Pajiba Dirty Talk: Accessorizing Sex
Many years ago, right around this time of year, I bought a sexy Mrs. Santa outfit in hopes of reigniting what had become a lukewarm (actually, more like ice cold) sex life with my ex. It was my one and only attempt at a sexy costume, but it’s far from the only time I’ve worn something with the intent of keeping it on during sex. Not because I want to cover anything up, but because sometimes a little bit of clothing can spice things up in ways both obvious and subtle. There are basically four reasons women, at least, wear clothes or accessories during sex: to disguise perceived flaws, as part of role-playing, because things are heating up too quickly to disrobe completely (or because the participants want to evoke that feeling), and finally, as a way to actually emphasize their nudity.
Unfortunately, given how body conscious many of us are, the first reason is likely the most common. There’s no real scientific studies on this, but a poll last year by the admittedly most likely biased website MyCelebrityFashion.co.uk found that 48% of women wore at least one item of clothing during sex, most of them to “improve body confidence,” which could be interpreted as meaning “I don’t like how this part of me looks naked.” While I can’t find any similar surveys about men, I’d venture to guess that in our six-pack obsessed culture there are those who feel uncomfortable being completely naked as well. In a perfect world, we’d all be able to take for granted that the person sleeping with us found us attractive enough to want to see us naked. Sadly, not only is insecurity pounded into us, both men and women, from every side, but the truth is there are a lot of dicks out there who actually will insult the very people who’ve been kind enough to fuck them because they don’t match an impossible ideal. Wearing something during sex to hide something about yourself is a terrible idea, but clothing can be used to improve confidence and make you feel sexier in the bedroom, if it’s employed strategically.
Next to insecurity, speed and access is probably the most common reason for keeping something on during sex. A skirt pushed up over the hips, shoes left on (but not socks alone please, unless they’re at least knee high if you’re a girl and probably never if you’re a guy), pants pulled down, a buttoned shirt undone but not removed, all give the impression of a passion so intense that it can’t wait long enough for everything to come off. We have all probably been there at least once. But the thing is, you don’t actually have to be in that much of a hurry to get the effect - just leaving something on even when it would be easy and quick to remove can give the impression of intensity even when you have all the time in the world. In a way, it’s a form of mild and spontaneous role-playing, one that requires no planning or effort (in fact, the opposite) and doesn’t involve the same level of awkwardness that more thought out role playing has for many. If you want to spice things up a bit, leaving something on, or asking your partner to, is one of the simplest ways to do so.
Of course, for those who can get past the awkwardness, clothes can also be used to create a character during sex. There are plenty of sites more than happy to sell you itty-bitty strips of spandex meant to evoke various professions/objects of sexual fantasies. Here, as with most sex products, men get screwed a bit. Search for sexy santa costume’s for women and you get this (don’t open that link at work or anywhere that anyone around you might be horrified by an automatically playing video of a chick describing her sexy outfit). The same site offers these as men’s equivalent costumes. (I won’t inflict on you the other sites I found that make more of an effort to make costumes sexy. Most of them involve suspenders. Nobody on God’s Green Earth finds suspenders sexy, except maybe a handful of geek fetishists.) If you’re a guy who wants to get dressed up to turn on your partner, my humble suggestion would be a fireman’s hat (or policeman or whatever other profession floats your lady’s/dude’s boat) and a nice pair of tall boots. Actually, that works pretty nicely for women too. Unless you’re into fully committing to characters and acting out a scene, the key is to create an stimulating and novel visual for your partner that in no way hinders his or her access to your naughty bits.
Which is also how my personal favorite form of sexy clothing works. Lingerie or other items that frame parts of the body and draw attention to them rather than away is an easy way to make sex just a little bit hotter with minimal effort. My personal favorite is the underbust corset or waist cincher, which tends to emphasize the femininity of the curve of a woman’s hips and waist while also drawing the eye to the breasts (depending on the rigidity of the style it can also provide a degree of restraint, if you’re into that). Bras that don’t cover the full breast, but instead leave the nipples exposed are another great way to focus your partner’s attention. Similarly, a garter belt with thigh high stockings, but no underwear, is an excellent way to frame a woman’s lower half while not actually covering anything up. For men this strategy is trickier, mostly because our culture doesn’t really bother much with men’s underthings. A chest harness is a nice way to emphasize the male chest, but not many men outside of the BDSM/gay scene are likely to be comfortable with them (and comfort is important when you’re trying to be sexy). Men can also wear waist cinchers or corsets, but the problem is the same - the association between any sort of lingerie and homosexuality and the lack of any positive representations of heterosexual men in lingerie in our culture makes this an uncomfortable arena for most men.
Human beings are visual creatures, and clothing, when used strategically, can provide a visual novelty that gives sex a bit of a boost. The key is not to try to hide anything, but to use clothes as an accessory to nudity, something that makes it all the more striking by its contrast.
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