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And You're Going To Put The Rabbit Back In Its Container

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Pajiba Love | Comments (35)



con air.jpg

Hey there all you sock puppets and glove lovers! If you missed the ol’ P. Love yesterday, there was a mighty deul betwixt some rabid condimentalists. The battle between mustard apologists and mayo enthusiasts is reflected here in the word cloud of yesterday’s comment section. As you can see, at the last minute, someone pumped up the jMs.

Panda Mustard.jpg


Did you know that I’ve memorized all the lyrics to “Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?” That includes but is not limited to: “steal your Seoul in South Korea, make Antartica cry uncle.” It’s a really popular party trick…at the parties I frequent…which are probably nerd parties. ANYWAY, spiffy new versions of “Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego” and “Oregon Trail” are about to be launched on facebook. I know, I know, just don’t get caught caulking the wagon at work, okay guys? (IGN)

Marilu Henner as cray-cray Tea Party Girl Michele Bachmann??!?! YES! Get on this, Lifetime: Television for Women Who Like Stories About Rape and Abduction and Stuff. (Mark Lisanti)

The protests in Egypt are still raging and it’s gotten truly awful and violent. And while “The Huffington Post” has a fairly comprehensive round up of information, it’s this first-hand account by British reporter Jack Shenker that will stop you in your tracks. Shenker was aprehended and brutally beaten by the amin dowla, the Egyptian security force. Here’s his report including audio from the protest. (The Guardian)

Okay as a palate cleanser to the violence, I present to you, Great Pick-Up Lines in American History. I think Franklin Pierce wins my vote. DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? Come for the mustard, stay for the politics and puns, folks. (Barats and Bereta)

This article is hilarious and counts, I think, as some sort of sports contribution to today’s column. It’s sports-ish, sports-esque. I know it’s long, you little lodge bunnies, but it’s worth it. (27b/6)

Do you find yourself woefully out of place at hip cocktail parties or swinging singles clubs because you haven’t read the classics of British and American literature? Do wish you could wow the ladies with Faulknerian references? Well, sigh no more, dear friends, have I got a site for you. Check out Book-A-Minute. Seriously, who needs to wade through all of Hawthorne when all you need to know about the “The Scarlet Letter” is: “The Evil Puritanical Society SNUBS Hester Prynne…They call her NAMES…They won’t let her play any Evil Puritanical Society GAMES.” (Book-A-Minute)

But if even that much reading is too exhausting for ye, here are some classic plots broken down into four icons. I want the Gatsby one for a calling card. “The Great Jo Gatsby, For All Your Wenching Needs.” Ehhhh…I’ll work on it. (Kyle Tezak)

Some nerd culture references make me rub my hands together with glee. Such is the case with this “Doctor Who” swim cap. (io9)

Some nerd culture references make me shake my head in consternation. Such is the case with this Star Wars bathrobe. (The Great White Snark)

And then sometimes, just sometimes, you have to make a cake that involves references to The Mario Bros and zombies. Is it just me, or does this cake look wholly inedible? Can I eat that glitter? Is that horse made out of beeswax? I prefer yummy cakes to clever cakes. (io9)

Did you know that Will Ferrell will have a mutl-episode arc on “The Office” this season? Now you do. Here are the details. (Film.com)

Do you want to see what Joseph Gordon Levitt looks like as a sleazy sex blogger? Of course you do. (TheFilmStage)

Listen guys, I don’t know what you mean. I think there’s nothing pretentious at all about my video choices. This short piece of timelapse photography set to an excerpt of Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds” broadcast is totes fun and kicky.

The War of the Worlds (HDR timelapse with 7D & 450D) from Rafael Asquith on Vimeo.

Alright, fine, I see your point. Here’s something a bit peppier for your Last Weekday That’s Not A Friday (known in some circles as “Thursday”). I’d like to hear your opinion on this artist’s controversial choice to sample Trisha Yearwood’s version of “How Do I Live” over the infinitely squintier LeAnn Rimes version. Also, (if I had a dollar for every time I said this I’d totes have a dollar), this video needs more Buscemi.

Joanna Robinson loves Pajiba. It’s like f*cking Gosford Park up in this piece. If you’re interested in my ideas about developing a condiment called Pandannaise, do, please, drop me a line: godtopuswept@gmail.com









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Comments

Trish Yearwood's version is WAY superior. Also, it's the one used in Con Air which makes it near perfection just for being associated with that piece of cienematic glory.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 27, 2011 1:15 PM

Just when The Office is becoming funny again, they throw Will Ferrell into the mix?

Count me officially out.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 27, 2011 1:21 PM

That swim cap doesn't look very hydrodynamic.

Posted by: (Not so) Blonde Savant at January 27, 2011 1:27 PM

Do you want to see what Joseph Gordon Levitt looks like as a sleazy sex blogger? Of course you do.

I SURE DO! (Thanks, CapsLock.)

Turns out, it looks pretty much like ordinary everyday JGL. However, you've failed to mention that the movie stars him, Carla Gugino (yum) and Timothy Olyphant (swoon). That's like the top 2 on my boys list and a girl I'd go gay for. PANTIES = MOIST.

Posted by: MM at January 27, 2011 1:32 PM

"Mellon Collie and the Infinte Squinty" just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

Posted by: Ian at January 27, 2011 1:35 PM

I've been reading David Thorne's stuff at 27b/6 for quite some time and I think the guy is absolutely hilarious. Obvious foggot is a must read. Keep an eye on how he plays with the subject line in the email exchange.

Posted by: Jadine at January 27, 2011 1:38 PM

its never to late to tell a Movie you love it

Posted by: rabbi at January 27, 2011 1:47 PM

jM is a mighty force.

Posted by: Figgy at January 27, 2011 1:48 PM

Do you realize that I worked in the electronics department in Walmart in late 1997?

So I heard that song a few times.

Murder
In
The
Face

Posted by: Jay at January 27, 2011 1:58 PM

Everywhere I go these days there's this poster of Anthony Hopkins staring at me from inside some sort of dried blood encrusted orifice. Why?

Posted by: sansho1 at January 27, 2011 2:08 PM

I have seen several of the 27b/6 posts on other blogs but never knew it was the same guy doing all of them. Thank you for clearing this up.

Posted by: schrome at January 27, 2011 2:09 PM

Did anyone else see the 60 Minutes about Superior Autobiographical Memory, and how Marilu Henner totally has it? It was fascinating:
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7166313n

Posted by: bostonadrianne at January 27, 2011 2:10 PM

Book-a-Minute is the best thing I've seen this week. I knew I wasn't crazy for thinking The Tempest has one plot point and one plot reversal. "Smite my enemies--fuck it, I'm going home."

Posted by: Robert at January 27, 2011 2:11 PM

YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!! Victory tastes like lemon meths.

Posted by: jM at January 27, 2011 2:13 PM

We should name this Con Air Appreciation Week. Just look at Nic's glorious flowing locks. Makes me cry, it's so beautiful.

Posted by: Dingle Berry at January 27, 2011 2:17 PM

Damn, I got really excited about the possibility of JGL and Olyphant in a movie together, and then I found out it's a sequel for Women in Trouble. That movie sucked.

Posted by: Melissa at January 27, 2011 2:18 PM

I can't express how much I love David Thorne.

Posted by: brite at January 27, 2011 2:23 PM

jM Imma mayo up your panda and go to Chinatown on it.

Posted by: Ian at January 27, 2011 2:32 PM

We should name this Con Air Appreciation Week. Just look at Nic's glorious flowing locks. Makes me cry, it's so beautiful.

I second the motion. Con Air Appreciation Week rocks!

Posted by: MM at January 27, 2011 2:34 PM

Man, I thought a Star Wars bathrobe was a great idea. Then I clicked on the link. How can you ruin that? Don't use Yoda as the basis for your design! He was itty-bitty. Use Obi-Wan. His robes looked way comfier.

Posted by: Jeni at January 27, 2011 2:38 PM

YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!! Victory tastes like lemon meths.

Posted by: jM at January 27, 2011 2:13 PM

...and mustard.

Posted by: Jadine at January 27, 2011 2:39 PM

My only problem about naming this Con Air Appreciation Week is that it's already Thursday, and I fear Con Air is being shortchanged.

Posted by: Siege at January 27, 2011 2:46 PM

Marilu Henner doesn't need any meth to play crazy. The woman is insane. She believes cheese will kill you.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 27, 2011 2:49 PM

Greatest pick up line ever: "Move over. This is your President." -LBJ

Thank you cracked.com

Posted by: L4NkYb at January 27, 2011 3:20 PM

Reading this column is like trying to read Ted Casablanca over at E!... I need a thesaurus for all the "cool" made up words I don't understand.

Posted by: snapnhiss at January 27, 2011 3:23 PM

Yay! Froot Loops made the cut!

Posted by: Slash at January 27, 2011 3:45 PM

That Oregon Trail news totally MADE MY WEEK. I cannot wait to kill endless hours at work playing that!

And that timelapse video was also insanely cool.

Posted by: Gabs at January 27, 2011 3:47 PM

Note to world: do not piss off David Thorne. He is a mighty god of sarcasm and he will smite you in your hurty place.

Posted by: Lauren at January 27, 2011 3:53 PM

The book-a-minute Tale of Two Cities was fantastic.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 27, 2011 3:59 PM

That's JGL as a sleazy blogger? Rawr.

Posted by: denesteak at January 27, 2011 4:34 PM

My favourite so far is A Christmas Carol.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 27, 2011 4:38 PM

They can take our lives. They can take our freedom. But they can't take...OUR MUSTARD!!!!

Oh, wait they totally can. Eh, there's always hot sauce. Hot sauce on potato chips. mmmmmmmm. Hot sauce on cold pizza yeah. Hot sauce on red beans and rice. Gotta go eat now.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at January 27, 2011 6:11 PM

Yes, there is such a thing as edible cake glitter. And yes, fondant is quite yummy if it's homemade - it's similar to a vanilla tootsie roll. The problem is, if you try to eat the fondant unicorn's brains, you will probably die of insulin shock with your jaws permanently cemented together with marshmallow and confectioner's sugar. Wilton classes FTW.

Posted by: Kris at January 27, 2011 10:30 PM

Joanna, you keep me rollin in JGL news and photos and I will love you for FOREVER (I'm really very easy).

I cannot wait for Oregon Trail and Carmen Sandiego! I'm gonna party like its 1992.

Posted by: Even Stevens at January 27, 2011 11:57 PM

CAPS LOCK PANDA LOVES MAYO!

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 28, 2011 4:53 AM