL LET YOU LICK MY BODY." I thought I'd have some fun with that and come up with 10 more For Your Consideration Ads that Shamelessly Sold Sex to Pander to Emmy Voters. (WG)

Guess who is kind of but not really leaving "The Office" to go work with his best friend who is totally not his girlfriend but, man, they spend a lot of time together, and if they were a couple they would totally be, like, the fifth most adorable real-life television couple in the world? (TVGuide)

While you're all still celebrating the life of Nora Ephron, I encourage you to head over here to read one of her old essays, "A Few Words About Breasts." It's breastacular! (Esquire)

I got a little miffed this morning when The Daily Mail rudely made fun of Sean Bean's paunchy belly and Sharon Stone's cosmetic-free face. So, I was like, "F*ck that. I"m going to find out who wrote these pieces and make fun of her." Her name is Georgina Littlejohn, and unfortunately, she doesn't give me much to work with except slightly crooked teeth.

I still remember how angry TK was when it was announced that Tom Cruise would be taking on the role of Jack Reacher in the One Shot movie (This Is Why Hollywood Deserves To Be Devoured By Rabid Lampreys) and TK's assessment that the role should've gone to Dwayne Johnson, who better fit the body type of the ex-military lead in the novels. So, I got a good laugh out of the first image of Cruise as Reacher. That doesn't look right, does it? He's so wee! (Via Collider)

tom-cruise-jack-reacher-600x400.jpeg

I'm linking to this video about a man who cured his boner droopiness by drinking his wife's breast milk not to inform, but to see how long you can watch the video before you're overwhelmed by disgust. On my computer, it's been stuck at the :35 second mark all morning. NO MORE. (Buzzfeed)

There are actual, real-life men who are so insecure with themselves that they visibly gag when asked if they'd go see Magic Mike. Jesus, dudes. Get over yourselves. TRUST THE THONG. (The Playlist)

I like Seth Rogen. A lot. But his laugh-face has always made me a little uncomfortable, so the thought of watching this supercut devoted to just that made me as squeamish as those insecure assholes who gag at the thought of watching Magic Mike. (Film.com)

There will be not one, not two, but THREE sequels to Avatar, and Sigourney Weaver is signed to all three. (Movieline)

Good news, Democrats: Not only do Americans think that President Obama is better equipped than Mitt Romney to deal with an alien invasion, but in the latest polls, he's also edging ahead in the swing states. (Poltico)

But don't worry: Mitt Romney will win back voters by staring at each and every one of them longingly. (Buzzfeed)

Chris Hemsworth is on the cover of GQ this month, and I just want to know what he lifts to make his arms look like that? BUILDINGS? (Celebitchy)

All 21 Reasons to Never Have Kids have been trumped by one: Drunk Baby. (Uproxx)

The producer behind Van Helsing says that the reboot will be "grounded in reality." Funny, I don't recall a reality involving monster hunters trying to kill Draculas, nor do I recall a reality where a Van Helsing reboot was wanted. (Slashfilm)

Here's a useful post for stand-up nuts: 5 Awesome Comedy docs. I can vouch for the Bill Hicks one. (Unreality)

You may have noticed an ad for Trivi.al on the bottom right of our site. The app was actually co-funded by a close friend of mine, an e-commerce giant, the guy who (unknowingly) put a lot of money into Pajiba in the early days when we both owned the site (remember those ads on GoFugYourself? He paid for 40 percent of those). If you like trivia, it's a fantastic, addictive trivia app, and I'm not just saying that because he and his parents basically saved me from a life of poverty, but it certainly doesn't hurt. It turns, out, too, that one of the guys from The Film Stage helped to develop it. Check it out. (Trivi.al)

Finally, this video is amazing, but if you click on it, be ready to give up the next 14 minutes of your life. One joke from every single episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.




Poll: If Angry Aliens Attacked Earth, 21% of Americans Said They Would Call the Hulk | The Death and Rebirth of Television News: "All of Life is Reduced to the Common Rubble of Banality"






Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • kayla

    Sharon Stone looks beautiful. People have forgotten what it looks like to be natural.

  • Jezzer

    I'm pretty gaggy at the thought of seeing Magic Mike too, Dustin, but just because it looks like a terrible, terrible movie. If I wanted to watch horribly wooden actors take their clothes off (heh, "if"), I'd hit my porn folder, like God intended.

  • ,

    Why is Budweiser like having sex in a rowboat?

    They're both fuckin' close to water.

  • Jezzer

    You have elicited my first "hee" of the day, sir.

  • alone in the dark

    Cruise doesn't so much look wee as just look wrong. This is one of the most glaring cases of miscasting I've ever seen. Cruise does not share a single physical, emotional, or mental attribute with Reacher. I'm not much for the idea of Dwayne Johnson playing Reacher either. It needs to be someone big and rough, like the young Chuck Connors, or like, hey, that greasy young man in your header photo, although he's too young. Maybe Adam Baldwin or (here's a reach) David Morse. Not that either of those guys could headline a franchise movie, but I don't like the idea of the Reacher novels being turned into Mission: Impossible style tentpoles anyway.

  • Alex0001

    I watched all 14 minutes of it and I regret nothing.

  • ben

    wait didn't sigourney weaver die at the end of the first one?

  • Gumbercules

    It's a Patrick Swayze Christmas!

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Not sure I would want to share a bunk with him if he was drinking a Bud... Those make you a bit gassy.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Frankly, it looks like dude could use a bra.

  • L.O.V.E.

    -- "There are actual, real-life men who are so insecure with themselves that they visibly gag when asked if they’d go see Magic Mike."

    Maybe they're just demonstrating what would happen if one of those thongs ended up all in their faces.

  • Rooks

    If the drunk baby didn't get you, Patrick Rothfuss' letter to his son who has been gone on holiday with his mom for the past six days might.
    http://blog.patrickrothfuss.co...
    I want to be able to love like that just for one day.
    I think I better call my parents right now, once those damn onion-cutting vegetable ninjas stop doing what they do...

  • Irina

    That Chris Hemsworth photoshoot does nothing for me, but the pics with his baby daughter? I'm all awwwwwwwww and gooey inside.

  • OhmyGOOOOOD. Hemsworth. Ohmygod. If it weren't so damn hot outside I'd run out to the nearest store and buy that shit. Thank you Jesus for that man.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I thought Trivi.al was going to be trivia related. Boo.

  • chanohack

    I DO remember those GoFugYourself ads... I'm proof they worked!

  • kayla

    I came here from the ads on TVgasm. Another once awesome site.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    me too! I visit this site more than GFY now (partially because so many ads and partially because each slide show is a freaking page load. so annoying.)

  • Return of Santitas

    Yes! I came here from GFY too! And I also never visit that site anymore, for the same reasons. It's too annoying.

  • megaroniandcheese

    Money well spent! For me, I think the progression was Television Without Pity --> GFY --> Pajiba. Pajiba's the only one that lasted.

  • Jezzer

    I had the same progression. I still go to TWoP, but the Bravo-mandated changes still make me angry, and Jacob the Pretentious Recapper still makes me want to hit him with a sack of hammers.

  • Jezzer

    I mean, seriously, you get rid of most of the people that made TWoP great and you keep JACOB?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    There will be not one, not two, but THREE sequels to Avatar, and Sigourney Weaver is signed to all three.

    as what? [spoiler alert] the TREE?!

    re: Hemsworth's body - a few months ago the Metro (free daily paper) had an article on his workouts. It was insane. Apparently he spent a few months massively bulking up, and then moved on to super lean diet with cross training to remove all fat and increase flexibility while maintaining the muscles. Not for the faint of heart.

  • special snowflake

    I didn't even notice the Avatar sequel thing until seeing your comment, Sara_ (can I call you that?), but that news boggles my mind. Think about movies like Batman Begins, the first Spider-man, the Twilight series, etc; and with their initial releases the fans are already talking about, and looking forward to, the sequels. It seems like Avatar kind of dropped off the face of the earth after it's gigantic first run - who's been talking "sequel" on that movie the last few years?

  • hapl0

    John Carter bombed. One Shot gets changed to Jack Reacher. It's like no one's paying attention.

    Also, that's MI:3 Tom Cruise. What is he doing here?

    Three more Avatars? Holy shitballs! What is there left to say that wasn't covered by the first movie?

  • Zirza

    Chris Hemsworth can bunk me all he wants.

  • uhura

    re: Trivia app - ping us again when the Android version is available.

  • Thank you for the Hemsworth header and link. Also, the Magic Mike article was actually interesting, especially that last line. That spoke volumes.

  • athena23

    Well, now you've got my co-workers wondering...first, they hear a shitstorm of giggles (MST3K) and then a whole lot of "oh, my" (Hemsworth, who is No. 1, 2, and 3 on my Top 10 list). I thank you but I don't think they do. Oh, and GQ thanks you for selling me this month's issue. Headed to bunk as ordered...

  • branded_redux

    So, I was like, “F*ck that. I”m going to find out who wrote
    these pieces and make fun of her.”...and unfortunately,

    If that was your first reaction, you likely have been out in the
    internet too long, DR. It's recommended that you find your nearest child and
    play for at least five to ten minutes until your (closest semblance of)
    sanity has been restored.

  • Anna von Beav

    You had me at "Filthy," and when you got to "Chris Hemsworth" I died of joy.

    You know how I likes 'em, DR.

  • DenG

    I group Seth Rogen with the greatest smirkers who ever lived: Bill Maher, Bob Saget and Dennis Miller. Also the woman who works at the wine and liquor store, but she's not famous.

  • John G.

    Not only will there be 3 sequels to Avatar, but those are the only movies James Cameron plans on directing ever again.

  • Samantha Klein

    Does Mr. Hemsworth get Top 10 consideration? He's got mine...

  • Samantha Klein

    Although, upon second glance at the header picture up there...Oh, Chris. Budweiser? Really??

  • e jerry powell

    Don't bitch. It could be PBR.

  • athena23

    I pretend it's a prop and that he'd rather be having a bourbon. With me. It helps.

  • Noo

    He's Australian and we won't touch a Budweiser unless you pay us to!

  • sarah

    Georgina Littlejohn: how about the bangs on an adult lady...or the slightly square Sarah Michelle Gellar-esque nose...or the big bug eyes...ok, I'm reaching but maybe she has a lumpy ass or something?

  • Return of Santitas

    Just to indulge my inner seventh grader, I am going to add "fake tan, receding hairline and limp as fuck dyed hair". And now I will go play with a cute puppy for a few minutes.

  • Tomas353

    She looks atrocious, for reasons noted by sarah, and I'd add a comment about the shitty dye job. Her nose is huge! Why all these parts combine to reveal woman so insecure and desperate for attention that she'd literally have a webcam photo available online, on demand. And get J-LoHe to play her in the inevitable bio-pic after she commits suicide very publicly after systematic rejection drives her to ultimate cry for attention.

  • Zuffle

    You forgot how fucking vapid she looks. Also, she writes for the most hateful newspaper in the UK, so she's likely a complete scatmuncher.

  • TheShitWizard

    Here, bloody here. Coming from the most awful, hate-mongering piece of shit rag outside of the BNP newsletter (I imagine), where the fuck do you get off, lady? Scatmuncher indeed...

  • TheShitWizard

    Sarah Michelle Gellar-esque nose...I've heard it less kindly put as a nose like a builder's elbow. I would never stoop so low, of course...

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I would If I knew what that meant.

  • $27019454

    There can never be enough Sigourney Weaver, really. And a filthy, sweaty man with a cold beer and a delicious, sin-inspiring voice ...? There can never be enough of that, either.

blog comments powered by Disqus