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Find me a bottle of Shirtless Shakespearean Picard, and we're in business.

That was pretty awesome, though, when Mr. Belvedere got married and left the country.

Spoiler alert, Stacey! Geeeeezzz.

Dear girlies,

My penis is full of vodka.

Call me!

Aaaaaand this is one of the many reasons I no longer drink.

Who are these fucking idiots who think that pouring 90 proof in your EYE is a good idea?

...a bottle of Shirtless Shakespearean Picard...

Patty--WORD.

Anyone surprised by the vodka in the eye thing has clearly never seen the countless YouTube videos of people setting themselves on fire (OMG, fire burns?!) or jumping off roofs onto hard surfaces (OMG, bones break?!) or any other of the ways they seem determined to prove the theory of natural selection. They are providing major opportunities for thesis work for anyone majoring in sociology. This term I'm planning on presenting with Why We're Fucked: Human Idiocy on the Rise. And I'm using both Francis and Lohan to support my work.

@deadbessie: I'd think I'd be more interested in reading why Brendan Fraser doesn't have a better career. The Quiet American and Gods and Monsters were good roles and films...

I just had to convince my better half that vodka balling was an actual thing. I'm so glad I didn't grow up in the age of YouTube.

Also, I was at the place the ad on home page showed three days ago. That's some minority report shit that will distract me all day......back OFF tom cruise.

I am a gamer. I am also a husband, a father, and I have an active sex life. Did I hit some sort of mythical jackpot or something?

Happy Geek Pride Day, bitches!

Ahahaha..ha...haaaaa.

Fuck you, man.

*sniff*

The vodka eye shot is a real thing? And there are girls who do this?

Dear girlies,

My penis is full of vodka.

Call me!

Posted by: , at May 25, 2010 1:16 PM

No kidding, I was drinking a White Russian when I read this. You have managed the impossible. You stopped me from finishing my drink. I'm now going to have to finish the bottle of vodka with kahlua and juice.

The real life Amityville Horror house is up for sale for just $1.5 million. Um, can I just say, FUCK THAT? You couldn’t pay me $1.5 million to live in that house.

You can say that - if you'd like to come across as a credulous, superstitious and intellectually weak person. The Amityville "horror" was debunked and exposed as a publicity stunt a long time ago. I'd happily take the 1.5 million to live in that house. It's just a house.

Stacey, I don't know if celebrity news has been slow for several weeks now or what. And maybe it's just me, but lately I find myself clicking at most two of the links.

RE: Soaking a tampon in vodka.

I just found out today (via my local newspaper) that a valid way to take the pill is to shove it up your vagina. Apparently, it's just as effective as swallowing it. Who knew?

Anyway, so my question is, can I soak my tampon in "Shirtless Kirk" cologne and experience what it's like to be the green slave girl from that party episode?

I imagine the agency from Mad Men working on this.

Don Draper could easily pitch Hooch for your Cooch.

"We even have something for the Old Fashioned ladies."

Axe Body Spray has a new “Shirtless Kirk” cologne out, if you’ve always wondered what it’s like to small like the Shat.

As in smell like what that vulture shat out after eating 2 week dead carrion.

Cassiy said: "You can say that - if you'd like to come across as a credulous, superstitious and intellectually weak person. The Amityville "horror" was debunked and exposed as a publicity stunt a long time ago. I'd happily take the 1.5 million to live in that house. It's just a house."

Wow, someone's just too cool for school, aren't they? Yes, the whole "haunting" thing was almost certainly a hoax, but a man did shoot and kill his entire family in the house. That tends to rub some people the wrong way. I don't think it makes a person "intellectually weak." And I thought I was pretentious...

Holy cow, my sister and I were having this conversation not a fortnight ago. We both heard about it one Very Special Christmas Eve. We were all getting ready for bed, she was brushing her teeth, and I was camped out in front of the TV.

It's kind of sad, I can't afford cable at my apartment, so whenever I visit family members, there goes my life again. Taking naps and taking names. Watching the 20 minutes of non-competition on the Food Network. Not the point, we weren't doing anything of note, and then she heard me yell, 'Augh! No! No! That can't exist!' I related the story to her and she had about the same reaction and we never spoke of it again. Then, out of the blue that topic came up again somehow--this is about two years difference we're talking about. We wondered how you do it. Do you dangle the string in booze, or just toss the whole thing into a bottle? That might work for the plastic ones, but what about cardboard? How does this effect the anti-slip grip, which on its own can sometimes be temperamental? Paper disintegrates, so you must have a time limit? Are you supposed to get full metal soaking, or is it an 'A Little Spotting Will Do Ya' situation?

She joked that I should try it, but you see, I'm a very incurious person when it comes to inserting foreign liquids into my system. Vodka's not on the guest list. I told her she could pay my cable bill in hell and we had an accord.

I read a few years ago that tampons are very dangerous to export and must be done with the greatest of care, because expansion issues can effectively blow up the vehicle in which they're carriaged. So, it's too dangerous for a barge, but you're going to stick that all up in there and poison your blood just so you can spray Peach Schnapps out of your velvet cave? Is there another word for 'hero'?

Beau Brummel has been dead for a long time, hasn't he? I still don't have an answer though, and now the curiousity is clawing at me. But, no way am I looking that up on the internet. I'm sure there are things there that would make a physical anatomy textbook hurl, so no pictures.

Again: I'm not testing it myself either. I have medical reasons and free will preventing me from some of the more lurid sides of this epicurian life.

I'm a wussy scholar who can't drink, so yes, I fear that I am a harlot in name only. I ask hesitantly after The Great Sootikin Trauma of 2008, but I ask still. Teach, impart, elucidate, edify, enlighten, frapper!

Please with peach blossoms.

HA!

I say to bob what Schumann said about Brahms: Hats off [gentle-things], a genius!

But wouldn't sake be kind of hot- in the literal sense? One day it'll be nothing but Darjeeling and Earl Grey suppositories, and naught shall be as it once seemed. Oh, ick. Ew. Sorry. I don't know why they chose vodka, because if your legal caretaker is sniffing your vulva slipper for various rice wines, some claret, two shirts for the cold and a little bread, you've got other problems.

I have to stop with the David Starkey re-runs.