Congratulations, Big-Time Movie Producer: You Just Donated to Zach Braff's Kickstarter and Now Your Kid's Gonna Starve

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Congratulations, Big-Time "Movie Producer": You Just Donated to Zach Braff's Kickstarter and Now Your Kid's Gonna Starve

By Jodi Clager | Pajiba Love | April 25, 2013 | Comments ()


Did you ever contribute to a time capsule when you were in school? Everyone would get excited because you were going to choose something that people in the Future would get to oooh and aaahhhh over. Then you would end up tossing in a magazine, some Garbage Pail Kid trading cards, a few other odds and ends, and probably a booger snuck in by the weird kid. Happily for Oklahoma City, the Ladies Aide Society of 1913 were much, much better at making time capsules than elementary school children. (Huffington Post)

Do you know what a celebrity paradox is? It's when one character in a TV Show refers to another character in a different movie/TV show played by the same actor. Here's 15 incredible fun examples. (WG)

I know some of you are all about etymology, but have you ever wondered the origins of the word boner? How about twat? This link explains all of the NSFW words you use to insult people on the internet every day! (The Frisky)

Speaking of schlongs, did you know scientists drew one on Mars? TEE HEE! (The Gloss)

Okay, let's forget about chodes for a moment and think about carved things. Gorgeous cliff houses are such fun to look at, but I wouldn't want to live in one. I'd be one sneeze-trip away from certain doom. (Environmental Graffiti)

These ceramic items look carved and showcase the best of Godtopus' watery domain. I want the teacup with tentacle handle! (Mary O'Malley via Laughing Squid)

Cindy wished yesterday that someone would put Lady Tyrell on "Downton Abbey." Here's the next best thing: The Dowager Tyrell vs. The Dowager Countess of Grantham. (Vulture)

Salon has a lovely piece about the psychological reasons people believe conspiracy theories. It's just as I've always known: Aliens have implanted microchips in our brains that help us to see the government coverups for what they are! (Salon)

I'm sure you know someone that forwards and believes all of the conspiracies involved with the Boston bombings. If you haven't been bombarded with this one yet, I'll send you right to the debunking. There was not a "coexist" sticker on the carjacked car. Even if there was, I can't imagine what it would do for a person to attempt tying that fragile thread of non-Christian blame into the whole sad picture. (Jalopnik)

One possible spot of awesome in this is that Mark Wahlberg is willing to reunite with his Funky Bunch for a Boston fundraiser. SUCH GOOD VIBRATIONS! (Entertainment Weekly)

The student quotes in these yearbooks make me think that the future will either be a lot brighter with such smartasses around, or maybe MLK Jr. really did like tacos and I learned some new facts. (Pleated Jeans)

Starting on September 1st, fans of "SNL" can watch all 36 years of the show on Yahoo! (Engadget)

If you're as annoyed with the Zach Braff Kickstarter as many are, you'll appreciate the hilarious scene Tim Heidecker has written for the Braff's movie. (Reddit)

Ugh. Now, I just give up. Allegedly, Gus Van Sant is interested in bringing "50 Shades of Grey" to the screen. In his quest for infamy, Van Sant decided to shoot some sexy business with Alex Pettyfer. HORF. (Celebitchy)

I need cats helping a dude exercise. So do you, even if you don't know it yet.


Important: Watch This If You Want to Fill In the Storyline Gaps For Tonight's Episode of "Hannibal" | What Does That Kid From 'The Red Balloon' Look Like These Days?

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Slash

    I enjoyed the crap out of that cat exercise video. And the yearbook quotes, though I suspect many of them were fake. Still funny.

    Also, word to hammock video guy: Use a fucking tripod next time.

  • TheAggroCraig

    I don't know why I laughed so hard at the hammock video.

  • Tinkerville

    That NASA link absolutely made my day. As did the yearbook quotes. And the cat video. Good job, is what I'm saying.

  • lowercase_ryan

    My posting is so GD suspect today, you guys don't even know. Ugh, I forge ahead.

  • Guest

    I thought the Funky Bunky was a shitty boom box and a few D batteries?

  • Aaron Schulz

    I think im going to give a dollar to my first ever kickstarter today, spite is a reason to give, i dont care what you say.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Maybe I'm cray-cray, but that Heidecker scene seems more to make fun of the anti-Braffs rather than Braff himself. I mean, what kind of a disconnect is there if a family that's in bad financial straits has cable? That's more indicative of poor money management than a one time donation.

    That Jalopnik piece...ugh. Just more evidence of how stupid/cruel some people are. Yeah, Adam Carolla, I'm looking at you. I never liked The Man Show.

    You were right, though, Jodi. I didn't know I needed a man exercising with cats, but I totally do.

    Btw, here's my favorite link for the day:
    (Ok, it's a little old, but I'm glad someone's noticing the emperor has no clothes)

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    Those yearbook kids should go into politics and solve all our problems. And Alex Pettyfer would be perfect for 50 Shades! He's pretty and vapid and will do justice to the idiotic dialogue. Now they just need to cast Kristin Stewart for perfection. Or Megan Fox. They should just let me cast the damn thing. And then when they're all on set, I'll call Daenarys and tell her that I've found some slavers and to bring her dragons.

  • Some Guy

    Or better yet, cast Kristin Stewart AND Megan Fox, forget about the male lead, and make this a tad more "avant garde"...

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    That sounds sexy in theory, but have it would be like having Megan Fox make out with a cardboard box. Seriously, have you seen KStew have chemistry with ANYONE? Ever?

  • Xtacle Steve

    Jesus Christ...with the Braff thing again. What don't you understand about the concept of this being "100% optional"? Now, I could see your anger if Braff was, say lobbying Congress for a tax increase to fund his movie or robbing your house, but asking for donations? Could he be doing it for a better cause like Boston relief efforts? Abso-fucking-lutely. But he's not, because this is America and he can ask you for all the money in the world and guess what? You don't have to give him a god damn thing. Not $1,000 dollars, or $100 dollars, or even a thumbs up if you were to meet him in person. I love reading this site and almost everything you guys do, but three mentions of this seems pretty fucking ridiculous.

  • googergieger

    You are right. This is America. And just like he can ask for money to make a movie or have sex with(i.e. my kickstarter campaign), people can mock the hell out of him for it. He isn't above being made fun of just because a lot of fauxhipsters around here loved his shitty movie.

  • ,

    Now that I think about it, it would be fun to watch Congresspeople have to start Kickstarters for stuff like wars and Cow Patty Museums and plead for the public to contribute to their "worthy" causes instead of raising taxes. Similar to the old bumper sticker, "It'll be a great day when schools get all the money they need while the Pentagon has to hold a bake sale to pay for a bomber."

    I think it was a bumper sticker, but that seems like a lot of words. You'd have to be reading from about 3 inches away and need about five minutes to get it all before the light turns green.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    It's actually from The West Wing.

  • John G.

    no way. That old thing has been around way longer than the west wing.

  • Monica

    Can this be the plot to an episodes of Parks & Rec? I can already picture Ron Swanson trying to get funds, "Give money to the Parks department. Or don't."

  • Arran

    This is what I don't quite get. People spend money on stupid shit all the time. And no one's being fooled here. You get told what you'll get for your money before giving it. I think part of it is that it gets tagged as a "donation", which makes people immediately think that it's charity and it should be going to somewhere more worthy. But you're getting something for your money. If you don't think what you get in return for the money is worth it, don't spend the money.

    (I have not spent the money in this case because I don't have any interest in seeing another Zach Braff movie, and while he's well within his rights to use Kickstarter, I'm not especially in favour of it in this case because he fully admits he could've gotten the money elsewhere. Though I give him a little credit for at least admitting that up front.)

  • abell

    Exactly. For example, I've given him $0 and boldly intend to keep it that way. Please, I'm not a hero, people, just a man who doesn't care.

  • Wōđanaz Óðinn

    Stay strong!

  • Aaron Schulz

    We should build a statue in your honor for not donating, im going to start a kickstarter. I hope it gets brought up as much as this to make sure it gets traction!

  • abell

    I'd donate to that. I'm thinking sort of Conan the Barbarian pose with a mankini and rippling muscles wit the text. "Not a hero. Didn't care about Zack Braff's Kickstarter. Didn't give money. Moved on with his life." Is that too long? It's definitely clunky. I'm open to suggestions.

  • Xtacle Steve

    What about you standing with your arms crossed while Zach Braff is kneeling to you and begging for money. At the base of the statue, there will just be a loud and triumphant "No!"

  • abell

    Much better. Though I'm insisting on the mankini.

  • logan

    Agreed. Telling other people how to spend their money is bad enough without harping on it all week.

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