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Blame It On Franco: Why Must They All Consider Themselves "Artists"?

By Agent Bedhead | Pajiba Love | August 5, 2013 | Comments ()


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Shark Week has only just begun, and I’m already tired of it. Isn’t it always Shark Week? Kind of like Truck Month in Oklahoma. (Buzzfeed)

Well, of course Jennifer Aniston decided to forego the spanx at the We’re the Millers movie premiere. Because fueling interest through pregnancy rumors is a lot easier than wholeheartedly promoting a movie. (Go Fug Yourself)

Dustin goes on a bit of a rant about last night’s episode of “The Newsroom.” Damn Sorkin, it sounds like you f*cked up big time. (Warming Glow)

The producers of Fast and Furious 7 reportedly offered Denzel Washington a role, which he duly turned down because he’s, you know, Denzel. I like to imagine he was making this face while doing so. (Film Drunk)

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IFC must be nervous about all of those poor reviews for The Canyons, so they’ve released a new trailer scored by Kanye West. (Slashfilm)

Holy hell, look at the outfit that Britney Spears wore to church yesterday. She’s even sporting a convenient “x” between her boobs for your target-shooting pleasure. How thoughtful. (DListed)

At least one of these photos from of the world’s most amazing staircases will give you vertigo. You have been warned. (Mental Floss)

Even though I’m so over Star Wars (and have felt that way since elementary school), I have to admit that this Princess Leia noir-styled poster is pretty cool. (The Mary Sue)

The British government won’t let Kelly Clarkson take Jane Austen’s ring out of the country even though she properly won it at auction. (AV Club)

Can you imagine if “Perfect Strangers” would have turned Balki into a sociopathic roommate? The show would been better for it but only if they included the “dance of joy” immediately after the revelation. Here are another 20 imagined plot twists of various shows. (Cracked)

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Natasha Lyonne, fresh off her new Orange is the New Black, takes us an an apartment-hunting adventure. “Welcome to fucking Brooklyn. Does anyone over 50 live here?” (Vulture)

Amber Heard is merely the latest offender in an endless stream of young actors who pull the “I want to be an artist … I don’t want to be a celebrity” card. Sadly, the body of work is usually not there to support these claims, but I could be wrong when it comes to Amber. Or maybe not. (Celebitchy)

The new Machete Kills trailer is highly confusing. Lady Gaga dresses as Cuba Gooding Jr.? (Film School Rejects)

Good news for Michael Vick — there’s still one way to relive his own glory days. (Kotaku)

A friendly reminder to those who want to participate: The Cannonball Read’s book club is being held this Wednesdays, so get your book read. Details here.

A hipster dude named Graham Hughes has travelled to every country in the world and made a video with one second dedicated to each country. Sadly, I am far too distracted by his ever-changing facial hair to appreciate the scenery.

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa. She & her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • e jerry powell

    Apropos only of Natasha Lyonne's existence: CLEA DUVALL NEEDS TO BE WORKING MORE.

  • Yeah, I read the Clarkson ring news a couple days ago. Between that and banning the pr0n, the Brits are having kind of a douchey Summer.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Good afternoon everyone,

    Suchandsuch ordered bagels for the team today, please feel free to come and partake of the surfeit.

    That’s right, I said “surfeit”. I spelled it correctly on the first try, too.

    Thanks,
    Prolixity

    My work life is so fulfilling.

  • Finance_Nerd

    I would have showed up expecting lox after reading surfeit. Did I mention I'm a numbers guy? (Awkward silence) Anyhow... thanks for increasing my vocabulary.

  • Mrs. Julien

    We don't spring for lox.

    I'm a words gal, I may have missed a joke in there somewhere.

  • Finance_Nerd

    The "surf" portion of surfeit led my dumb mind to immediately think some type of fish would be included. Hence the awkward silence... followed by being pelted w/rocks and garbage

  • Quatermain

    I wrote an e-mail Friday where I got to use to the word 'malfeasance.' Ten minutes later I got an e-mail back asking me what it meant and why couldn't I use words everybody knew.

  • Mrs. Julien

    When I worked in property management, I got to write a memo asking people not to bring live animals into the building for food, in particular because of an issue with "entrails" in garbage room. I also wrote one asking people not to have fires on their balconies.

  • Bothari

    I don't know if I should upvote this 'cause you're awesome, or downvote it 'cause they're not.

  • Quatermain

    For future reference, you should always upvote me, because even when I'm being an asshole, at least I'm still funny.

  • Mrs. Julien

    HEAR! HEAR!

  • Bothari

    I got to threaten to have people drawn and quartered on our intranet today, and got to use the word 'lest' in the same post. We have to take our work perks where we can, Mrs. J. Confusion to the enemy!

  • Mrs. Julien

    This is just a quick reminder about the parking spaces at 123 Business Street. Please do not use any of the specially-designated spots, such as the ones listed below:

    CLIENT
    MAIL SERVICES
    EMU
    VENDOR SERVICES
    MEDICAL SERVICES
    BATMAN
    CONTRACTOR

    These spots are all clearly marked with yellow block printing, for example “PICKLE AFICIONADO PARKING ONLY”.

    If you require a handicap parking space and do not have one, please let me know and I will be happy to help you with the process.

  • Bothari

    Ha! I wrote a series of haikus (haiku?) reminding people not to park in the visitor spots. I'll try and work 'pickle aficionado' into my next one, if it's not too many syllables.

  • Mrs. Julien

    "Batman" got a big response. I told them that if they could find the spot, they could use it. And then this morning I pulled in behind two people I work with who snagged two spaces they aren't supposed to park in. ANIMALS!

  • emmalita

    This whole conversation is hilarious and I am so sad I missed it yesterday.

  • alwaysanswerb

    Aw, frak. I missed the original Shift post and doubt I'll be able to do this by Wednesday.

  • Finance_Nerd

    Ditto. I read Wool last week and loved it. At least we can catch up in time for Dust.

  • mswas

    Sorry you both missed the announcement - I've been trying to get the word out as much as I can!

  • Finance_Nerd

    Not your fault we missed it. Plus you're getting more people to read what I anticipate will be a great book/trilogy. Keep up the good work

  • alwaysanswerb

    Not your bad at all!

  • AgLexington

    Oh Brit Brit... come on... you survived 2008 (although I don't think your weave did), you can do better than that.

  • oilybohunk7

    I live for Shark Week but if they ever drop another turd like Megaldon on me I'm going to firebomb Discovery's headquarters.

  • Mrs. Julien

    So what was up with that? Did they find the giant shark?

  • oilybohunk7

    Yes/no. Something big hit the boat and took their giant whale decoy but they never showed it. Pretty much a big let down in every way.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Thank you so much. I look forward to deleting it from the DVR when I get home.

  • oilybohunk7

    You're welcome! I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did.

  • emmalita

    I know where their headquarters are. I can give you directions.

  • oilybohunk7

    Thank you, that would be very helpful.

  • Donnasaurus

    I love the fact that the Kanye West music drowns out the dialogue on The Canyons trailer.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Judging from the header picture, Amber Heard's been doing pretty well since coming out. That is an attractive ladyfriend.

  • lowercase_ryan

    "All that fingering, you need strong triceps."

    Life Lessons with Natasha.

  • Ht

    Amber Heard is just a low rent Greta Gerwig

  • Finance_Nerd

    If Amber Heard is low rent, then sign me up for a six month lease.

  • Uriah_Creep

    And I'm going to become a slumlord.

  • basse buus

    I watched the whole thing only to find he didn´t go to Greenland, my home country. We count as well!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Burn, but he did do Faroe Islands.

  • e jerry powell

    No disrespect, but I think he probably said: "I've been to Denmark already" or got some special dispensation from Margarethe II, or something.

    Anybody will take a technicality to fudge things these days.

  • Berry

    Speaking of Margarethe, as far as monarchs go, she's not half bad. If you absolutely have to have an expensive, powerless head of state who's position is based on antiquated notions of noble birth, then it might as well be someone who can have a conversation about the influences Tolkien had when creating elvish languages.

  • basse buus

    I don't think the Queen has that kind of power;) but if you are going to say "I travelled to all the countries the world!", it might be a good idea to actually have travel every where..

  • Berry

    Greenland is way too awesome/odd to ignore. Not that I've ever been either, but one hears stories... Actually, my husband (who's the one in this outfit with all the interesting stories) worked for a summer in Iceland before we met, and he had co-worker from Greenland who was apparently super awesome/odd/crazy. He spoke six languages and liked to run to mountain tops. And he was a teetotal.

    Edit And now the husband says that I should also add that when asked how he liked Iceland he said it was nice but too hot.

  • basse buus

    Yeah, I'm burning up in Copenhagen and it's 25 celcius..

  • Berry

    I don't begin burning up in 25, but it really doesn't take much more than that, so I hear you. :)

  • e jerry powell

    Oh, you two would not do well in Texas at all. 25 celsius is a nice day for us here. Right now, though, our temperatures are staying consistently above 35; today it will be 40.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I spent nearly a month in San Antonio during the winter and it was way too damn hot for me. The electricians on the work site told me that they change their clothes several times a day during the summer in a vain attempt to keep dry.

  • basse buus

    I went to beautiful Texas and it was a sweaty week.

  • BWeaves

    The round the world video was better when Matt, the dancing guy, did it.

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