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Critics (Incorrectly) Rank the 10 Best Movies of 2013 So Far

By Dustin Rowles | Pajiba Love | June 25, 2013 | Comments ()


Aktorki-Spring.jpg

Today's big news comes from the Supreme Court, which has basically ruled that RACISM IS DEAD! Cool. Could someone let Paula Deen and Kate Gosselin know? (Salon)

So blacks wait in line to vote almost twice as long as white because they want to? (WashPo)

After you've watched the "Mad Men" season six finale, read our analysis, and digested the season, you may have many unanswered questions. I also have many unanswered questions. (WG)

Encyclopedia Brown, the book series that honest-to-God turned me into a book lover, will be made into a movie, as Warner Brothers has picked up the rights. Now what kid is going to choose the books over the movie? Goddamnit, Hollywood. You ruin everything. (Vulture)

Hey! IMDb! That's not Alison Brie, you dolts. (Reddit)

Menstrual blood is art now. Happy? (Gawker)

Lisa Rinna Instagrammed herself as Marilyn Monroe. I really wish she hadn't. (DListed)

"OMG; whoa; what?; why?; I can't even; WORDS; and noooooo." That about captures the sentiment of this image. (GFY)

Nigella Lawson's husband wasn't choking her; he was picking her nose! Thank God! We can put that controversy behind us now. (Celebitchy)

Finally, some great news: Jonathan Levine's (Warm Bodies, The Wackness, 50/50) fantastic horror film, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane with Amber Heard has finally gotten a release date after sitting on the shelf for about 8 years. (Slashfilm)

Indiewire's Critic's poll ranks the 10 Best Films of the Year so far, and you can tell that no one from our site is on it because Spring Breakers is AT NUMBER THREE? (Mud would likely be my number one). (Indiewiere)

If you folks are jonesin' for more of our old friend Michael Murray, he has written about going gluten, wheat, and dairy free. What's left, Mr. Murray? WHAT IS LEFT? (Random House)

How slow a news day is it? So slow that Buzzfeed has rounded up a picture post of 82 Impossibly Beautiful Instagram Breakfasts. So, basically, my idea of social media hell. (Buzzfeed)

Finally, Rob Hunter's DVD pick of the week is HANSEL AND GRETEL GET BAKED starring Lara Flynn Boyle. In related news: Rob Hunter is the best. (FSR)




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Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • ferryman

    Somehow I find the Spring Breakers header to be the antithesis of the values of many who visit this site. Curious.

  • John W

    Mandy Lane has been available on Amazon for some time now via region free blu ray.

  • Don Juan de Markup

    All the Boys Love Mandy Lane's release in October is very timely considering it has been playing for months on Youtube with Polish subtitles hard coded on the video.

  • I disagree so hard with that critics list and I liked a number of the films on it. Where's Stoker? Trance? The East? These should be slam-dunks on an indie-fueled best of the first half list. Only indie critics covered those films with any sincerity and they got strong enough reviews to appear on such a list. Failure.

  • I have no idea what it says about me or the life I've lived, but my only reaction to the menstrual blood art bit is, "What, you're just now finding out?"

    Dismissing how long ago and how I learned about that (which may or may not be related to being raised in a nominally pagan and feminist household), like, probably a quarter of the art on etsy that isn't sculpted vaginas is menstrual blood art.

  • emmelemm

    [mildly disturbed but acknowledging that what you say is basically true]

  • Sara_Tonin00

    *wonders if she can return the hand-crafted journals she ordered*

  • axis2clusterB

    All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is really an excellent movie.

  • If you're interested, Upstream of Color is now streaming on Netflix Instant.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Ha, that's Castle's daughter in the Lara Flynn Boyle movie. Nice.

    The Lisa Rinna pic is like Marilyn if she were still alive today.

  • Maguita NYC

    And on meth.

  • SabrinaHatesDisqus

    From the voting article: "There was also significant variation within states. Dense urban areas saw longer lines than less-populated territory."

    Um, no shit? Maybe the race issue springs from the fact that black people more commonly live in densely populated urban areas than in Bumfuck, Ohio? Six months for a bipartisan committee to come up with ideas to fix the problem... How about, open more fucking polling stations where there are more fucking people?

    Fucking committee, give me a fucking break.

  • Drake

    Exactly! How hard is that to figure out?

  • Eric Kohn

    With regard to the remark about the Indiewire poll: At least one Pajiba contributor, Daniel Carlson, is listed in Indiewire's Criticwire Network and received an invitation to vote in the poll: http://www.indiewire.com/criti...

  • pajiba

    I now hold Dan accountable. DAMNIT DAN.

  • Eric Kohn

    All good, just wanted to make sure the site had the chance to represent itself!

  • BWeaves

    "WHAT IS LEFT?"

    Dark chocolate and semen.

  • TraceAndM

    I know the Ping-Ping table didn't work out for you, but you should totally trademark this as the newest fad diet. I'd endorse it.

  • BWeaves

    The Vajiet (TM) (C) 2013.

  • TraceAndM

    I started The Vajiet (TM) (C) 2013 immediately following the breakup of my last five year relationship. It was a trying time in my life, but The Vajiet really helped me to feel empowered. Plus, in the last five weeks, I've lost 15 pounds and made all sorts of new friends!

  • BWeaves

    OK, I'm deeply disturbed by what I have started.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    and well you should be. *shudder*

  • alwaysanswerb

    Oh, but Kate Gosselin can't be racist, she married an Asian(ish) guy!

  • Mrcreosote

    Can we start the Lisa Rinna as Joker campaign? That picture makes the entire argument.

  • "What’s left, Mr. Murray? WHAT IS LEFT?"

    While Michael admirably went down the path in order to write an article, I'm pretty sure those who cut all that out genuinely are able to subsist indefinitely on the fumes of their own sense of smug superiority.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    caveman diet - meat & vegetables.

    Though I loves me the cheese & bread, I think being wheat/dairy free would be way easier for me than being vegan.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    The problem with the idea of the paleo diet is that, even if you do just go for meat and vegetables, the meat and vegetables available to us now really don't represent the kind of foods available to cavemen back then. Even your most free rangiest, not-just-a-marketing-term organic meats and veggies have been subject to millennia of domestication practices that have changed them massively from the initial product hunters and gatherers consumed.

    That said, if you want to take up actual hunting and gathering, or join one of the few hunting and gathering groups that still exist in the world, you kinda maybe have a shot at recreating the diet. But off supermarket shelves or even out of your own garden? Not as much.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Yeah, well, I would never argue that diets of the past were healthier. There's really no way to say "people back then had lower blood pressure or got less cancer" when people back then tended to die around age 50.

    I don't subscribe to any specific diet. Except one that involves me consuming chocolate, alcohol and coffee in great quantities while a voice in the back of my head says - hey, you've got veggies dehydrating in the fridge.

    Shut up, voice.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Oh, they're not wrong. It's hard to say much about the prevalence of cancer (it doesn't preserve in bone the best), but it's pretty apparent that people living less modern lives generally have lower blood pressure, less incidence of things like diabetes and generally better cardiovascular health. Chronic conditions were generally not the biggest threat going (well, minus osteoarthritis from heavier labor). Mainly as a result of consuming less processed foods high in sugar and salts and such. More or less.

    Downside is, they tend to die from shit tons of preventable crowd-based diseases that like to end in pox and thrive in environments with terrible sanitation.

    All that said, the low average life expectancy in the past is less a result of people actually commonly dying at 50, and more of children dying at two months by the dozens.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I'm aware of the low life expectancy figures- that's actually why I said "50" and not the oft-cited 35, which is more of an average than a mean.

  • PaddyDog

    Scientific American this month published a beautiful take down of the Paleo diet. And I have derived great joy out of sharing it with my idiot sister-in-law
    http://www.scientificamerican....

  • MikeRoorda

    I actually AM a real life, diagnosed by a doctor, celiac. The fact that I'm also better is tangential and largely unrelated.

  • PaddyDog

    No-one (I hope) disputes the very real need of celiacs to stay away from gluten. It's the fad people who drive me to distraction: my brother-in-law (married to the idiot) has decided he can't tolerate gluten and therefore no bread is allowed in the house. Oddly enough he downs several beers a night (not the gluten-free type) without any problem whatsoever.

  • Mike, I would also exclude those who have celiac disease from my broad brushed smear. There's a difference between "my doctor ran some tests..." and "the guy at the holistic bakery told me all about toxins..."

  • MikeRoorda

    I bear you no ill will. :-)

    I've found that the people who complain the loudest about gluten are those who are eating that way by choice. Those of us who have no say in the matter and can't because it will literally give us ass cancer tend to know to just go for the steak and potatoes and not ask a million questions about the gluten content in the soy sauce used to make the bbq sauce on the ribs, which we'd much rather have thank you very much.

    Half the time when they double check they get it wrong anyhow, and you end up having to race your colon to the nearest gas station bathroom on your ride home. The "I do it because it my shaman said to" crowd don't even have physical consequences to fear. I can't count how many times someone has told me, "Oh yeah, I eat gluten free now too" while they're munching on something like sushi (which is lousy with flour if you're not careful) or slathering their steak in bbq sauce that clearly lists malts, barley, or wheat in its ingredients.

    I AM thankful that all the whine ass, wheat grass and kale crowds have made enough noise to cause more gluten free options to become available to me though. The added variety is nice even if the overly pious dietary advice isn't.

  • PaddyDog

    Yup. In Ireland there is a higher per capita rate of celiac disease than most other countries so we've always had more variety of gluten-free stuff, even down to most churches offering gluten-free communion wafers as a matter of course. Until recently I would bring a care package back for my friend's son whenever I went but in the past couple of years they can get most stuff here in the USA. Of course the downside is that because it's trendy, it costs far more to buy it than it should cost.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I don't think it's more expensive because it's trendy; I think it's more expensive because it's still a niche product.

    the brouhahas over rice-based Communion wafers piss me off to no end. I'm pretty sure if Jesus can manifest in grain form he doesn't care if it's wheat or something else.

  • MikeRoorda

    It was explained to me this way: Since the gluten free products that stores are stocking are generally not purchased in bulk like the rest of the store inventory, the cost of shipping per unit is MUCH higher than it would be if it were spread over a larger number of a "normal" product. That cost, as well as the additional cost of manufacturing the product in a certified gluten free facility have to go somewhere. The store isn't going to subsidize the extra bit, and neither is the manufacturer, so it gets passed on to the customers. Personally I've made my peace with it.

  • Arran

    The one good thing about the gluten-free fad is that it does mean people who genuinely can't eat it actually have more options, which are more widely available. So while I find people writing or talking about not eating gluten to be about as interesting as being hit in the face with a ten-pound bag of flour, I'm glad that the fad does actually help people that really have an issue.

  • Zen

    Hurrah for a release of All the Boys Love Mandy Lane! Soon people won't stare at me blankly when I mention how great it is.

  • anikitty

    That Lisa Rinna picture is much more offensive than hardcore porn.

  • John G.

    Spring Breakers was voted #3 because critics were letting their inappropriate boners vote.

  • JCaude4553

    мy coυѕιɴ ιѕ мαĸιɴɢ $51/нoυr oɴlιɴe. υɴeмployed ғor α coυple oғ yeαrѕ αɴd prevιoυѕ yeαr ѕнe ɢoт α $1З619cнecĸ wιтн oɴlιɴe joв ғor α coυple oғ dαyѕ. ѕee мore αт...­ ­ViewMore----------------------...

    Dismissing how long ago and how I learned about that (which may or
    may not be related to being raised in a nominally pagan and feminist
    household), like, probably a quarter of the art on etsy that isn't
    sculpted vaginas is menstrual blood art.

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