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Celebrate May The Fourth, Smooch A Stranger. She Might Just Be The Sister You've Been Looking For. . .Or A Droid. It's A Toss Up.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (43)



the_empire_strikes_back_luke_and_leia_kiss.jpeg

Good morning my doleful Droids and woeful Wookies, hopefully you have someone to share this May The Fourth with (it’s a Star Wars pun…GET IT??!). If not, feel free to follow my very sage advice in the headline. What’s the worst that could happen? If you don’t hold with the adorable axiom “Incest is best give your sister the test,” you can drown your solitary sorrows in some Star Wars-themed baked goods, or, conversely, distract yourself with this highly technical analysis of Death Star economics. Overthinking it, indeed. (Overthinking It)

If that Luke and Leia kiss bothers you as much as it does Han, my little puritans, take a gander at this bromantic buss. It warms the cockles, ifyouknowwhatImeanandyoudoright? (Blame It On The Voices)

But you know me, my little lib’rals, I say do what you want. Except furries, furries deeply concern me. Oh and this guy. This guy who gets off on being treated like a baby. That’s not right. (Warming Glow)

Truth be told, my darjeelings, I’m fairly sheltered when it comes to certain, ah, proclivities. I had heard of NONE of the Wildly Obscure Fetishes on this list. (11 Points)

Shall we return, briefly, to the subject of terrifying babies? I think we shall. Recently a baby aardvark was born in Tampa and, according to this post, “it turns out that aardvarks are fairly rare.” It also turns out that they are excellent and efficient nightmare fuel. NSFFolks who enjoy sleeping or ever closing their eyes again. (Laughing Squid)

Speaking of terrifying images, are any of you on board with the White House releasing images of Osama Bin Laden’s corpse? I’m with the Evil Beet on this one, I think it’s reprehensible. (Vanity Fair)

And I tell you what my befuddled Buseys, woe betide the White House if they interrupt another episode of “The Apprentice” in order to release said images. (Where’s My Apprentice?)

Speaking of popular things that make me go blech, Miss Katy Perry, looking every inch the Dita Von Teese impersonator, is gracing the cover of next month’s Vanity Fair. So this year we’ve seen Robert Pattinson, Justin Bieber and Katy Perry on the cover? I swear VF used to be more legit. Or maybe I’m growing old (I will wear my trousers rolled). Speaking, by all means click on this link for a glimpse at Katy’s famous melons, but stay long enough for her artichoke metaphor. I arti-choked on my peach while reading it. (Celebitchy)

Did you think I was done with Osama, my dears? Wrong. Slate has an engaging little game to see if you can match images of famous hideouts with the criminals who were caught there. Hitler’s bunker is more impressive than I thought. (Slate)

Speaking of the Führer, Unreality has a round-up of comic book characters punching Hitler. This is an oddly satisfying gallery because, no matter what our ambiguity about Bin Laden, I think we’re all pretty much agreed that Hitler was a mass-murdering f*ckhead. Also, there’s a Captain Berlin? Where’s that movie? Why hasn’t Michael Fassbender already been cast??!! (Unreality)

I have a question, my vitriolic vixens and pugilistic pals. When you rundown the list of people you would like to punch in the face, are there any sci-fi authors on your list? Well then you must not be Minnesota House Majority Leader Matt Dean who “hate[s]” author Neil Gaiman and calls him “pencil-necked little weasel who stole $45,000 from the state of Minnesota.” This is today’s political discourse, ladies and gentlemen. Read it and weep. (Star Tribune)

What is it about this first video that attracted me? I can’t tell you, but I can say that there was some awkward tribal club dancing going on in Casa Robinson.

Is anyone else disturbed by this “Looney Tunes” reboot on Cartoon Network. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS A REBOOT, YOU MONSTERS.

 

Joanna Robinson, for the record, has a grilled cheese song of her very own. She’s been known to sing it ad nauseum until someone makes her a sammich. She’ll perform it for anyone who asks, so long as the show ends with a sammich in her mouth. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

Oh my god. I really didn't think a baby aardvark would be that terrifying. My heart might have jumped in my chest. Good lord.

Posted by: Jeni at May 4, 2011 1:43 PM

Seems like it would be more cost efficient and higher quality to just remaster and air the old Looney Tunes, don't it?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 4, 2011 1:50 PM

Full disclosure, I'm neither a furry nor an adult baby, but for some reason, the judgement bothers me. They're pretty harmless. Why do you care?

If any folks who are into those things read pajiba, they get to feel shamed and rejected for no good reason and they get plenty of that.

Just sayin'.

(Is the adult baby thing a thing? I was hoping it was a one-off. It's a thing?!?!? Okay, you're right. You're really, very right. I take it back. Mostly. --JR)

Posted by: JGirl at May 4, 2011 1:53 PM

Jesus I'm a nerd. My first thought on seeing that photo was "Laugh it up fuzzball." This is why I am so uncool.

I'll see your baby aardvark and raise you a naked mole rat: http://www.arkive.org/naked-mole-rat/heterocephalus-glaber/image-G74671.html

I'll be in the corner rocking and looking at photos of emporer penguin chicks.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 4, 2011 1:55 PM

Alternate joke:

That aardvark looks like they turned Eeyore inside out.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 4, 2011 1:56 PM

Mrs. J,

Thanks for noticing me.

-Eeyore

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 4, 2011 1:58 PM

@Mrs. Julien
When I was unemployed and in grad school, I used to watch Kim Possible. And her friend Ron Stoppable had a naked mole-rat as a pet. I then sought them out at several zoos and I seriously want one. They are so weird and creepy and providently are matriarchal like bees and can't really see. I find them fascinating.

Posted by: Nimue at May 4, 2011 1:58 PM

The mere screencap for a Looney Tunes reboot made me start to recoil into my chair, like maybe if I hid from it, it would go away. I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist...

Posted by: KatSings at May 4, 2011 1:59 PM

Awww. I think the little aardvark is cute. I mean granted it's not sleeping in the same room with me because I don't want my brain slurped out of skull but cute nonetheless. And exactly how many times did Captain America hit Hitler?

Posted by: mrcreosote at May 4, 2011 1:59 PM

That Elmer Fudd video was wrong in so many ways that I can't quite describe. Like there was a subliminal message in it telling me to get turned on by acting like a giant baby.
Goo-Goo-Gwa?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 4, 2011 2:02 PM

Yes, the adult baby thing is a thing. Totally for realsies. And it's cool that it's not YOUR thing. It's not my thing, either, but it just seems harmless to me.

Also, the baby aardvark, TOTALLY ADORABLE!

Posted by: JGirl at May 4, 2011 2:06 PM

THERE IS A

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 4, 2011 2:09 PM

are any of you on board with the White House releasing images of Osama Bin Laden’s corpse?

It's not going to make any difference to the people who don't believe he's really dead; they will continue to believe that the image(s) is/are photoshopped or of random brown people because really, all those people look alike anyway and that could be anybody.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at May 4, 2011 2:16 PM

I'm going to have a hell of a time satisfying all of those fetishes at once.

Posted by: admin at May 4, 2011 2:17 PM

Whoa. Some people are fah-reaky.

[spanks a panda]

Posted by: jM at May 4, 2011 2:18 PM

That little aardvark is super cute. I don't know what everyone is terrified. Look at that little cutie pie!

Posted by: Scully at May 4, 2011 2:19 PM

I know it's wrong to hit a baby. But I can punch and adult baby. RIGHT?

Posted by: MissRos at May 4, 2011 2:27 PM

Is the adult baby thing a thing?

"Oh, it's a scene, man"

Posted by: Jay at May 4, 2011 2:30 PM

What Ezra Klein wrote re Osama photos:

If we didn’t kill bin Laden, presumably he’ll quickly release a video emphasizing the fact of his continued existence. Or he’ll at least tell his daughter to stop publicly saying that she watched as he was shot and killed by Americans. If the conspiracy is that the Obama administration is claiming to have killed bin Laden when they in fact have actually captured him and are holding him for torture/interrogation/fun dance parties, then a photograph proves nothing more than that someone in the Obama administration knows how to use Photoshop.

Release the photo or don’t release the photo. But it’s silly to think that a photograph will do anything at all to allay conspiracy theories.

Posted by: sars at May 4, 2011 2:30 PM

No way they should release the photos. This is a America. We don't need to parade around our vanquished enemies like it's the fucking dark ages. Not to mention that, were he alive, bin Laden would be all too eager to throw it back in the US's face.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 4, 2011 2:40 PM

Hell, Joanna, half of those fetishes have been fodder for feature films. Cronenberg's Crash, Blanc et Noir (the French adaptation of Tennessee Williams's Desire and the Black Masseur), etc.

Posted by: Jerry at May 4, 2011 2:47 PM

That baby aardvark bears a remarkable resemblance to the exotic Futurama spice weasel. I have a strong urge to rapidly stretch its body and shout "Bam!".

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at May 4, 2011 3:01 PM

Vorarephilia: sexual attraction to being eaten whole

This made me think of Bilquis in American Gods, and when JoRo mentioned Gaiman later, it made me smile. No punchings allowed.

Those tweets about the speech interupting peoples' shows is funny and horrifying. But one of those people is named "DontSkeetOnME", so... there's that...

Against my better judgement, I'm going to look at the aardvark... :clicking link:... huh. Not initially creepy, but as I tried to figure out what it reminded me of I came to this conclusion: droopy pig plus one of Doctor Who's Silents. And now I'm horrified.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 4, 2011 3:05 PM

I wuv da little baby aardvark.

/more baby aardvark photos, no Osama photos kthxbai

Posted by: MM at May 4, 2011 3:06 PM

If you prefer your newborn animals generally adorable, check this out:
http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/

Hilarious pictures abound. Also, that aardvark, so watch out.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at May 4, 2011 3:09 PM

Upon review, I accept the judgement that the baby aardvark's hands and fingers are kinda creepy. But lookit 'im's floppy ears! Dey's adorable!!!

Also, the Laughing Squid logo looks an awful lot like Godtopus, except it's green, not blue. It only has eight legs, which makes it more like an octopus. Don't squids have 10 legs (tentacles)?

Posted by: MM at May 4, 2011 3:15 PM

The baby aardvark didn't bother me, but that naked mole rat has me rethinking... a lot of things. It was like a penis with teeth!

Peen-ata dentata?

Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at May 4, 2011 3:24 PM

I nominate "Cerebus" for the baby aardvark's name.

Or if you Star Wars fans prefer (being May 4th) you can paint him blue and name him "Max Rebo".

.....

*crickets*

I'll show myself out.

Posted by: bleujayone at May 4, 2011 3:25 PM

Aw, I think y'all are being mean to that sweet little baby aardvark. He can't help what he looks like!

Admittedly, I'm confused about his feet. What are they? They are not hooves, but they aren't really claws or paws either.

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at May 4, 2011 4:23 PM

Y;all are weird. Baby aardvark is ADORABLE. I want to cuddle one.

Also when I read that item, I kept thinking you were talking about armadilloes. According to my calculations from the side of the Florida highway, there are damn well hordes of them living in the swamps.

Posted by: meh at May 4, 2011 4:29 PM

I've never posted on this website, Ever, but that Looney Tunes reboot disturbed me to my core. I am shaken. Well, baby Cerberus may also have had something to do with that, but still.

Perhaps these links would have been more appropriate for tomorrow, Revenge of the 5th? Ha!! ZING!

...

...

...

Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

Posted by: Docdoom1 at May 4, 2011 5:27 PM

Ohmigawd, the baby aardvark looks like Cyril Sneer!

...from The Raccoons?

......anyone?


*crickets chirping*

Posted by: meaux at May 4, 2011 5:35 PM

OHMIGAWD! The internet has informed me that Cyril Sneer IS an aardvark!

Posted by: meaux at May 4, 2011 5:36 PM

So, Neil Gaiman stole money because he never showed up to the event? Cashed the check and didn't leave England? Broke into the treasury and took an additional $45,000? Extorted the money after the fact for an appearance he initially agreed to do for free? Or did he show up, fulfill his contractual obligation, collect his paycheck, and dance into the sunset with his lover Amanda Fucking Palmer?

I'm pretty sure the last one is what happened, but I wasn't at the event to confirm he didn't send the OtherNeil Gaiman with black buttons on his eyes to give the presentation.

Posted by: Robert at May 4, 2011 5:46 PM

Holy crap, meaux, I thought I was the only one who'd ever watched that!! Though we watched it dubbed in Spanish and his name was Cirilo Grunon, but a few years ago I looked it up and found out what his name was in English. I LOVED THAT SHOW. With the pigs? And the adorable English Shepherds?! SO CUTE.

Posted by: Figgy at May 4, 2011 6:24 PM

Peen-ata dentata?

Otherwise known as the Police album that Sting refused to release.

Posted by: spoobnooble at May 4, 2011 7:01 PM

Meaux, Figgy, The Racoons was a fantastic show, an icon of Canadian animation.

But everyone knows that the best characters were the three minion pigs.

Posted by: Wintermute at May 4, 2011 7:36 PM

Umm, I think it is more rare for people not to enjoy having their hair washed/scalp massaged. It is an erogenous zone after all. Thus quite far from a "Wildly Obscure Fetish".

Posted by: DominaNefret at May 4, 2011 7:41 PM

The baby aardvark is still more appealing than Donald Trump.

Seriously. Look at them side by side and I defy anyone to not find Trump more repellent.

Posted by: Slash at May 4, 2011 7:51 PM

Ignoring that it's supposedly Elmer Fudd, the Looney Tunes clip isn't all that bad. It's no worse than most of the mediocre Animaniacs shorts. They certainly have the demographic right.

But no, Elmer has no fetish for grilled cheese. He is only a confessed vegetarian and only hunts for the sport. The producer could have taken any milquetoast Warner Brothers character and performed the same bit to the same effect.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at May 4, 2011 8:21 PM

God damn it, Minnesota has the only Muslim congressperson in the U.S. and two of the coolest senators in the country, and the only way we make the political section is through assholes like that guy in that Star Tribune article.

Posted by: ChristianH at May 4, 2011 10:53 PM

Wait, I'm pretty sure we got slightly blurred death pictures over here in Japan already on the news. And I wish we didn't.

On happier subjects, "darjeeling" is my new favorite pet name here.

Posted by: Shibuyama at May 4, 2011 11:18 PM

Gaimen updated the story last night, the house member who called him a pencil neck was made to apologise. . .by his mom.

Posted by: idleprimate at May 5, 2011 5:01 AM