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Can You Name All The Pretty Pasty White Chicks On The Cover Of "Vanity Fair"?

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (43)



vanity-fair-hollywood-issue-2012-03.jpg

Don’t get me wrong, I do love “Vanity Fair.” It’s my glossy indulgence, friends. However, I’m surprised they’ve yet to address their tendency to bury any actress of color on the second or third fold of their annual Hollywood issue. You’ll have to click through to find either Adepero Oduye (Who? Watch Pariah. So good.) or Paula Patton (sporting wretched and unflattering Leia buns). (Celebitchy)

Speaking of fancy white people, one of my favorites, Shirley MacLaine will be joining the cast of “Downton Abbey” next season. OLD SNARKY BROAD FIGHT! (BBC)

Speaking of fancier non-white people, the delectable Padma Lakshmi has requested that the cast and crew of “Top Chef” not look her directly in the eyes. I, um, I don’t think that will be a problem, my dear. (Warming Glow)

And while we’re on the subject of gorgeous Indian women, Mindy Kaling is currently shopping a pilot to Fox about a hapless OB/GYN. Um. Adorkable? (Splitsider)

I won’t tell you how I got here from there, but allow me to present to you the most disgustingly adorable winter hat. (Fashionably Geek)

You think that looks awkward? Then try reading this description of the difficulties of sex in space. You had me at inflatable tunnel. (The Frisky)

Two links to stimulate your eyeballs this Tuesday morning. First, an opulent Cathedral made from 55,000 LED lights. (ThisIsColossal) And, second, some good old fashioned photography porn featuring some beautiful long exposure shots. (Ned Hardy)

This annual “Empire” contest, “Done In 60 Seconds” could keep me entertained all morning. Check out these one-minute reenactments of beloved movies. (Empire)

As much as I adore this Sherlock-themed craft that the lovely Sara H. sent my way, the better discovery, by far, is the entire tumblr itself. So much to love…including the book cover below. (F*ckYeahBookArts)
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What you’re about to see, cannot be unseen. Ryan Gosling+Steve Buscemi=…(Reddit)

Finally, two charts for you, my lovelies. It’s been awhile. First, the industrious brains over at Vulture have come up with an epic Reality Show Venn Diagram. There is, alas, no Donkey Semen category. (Vulture) And, to wash the taste of Donk Reality TV out of your mouth, here’s a nifty infographic on the constitution of classic cocktails. There’s almost too much information here to be useful, but it is damn pretty. (BioTV)

We’ll finish off with another matched pair. Two videos involving cinematic hands. The first comes from the collected works of Wes Anderson, so don’t be surprised if you see a few paws in there.

And, finally, folks in movies giving the middle finger. I have to say, it’s oddly satisfying and includes my favorite performance from the much maligned Jennifer Aniston.

Joanna Robinson would like to thank all the people who send her links. She knows she’s terrible at acknowledging you, but she does appreciate and love you. She’s giving you the opposite of the middle finger…right…now.









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Comments

And we're making the Live Long and Prosper sign right back at ya!

So does looking at Padma turn men into stone? Well I mean it obviously does in some places, but I'm told Medusa was quite the beautiful woman before being cursed. She should look out. I've heard snakes are out this year.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at January 31, 2012 1:12 PM

I can name two and I'm proud of that.

Posted by: MissRos at January 31, 2012 1:12 PM

They secretly hate actresses don't they? Except not secretly.

It's just ridiculous.

Posted by: Claire at January 31, 2012 1:20 PM

I can't name any of them. One is the dragon tattoo chick, right?

Posted by: sarah at January 31, 2012 1:21 PM

You would think VF would notice their particular problem, but I'm sure they congratulate themselves just for having a couple of brown actresses up there at all.

Speaking of fancier non-white people, the delectable Padma Lakshmi has requested that the cast and crew of “Top Chef” not look her directly in the eyes. I, um, I don’t think that will be a problem, my dear

So, do they get a big hit and THEN lose their minds, or are they simply insane from the start, and then they get a big hit?
~~~

Posted by: Meander at January 31, 2012 1:23 PM

I speak for all pale chicks out there when I say 'pasty' is not nice :/ Pale is not pasty, pale is healthy and beautiful! Even if it is photoshopped almost beyond recognition.

Posted by: Jifaner at January 31, 2012 1:24 PM

Yay Mindy Kaling! I'm excited she can finally bail on the sinking ship that is The Office. Also, read her book! It's fantasticly entertaining and (gulp!) much better than Tina Fey's, which was too disconnected and self-deprecating for my taste.

Posted by: valerie at January 31, 2012 1:29 PM

Jennifer Lawrence,Rooney Mara, Jessica Chastain(who I heart very much), and fuck if I know.

Posted by: Sean at January 31, 2012 1:30 PM

I, um, I don’t think that will be a problem, my dear.

Yes, I try not to look at her at all.

Why is Jennifer Lawrence permanently miserable? The mystery is really starting to distract me.

Posted by: Jay at January 31, 2012 1:31 PM


I didn't recognize a single one of them. I was kinda shocked to find out that that was supposed to be Jennifer Lawrence on the cover because: NO. She's unrecognizable.

Posted by: figgy at January 31, 2012 1:31 PM

I waited patiently through that middle finger video, hoping that they'd use Apone's "Look into my eye" from Aliens.

I am disappointed.

Posted by: Ghisent at January 31, 2012 1:34 PM

Everyone know that the dark(er) meat is tastier.

Posted by: admin at January 31, 2012 1:39 PM

The Top Chef instructions sounds terrible...but you never know if that's just some PA being dickish, or if background people have been repeatedly making Padma uncomfortable.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at January 31, 2012 1:41 PM

According to the cover, the last lady in that photo is Mia Wasikowska. I've seen her in several movies and I can never remember what she looks like. And Rooney Mara always looks miserable.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 31, 2012 1:42 PM

I only "recognize" Rooney Mara, and then I know a couple of other names up there, but I would never have picked them out from their photos. Half the names I don't even recognize.

I'm not hip, I guess.

Posted by: MM at January 31, 2012 1:43 PM

Mia's already scored a second cover. I'm surprised.

Posted by: Jay at January 31, 2012 1:44 PM

I recognized Rooney Mara, Jennifer Lawrence, and Jessica Chastain.....but never in a million years would I have known that was Mia Wasikowski. Holy photoshop and weird angle.

Posted by: Nimue at January 31, 2012 1:53 PM

Based on that Venn diagram, my upcoming Texas Swamp Wedding Fishin' Cake Pawn Logging Wars series should pretty much be the best reality TV series there is.

Posted by: Bert at January 31, 2012 1:58 PM

PS: There will be donkey semen involved, but I'm not going to tell you how.

Posted by: Bert at January 31, 2012 1:59 PM

I was looking through my copy of Vanity Fair's Hollywood and it contained the Hollywood issues cover photos from previous years and I'm assuming the reason that these people were chosen for the cover was that they represented the future of Hollywood but then when you go down the list it's amazing how many of those folks have disappeared off the face of the map. Sounds like it would make a good list...

Posted by: John W at January 31, 2012 2:00 PM

PPS: I lied. It's in the cake.

Posted by: Bert at January 31, 2012 2:00 PM

Jessica 'Swooooooon' Chastain, Jennifer 'Jailbait' Lawrence, Rooney 'The Miserable Billionaire's Daughter' Mara and Jane 'No Clue' Doe.

Seriously, who the hell is number four?

Posted by: haplo at January 31, 2012 2:44 PM

I believe #4 is Alex Pettyfer.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1464540/

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at January 31, 2012 2:53 PM

Seriously, who the hell is number four?

There's a link.

You can read all about it.

Posted by: Jay at January 31, 2012 3:19 PM

They are telling me one of those women is Mia Wasikowska, but I just don't see it.

The black women in the middle is georgeous, has the best dress, and is smiling adorably. She is my favorite.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 31, 2012 3:25 PM

Is the blond up top that chick from the Transformers II movie?

Posted by: Helcat at January 31, 2012 4:00 PM

I love that Fuck You video so much I want to make out with it in a sweaty hump on my bed while my parents are out to dinner (I'm looking at you, Mr Unfinished Business from High School). I love it. It's mine. I take it home and make sweet sweet love to it.

Posted by: klingonfree at January 31, 2012 4:02 PM

I think that we can retire "donkey semen" now. It's on every post.

Posted by: John G. at January 31, 2012 4:13 PM

Is that why my keyboard has been so sticky today?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at January 31, 2012 4:16 PM

I have no idea why anyone consents to be on the VF Hollywood issue cover. Seems like almost anyone who does sees his/her career die a slow death. Claire Forlani, anyone? Fairuza Balk? Stephen Dorff? Michael Rappaport? Unless one's career is already thriving (Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett), a VF Hollywood issue cover is like a Sports Illustrated #1 college basketball team pick -- sure to lead to an early exit from the NCAA tournament.

Posted by: PDamian at January 31, 2012 4:27 PM

They are telling me one of those women is Mia Wasikowska...

*coughs uncontrollably*

Posted by: haplo at January 31, 2012 4:58 PM

Not sure what is so funny/ weird/ revolting about my comment. I only know Mia from In Treatment, so I know she's grown up a little since then, but I do not recognize her at all. If you made me pick, I would pick the woman who's standing because she comes in last in the "who looks least like Mia" contest.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 31, 2012 5:40 PM

Earn some extra bucks,
easy part time online work, up to 50$/hour, read more here... LazyCash10.com

Posted by: Jim at January 31, 2012 5:42 PM

Hmm I thought you wrote; "some good old fashioned pornography".. bummer...

Posted by: george at January 31, 2012 5:43 PM

Aww, someone mentioned Fairuza. I love her.

Posted by: ZombieMedic at January 31, 2012 5:51 PM

Not sure what is so funny/ weird/ revolting about my comment.

None of the above. I'm coughing out of shock.

Mia?

*resumes coughing*

Posted by: haplo at January 31, 2012 6:48 PM

I dont know who those women are but I'm guessing they're vampires or cadaver models.

Posted by: logan at January 31, 2012 7:05 PM

What? It's Mia Wasikowska. That's what she looks like with more makeup on.

Posted by: Jay at January 31, 2012 7:14 PM

Jessica Chastain looks like a bad drawing of Rita Hayworth, though. I know she doesn't actually look that scary.

Posted by: Jay at January 31, 2012 7:27 PM

JR,
Thank you for the finger video. Made my fucking millenia.
Also, waiting for the Thunderdome between Shirley and Maggie Smith will be painful, but I'm down. HURRY.

Posted by: dorquemada at January 31, 2012 7:45 PM

She’s giving you the opposite of the middle finger…right…now.

So, the shocker then?

I'm sorry. I'll see myself out.

Posted by: Even Stevens at January 31, 2012 11:49 PM

His millenia? Is dorquemada The Highlander?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 2, 2012 12:50 PM

This is what you called talent! I hope I can be good, be very good as you do…keep it up please!!!

Posted by: opal beads at March 18, 2012 11:19 PM