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When It Doesn’t “Hurt so Good”

By Dr. Pisaster | Posted Under Pajiba Dirty Talk | Comments (23)



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A lot of sites have picked up on the fact that in the National Sex Survey that came out a few months ago, about a third of women reported pain during sex. As I noted at the time, only a very small percentage reported severe pain — for most the pain was mild to moderate, and probably wasn’t as big a deal to the women reporting it as it was to bloggers, but there is a small number of women for whom sex is so painful it’s virtually impossible. I don’t just mean during transient yeast infections or during an STI outbreak, but chronically. There are a number of possible causes for such pain, and in some cases no cause is known, but there are treatment options depending on the type of pain.

There are three main types of sexual pain for women, pain during sex only, vulvodynia, which is a fancy name for chronic vulvular pain, and vaginismus, which involves involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vaginal walls. These are not by any means mutually exclusive - clenching of the vaginal muscles before penetration, for instance, is a common response to other types of pain. I am going to assume that anyone reading who’s dealing with this type of pain has already ruled out the obvious possibilities like STIs and chronic yeast infections (and lubrication - people love to suggest that one like women somehow don’t notice when they aren’t wet). The other possible causes are less common, and unfortunately often trickier to treat. Vulvodynia can be caused in some cases by a localized allergic reaction or sensitivity to something, such as bath soap or clothing detergent. The first step in looking for a cause is to eliminate this possibility. It can also be caused by injury or irritation of the vulvular nerves. There are medications that can be used to treat nerve pain (some antidepressants for example). In some cases this type of pain can also be caused by a disease called lichen schlerosus, which is thought to be an autoimmune disorder that most commonly affects the vulva. It is sometimes visible as patchy white skin in the affected area. This disease can be detected with a tissue biopsy, and treatment involves the use of cortical steroid creams. There are also some medications that can help.

Pain during sex (usually penetrative) that is not related to inflammation or pain in the vulva has numerous possible causes. Endometriosis, a condition in which uterine tissue grows in other parts of the body, can cause pain during sex. This condition can sometimes be detected via pelvic ultrasound, but the most definitive diagnostic tool is surgical biopsy. Endometriosis cannot be cured, but again there are medications to help mitigate its symptoms. Hysterectomy is also an option if you aren’t planning on having children (or more children). Another possible cause is ovarian cysts. Cysts can be removed surgically, although other treatment may be needed as well if the cysts are caused by an underlying condition such as polycystic ovary syndrome. Pain during sex can also be caused by chronic inflammation of the urethra or bladder. Again, these can be hard to treat, but medication to reduce the frequency of urination and relieve pain (certain antidepressants seem to work well to do both these things) can help. In cases where the cause remains unknown, medications such as hormone therapy, anti-inflammatories, and tricyclic antidepressants may be tried. (Antidepressants can be effective, by the way, not because the problem is all in your head, but because they affect other parts of the body besides the brain. They’re actually commonly used to treat a number of physical disorders.)

Unlike the other two, vaginismus doesn’t really have any known causes. In some cases it may be a response to past trauma or a reaction to pain, but it frequently occurs without these factors. If trauma is a factor, then seeing a mental health professional may help, but the most effective treatment is physical therapy (yes they have physical therapists for that). In fact, physical therapy can be effective in treating the other types of sexual pain as well. If nothing else has helped to relieve your pain or you are reluctant to try medication, I strongly urge you to consider physical therapy. A physical therapist will conduct a physical examination to determine the condition of you muscles, skin, and mucosa and locate tender areas. Depending on your condition, they may try a variety of approaches, including exercises to strengthen or relax the muscles surrounding the vagina, massage and manual manipulation of tissues, biofeedback, and electrical stimulation. In the case of vaginismus, dilators to accustom the vagina the entry are often used. Letting a stranger work around in your business may seem uncomfortable, but it really is an effective treatment for many women with vulvular or vaginal pain. This site has information on how to find a pelvic floor physical therapist in your area.

As a final note, if you are dealing with chronic pain during sexual activity and are in a relationship, obviously it can have a huge impact on your partner as well. It’s important to try to maintain physical intimacy, even if this doesn’t involve penetrative sex. Any sexual activity that doesn’t hurt and doesn’t leave you and your partner frustrated is a good idea. Even if you can’t handle any genital contact, there are still other ways to stay close. Maybe you could give them oral or manual sex in exchange for a really great backrub, for example. The important thing is to try to make sure your partner is a sexually satisfied as possible (opening up the relationship may also be an option for some couples) and that you two are maintaining at least some sort of physical interaction, sexual or otherwise. Seeing a therapist (the mental kind) separately or together may also be a good idea, since the mental strain of dealing with chronic sexual pain is difficult for both those suffering from it and their partners.

Dr. Pisaster has a doctorate in biophysics, not actually anything sexy. She does however enjoy having sex, reading about sex, and talking about sex. Especially when she’s had a little whiskey.









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Comments

I dealt with endometriosis for years with constant pain. I grew tired of doctors trying to convince me that a chemically induced menopause was my only option. So I did my own research and found articles on wheat allergies and wheat intolerance. I decided to try a wheat-free diet. The next month I had NO pain. Three months later I was able to get pregnant. It is now 4 years later and I've not had any pain since giving up wheat.

Posted by: lavicious jackson at January 4, 2011 4:45 PM

Thank you for this. My partner suffers with vulvodynia, and it is a major source of frustration for her. It has taken us several years, but we are finally at a point where we have workable solutions.

Posted by: Brenton at January 4, 2011 4:54 PM

How incredibly odd that this article would be in here today of all days. My girlfriend and I literally just found out a few hours ago that she is going to have to get a hysterectomy due to Endometriosis. Thankfully we both didn't want any more kids and she actually wanted a hysterectomy already but her insurance wouldn't cover it, but will now.

Posted by: notmynormalhandle at January 4, 2011 5:36 PM

I don't have problems with pain, per se, but a burning sensation. Sometimes it occurs after sex if we try to have intercourse more than once. But sometimes it starts during intercourse the first time around. It usually gets so bad that I have to stop. We've never really identified a cause or noticed any similar factors when it does occur. If anyone has any ideas, I'd be happy to hear them. Otherwise, I just thank my lucky stars that it's not chronic or completely debillitating.

Posted by: elsie at January 4, 2011 5:36 PM

I forgot to mention that my husband and I always wash ourselves before sex because we thought it might be sweat that bothers me (and because it's just nice to be clean) and it makes no difference to the burning sensation.

Posted by: elsie at January 4, 2011 6:14 PM

Elsie,

I experienced something similar with my boyfriend in the first year of our relationship. I would have a strong burning sensation in my vagina after sex or even before we had a chance to finish. It was very uncomfortable and completely ruined the mood. There was no other apparent cause; no new detergent, tighter pants, or yeast infection. When I realized that the burning sensation had started happening after we stopped using condoms, I poked around online and discovered that it might be possible to have something akin to allergic reactions to a new partner's sperm.

After about a year, my body became accustomed to my boyfriend's sperm, and I have not had a bad reaction since.

Posted by: Dane at January 4, 2011 7:53 PM

At first I read that "cysts can be removed magically" and for the 2.5 seconds that it took my logical brain to take over, you totally blew my mind.

Posted by: UMG at January 4, 2011 8:17 PM

Elsie, I'm thinking sperm allergy too. I have the same thing and--TMI--it can also cause temporary skin discoloration for me. Like I have a sunburn.

Posted by: Tibbi at January 4, 2011 9:17 PM

Dana:

Well, my husband and I have been married for 16 years now and we have never, ever used condoms so I don't hold out hope of "getting used" to it. I've always joked with my husband that I'm allergic to him - maybe it's so. I guess one of these days I'll bring it up with my doctor.

Posted by: elsie at January 4, 2011 9:19 PM

Also, reading up on it a little just now confirmed my suspicions that an allergy is very likely to result in fertility problems. I have 2 kids. Although, hubby and I had unprotected sex for years and years without getting pregant so maybe those were just 2 super duper extra special sperm.

Posted by: elsie at January 4, 2011 9:32 PM

I was recently in a relationship with a girl (almost two years). It was very rare that she didn't experience pain during the first penetration. She also believes that she is gluten/wheat intolerant (I concur). It took a couple of months just trying to have sex. Finally, after I went down on her something awesome we were able to have sex (still with pain). Her first sexual experience was rape (every kind you can imagine) at gunpoint. Condoms and lubricant usually helped, but not always. She really didn't like any position except her on top of me. I assumed it gave her some sense of control. We tried others, but she didn't like those. I never got her off except by going down on her (her complications mixed with my low stamina).

But, she cheated on me and started fucking some other guy. Apparently, he can be on top with no problems. I'm not huge or anything, so I don't get it. We were passionate, we were in love (at some point), and I did tons of things to relax her.

I don't get it.

Posted by: jaja at January 5, 2011 1:21 AM

Seastar - that last paragraph is very likely my favorite thing you've ever written in these columns. I can't claim that a willing attitude is any guarantee that a relationship will improve, but it certainly will kill one post haste if the unwilling attitude takes over.

Wish I could open a clinic where I said only one thing: 'I don't care what the reason is, if you're withholding sex, you're being intractable and almost guarantee a lack of good faith in your relationship.' With so much of sex being psychological, the fact you make the effort for the other person can mean far more than 'getting them off'. And ugh...sex as a reward for jumping through arbitrary hoops is lame.

Posted by: replica at January 5, 2011 2:42 AM

I get pain during sex with my boyfriend of over a year. Enough time to have adjusted if I'm irritated by his sperms or something.

It doesn't happen every time we have sex but when it does it can often be irritating enough that I cant orgasm.

When we have sex, I have to, while he's inside me, stimulate myself externally, and intentionally tense my pelvic muscles around him. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy him plenty without needing to do those things and I'm not that concerned about cumming every time, but when I do want to cum, those are the things I do.

This irritation will always intensify when I tense my muscles around him and with him obviously thrusting, it just makes it worse, and can often derail an orgasm completely.

I feel I know myself well enough to know our problem is not lubrication, nor is his impressive size and length the cause as I've never had any problems with being too tight or tense for him.

We're always comfortable with how we fit, shall we say, and I know I said tensing those muscles makes the pain more acute, but...I cant explain it that well but I KNOW his size isn't the problem. It's almost like he SOMETIMES hit's a bundle of nerves that's wired a little wrong.

Like many of you I feel certain it's not an infection of any kind, or at least not one that has A SINGLE OTHER SYMPTOM.

I'm glad to know this is common though, and that fellow Jibette's have gone through it (not because I want you to suffer) because it means I'm not a freak and all weird and shit.

Posted by: It is Me at January 5, 2011 10:18 AM

Interesting article but I'm kinda wondering why it's on this site.

However, as someone who's suffered from severe endometriosis since high school, I appreciate you keeping the public informed, men and women. From my very first symptoms, the lack of understanding from women in particular astonished me. I was reprimanded for being weak, wimpy, looking for attention, told to just suck it up. Look, I had normal periods for about a year, I know what normal cramps feel like. After that, I felt like I was harboring an Alien inside my gut; I'd claw at my abdomen and writhe in agony on the floor, and the amount of blood was ungodly. Sex was no fun; trips to the OB-GYN were a nightmare because NONE of them (all women) took my pain during the examination seriously. Oddly enough it was always my boyfriends who were most sympathetic. Thank you, ex-sweeties, for standing by me while I chugged Jack Daniels, swallowed handfuls of Vicodin and screamed for death to take me, every month, sometimes twice.

Being young enough to still have kids, I wasn't willing to have my uterus cauterized just yet (my sister had it done for her symptoms--thanks for the crappy reproductive health genes, Mom), but found a "cure" after a car accident. My thyroid stopped working and hey-oh, no more periods! Of course, I got fat as hell and slept all the time, which just resulted in other health problems.

I finally found a decent doctor who understood my problem and doesn't treat me like a nutjob when I talk about the pain.

Posted by: DeadBessie at January 5, 2011 10:19 AM

DeadBessie: "Interesting article but I'm kinda wondering why it's on this site."

Hum, new tagline? "Shush, Grown Ups are talking."

Facinating article, Dr. P., as always. I also experience mild pain. I usually associate it with:

Not really in the mood, but want to please darling hubby.
Not enough lube.
Allergic to condoms. (Yeah, there's a reason hubby's been my one and only.)

Posted by: BWeaves at January 5, 2011 10:28 AM

Yes, BWeaves, I can read. Setting aside the fact that I liked the article and I'm not a big fan of the new tagline (it strikes me as condescending which seems like a ineffective way to attract new people), I was simply surprised to find what is essentially a medical article on a site devoted to entertainment. I don't see that the tagline explains much.

Posted by: DeadBessie at January 5, 2011 12:12 PM

DeadBessie, I can't really explain *why* these articles are published here. I just know that Dr. Pisaster has been writing sex related articles undr the heading "Pajiba Dirty Talk" every Tuesday for the past several months. I'm pretty sure there is a link to the archives under one of the menus at the top (I can't check right now as I'm surfing on my phone).

Posted by: elsie at January 5, 2011 1:11 PM

Elsie that's silly, your phone will get wet and then how will you call Dick Van Dyke to get the porpoises to come and save you

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Posted by: Emily at January 6, 2011 1:18 AM

Very long term lurker (I've read the site every day for at least 5 years but never commented!) drawn out of the shadows by a topic that hit very close to home.

Vulvodynia made my first experiences of sex very difficult and painful. After many different doctors I was finally able to find someone who actually had idea of what I was going through and was able to treat the condition. I went through several years of treatment, including surgery. I also found yoga to be really helpful. For me finding the right partner was the final piece of the puzzle, and the sex is now great!

My advice for anyone feeling pain during sex is to do something about it. It might take some time and effort to find the right doctor, but its definitely worth it - this is not something you should put up with. I would also recommend checking out this website, especially if you're in Australia:

www.vulvodynia.com.au

Thanks for writing this article, Dr P. I've really loved your columns, and was hoping that one day you would right this exact story!

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