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Dear Charlie Sheen, Allow Me To Define "Winning" and "Goddesses" For You. Sincerely, Paul Rudd.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (33)



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Today marks my two month anniversary as your Link Wench and so I want to say to everyone “cheers! ta! booyah!” Thanks for sending me links, giving me ideas and being generally fabulous. You kids are the greatest. You know who else is the greatest? Paul Rudd. I know you pretty much knew that, but here he is at the Independent Spirit Awards being an adorable slice of ham in a tasty Rosario Dawson/Eva Mendes sandwich. I want to go to there. (Buzzfeed)

You know where else I want to go? Cincinnati. Because Ryan Gosling is all up in that city right now, first at the aquarium and now at the zoo doing his impression of Andy Samberg’s impression of Mark Whalberg. (Film Drunk)

So that’s two delectable links about delectable fellas. Now we get to the deplorable portion of the P. Love. That’s right. It’s a mini-Sheen round up. The man is unavoidable right now, so here are the very best links I could. Some Warlocks have threatened to put a binding spell on Charlie Sheen to stop him from… defaming Warlocks. My dear Warlocks, can you just stop him from talking in general? I would appreciate it ever so much. Witchy kisses, Joanna. (The Boston Channel)

Someone has reimagined Ron Swanson’s Pyramid of Greatness with key Sheen quotes/ideas/maxims/philosophies/isthismantryingtostartareligion? (Warming Glow)

And, finally, I really dig this “Ghosts of Sitcoms Past” sketch in general, but particularly for its inclusion of Sheen. One can only hope. I had fun trying to name the others. Jackée!!! (National Post)

And that’s it, all the Sheen news I can stomach! Let’s wash that taste out of our mouths with some comfort food. The boys over at Gastrolab attempt to improve upon the classic grilled cheese. While they don’t employ the old clothes iron technique, they do use double the cheese and some bacon. So I’m okay with it. (Slate)

Speaking of hot cheese, while the Wisconsin dissenters may be experiencing warm fuzzy feelings towards the police, they are feeling distinctly frosty towards certain Republican state senators. You know what that means? RECALL. OH SNAP! SH*T JUST GOT REAL. There’s a law in Wisconsin that you have to have held your position for a year before you can be recalled so, um, watch your back in like a year, Gov. Walker. (Think Progress)

You know who I have warm fuzzy feelings for? Nicholas Hoult. If you don’t know the name, maybe you remember his cherubic face from About A Boy? It looked something like this:

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Okay, but since then, in case you haven’t seen the British “Skins” or A Single Man the kid drank ALL his milk and ate ALL his Wheaties and now looks like this:

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For some unjust/ungodly/unholy reason (I blame Sheen) Hoult’s next two projects will put that diamond puss under disfiguring make-up first as Beast in the new X-Men movie and then as a zombie in the Romcom, Warm Bodies. Listen, kittens, you keep complaining about there being nothing new in Hollywood, eventually you get a Zombie Romcom. (Slash Film)

Speaking of braaaaaaains and romance, what’s more romantical than trying to play a video game while smooching your lady love? Pretty much everything it turns out. Check out this very disturbing/completely kick ass video game technology that involves your tongue. (Laughing Squid)

Rejoice, nerds, author George RR Martin has announced a release date for the long awaited new installment in his “Game of Thrones” series. (Shelf Life)

Check out this cool round-up of movie bumpers. Seeing that old TRISTAR horse made my heart go boom boom boom. (UGO)

So some Midwestern dad made his kid a giant Imperial Walker out of snow. OH YEAH? My dad used to do that thingie with pancakes where it sort of looks like Mickey Mouse if you don’t mess it up too badly! So, um, I’m not jealous at all, Midwestern kid! (Unreality)

And, finally, I leave you with this nifty National Geographic video on what is typical about the human race. As I said, my doves, I find you wholly atypical…and I like it.

Joanna Robinson once won a Grilled Cheese Making Contest. If you want to know her secret recipe, you can email her here: godtopuswept@gmail.com or tweet/twit/troth her @quityourJRob









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Comments

YOU MEAN I'M ONLY AN HOUR OR TWO FROM BABY GOOSE?!? WHAT THE FUCK??!? WHY DON'T PEOPLE TELL ME THESE THINGS SOONER! It's like I have to stalk all by myself and we all know it's a team sport with efforts from the media and friends. DAMMIT.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at March 3, 2011 1:22 PM

Levine...is currently finishing up the cancer comedy 50/50. That one stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anna Kendrick, Seth Rogen and Bryce Dallas Howard and will be released this fall.

Um, what? Curiousity.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at March 3, 2011 1:29 PM

Let me just say, that those two would make for a phenomenal threesome.

And Eva would be a good camera woman.

/perfectly alright with going gay for Paul Rudd.

Posted by: maka at March 3, 2011 1:32 PM

So, um, I’m not jealous at all, Midwestern kid!

Don't be too jealous. Yet another website that doesn't know how to use common phrases properly.

One in the same?! ONE *IN* THE SAME?! THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 3, 2011 1:34 PM

That Dawson-Mendes sandwich is perhaps the embodiment of my sexual dreams.

Posted by: Brenton at March 3, 2011 1:36 PM

I guess I'm a nerd, since I got super excited reading about a potential book 5 release. But I'll believe it when the damn thing is in my nerdy little hands.

Posted by: fenchurch at March 3, 2011 1:38 PM

So the most typical man in the world looks like that Jon & Kate Plus 8 guy? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Yeah, I know he's not Han Chinese, but that composite photo looked like him anyway.

Posted by: BWeaves at March 3, 2011 1:41 PM

Huh. I never realized that if you partially abbreviate "Pajiba Love," you get part of H. P. Lovecraft's name. And it was an entry about Charlie Sheen that made me notice this.

Happenstance? I doubt it.

Posted by: Todd at March 3, 2011 1:53 PM

No More Sheen.

So say the Ferg.

It's way the hell warn out, and if you think about it, it's just godamn cruel.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at March 3, 2011 1:54 PM

Dear Todd,

H.P. Love Crafter is my new D.J. name.

Sincerely,

D.J. H.P. Love Crafter.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at March 3, 2011 1:56 PM

Haven't even read the article yet. Just need to say

Best. Title. Ever.

Paul Rudd : Lance Armstrong :: Charlie Sheen : Jan Ullrich

Posted by: L4NkYb at March 3, 2011 1:57 PM

I'm gonna need a photo of Charlie Sheen and some ribbon. There will be spells and shit!

I bind you Charlie Sheen from doing harm; harm against other people and harm against yourself.

Posted by: jM at March 3, 2011 2:05 PM

I don't want to ruin the name too soon, but H. P. Love Crafter sounds like somoeone who writes Harry Potter slash fiction.

Posted by: L4NkYb at March 3, 2011 2:07 PM

I love that Typical Person video! Thanks!

Could have almost been typical except I'm female and I have a bank account. Everything else is about spot-on though.

(Oh, and except for the face. I think I'm prettier :)

Posted by: denesteak at March 3, 2011 2:07 PM

My friends and I for years had an annual celebration we quaintly and lovingly referred to as "ZombieFest 2Kwhateveryearitwasatthetime." Now, ZombieFest was exactly what you expect. Glorious. But when you go fishing for exactly any and every zombie movie Blockbuster or Netflix Instant Streaming has to offer, you bound to run into a few surprises and a few more bold-faced lies.

Case in point: the so-called Zombie RomCom. We rented one of those once. It was called Zombie Honeymoon and it fucked all of us right up. Particularly the harrowing, psychedelic, and unending final few minutes of the film. I think we all literally sat in silence through the credits, in the dark.

Laughter didn't taste the same afterward.

Posted by: coryo at March 3, 2011 2:14 PM

Yeah, Paul Rudd and Rosario Dawson = a threesome I could be into. (Not that I don't like Eva Mendes, but I like them better.)

Also, as Paul and Rosario are generally heavy hitters on the Pajiba "Bangables" lists, that photo is a guaranteed crowd pleaser. Way to go, Joanna Link Wench!

Posted by: MM at March 3, 2011 2:26 PM

Off topic question, but the guidebook indicated this is the place for such things...

Mr. Julien and I watched part of District 9 the other day and I wondered whether when sundry Pajibans are yelling FOOKIN PRAWNS! is it a reference to this movie? If not, what is the expletive's origins?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 3, 2011 2:57 PM

I really enjoyed the Adam Scott & Lizzy Caplan zombie romcom on Funny or Die. Forbidden zombie/human love is the best.

Posted by: Athena at March 3, 2011 3:10 PM

I love that Mancini over at FilmDrunk did all the captions for Ryan Gosling in the style of the hey girl meme. Very inspired and it kept me giggling.

Posted by: denesteak at March 3, 2011 3:53 PM

That Dance With Dragons release date is timed perfectly to coincide with my vacation. Beach reading set!

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 3, 2011 3:58 PM

Dear Mrs. J.,

Yes.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at March 3, 2011 3:59 PM

Mrs. Julien, yup!

Posted by: denesteak at March 3, 2011 4:14 PM

Obrigado!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 3, 2011 4:18 PM

Sweet merciful crap, what happened to Rosario Dawson. She used to be so wonderfully shapely. Now she's got an exposed ribcage. Goddamn Hollywood.

Posted by: Mario Speedwagon at March 3, 2011 4:40 PM

Havarti on whole wheat with pancetta?

NOMNOMNOM.

Posted by: Jerry at March 3, 2011 5:42 PM

Never really comment but did want to share this video of Rosario Dawson shedding some light on the image, in a way I never really expected, worth a watch -
http://www.accesshollywood.com/video_1305095&dst=ah|widget|Access%20Hollywood%20Video&__source=ah|widget|Access%20Hollywood%20Video

Posted by: pleb at March 3, 2011 10:08 PM

First of all, jM is the ONLY one trying to help! Can't you all see?

And I had a grilled cheese with brie and truffle oil on sourdough when Tracer was in town with me and I died it was so good. I came back just to tell you. (I'm again died now.)

Posted by: replica at March 3, 2011 10:50 PM

@Darth--Just don't wade into the water w/ Martin's new doorstop. You'll sink like a stone..
Otherwise, this nerd is happy about an offical-no bullshit-from-Martin-himself ADWD release date. I didn't expect that bad boy until the fall if at all this year.

Rosario's got a fist full of Rudd's package right there. Damn..

Posted by: stryker1121 at March 3, 2011 11:30 PM

OH THANK GOD FINALLY GRR! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE TRUE!

Ahem. No, not excited at all.

Posted by: caragwapa at March 3, 2011 11:45 PM

Did someone say hot cheese? Mmmmmmmm raclette mmmmm fondue...drool.

Posted by: brite at March 4, 2011 4:46 AM

Athena,
Thanks for bringing that Funny or Die video to my attention.
It was called "Mummy!" by the way.

Posted by: Uda at March 4, 2011 7:07 AM

Eva totally setup the joke with Paul at the show...but when he didn't let go (w/ the Access Hollywood clip) I think Rosario was totally justified :-p

Posted by: Luke at March 4, 2011 10:25 AM

Loved the Nat Geo Video. According to it, by 2030 the typical person will look like me !

Posted by: Gemmazemma at March 6, 2011 12:51 PM