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Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob & The Botox-Ridden Love That Will Never Die, Plus Prince William Rejected By A Little Heroine

By Agent Bedhead | Pajiba Love | April 5, 2013 | Comments ()


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As if there was any doubt that Lindsay Lohan runs with a very rough crowd, one of her favorite boyfriends/benefactors/johns (Victor Chatwal) was just caught with a pantload of drugs. They weren't up the backside, so it definitely could have been a worse situation. Seriously though, this guy was smuggling coke, horse tranquilizers, and Xanax, and I'm pretty sure most of it was for one choice client. (TMZ)

Speaking of our delusional little trainwreck, have you seen these bikini photos of a bruised-up Lindsay Lohan in Brazil? Those marks aren't the result of sheer clumsiness or a rough roll or two in the sack. Nope. That's evidence of a red bull, vodka, and crack diet, and sadly, her body won't hold out for much longer. (Vulture)

"Mad Men" will return for its sixth season on Sunday evening. I probably won't watch because I enjoy indulging within Netflix binges for this show while drinking cheap red wine, and I can't really get drunk on a Sunday night because it's a dreadful way to start the week. Still, I can appreciate this artwork that illustrates memorable moments from season five. (Unreality)

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Leonardo DiCaprio is almost beyond parody in his choice of girlfriends, who all either appear in the Victoria's Secret catalog or are steadily moving in that direction. I wonder if he asks them to wear their Angel wings in the bedroom. Admit it, that would be neat. In an amusing twist, he's now corrupted serial killer Bradley Cooper, who is following Leo's modelizing lead. (Celebitchy)

A federal judge has ruled that the morning after pill must be available over the counter for all ages. This is a superb development, but I hope that they're at least scanning driver's licenses or other forms of ID at the cash register. Otherwise, there's going to be some birth control dealing going on at local high schools. Does that sound too reactionary and paternal? (Gawker)

I've heard some really great things about FX's new little engine that could, "The Americans." Yet from the looks of this recap, the plotting has already grown hamfisted and sloppy. I realize that I'm not really in a position to critique a show that I've never watched, but it really bugs that they didn't go full 1980s with Keri Russell's hair. Even the "Felicity" style would be more realistic than this blowout. (Warming Glow)

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Megan Fox might soon be treading on thin ice with Michael Bay again after she kept the Transformers director and Will Arnett waiting 45 minutes for her to show up at a restaurant. They were all celebrating Arnett's official sign-on to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film. Several years ago, we all expected more of Arnett than Jerry Bruckheimer 3-D gerbil movies and Michael Bay T & A films, right? I did. (Page Six)

Periodically, the tabloids print some version of a tale that involves Angelina Jolie dumping Brad Pitt and their five children to run back to Billy Bob Thornton. First of all, this makes no sense at all for Angie to ruin what she has with Brad and their family to get with a guy who looks like he hopped into a vat of Botox. Secondly, Billy Bob actually looks like this now, and he did it to himself. (Life & Style)

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Benedict Cumberbatch will soon be starring in everything that you'll ever watch or have the opportunity to watch. I do dig the guy and he is supposedly an amazing person as well, but I have to wonder whether he's going to be severely overexposed in a few years. Is there such a thing as Cumbyoverload? (Variety)

I must admit to still feeling rather perplexed by Britney Spears' new man, Everyday Boyfriend Dave. The two were set up by Britney's dad, who will probably function as her conservator until one of them dies. Don't try and tell me that there's some fire between these two young lovers, because there surely is not. (Lainey Gossip)

Not even dogs like Jay Leno. Watch two of them lift their legs and ceremoniously let the chin have it. Don't worry about Jay though. That classic car collection (and several millions of leftover dollars) will keep him warm at night while Jimmy Fallon is dancing up a storm in his former time slot. Good luck, Jimmy. You're going to need it. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

Hank Azaria finally got someone to listen to him admit that Al Pacino scared the holy hell out of him with the impromptu "GREAAAT ASS!" line in Heat. That was an amazing movie in so many ways, not the least of which was Pacino's well-executed curtain chomping. In related news, I shall continue to mourn for the careers of both Pacino and Michael Mann. (Film Drunk)

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Kendall Jenner says that she hates being famous and just wants to, you know, go be a successful model. As much as it sounds like I just made fun of her, I do feel for the girl. It's probably not easy being born into a family of famewhores and being forced to appear on reality television, despite all protests, since the age of 11 years. (Pop on the Pop)

Not everyone wants to kiss a prince, you know. Some adorable little Scottish girl cringed away when Prince William went in for a peck. That girl is pretty much my hero right now. Let's hear it for sticking it to the monarchy in a way that Morrissey could never manage to do. (Celebitchy)

Finally, this last video features a shirtless and heaving Jeff Goldblum in the "honest" trailer of Jurassic Park 3-D. Man, I am so tired of 3-D retrofits, and since most of these money grabs are regurgitated kiddie flicks, I end up reviewing most of them. Not this one though -- I believe Steven Lloyd Wilson will be doing the honors. On second thought, I wonder if those nips will be provided in eye-popping 3-D? If so, that mullet will definitely kill the effect. (High Definite)

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at celebitchy.com.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Buck Forty

    If you'd been watching “The Americans” you'd know the couple seem to go through 2-3 'disguises' per episode - it's almost getting to "Alias" proportions. So while you're technically correct about Keri Russell’s hair, you have to feel for the hair and makeup team. Maybe they did test shots and discovered the "Dynasty" look was just too much.

  • beartato

    Aww. What's with the Wills bashing? As it was reported here, the girl had dressed up like a princess and been waiting for hours for them to arrive and asked for the kiss, then got shy. C'mon, it was sweet, I'm no Royal Lover but William and Kate do their duty and smile.

  • Lauren_Lauren

    Are you kidding?! Except for Earring Magic Dave, Everyday Boyfriend Dave is the best model.

  • PaulRingo

    When did Billy Bob morph into Hugo Weaving - or wait - are we in the Matrix? Blue pill! Blue pill!!

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I was trying to place who he looked like now. His eyes look even further apart now thanks to some weird surgical enhancement that attempted to restore his youth, a youth where he never actually looked like that. Damn shame, I thought he was quite handsome.

  • The Americans has been ham-fisted all along. Good to see others are catching on.

  • RilesSD

    What am I missing on The Americans? I'm two eps behind and gotta say it is plodding and BORING. There's hardly any tension. This couple has been "married" for 20 something years, and they are going through issues as though they just started working together. Also, Noah Emmerich would be more effective if he didn't have a half-smile all the time.

    I may not be back next season if the end of the season doesn't bring it.

  • Wednesday

    They've been "married" for a long time, but only recently became emotionally invested in each other. At all. So it's not too surprising that issues that typically come up in the beginning of a relationship are coming up now. Also, I think maybe you underestimate how long issues can simmer (and fester) even in a long-term marriage. I was married for 17 years but didn't have a clue that my ex was harboring a ton of resentment for things that happened before we were even married until year 14. Pile on some new life-stressors, and whadya know, he couldn't cope any more.

    I love the rampant paranoia and entire culture of misinformation on BOTH sides. I think it captures very well -- in an exaggerated way, given that they're spies -- the atmosphere of fear during the Reagan years.

  • $27019454

    Billy Bob is a top-notch talent and very very watchable. Despite his uneven movie choices, he is usually the best thing about some mediocre/bad movies. And the good ones are Sofa King good. Even his unconventional looks are...interesting. But lately with the nip/tucks and the botox benders...Ho-lee Cow. I just can't look any more. It distracts from his prodigious talent, and that is really saying something.

    Great acting, dude. Sorry about your face.

  • RilesSD

    He is a weird, weird OCD-ridden dude.

  • Natallica

    I know it's kind of nitpicking, considering her overall bad shape... but Lindsay's belly button freaks me out. It's SO high on her torso that it's almost reaching her cleavage.

  • anikitty

    I didn't notice. Now I can never un-see it.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I think it's Cumberbatch's reaction to the success of Johnny Lee Miller and Elementary.

  • Wednesday

    I totally disagree that the last episode of the "The Americans" was sloppy and hamfisted. The relationship details felt like they were lifted straight out of an '80s afterschool special, but that's actually fitting given the setting. And the main plot was a great big clusterfuck, just what you'd expect from spies getting their wires crossed due to casual interference and misunderstandings.

    Although I must admit, my favorite scene was the son's social studies project on the American Revolution. Keri gets a concerned call from his teacher and opens up his backpack and flips past the cover page and there's one sentence: "America won."

  • KV

    Although I love "The Americans", I must agree with AB on one point: Is that really 80's hairstyle that Keri Russell is sporting? That looks more like 90's. On the other hand, Stan Beaman's wife seems to have the proper 80's hairdo.

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