Pajiba

OH NO! Rupert the deer is dead! AHHHHH! Screw the stock market financial bailout. The deer just made me cry.

OH NO! Rupert the deer is dead! AHHHHH! Screw the stock market financial bailout. The deer just made me cry.

Can someone who understands Morse Code see if Gov. Palin was trying to send a subliminal signal last night with all that winking?

Either that, or she was having a stroke. I'm open to both theories.

Naw, she tweren't havin' no dadburn stroke! She was jist playin' that good ol' down-home country bumpkin coquette, immort'lized by that plum bodacious Ellie Mae Clampett! Why consarn it, I felt like mah dadburn brains were a-leakin' out mah ears ever-time she opened her mouth! An' a plum purty mouth too - betcha she could vacuum the chrome offen any man's trailer hitch, knowhaddamean?

Tammy, I'm convinced it was some misguided attempt at "charm" that just came off looking kinda strange. Or she had an aide in the audience and the wink was code for "use that hand signal that indicates which talking point I'm supposed to use here".

I wish to apologize at this time for the intrusion of my Inner Bastard into the conversation.

Gah. I hate that picture. That wink. That was the one gimmick out of all her stupid gimmicks last night that made me want to strangle her with my bare twitching hands.

Condescending bitch.

HOT DIGGITY DO ...GOLLY!

gosh darnit heck!

I would totally have sex with Michael Cera. I am a dirty old lady, and I likes 'em young and skinny. I am not even kidding. He is super super sex-a-dorable.

Oh, and zombie puppets are not good joke tellers.

http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/factchecking_biden-palin_debate.html

Necessary reading for like everyone.

That wink will make more sense after you read the first scene of the Sarah Palin porn movie, "Riding Pipeline". (check link)

UP AND AT 'EM!

GEE WILLICKERS DIGGLY!

Michael Cera's cute and when I watch his work, I always hope he'll get the girl, but seriously? I like to be manhandled, and I don't think Cera's got the onions for that kind of thing.

I don't know who did the Palin facebook page but they better get Gretzky off of it right fucking now. We will not have our one and only sports hero associated with this delusional, uninformed meat puppet for the Republican Party.

I have informed the Prime Minister and he is equally appalled. I have been advised that Canada's military is mobilizing and that the creator of this farce has until midnite CST to remove Mr. Gretzky's image from the page else the United States of America will be invaded on the pretense of bringing democracy to an obvious dictatorship.

Be advised that Canada's full millitary might will be brought against America. We shall launch all 23 canoes in our arsenal complimented with marines outfitted with the latest in musket technology to secure your coastlines. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police will attack across our mutual boarder by horse-back and you don't want to mess with them. Those horses bite!

Finally to ensure your liberation Canada will be sending an contingent of 62.75 Eskimo commandos mounted atop polar bears to deal with any facist uprisings. These fuckers are mean. They carry whale bone harpoons that can be thrown over 12 metres. You probably don't think that 12 metres is a long distance but, then again, you don't even know what a metre is so fuck you.

You may be wondering who the .75 of an Eskimo is. That is Nanook, terror of the north. He lost his leg during a vicious Eskimo leg wrestling match. He is the most brutal of the bunch. During the baby seal harvest he doesn't use a club, he uses his cock.

We assure you we are serious about your liberation and we look forward to your aid in acheiving our mutual goal of democracy for all people on Mr. Gretzky's behalf.

If I had any video editing skills whatsoever I would edit some of that debate footage last night, not with that poor little dummy Miss South Carolina as the voice over, but something from (yes, sorry all you adults out there,) Family Guy. Did Palin not sound like Lois when she was trying to win over undecided voters for the mayoral election? "Nine eleven was bad."
Well, actually, Adam West's response wasn't too far from her answers either. Huh. Who knew Seth McFarlene helped politicians study before a debate?

Oooh,but more importantly, tell me more about these peacoat/sweater hybrids...

"Riding Pipeline". (check link)

Posted by: Sofía at October 3, 2008 12:37 PM

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA filthy... you are one sick, perverted, kitten.

I like your style, sugartits.

The deer story made me cry, dammit. And thinking about the debate kept me up all night. I'm basically a mess today.

I want to know who on McCain's team told Palin to ramp up the cute and folksy. I couldn't stand it, her obviously intentional mispronunciation of nuclear, or her condescending attitude toward Biden.

I own a black peacoat, a camel peacoat, a black peacoat style jacket, and a tan peacoat jacket. I have my eye on a 3/4 length red one. In sum, I LOVE PEACOATS. I AM A LILY WHITE BITCH.

I refuse to say anything more about Gov. Peggy Hill because I was one of the persons who tried to break the interwebs last night (H/T Jerce) in the debate comment thread.

Sugartits is my pet name for Julie.

Honey, Sarah Bernhard's face has always looked like that. I see no change.

The Virginia State Fair is currently running. All manner of fried foods abound. But the champion of fried scrumptiousness has got to be fried Oreos.

Yum. Yum. Good.

Wait a goddamn second.

Rusty said she'd have her computer in for repairs today....or did you put a time delay on that comment just like your blog post for Friday?

Thought I wouldn't notice that, huh? Rusty's smarter than you, punk. You're done.

Admin11, if you don't make the top ten comment thingie for that, then we live in a world gone mad.

Admin11,

I for one eagerly await rescue. Can SKPvB come with me? Pun intended.

I nominate Admin11's post for Eloquence of the Week.

Yes please, Canada, come save us.

One of my few Republican friends does the winking thing all the time. I think it's the GOP facial expression equivalent of calling someone "guy" or something.

It isn't any better when he does it.

Oh, right, also I have a pink pea coat. Pink! Cashmere-wool blend! LOVE! My sister has, oh, I don't know... probably eleventy-twelve pea coats in varying colors and lengths. Of course, we're largely Irish, English, and Dutch, so we're about as white as they come. I'm actually plotting to steal that vintage orange/fuschia houndstooth mentioned in the comments over there.

I'd still boink Michael Cera. (p.S. Mella, I like to be manhandled as well, but I've already got one for that. Now what I need is one that I can manhandle.)

I just can't get anything past you, Jay.

My computer is, indeed, in the hands of the good people of the Towson MD Apple store for a new piece of casing. The computer I'm using is my original iBook G4 from 2004 that is now my mom's computer.

So that's it. No magic, just an abundance of laptops sitting around my house.

Mhmm. I'll be watchin you.

I have white friends but I do NOT have a pea coat. Now I am somewhat glad the one my brother bought for me didn't 'look right'.

and poor Rupert, we hardly knew ye. (Cute Overload is a scary site, tho)

I have white friends but I do NOT have a pea coat. Now I am somewhat glad the one my brother bought for me didn't 'look right'. .......and poor Rupert, we hardly knew ye. (Cute Overload is a scary site, tho)

Dear Pajibans,

As I have stated in previous posts, all are welcome. We are a benevolent people (except the Eskimo opressors)who accept all Pajibans as is required by the book of Godtopus. However if you wish to live in my Province you must be able to endure nothing from horizon to horizon, have some sort of agricultural training, own a Murdertank and be willing to have relations with close family members.

I don't make the laws, I just follow them when it suits my purposes.

THAT WINK IS SO CUTE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHahhasLJKAakgksv ahb qh jb v 2YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! Goooooooo Palin! Whoopdedoodah! Hell yeah, mama! you showed him! YOU SHOWED US ALL! Whoot!

Admin, please preheat your oven to 450 - I'm bringing pizza, eh. That's right, right? Or is it "I'm bringing pizza, ay." Ey? Aye? Can I get by with "Arr"?

Admin11, the image of Nanook clubbing baby seals will haunt my dreams for a long time. Nonetheless, it was worth it. Well done, my friend. On behalf of my small maritime province, I humbly offer the services of the MurderBluenose II to assist in our benevolent cause.

All hail the beaver.

Seeing her up there making that face, just brings me back to one of my current rants (which I may have picked up from the interwebs, possibly from someone here).

You know how she said that she didn't blink when McCain asked her to be his running mate? I just keep thinking, "WHAT?!? YOU SHOULD HAVE BLINKED! YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT! YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU WERE ACTUALLY QUALIFIED! DID I MENTION THAT YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT?!"

And then I take a deep cleansing breath. And then I get pissed off all over again when I realize that the reason she didn't blink or think about it, is she's one of those religious nut jobs who thinks that god is personally involved in her life, and if she was asked to be the Republican VP candidate, it was because it was god's will. And who is she to question god's will? And then I get all spastic and twitchy.

So, you can see why I can't watch the debates.

Not to mention the fact that her awful voice (not to mention the actual words coming out of her mouth) make me start to feel all stabby, and, well, that's just not helpful.

Admin11 -
Do not forget to rally the French province with promises of expanding the Quebecois empire and allowing them to force all peoples to speak bad french and suffer heart attacks from mandatory meals of poutine. I'm sure they will happily contribute the hand-me-down submarine from Britain to the cause, as well as incapacitating the enemy by blaring Celine Dion from the skies.

As a ex-pat living in Los Angeles, I will do all I can to undermine the American Hollywood regime from here and eagerly await the skiiers from Whistler as they zoom accross the border to save us all.

Coincidentally, the image you have chosen to post for this highly entertaining thread is the very face I make when attempting to rid my bowels of uncomfortable gas. Imagine my delight when I saw this fine young woman making the same face! My, but was I holding back laughter! You see? She's just like us! She just needs to make a stinky! Teehee!

Whoa, what a fucking shock -- the fucking Pajiba-ites don't fucking like her, and they don't fucking think she's smart. How fucking original.

Hey, chris, it's a free fucking country.

No, it's not that we don't like her - we just don't want her to be President. I'd go over to her pad, have a few drinks, maybe have some thing to eat, but no - I don't want her to be president. She's a novelty at this point. I could have answered the questions just as well as her. Granted, there wouldn't be a slew of lonely Republicans rubbing one out to my grizzled appearance, but I could've done the same thing. And you don't want me to be President, do you chris?

Meaux, offer gratiously accepted. You shouldn't have told them about the beavers though, they were our secret weapon.

SashaCA2, Celine has been our operative for some time. Las Vegas is 96% deaf. The proud French people of Quebec have already contributed. They will be sending shipments of poutine to obstruct the bowels of the dictatorship. As you can see by the picture of Mrs. Meatpuppet at the top of the page, it is already working.

Skitt, any sort of vowel sound is acceptable. The oven is always hot thats the only heat the Eskimo overloards allow. Bring Beer (and by beer I mean real beer not that piss water other less manly Americans may drink).

Chris, I must amend my previous invitation to all Pajibans. We have enough idiots of our own. Go fuck yourself.

Secret weapon, Admin11? I don't know, I would think the movie Teeth would have tipped them off by now....

My dear Meaux, you have just repaid me in spades for the baby seal clubbing imagery. Well done.

As a side note, while I am not sure what the beavers are like in the maritimes, but here in the west they are all shaved.

*snicker, snicker* Well, Admin11, I can't say as I've done much beaver-watching (more of a birdwatcher myself), but the ones I know of are kept short-haired, but not hairless. Some beavers fear the wax.

Admin11 (sorry I don't know how to do the bold thingie)

I would also like to congradulate you on your excellent long term plan involving Cirque de Soleil. Your "Operation Bore Into Submission" seems to be unfolding nicely as all people who have seen Chris Angel's "Believe" are comatose

I appauld your foresight by building up a strong following for Cirque and then combining them with Mr. I-Can't-Do-Real-Magic-Without-the-Magic-of-Television....people across the nation are going home from Vegas with vacant, lifeless expressions from his horrible lip-synching/subliminal message laden rendition of the Mind Freak song....

all hail the beaver

your humble servent

Shaved?! The poor little things must be all cold and goose-bumpy.

If I had a dick, I would not let David Spade suck it.

But Meaux the beaver is a strong and courageous beast that fears nothing (other than abnormally large silicon objects).

You have to understand SashaCA2 that while the strength of the Canadian military is fearsome in itself, we must also employ additional methods of subterfuge to save America. The best part of it all is that we've been playing the nice guy for so long that nobody will see it coming. They do not understand the fact that we are ruthless devious bastards who will stop at nothing to liberate our fellow Pajibans.

Please do not worry about the beavers Jerce we spend considerable amounts of time and money ensuring that they are kept warm.

- "Can I call you Joe"?

- "Sure, can I call you bitch"?

Palin was on Fox News today saying that she doesn't think Obama is qualified to be Commander in Chief (over something he said at a Town Hall meeting last year, which later turned out to be completely accurate). She also criticized Katie Couric for the questions Katie chose to ask her during their interviews. She said that Katie should have stuck to questions about the issues. Bitch, please. If you could have answered even the most simple of Katie's questions, maybe she would have eventually gotten to questions an 8th grader could have answered.

Thank you, Drake! (It's a good thing I sit up here in my moshfuck of tedium ('member that one?) all by myself!

Admin11, I will do my part in the cause, luring the eastern seaboard Americans by plying them with good beer and tasty chicken wings while Nanook makes his way east to Ontario.

Hey, that David Spade thing kinda makes sense. I think it explains alot about me. Little skinny guy. Funny. Nice teeth. I think this explains how I get girls... I am the David Spade of Southeast Michigan.

Don't blink, and certainly don't ever look back, folks. All important decisions should be made on gut instinct. There are no grays in the world. There is no reason to ever evaluate what brought you to your current mindset. Any sort of core ideological shift is a terrible thing. Per her own words, Sarah Palin has never had one, after all.

I swear if this woman ever becomes President we'll become the land of Orwellian doublespeak.

When it comes to winking and blinking:

One eye good. Two eyes bad.

Please do not worry about the beavers Jerce we spend considerable amounts of time and money ensuring that they are kept warm.

Dammit, I am trying not to be pervy, and this stuff like this comes up.

Dammit!

But now I REALLY want to move to Canada. And be a professional beaver warmer. Heh.

This is by far the worst segment on pajiba. I mean, wtf, celebrity gossip? Blogs about fast food? Comments on a couple of pictures depicting the child of some celebrity? WTF? Fuck celebitchy. Fuck celebslam. You all pissing on Perez Hilton (and rightly so, that's for sure) but posting links to this crap?

Arthur you brilliant cock-of-the-walk, I've been saying that very thing for years... Come, step into my trailer and I'll show you some of the things I've been working o... OH! I'm ever so sorry - it seems I've spilt my burgundy on you! Well then, I've...

...no fucking idea where I'm going with this... boredom kicked in about twenty minutes ago - around the same time a massive doozy of a drunk kick-started it's way into tomorrow's hangover.... anyhow, I'll end what I started:

...so I said to him, I says -"That's no cadaver, my friend, that's the nightgown she was wearing when she punched him right in the taint". Can you believe it? Bwahah snicker dee doo....

Vermillion

It takes years of dedicated study and training to be certified as a professional beaver warmer.

Please send $19.95 plus $2764.87 shipping and handling to:

Beaver Warmer Certification Board
P.O. Box 1977
Shaveitplease Boulevard
Hairinthethroat, SK
C0F C0F

Upon receipt of payment you will be forwarded the study guide and all course materials. Please state if you have a particular beaver preference as we follow a first come first serve policy.

P.S. it is now 10:11 p.m. and to the best of my knowledge Mr. Gretzky's image has not been removed from the fraudulant Palin Facebook page. The clock is ticking people,liberation is at hand.

All I hear is "Beaver, Beaver, Beaver." No love for Wally.

Except in my heart.

And ... in my pants.

-- Eddie Haskell

DarthCorleone -- you speak the truth!