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Are Those Leather Pants, Young Lady? Someone Tell Chloe Moretz To Stop Growing Up, Please.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (36)

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Good morning my little maple leaves. I’ve been oot and aboot foraging for links this morning. Shall we start off with some Toronto International Film Festival news? Pajiba Ten heartthrobber, Michael Fassbender has been gingerly grinning all up and down the red carpets of recent festivals as he promotes his two newest films. The bad news? He’s still dating Zoe Kravitz. The good news? He’s wearing a boss Iron Maiden shirt. (Celebitchy)

MovieLine has a great photo booth gallery from the TIFF and once I got over the shock of Chloe Moretz in leather pants, I was bowled over again by a very handsome Chris Pratt. Looking good, Andy. (MovieLine)
tiffportraits_pratt.jpeg

(p.s. This is why I follow Chris Pratt on Twitter.)

While we’re talking edibles, check out these Game of Thrones cupcakes. BITE IT AT THE POINTY END. (Neatorama)

Maybe you prefer to make art not food out of your lit-rah-tyure. beckster sent me these amazing book sculptures because, well, she knows I’m a sucker for these things. (Su Blackwell)

Speaking of books, the UK voted “To Kill A Mockingbird” their most beloved book. I was really impressed with this list. It’s a nice blend of genres and time periods. Also, number 3, “The Book Thief?” Interesting and classy choice, UK. (The Guardian)

Okay, let’s talk about Japan. I don’t want to stereotype an entire nation, but sometimes Japan is just, like, WHAT THE F*CK, right? (Don’t click on that link unless you’re truly prepared for an unholy amount of Japanese f*ckery.) That being said, this interview with the Miss Universe contestant from Japan just made my morning. The bit where she talks about being a tiger? Rawr? Delightful. (Warming Glow)

While we’re on the subject of racial stereotyping, please take a minute to read about how this half-Arab, half-Jewish woman who was forcibly detained while flying on 9/11. I rally do understand the need for heightened security and vigilance, but, seriously, sometimes the US authorities are SO dumb. (Shebshi)

Also? There’s a typo on the 9/11 monument. Some hard to spell name, perhaps? No, not really. “Jeffery.” Siiiiiigh. (Gothamist)

Speaking of national affairs, it used to be that former presidents received Secret Service Protection for life. Now the limit is ten years. Former First Ladies, however? Sh*t out of luck, I’m afraid. (Tastefully Offensive)

Awww, poor Laura. I don’t hate her. Speaking of hate, however, how many of you agree with the rankings on this 2011 NFL Hateability Index that S0crates_Johnson sent me? (SI)

See, I don’t really hate anybody (except Zoe Kravitz). I love you all to bits and pieces. That’s why I’m going to tell you that Mensch Ts is having a Gear For A Year Contest where you can win one free shirt a day MONTH for a whole year. (MONTH, IT’S ONE PER MONTH. OH DEAR LORD NOT ONE EVERY DAY.) Listen, winning stuff is cool. Free stuff is cool. But nothing on god’s green earth will be cooler than when someone asks you where you got that Grim Reaper shirt and you answer, “Oh this? It was handmade for me. IN GERMANY.” (Mensch Ts)

You may know by now that I have an incurable fondness for Charlie Day (eventhoughIdontwatchhisshowbecauseitmakesmecringe). This darling interview only makes me love him more. (Uproxx)

I am not, however, fond of that little grim reaper, Kristen Stewart. If you thought her lip biting was bad, check out this supercut of her other ‘acting’ tricks.

See, K Stew, sometimes pretty girls have talent as well as shiny (in your case, often greasy) hair. This chica is ridiculous. My flabber is all kinds of gasted.









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Comments

No, don't do that.

Posted by: Jay at September 13, 2011 1:07 PM

No, really, don't.

Posted by: Jay at September 13, 2011 1:07 PM

That juggling was awesome!
Who knew that a woman on her back with her legs in the air could be so amazing?!

Posted by: logan at September 13, 2011 1:14 PM

Yay juggling! That is awesome.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at September 13, 2011 1:17 PM

Posted by: Jay at September 13, 2011 1:22 PM

Huh. So, Logan and I starting thinking the exact same way, then one of us took a hard left. For anyone wondering, my next thought was "I hope she didn't start learning with basketballs, because those hurt when you get hit in the head."

Posted by: Mrcreosote at September 13, 2011 1:23 PM

Chris Pratt is a comedic genius on Parks & Rec.

Posted by: asdff at September 13, 2011 1:26 PM

The juggler is impressive. But the Japanese clip was more impressive. Um...impressiv-er? That was a riot!

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at September 13, 2011 1:28 PM

Sigh. I don't hate Kristen Stewart. I do hate whoever it was earlier in her career who let her get away with all of that sighing and hair brushing and let her think it was acting though. Asshole.

Posted by: JenVegas at September 13, 2011 1:43 PM

so much for Kick-Ass 2 then...

Posted by: haplo at September 13, 2011 1:44 PM

I'm more concerned about that creepy guy looming over her shoulder than what pants Chloe Moritz is wearing.

That Shebshi story is appalling. I would've been terrified, especially being held without being told why. Though it was easy to guess, and that makes me angry. I understand that people were fearful of an anniversary attack, but there's a difference between people who are behaving suspiciously and people who just happen to be of a certain ethnicity. It's not altogether shocking that there was 50 such incidents across the country on Sunday, if that one officer is to be believed.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 13, 2011 1:50 PM

Thank you so much for the consistently wonderful art links. They rule and so do you Joanna! Seriously, are we telling you enough that you are hitting PLove out of the park? Well, you are. If I had my way, you would be rewarded with Fassbenders a plenty, although maybe just the one would suffice.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 13, 2011 1:56 PM

(I know it sounded smarmy, but it was sincere.)

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at September 13, 2011 2:04 PM

That whole video was like listening to Kristen Stewart trying to have secret phone sex.

I think I have to go and set myself on fire

Posted by: Nadine at September 13, 2011 2:11 PM

No warning on Eddie Redmayne behind the Moretz. Seriously that kid creeps me way out.

Posted by: Nimue at September 13, 2011 2:28 PM

Juggling girl has UH-MAZING hair. Gorgeous.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at September 13, 2011 2:33 PM

Mrs. J.! Her Sincere Smarm is Scintillatiingly Sweet!

Posted by: Logan at September 13, 2011 2:40 PM

Cute cupcakes.

Cute Pratt.

The nude fellow riding the other nude fellow like a motorcycle, not so much.

Posted by: Skyler Durden at September 13, 2011 2:51 PM

Selyna Bogino FTW!

Posted by: NateS1973 at September 13, 2011 3:26 PM

While we’re on the subject of racial stereotyping ...

Well, let's see if I can de-sputter over this enough to be coherent.

Since when does a US citizen give up their civil rights because some unidentified bonehead saw something "suspicious?"

Least to most, I'm pissed off at the suspicion-ers (gotta practice up my Texican, just in case), the un-law enforcement, and the policy wranglers who demanded that this be so.

I do have a modest proposal. Sure, we'll take reports of suspicious behavior. Lets have your name, and you'll go through the same fingering as the folks you fingered. While I'm at it, how about 1 detention / cavity search randomly allocated through the TSA for every one performed on a citizen that produces nothing.

Ya think maybe the policies would change a bit, then?


For godtopus' sake, treat this kind of nonsense as what it most likely is - a bogus report. Start by treating the report-ees with the dignity of their station - humans and free citizens.

I am neither a criminal nor a terrorist because I decided to fly on an airplane. Neither is anybody else.

/Rant

I'm about as white as it gets. I'm delighted and proud at the folks who come to the US to make a better deal for themselves. That used to *be* the deal. That's how my family got here, immigrants from what were shitty situations taking a shot at something better. I got lucky. It didn't take me a boat ride.

So, I'm so proud that my world includes Shivraj who I hired at dot-com-co, who's family came to the US after his father retired from the military of another country. I'm proud I got a note the other day from my friend Muhammad, from Packistan, who used to pray at work 5 times a day *in Bethlehem freaking Pennsylvania.* I am proud I learned Aikido from a Burmese Muslim who took over his brother's dojo once the brother finished med school. I'm proud (OK, just horny and shallow) that Yassi from Persia was my kinda-sorta gf for a while.

I am fucking tired of apologizing to my Jordanian barber about the nonsense that has invaded what used to be the idea of this country. No, it shouldn't take 3 years and $20,000 for them to allow you to practice your trade. I am fucking tired of apologizing to the Somali cabby who picks me up, talking about the bullshit monopoly on cab licenses that has him practically indentured.

These are the best people in the world. They came to the US because of an idea - take your shot. We're treating them like crap, and have nearly killed that idea. I was confused, then stunned, then finally appalled in Seattle as I slowly figured out that *everyone I saw* the floors and empties the trash there is Chicano or American Indian. I'm white trash from the Pennsyltucky hills. The people who do the shit jobs look like me - I thought.

For godtopus' sake ...


I am amazed at the victim's ability to hold a full bladder through a body cavity search. Perhaps it's different for males. I can barely hand on to an empty bladder under my doctor's occasional inspections. (Long story.)

How'd she do that?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 13, 2011 5:01 PM

Stands up and claps for BierceAmbrose.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 13, 2011 5:20 PM

Bierce is my hero. Right next to Zoe Kravitz.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at September 13, 2011 9:53 PM

Oh no, please. Do stereotype the entire nation of Japan. My family and I don't mind at all--we're just soulless Japanese people who do that kind of sh*t all the time. Please continue your stereotyping by all means--whatever keeps you away from Japan, sweetie.

Posted by: KO at September 14, 2011 1:59 AM

I apologize for how ragged that was. I was rushed and I'm still furious (again.)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 14, 2011 2:09 AM

There was a conversation between two of my coworkers today, Coworker #1 talking about how he had met a student who had come here from Iran. Coworker #2 says, I hope you don't tell me he wants to be an airline pilot. He was not kidding. Sigh.

I love, love, LOVE those book sculptures but they're all sold out! That is something I would willingly spend some serious cash for, they are so unique and creative. Thanks for giving me a new website to ogle!

Posted by: Even Stevens at September 14, 2011 2:15 AM

I just realized I have some serious exclamation pointing going on in my comment about the books. Books make me shouty!!1!11

Posted by: Even Stevens at September 14, 2011 2:18 AM

Chloe Moritz, Chloe Mortiz...That's Chloe Moretz, I assume.

Posted by: PaulB at September 14, 2011 3:48 AM

Two thoughts I had while watching that BIZARRE Japanese game clip:
1) WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF is happening to my eyes and brain right now?
2) This is what it would look like if the Ambiguously Gay Duo were playable characters in Twisted Metal.

Posted by: chicky07 at September 14, 2011 5:44 AM

"Oh no, please. Do stereotype the entire nation of Japan."

O...k... Japanese people are all descended from law abiding tradespeople and Samurai who were largely honest and honourable warriors apart from those who were Ronin or working for evil Lords. Neat and tidy to a fault they are epitomised by their universal practise and love of bonsai. Modern Japanese people are either business people (often drunk), Yakuza or schoolgirls. Knowledge of Karate (bujutsu) is in their genes. Japanese culture is dominated by Kawaii, politeness and paper walls. All business people read Ecchi on the train. Otaku are a dark and judgemental breed, creepy and borderline paedophilic, except when they're being Train Heroes. Raw fish is the only dish served in Japan (Shi = fish, Su = raw; it's unlikely that the rice comes into the naming of it), except for the occasional dish of whale served as a great honour to those warriors (Bishonen) who leap from the side of Japanese whaling ships with only a Samurai sword and a rope to battle Japan's greatest historical foe (Communist whales)

Posted by: Ender at September 14, 2011 9:34 AM

I developed a joomla site on my localhost. Now I want to upload it to GoDaddy. How do I do that?

Posted by: rofffllv2 at September 14, 2011 10:37 AM

MRS JULIEN: please scroll up two comments.

Now you just have to work on finding the nine comments that were almost as good as that one.

Posted by: becks at September 14, 2011 12:18 PM

From The Atlantic, here is a far less Howard Beale analysis of the Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition flight.

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/09/just-a-little-more-on-flying-while-non-white/245076/

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 14, 2011 12:41 PM

I came here to complain about the Gothamist article, since it pays no heed to the fact that a bunch of fantastic people who work at the 9/11 Memorial spent literally years calling families and friends of the deceased to get correct spellings and decide on placement of names (so friends and family could be near one another) in their attack of one mistake, which I know had to be devastating to the family involved. People who care worked incredibly hard day in and day out making the tough phone calls to make this happen, and unfortunately for all of us, mistakes happen.

And then I read BierceAmbrose's ferociously written rant and mine felt very small and insignificant.

Posted by: faintingviolet at September 14, 2011 5:05 PM

I have a blog on blogger and every time i go to my blog it counts it as a page view even when im logged in. How do i make it only count the views from other people?.

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