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Eddie Murphy Quits. Who Should Host The Oscars? Oh, We've Got About 99 Candidates and Billy Crystal Ain't One.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (30)



Muppets.jpg

I missed a few Pajiba Lovemaking sessions last week so Dustin is kindly letting me give you a double order of hot links today. So here we go, Pajiba Love II: Eclectic* Boogaloo. Well, folks, a lot has happened since we spoke a few hours ago. Specifically in regards to the Oscar Ceremony. In the wake of Brett Ratner’s flame out, Eddie Murphy quit as host. Word on the street is that Ron Howard’s other half, Brian Grazer has been hired to replace Ratner and that Grazer wants to bring Eddie back as host. But the Twitters have been a-buzzing with a far more enticing prospect and I, for one, am fully on board. Muppets! Right? Oh sure, tell me with a straight face that you don’t care about the Muppets, I dare you. If they must have humans to help anchor the show, why not bring on hosting pro Neil Patrick Harris and Muppet aficionado Jason Segel? If you’re all twitterpated at the prospect, go follow @MuppetOscars on Twitter. The power of Kermit compels you.

Whew. My apologies. That was long-winded. But not nearly as long-winded as the 28 page memo Jeffrey Katzenberger wrote on the declining state of Disney back in 1991. (Still declining, Jeff.) Allegedly, Cameron Crowe used the memo for inspiration when he wrote Jerry Maguire. Ah yes, that would make it more of a Mission Statement, no? Film Drunk has recapped the salient bits. (Film Drunk)

Speaking of Jerry Maguire, this is what that Lipnicki kid looks like now. You had me at HEEELLOOO. (The Superficial)

Our own Internet Magpie has created this completely adorable tumblr. At least, I think she did. She may have meant it ironically. I DON’T ALWAYS UNDERSTAND YOU HEPCATS. (The Ugliest Effing Blank)

The People’s Choice Awards Nominees have been announced. Robbert Pattinson, GOOP, Julia Roberts and Taylor Lautner? That Finn kid from “Glee”?!??! Ugh, these are not my people. (Market Watch)

Um, actually, to be completely honest, I watched last night’s episode of “Glee.” I know, I know. But there was tender gay sex woven with scenes from West Side Story and it was completely marvelous. I’m sorry to admit it. But it was a fantastic episode…for once. (Atlantic)

And to the Christian Right who did not react well to the gay part of that episode, here’s all I have to say. (Viral Viral Pictures)

Future Oscar host and “How I Met Your Mother” star Jason Segel talks about his next project. You had me at puppets, Jaso-no wait, you had me at Goonies, ah, ah, wait you had me at Labyrinth. (The Playlist)

Speaking of capitalizing on our youthful nostalgia, check out this awesome collection of Star Wars graffiti. BBQ-ing Storm Trooper? Call me. (Unreality)

Speaking of graffiti (the legal kind) check out this amazing Lego street painting. You can tell your brain it’s only 2-D. See if it listens. (Flickr)

Also, over on Flickr you can see a kindly man scooping Ben & Jerry’s ice cream for the OCCUPY protestors. That guy? We just call him Ben. (Flickr)

You know I don’t do cuddly animal videos, but I will do bastard animal videos. Here’s a supercut of animals being d*cks.

Finally, in honor of Carl Sagan, on his birthday, here is John Boswell’s latest Symphony of Science installment, “Onward to the Edge!” It features my boyfriend Neil deGrasse Tyson, Brian Cox and Carolyn Porco.

*Not a typo.

Joanna Robinson has much love for Billy. If only he were green.









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Comments

There's enough people still watching the Oscars for anyone to give a shit ?

(Wow, that was even faster than I thought it would be--JR)

(That's what she said. -- The Devil On JR's Shoulder)

Posted by: Mr. Stitch at November 9, 2011 8:24 PM

Stephen Colbert and/or Conan O'brien and/or that chick with the three boobs from Total Recall.

Posted by: googergieger at November 9, 2011 8:25 PM

Sorry, my brain crashed with a BSOD on that 3-D Lego mural thingamalob.

No Effin' WAY!!

Posted by: MM at November 9, 2011 8:36 PM

I'm in favour of the Muppets, but on a more plausible note I like these suggestions I've seen.

Albert Brooks
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
The reanimated corpse of Bob Hope

Posted by: Arran at November 9, 2011 8:39 PM

Saturday Night Live is still on?

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2011 8:58 PM

I thought R.E.M. broke up years ago!

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2011 8:58 PM

Glee makes me laugh but not as intended.

I vote for Christina Hendricks to host the Oscars then there will be two good reasons to watch 10 minutes of entertainment jammed into 3 hours.

Posted by: logan at November 9, 2011 8:59 PM

This is the worst season of Doctor Who EVER!

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2011 9:04 PM

I guess corporate ice cream is okay if it's liberal!

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2011 9:07 PM

I want a red panda now.

Posted by: snapnhiss at November 9, 2011 9:08 PM

The gods love Ricky Gervais or what?

Posted by: haplo at November 9, 2011 9:32 PM

Just make it a 3 hour episode of the Muppet Show with a different pair of Muppets handing out each award. Screw the musical numbers unless its the Muppets covering the Beatles (or maybe the "Beetles" from Sesame Street themselves.) Keep them moving in rapid fire succession. And y'know what? Fuck the acceptance speeches. You heard me, FUCK 'EM! Just come on stage, smile, accept your gold-plated bookend, say "Thank You" and then Shove Off! We're moving on! If you don't, a diva pig will karate kick you in the junk followed by Sweetums throwing you into the orchestra pit- which will be manned by the Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem Band. After which Statler and Waldorf will heckle your ass.

If that nights winners want to meander endlessly about all they people we don't give a shit about, they can either post a Twitter or have a Post-Oscar website where people can log on if they're THAT much of an insomniac.

Posted by: bleujayone at November 9, 2011 10:08 PM

%$#@ animals! We should destroy their habitats and make them extinct.

Posted by: John W at November 9, 2011 10:13 PM

I met a turkey in England that needs to be on that dick video.

That whole thing made me laugh.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at November 9, 2011 10:23 PM

Oscar host? Ian McShane. In character as Al Swearingen.

Posted by: Spudboy at November 9, 2011 10:38 PM

Were Jim Henson still alive I would be all for The Muppets hosting the Oscars. These days? No.

Hosting is a very different job than acting or stand-up. My choice?

Brian Williams.

Posted by: The Mutt at November 9, 2011 10:42 PM

Suicide memos - those where the author tells the organizational truth, so must be punished - happen in tech, too. There's a couple recent ones floating around. Some folks at RIM (the Blackberry people) did a thing about "You realize mobile corporate email is like, totally last decade, right?" Didn't help, but it's kind of funny listening to "Where have all the ideas gone ..." sung in the key of MBA.

Far more fun is a few thousand words by guy named Steve Yeggie, who works for Google, about how Google doesn't know anything about social media. Yeggie reads like a techie Camille Paglia & never writes in less than a few thousand words. BUT if you like that kind of thing, he's a treat.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 9, 2011 11:04 PM

Ever since I discovered The Pirate Bay, I have not paid for a single piece of music... except Symphony Of Science. Every time a new song comes, I gladly pay to add it to my collection. I love it that much.

Posted by: Danny from Puerto Rico at November 9, 2011 11:30 PM

This is a Glee comment. :D I reserve the right to re-post it in case Pajiba does a review of "The First Time".
First, let me just state the obvious: “America” was awesome.
Second, I really liked the Coach Beiste story. As a large and wildly unattractive person, I can totally see how she’d miss Cooter’s attempts to ask her out - she considers him so far out of her league, it doesn’t even compute. But where’s the fairness? If I were a gay man I’d be a “bear cub”, although I would have to like sports and pee standing and that sounds SO exhausting. But since I am a girl, I have to hear the “big boobs don’t count if you’re fat” line from three different guys in one month. See? No fair.
Anyone has an inside man in the wardrobe department? Cause Darren Criss’s clothes are getting out of control. Bowties are only cool on The Doctor (not even him but the poor soul tries so hard, I’ll let him have this one), he wore red pants 3 episodes in a row, and what’s with the ankle porn? I did appreciate the effort they put into the sailor outfit (I do love boat shoes) but they only had it right in the last scenes: wife beater, chinos and bare feet. Keep him like that for the rest of the season and we might have something. And by something I mean a girl-boner.
Last but not least, Ryan Murphy got my letter! I wrote “You don’t need to dress up Kurt like he’s on his way to a Pride Parade every goddamn time, we get it!” in caps. (And bold. Maybe 72 size font as well.) Too bad he only got it halfway through the episode. I’ve never found Chris Colfer attractive, ever since he showed the picture he took next to Pinocchio at Disneyland, I could never unsee it. But the scene after the show, the jeans/vest/shirt combo? Classic, fitted, understatedly accessorized? It KILLED. I’d hit that. Repeatedly.

Posted by: Irina at November 10, 2011 12:48 AM

Statler and Waldorf as Oscar hosts. All night long. No holds barred. They could teach Ricky Gervais a thing or two about snark.

Posted by: cinekat at November 10, 2011 4:41 AM

While I admit they would do a better job than most other choices, most of my Muppet love died with Jim. The proliferation of weeny characters like Elmo, after the genius of Animal and Kermit and Gonzo is just too much for me to care about them much anymore.

Posted by: Protoguy at November 10, 2011 5:01 AM

I met a turkey in England that needs to be on that dick video.

That whole thing made me laugh.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at November 9, 2011 10:23 PM

I can sympathize, I've been terrorized by a gaggle of territorial geese before. I've never been so frightened in my life.

Posted by: snapnhiss at November 10, 2011 6:45 AM

Go back and watch all awards shows from the last two or three years, and then tell me who, whether as presenter or recipient, has consistently been the funniest and most charming part of the proceedings, and then hire him to host all the things.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. I mean, he's proven he'll do just about anything for money these days, right? Get on that, Academy.

Posted by: Samantha at November 10, 2011 8:21 AM

But, but if animals were extinct then there would be no bacon...isn't everyone supposed to love Bacon or something?

And I don't care what you say! Raccoons are awesome! Especially when they're stealing stuff!

And I agree with um...Irina (?). Stop dressing Kurt like that. It's an awful, awful mess.

Posted by: Candee at November 10, 2011 9:59 AM

Having been terrorized by a very large, ticked off swan I can sympathize with the folks in that video. Giant swans are not afraid of cars.

Posted by: Bob Frapples at November 10, 2011 10:48 AM

That Jonathan Lipniki link made me feel dirty. Oh, so very dirty.

Posted by: PerpetualIntern at November 10, 2011 12:21 PM

Betty White should host the Oscars. Every year until she dies. Maybe even a couple of years after that.

The animal video - hilarious! I just put a red panda on my Black Friday shopping list.

Posted by: My Buddy Keith at November 10, 2011 12:52 PM

I know Elmo is a muppet, but he's not a Muppet. He doesn't hang around with the other Muppets, like Kermit and Fozzie. He hangs around with Big Bird, who is also a muppet, not a Muppet. Elmo is a character on Sesame Street that is the same age as the children he appeals to, which is pre-school age. That's why you don't like him. You are not supposed to like Elmo. Pre-schoolers are supposed to like Elmo. Stop lumping Elmo in with Muppets.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at November 10, 2011 1:04 PM

I don't remember anybody having a problem liking Muppets when I was in pre-school. There was no need for muppets. bbbrrrrriiiiiiiing!! yupyupyupyupyupyup yupyupyupyup!

Posted by: Protoguy at November 10, 2011 9:12 PM

hey! thanks! that is awesome!! how about us? if you have time, all about logs! see ya i hope!!

Posted by: log baskets at November 17, 2011 6:26 AM