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Bless You, Obama, I Thought My Days Of Feeling As Patriotic As A Fancy Bear Atop Abraham Lincoln Were Over

By Joanna Robinson | Pajiba Love | May 2, 2011 | Comments ()


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Listen, my loves, in the helter-skelter face-paced world we live in, I am well aware that some of you are already tiring of talking about the death of Osama Bin Laden. "We've talked about it for HOURS already, Joanna. . .COME ON." The wisest jokes have already been cracked, the profoundest statements already made. So I thought I would hand you an Osama-free Pajiba Love today. Then I went searching about the internet for Osama-free links. Yeah, it was like looking for a needle in a haystack, or a jackhole terrorist in a cave. So, my pets, while I've got a mixed bag of links for you today (as always) it's been laden with bin Laden, just so you know.

First of all, I want to discuss the timing of this deviantART image. The artist has described his painting ("Civil War") as "A sophisticated bear with a mustache riding Abraham Lincoln with laser eyes into glorious battle." It's the kind of internet WTF*ckery that I usually pass over, but today it makes sense to me. So here it is, revel in its porcine-ursine patriotic glory.

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And while we're feeling smug about our nation, let's check out Obama's smug-mug at the White House Correspondent's Dinner when Seth Meyers cracked a few Osama jokes. (Salon)

But let's not get too smug, cautions Christopher Hitchens. Hitch is hoping we stay mindful of the role U.S. dollars played in hiding Bin Laden for so long. I mean, it's sort of a buzzkill, but the man has a point. (Slate)

His advice makes me think very carefully about the safest place I could possibly be and, against all odds, New York might be the wisest choice. (Laughing Squid)

Hitch's article ends with a short clip of Obama's lovely speech from last night. As is my information-nerd way, I made a word cloud out of the complete text. And because analyzing data in a vacuum is boring, I made another word cloud out of President Bush's "Mission Accomplished" speech from eight years ago. (EIGHT YEARS AGO.) Click on either cloud for a bigger image.

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Listen, I'm not going to try to make any profound analysis on the nature of either leader based on these two speeches alone. I will say, however, that I enjoyed how much INFORMATION there was in Obama's speech last night and how refreshing it was in light of the empty rhetoric we've been handed for years. You might make the excellent point that it isn't fair to compare Bush's speech as he didn't really have anything to talk about. Well you know what? Exactly. He had nothing to say and that didn't stop him from saying it.

Have we had enough of me talking about real-world politics for the day? I think we have. Let's sink our teeth into some juicy fantasy-world politics, shall we? This is an excellent article on what makes "Game of Thrones" (and George R.R. Martin's storytelling in general) so enthralling. There are no spoilers beyond what we've already seen in the TV series, so read on without fear. (The Millions)

Speaking of petulant royals, if I were Kate Middleton, I might be asking my new husband if the royal family is still allowed to order beheadings. . .and I would be casting my eye at a certain scene-stealing head and its spectacular/tentacular bonnet. (Neatorama)

And if Wills has any sense, he'll approach his marriage in the same manner as this husband. (To My Wife)

The most important thing I learned from this Russian FHM cover (other than Sweet Fancy Godtopus, Rosario Dawson is hot) is that in some countries magazines don't airbrush the ethnicity out of their cover girls. (Yeeeah)

Gents, if those Dawson photos, um, caused your pants to grow a bit tighter, please, for the love of Cod, don't go anywhere near a supermarket display. Calamity! (Warming Glow)

I know January Jones makes a lot of pants across the nation grow tighter. Conversely, you know she gives me a bit of a hate-headache. Well, I think we're all going to have to stow those feelings for a little while because I can't bring myself to hate on a pregnant woman and, you, randy gents and lascivious ladies, probably won't be lusting after her while she has a bun in the ov-oh, who am I kidding? That won't stop you. Though her pregnancy frump skirt might. What! I'm not hating on her! Just the skirt! (Celebitchy)

This little video has some sound advice when it comes to hate, my angry birds. "It's okay to not like things, it's okay, just don't be a d*ck about it." I'm looking at you, Fox News, and but I'm changing the words to "racist d*cks."

Joanna Robinson only has one short video for you today because her head was stuck in a word cloud all morning. Apologies. Feel free to lambast her via Email or Twitter, just don't be a d*ck about it.


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