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Popcorn Girls

By Dr. Pisaster | Posted Under Pajiba Dirty Talk | Comments (29)



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There’s a lot of advice out there on the web on how to give women multiple orgasms, most of which is just your standard sex advice for hetero men trumped up with a promise of more orgasms if you just invest more time. But really, there’s only one surefire way to give a woman a multiple orgasms: 1. find a woman who is naturally multiorgasmic and 2. have sex with her. Sex writers are fond of saying that all women have the potential for multiple orgasms, but the truth is that women, as we’ve noted many times before, are highly variable. Some women are naturally prone to multiples, some can have them with lots of work, some will be too worn out after one to want to try for more, and some will struggle to have even one. Multiple orgasms are cool and all, but we should focus less on having more orgasms than the next girl and more on having orgasms in whatever way makes us happy.

Multiple orgasms are usually divided into two types - sequential and serial. Sequential, or repeated, orgasms involve a return to a plateau phase of low arousal after an initial orgasm, followed by another rise to the peak of orgasm if stimulation is continued. The refractory period — the time between orgasms — varies from woman to woman, ranging from a few minutes to many. How easily a woman will have sequential multiples in a sexual encounter depends on the length of her refractory period. In fact, in this respect, women’s orgasms aren’t all that different from a man’s. After all, if you wait long enough after a man has had an orgasm and stimulate him again there’s a good chance he can have another one. The main difference is that for many women this refractory period is shorter than for men and doesn’t involve losing the ability to have sex, so they can have several in a single encounter while men have to take a break in between (unless the man manages to orgasm without ejaculating, which can occur with prostate orgasms or some tantric techniques). In the other type of multiple orgasms, serial orgasms, the refractory period is extremely short or even nonexistent, with no detectable plateau phase between orgasms. Serial orgasms come in rapid succession, separated by only seconds and in some cases coming so close together that it feels to the woman experiencing them like one long, continuous orgasm. This type is more rare than the first, and can’t be induced with skill or patience alone - the woman has to be naturally inclined to them.

Why multiple orgasms are an everyday experience for some women and a lost cause for others is still unclear. They aren’t uncommon - one study found that 42.7% of 805 respondents had experience with multiple orgasms. (Although these orgasms did not always occur during penetrative sex, but in some cases only during masturbation or foreplay — another reason not to skimp on the foreplay). Another found that 30 out of the 100 women surveyed had experienced multiple orgasms of each other 10 percent of the time during masturbation. The first of these surveys found that women who were multiorgasmic were slightly less inhibited sexually than their singly-orgasmic counterparts. They were more likely to masturbate and to have explored a variety of sexual stimuli. The differences in these variables, however, although significant, aren’t big enough, to explain why some women achieved multiple orgasms while the others didn’t. I couldn’t find any papers to support this, but personally my money’s on genetics. I’m basing this purely on anecdotal evidence, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most of the women on my mother’s side of the family tend to have multiple orgasms. (A bottle of wine and my scientific curiosity got the better of me one night. One of these days I will learn not to drink with my mother.) I suspect that if they asked around a lot of women would find that their ability to orgasm is similar to that of other women in their families.

Before you start cursing your ancestors for screwing you out of the multiorgasmic experience, though, please note that multiple orgasms aren’t necessarily better orgasms. Although some women who experience them report that successive orgasms are stronger than the first, there’s no objective evidence for this (and some women actually feel they are weaker). Measurements of blood flow and oxygen levels in the vagina during orgasm show no distinction between initial and subsequent orgasms. Furthermore, multiorgasmic women often report a physiological need to have more than one orgasm (85.8 percent of them, according to the first study mentioned above). I can verify this from personal experience — a single orgasm would just leave me frustrated and craving more. If one orgasm leaves you satisfied and happy, then extras are just a bonus, but for many women who experience multiples, those extras are necessary for sexual satisfaction. Having one or just a few for some women is just as bad as having none is for others. (On the other hand, some women report satisfaction after sexual encounters even when they don’t orgasm, so if you have trouble coming but still feel satisfied after sex, you’re not alone. Orgasms are just the icing on your personal cake.)

Orgasms are wonderful. They’re wonderful whether one leaves you so breathless you don’t want to do anything but relax and go to sleep and they’re wonderful when you have them over and over again. Whatever type you have is probably the type your personal physiology is designed for. If you want to try to extend your pleasure and experience multiple orgasms, then continued stimulation is the best way to go (or if you’re too sensitive after one, then a break followed by more stimulation when your body calms down), but if you find you or your partner can’t have them don’t worry too much that you’re missing out on anything. All that matters, is that you get however many leave you feeling satisfied, whether that’s none, one, ten, or fifty.

Dr. Pisaster has a doctorate in biophysics, not actually anything sexy. She does however enjoy having sex, reading about sex, and talking about sex. Especially when she’s had a little whiskey.









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Comments

The search for just one orgasm is a worthy endeavor. Like searching for the Holy Grail, I must cross deserts, journey through forgotten caves and treacherous castles, and occasionally have to battle Nazis to drink from that wondrous chalice (last week wife and I even had a motorboat chase...heh...)

Don't even bring this up to wife; she's already capable of turning me to dust with a glance.

Posted by: superasente at September 7, 2010 5:08 PM

Currently formatted, the last line reads "...-another reason not to skimp on the foreplay)James Franco likes to masturbate"

Hee hee

Posted by: Ian at September 7, 2010 5:17 PM

I've known a couple of women who orgasmed simply from a nicely brewed cup of coffee let alone once in bed, but for the most part, getting a single orgasm out of a woman is usually an arduous and delicate task. one wrong move along the way resets everything to start. I get tired of the number of articles out there telling women to expect multiple orgasms, and telling men they ought to be delivering multiple orgasms to their women.

Posted by: idleprimate at September 7, 2010 5:36 PM

This reminds me of three things:

1. Ah, orgasms. Of all (3) of my sexual partners, only one has brought me to an orgasm, and he had help from one of those nifty little finger-vibrator-majiggers. And that was once. I've had awesome foreplay, but average-to-terrible sex. It makes no sense, I'm a good person, I have great karma, and I hold doors open all the damn time and I don't complain as much anymore when people say 'irregardless'. But still, I find the only person who can bring me to orgasm everytime, is me.

2. A friend and I have decided to go on a hunt for the man who's old enough to do it right, but young enough to do it often. I'm sure he's out there, but married, gay, dead, or completely unnappealing.

3. ALSO, there needs to be a sign on women that lets men (or women) know how arduous getting an orgasm out of her will be. There should be a sign on men that let's women (or men) know how good they are at actually having sex.

Posted by: Brittany at September 7, 2010 6:01 PM

Now I'm just curious about how they do these tests about heart and brain activity during sex or orgasms. Do they just strap a bunch of electrodes and ask the person to have sex? Does someone...watch? Who are the volunteers? I'm strangely amused and fascinated by the idea.

Posted by: figgy at September 7, 2010 6:05 PM

Like a degree-of-difficulty rating?

No, I think that would just make some guys try too hard when it's not all their fault. Like if you had a shitty day, and weren't really in the mood, but you were the proverbial bunny slope of orgasm, and the guy decided he wasn't going to get laughed off the mountain.

Posted by: Wednesday at September 7, 2010 6:09 PM

Figgy, pretty much yeah. To all of them. Also they sometimes have people have sex in an MRI. I have no idea how, but I've seen the scans.

Posted by: (Not so)Blonde Savant at September 7, 2010 6:15 PM

So what's the average length of an orgasm? I can stretch one out (with battery operated assistance) to about 6 - 7 minutes.

Posted by: snapnhiss at September 7, 2010 6:16 PM

But really, there’s only one surefire way to give a woman a multiple orgasms: 1. find a woman who is naturally multiorgasmic and 2. have sex with her.

Actually, according to the latest research, the most effective way for a woman to have multiple orgasms is to have sex with me. The Bullet makes the pussy smoke.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at September 7, 2010 6:33 PM

I think we are responsible for our own orgasm. Some men know what will work for you but sometimes they require guidance/instruction to know what is going to get you there. I really think that you have to tell your partner exactly what pleases you, they're not clairvoyant.

Posted by: Jadine at September 7, 2010 6:39 PM

Amen, Jadine. Every person is different and what worked for partner A won't necessarily work for partner B. If someone gets used to doing that thing that partner A really felt was special, they might not know that partner B detests it unless partner B communicates. And maybe partner B loves something that partner C did that partner D doesn't even know about.

Partner E is right out!

But yes, communication is key.

Posted by: superasente at September 7, 2010 7:25 PM

All sound, scientific, measured, and reasonable.

That said, I still can't help feeling much more sexually satisfied on those occasions in which I've induced multiple orgasms. I.e., quantifiably satisfying my partner more just appeals to this former mathematician's brain. That impulse is also probably highly linked to an early experience with one specific person, but I can't shake it as a worthy and pleasing sexual goal.

Posted by: The Guy Too Embarrassed To Use His Regular Handle at September 7, 2010 7:52 PM

Still stuck on the "blood flow and oxygen levels in the vagina during orgasm" part. The visual I get is so disturbing it would make for an excellent porn movie.

Posted by: balenga at September 7, 2010 8:24 PM


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Posted by: yutatr at September 7, 2010 8:58 PM

I'm all over the board, orgasmically speaking.

I've only had a few partners bring me to orgasm, and it was always through oral. Fortunately, I seem to attract partners who are big fans of giving oral.

However, when I do orgasm with a partner, I have multiples. It really seems like I'm just coming constantly until they stop, which is fun most of the time but things can get oversensitive after a while.

When I masturbate, I can have multiples, but they're sequential and not serial. Vibrators I've tried really don't do much besides feel good.

One of the interesting things about orgasms with a partner is that I didn't have any until I was 19, although I have been giving myself orgasms for my entire life. I chalk that up to being more comfortable with my own body, as well as guys having figured out girly bits better by that age.

Posted by: That Girl at September 7, 2010 9:53 PM

Figgy, if you find that interesting, you should really read Bonk by Mary Roach. Not only is it a fascinating read, Mary herself has sex in an MRI with her husband For Science!!

Posted by: John G. at September 7, 2010 10:47 PM

I hereby offer myself as a test subject for any such experiments the Pajibettes would care to conduct, anywhere and anytime. For the standard $500/hour fee. Hey, I can get more from Kendle, I'm being generous here.

Posted by: , at September 7, 2010 10:53 PM

For Science!!
---
For duty and humanity!!

Posted by: , at September 7, 2010 10:54 PM

I am LUCKY, oh so lucky....lalalalalala!

It's damn simple boys. Do stuff. Ask if she likes it. If she doesn't, stop. if she does, keep doing it.

I find this advice works mighty fine the other way round too.

Mostly don't lie or fake it. Lying is dumb and counterproductive to the whole idea of intimacy.

Posted by: Stacy D at September 7, 2010 11:30 PM


I guess I'm a Sequential girl. I can give James Franco a run for his money when I have an hour or so to myself. I don't know how it works for sex though; I've never had one with a guy in the same room. I'm pretty sure that a lot of it has to do with comfort level and communicating what I want. I think things will change now that I'm older, wiser, and have permanently ridden myself of the long term idiot who (swear to Godtopus) told me mid-coitus that I "should be a director", because I was trying to give him some guidance.

The asshat actually had the gall to complain when I was trying to get what I want. Yeah, we may be responsible for our own orgasms, but I'm pretty sure it would be awfully nice to meet someone who gave a shit in the first place.

So I wait, hoping that someday I too will meet this Unicorn, this mythical man who can spare enough time and effort to help me along in my quest, or in the very least, give some quality cuddle time and make me the occasional sandwich.

Posted by: Kali at September 7, 2010 11:39 PM

Awwww, Cali, you will, you will. And he will find you an eighth wonder, and give you silly nicknames like Baker's Dozen and Pinball Machine and make you laugh and eat soup with you. It's a lovely thing.

Posted by: Stacy D at September 7, 2010 11:44 PM

the long term idiot who (swear to Godtopus) told me mid-coitus that I "should be a director", because I was trying to give him some guidance.

On behalf of guys everywhere, we are officially revoking this jackass' status in the brotherhood.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at September 8, 2010 12:11 AM

This is only the second of these sex talks I've read. Not ever or will I read self-help books, sexual or otherwise, but this was nice enough. I did read most of Sin and Syntax because of you gang, but now it's just a bathroom book sitting under a stack of alumni mags and Poetry monthlies. It's good, don't get me wrong, and I'll finish it in about 2 years. In the meantime, I'll check out another couple of these columns.

I dig the postponed orgasm. What I know of the intensity of the thing being greater entails delaying the ejaculation. Pulling out midcoitus is the most amateur of techniques to give it a breather, but mine revolves around tantricky exploits. About 5 year ago, I gained the ability to come without shooting, even multiple times in a single throw of the sheets. Without reading a book, it arose from the anxiety of getting a girl pregnant even with 99.9 percent protection, and the flexing of the muscles at and above the prostate and shaft. I don't know what the muscles are called, but at 29 yrs, I can do sit ups and autonomous flicks just with muscle control.

No, I'm not skinflick material. So that's not me you're streaming.

Wanting to toot my own horn, very few women have expressed anything less than a desire to continue what we're doing, and it was recent as a month ago that I was able to go 8 times in one day: maybe 2-3 of those were little 10 minute rolls. The ones that expressed less than that had things like people waiting on them or were otherwise in a state of transition. I would never guarantee that I could get your mind off your troubles if you do not desire to. I'd imagine that of the women polled, many of them lack the capacity to sit outside of themselves and be a purely physical creature. I'm not saying that all women should have this goal; some women are very sexy being strong or technical or iconic all the time. But I have been able to fuck like a monkey since about 2002, although prior to turning 18, there weren't a lot of opportunities to bump twice in a row. So who knows what might have been?

(You are totes correcto that some women don't like to have sex for long periods of time. Trouble walking has been a complaint, twice unique) Sorry for your delicate sexist sensibilities, DR. I'm fereals no dope telling the truth)

But what I do when I have sex is have fun. When I used to use smoke a lot with sex, I learned to give way completely to the physical and explore with words and hands and all her bits and mine. Games and play and public places and danger. There's no advice for communicating your desires-- it's experience. And of everything I had to work on, that was the last thing I could do with any results. It doesn't really help to get a freak, or at least it never helped me.

What helps is that I have a much stronger memory for physical references than I do for actual events of my life. This isn't really something I'm proud of, nor it is wholly a social skill, but it's how I've wired my brain so now I don't use or require smoke, yet can still induce the sexeh high. Just beware that all of this happened after nearly 20 years now of sexual awareness, but I only became aware of the extent until this ability was fully fledged. It is a boon as well as a curse.

Pisaster is right when she says that you should just have sex that makes you happy. Better yet, that you should try to be happy and not worry so much about sex. You might run in to someone who makes the mutual surrender to the fun and the animal and the spiritual components appeal to you when it never has. You might also repeat a vacuous ritual, sporty as it may be. Overall, it hasn't brought me more joy even with a small backlog of mind-blowing experience. If i may urge a word of caution, I think it prevents me from maintaining a connection with one woman. I know, 'just a man blaming his willpower.' My sex life has intermittently great and out of mind, but it hasn't big picture helped to know where her buttons are and to chameleonize when I find someone new. I am still unmarried and have little to no interest in getting married. I won't say the correlation to marriage is strong for all cases, but being good at sex is one of the 5 contributing factors to why I probably ever won't.

As a footnote, if she's or you're on certain meds, it might be crazy in bed, but won't nothing give you more than passing surges unlike actual orgasms-which might be enough for you.

And if this can be at all redemptive, the best one I experienced was with the girl I most loved and nothing more than entering.

Posted by: Jackseppelin at September 8, 2010 12:18 AM

It's damn simple boys. Do stuff. Ask if she likes it. If she doesn't, stop. if she does, keep doing it.

__________________

Stacy D,

Yeah, nothing gets a woman hotter in bed than some guy constantly asking, "Is this okay?" or "How's this?" or "Does this feel good?" Just do it and talk about it LATER. If you don't like what your partner is doing, guide them to another area/position/hole and talk about it LATER. Or ask for permission beforehand, i.e. if it's okay to stick it in her butt. You really, really, really don't want to debut that move without warning.

Posted by: Kballs at September 8, 2010 8:22 AM

Kballs, I would disagree. It's only a turn-off if it's asked nervously-- I love being asked how things are when it's done in a straightforward manner. Then again, I am a huge advocate of communication during sex, which ranges from filthy dirty talk to discussions about what I want to try. Also, it's easy to tell when I'm enjoying myself and when I'm trying to remember if I set the DVR.

If you're not having sex with a partner you can communicate with effectively while in bed, you probably should look at whether or not you should be having sex with them.

(Disclaimer: I'm not saying that people who don't talk through all of their activities shouldn't get laid. There are a lot of ways to communicate, and if it isn't happening at all then there's a problem.)

Posted by: That Girl at September 8, 2010 9:54 AM

I'm sort of the woman and Mrs. , is the man in the relationship. I like the loooooong foreplay and the oral and the delayed gratification. She gets hot fast, comes quick and wants to go to sleep.

Together 28 years, we've compromised, obviously.

Posted by: , at September 8, 2010 10:52 AM

Well, thank goodness I don't have to compare my orgasms to those of other women! Because, really, I've gotten enough pressure to compare my shape, my skin, my clothes, my hair, my education, my finances, my parenting, etc., and I don't think I'd react any better to being told I didn't measure up to someone else sexually when I know for a fact I have a magic pussy.* Either that, or I've dated a lot of liars. It wouldn't surprise me.

Orgasm isn't the be all/end all for me in sex. In fact, I'd rather be turned on for a very long time than to have one orgasm. Getting there isn't half the fun; it's most of the fun. No idea why, but I'm totally fine with it. Heck, I can derive sexual pleasure from reading, which is certainly cleaner and can be done on the lunch hour without renting a room. Mind you, a strong orgasm is wonderful. It's just not necessary for me to have a good time.

*My husband and I came up with the worst children's book title ever: Magic Pussy and the Perfect Junk. About a junkyard cat who finds wonderful things to play with, of course...

Posted by: Reba at September 8, 2010 3:48 PM

So I wonder if I implied that the trick was the real time porny talk, "Oh Baby, you like that, huh?" Nahhhhhh....I guess if I'm doffing pants with someone on a regular basis the subject comes up of "Damn When You Did That I Almost Passed Out." Later, before, during, I'm all about the verbal and nonverbal compliments. If I'm fucking someone whether it's serious or not adult activities require adult discussions.

I can thank one of my favorire exboyfriends ever for this. He wanted to um, get to know me and was really sweet and funny about it. When I wouldn't talk about The Subject he pulled out a pad of paper and basically interviewed me. He would ask incredibly filthy questions, make me crack up, and then make wry observations and asides about my answers. Then he looked at me direct and said, "You know, Stacy, if you can't ask for what you want in life you're going to get nothing but the opposite." Then he wrecked that room. What a man.

This isn't a scoreboard or boomchicka mow. If you come not at all or I come buying up aaaaaalll the vowels in the bonus round. I'm just saying you it's better when you ask for what you want. Good things happen.

Posted by: Stacy D at September 11, 2010 4:53 AM

I gotta agree with Stacey. Guys *want* to please their partner (by and large, we're not including douche bags in this conversation - since you're too cool to choose a douchebag as a sexual partner, riiight?) so they will try to please you. The will look for cues as to what works with you (ladies) but its a two way street. You have to give cues back. Telling a guy what he's doing is 'great' when it's not, because you're too shy to say otherwise, really won't help you. Cos he will just keep doing what you told him was great. Every.Time.

Yes, we're all agreed that advice is obvious, but surprisingly a lot of women would rather be polite than considered a poor sexual partner. And I concur with the earlier comment about men not being clairvoyant...

http://thefacebookaffair.blogspot.com/

Posted by: JoJo at September 11, 2010 7:05 PM