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Don't Make Nancy Drew Angry. You Wouldn't Like Her When She's Angry.

By Courtney Enlow | Pajiba Love | July 17, 2013 | Comments ()


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Guys. I don’t want to shock you. But, it turns out, the daughter of Eric Roberts might not be totally nonviolent. (Dlisted)

Jack Handey is just the best, and here he is sharing poems about his pet rat because that’s what best people do. (Vulture)

Really? Hair bands, Dustin? You wrote about hair bands? And not even the GOOD ones? (Uproxx)

Cookie Monster’s real name is Sid. …I don’t know what to do with this information. But it changes LITERALLY everything. (Mental Floss)

I’m a sucker for a totally dark ending—even more so when that ending is to a comedy. Unreality takes a look at a few of the darkest and best. (Unreality)

“Dexter” has been lousy this season, but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate the contributions that Debra Morgan has made to the f*cking lexicon. (WG)

Miley Cyrus does a whole interview about her Cynthia haircut. Because that’s what’s important when you’re interviewing a successful female performer, and never forget that. Ever. (Celebitchy)

Who doesn’t love the Carlton dance? NO ONE. No one doesn’t like the Carlton dance. Alfonso Ribiero tells its origin story. It’s basically the Iron Man of stories about dancing. (Buzzfeed)

Finally, STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING because this video is everything.


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Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • DominaNefret

    Nancy Drew is literally my favorite thing ever. I have been collecting the books since I was 14 years old. I have 200. Yes. There are that many. There are still a lot that I don't have. There is so much people don't realize about Nancy Drew. She finds bodies all of the time. She cheats on her boyfriend all of the time. She is good at everything and can do everything, but is seriously flawed.

    My favorite Nancy Drew book ever is one that was written in the '70s. It starts with her and her friends at a rock concert, and they get invited to an after party with the band. When she gets home she reaches into her purse for her car keys AND PULLS A LARGE BAG OF COCAINE OUT OF HER PURSE. She is like "oh no, someone slipped cocaine in my purse. They must be trying to frame me. I must call the police and turn this in to them, and then try to find the person who did this!"
    She and her friends go to Scotland and the lead singer of the band ends up in the same town they are staying in, and because she and Ned are in an open relationship, she begins a steamy affair with him. It's pretty fabulous.

  • Salieri2

    I must have these books. Holy shit. On a pogo stick.

  • Bodhi

    What is the title??? I love Nancy Drew, too, but I don't remember that one! I read all the yellow spine ones as a kid & then I read most (I thought) of the new ones as I got older.

    Have you read the newish spoof where Nancy & Ned are middle aged? Its totally hilarious. Even my dad, who read me all the yellow spines over & over, thought it was brilliant

  • DominaNefret

    Apparently it was 1985. "The Bluebeard Room". It's part of the same series as the yellow spines, but after they started releasing them in paperback.
    http://www.nancydrewworld.com/...
    It really is amazing. My jaw kept dropping, and I laughed out loud multiple times. It is unlike any other Nancy Drew I have ever read.

    I haven't read the spoof, I'll have to look it up. I have considered writing a spinoff series where Nancy is in her late twenties/early thirties and working for the FBI or some top-secret government agency. Because I'm that much of a nerd.

  • Bodhi

    Yes, I would read that in a heartbeat!

    Here is the spin off, it isn't any work of literary genius, but its pretty damn funny

    http://www.amazon.com/Confessi...

  • Leonard

    Uh Dexter has been great this season, so shut your mouth!

  • PDamian

    Why wasn't Emma Roberts arrested despite her boyfriend's unwillingness to press charges? If a man had bloodied a woman's nose and bitten her, wouldn't the police haul his ass in even if she was unwilling to press charges? I know that Minnesota has domestic assault laws that allow the cops to arrest batterers even if the spouse doesn't want them to; doesn't Canada (Montreal? Quebec?) have similar statutes?

    And why are media outlets and reporters joking about this? Dammit, a woman violently assaulted her boyfriend. It's not f**king funny.

  • emmalita

    Arresting and/or prosecuting the batterer when the victim does not want to press charges is relatively new, and the practice was pioneered in Minneapolis (I think).

  • Frances

    The participants in an event don't have any decision in whether or not charges are pressed. Emma Roberts was arrested and taken in to custody. What I'm guessing happened is that without him being willing to testify, no prior record, no significant injuries, etc., there was little likelihood of getting a conviction. Not funny at all. You're right.

    And I heard a radio personality on Sirius this morning say something like "Well, the good news is that they're back together and working through it." UM, NO. NOT GOOD NEWS AT ALL. I yelled at the radio, but I'm pretty sure she didn't hear me.

  • I guess they are at least waiting until she wings him with a gunshot or something. Since womenfolk can't hurt men.

    (I agree with you, in case it wasn't clear.)

  • $27019454

    Because pet rats are amazeballs. No. You don't even know. They are like a cross between a dog and a cat. We had one that was cage trained and had the run of the house. She'd JUMP up onto the bed and cuddle with me while I was drinking wine and reading. Licked wine off my fingers. Amazing creatures. Best pets I've ever had.

  • PDamian

    In fairness, I jump on beds and cuddle with guys who have wine, too. I suspect that's true of many.

  • $27019454

    Excellent point. But are you cage trained? Also, I'm a girl.

  • PDamian

    You mean, like UFC cage-trained? No, but I've been in some epic pillow fights. And I might cuddle with a girl, if the girl were Judi Dench and she had a really good Riesling.

  • $27019454

    Well OK then.

  • Donnasaurus

    I want a green screen so bad! You go, Canada Man!

  • apsutter

    So she has the anger issues of her father and the undeserved ego of her aunt...wonderful combination

  • Monica

    "Really? Hair bands, Dustin? You wrote about hair bands? And not even the GOOD ones?"

    I was definitely confused as to why Dustin would spend time writing about banded-products that hold hair back, in ponytails, in braids, etc.

  • marya

    That's EXACTLY what I thought. "Ponytail holders? Why? I bet it has to do with fashion. Why is Dustin writing about women's fashion?"

  • Tinkerville

    I'm really glad I'm not the only one.

  • foolsage

    Jack Handey is hilarious. I'm a huge fan of his Deep Thoughts.

    ***

    “To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.”

    ***

    "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

    ***

    "Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling."

    ***

    "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did -- in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."

    ***

    “If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'”

  • Sara_Tonin00

    This one is my favorite - I would get it on a sampler if I could sew and copyright infringe: Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words- "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Nancy Drew will cut a bitch.

  • Bodhi

    That Emma Roberts/ Evan Peters story is bringing back a flood of horrible memories of the the violent relationship I was in during my early 20s. Those kids need to get the fuck away from each other

  • Bodhi

    Holy crap, those are funny as hell. I just emailed them to my dad because he read me all of the originals when I was little. ALL of them, over & over.

  • I LOVE her.

    I think this one's my favorite, along with anything with Watson and Holmes:

    http://www.harkavagrant.com/in...

    http://www.harkavagrant.com/in...

    And the fat pony! I love them all.

  • Dude Watchin' with the Brontes is one of my all-time favorites. Her face at the end is GREAT. It made me want to read Anne's stuff!

    Aslo...
    "Emasculating my son in front of a rival is not what I had in mind"
    YOU SHOULD HAVE SPECIFIED
    Fat Pony

  • foolsage

    "This was not a mystery that needed to be solved."

    Great stuff. Thanks for sharing.

  • Etaoin Sherdlu

    In a just world, Kate Beaton would have all the up votes.

  • llp

    I read that in the movie narrator voice: "In a just world, Kate Beaton and Hark, A Vagrant would get all the upvotes."

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Um, thank you for that, because those are awesome. Now I have a literary comic to combat my sibs' love of XKCD. (which I love too, but I only get about half of them.)

  • Yessss! Read all of them! Even when Beaton's comics touch on historical events and figure I'm not familiar with, she still makes it funny and usually makes her jokes somehow educational.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    This one might be my fave, though I forwarded the 1066 quiz to siblings.

    http://www.harkavagrant.com/in...

  • It doesn't change that C is for Cookie. And that's good enough for me.

  • TK

    Fuckin' Canada, man.

  • e jerry powell

    Fuck yeah!

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