Pajiba

yeah, that clip is clear as mud. i watch football, but there are so many antiquated and convoluted rules, i almost have to have a translator (read: my bro) when i'm watching it.

it's like chess, but the players beat the shit out of each other. :) at least, that's what i tell myself.

oh, and just for the record:

Da Bears.

1- Pirates. they're the ninjas of the sea.

2- ummm, I'm not sure if that clip is a real game or not, but if so, that pop warner coach has some serious ethical problems.

If I had to guess, I'd say that was a... fake time out? Something that can only happen in pee wee football. Oh sweet, wonderful football. Only a few more short weeks...

Junkiness was one of the few celeb-ish sites worth anything. I'll shotgun a beer for it tonight.

I would like to feed Oprah's fingertips to the wolverines.

Men like receiving compliments because they think it means that you are going to have sex with them.
Oh Oprah. I don't like you, but when you're right, you're right.
Also a "win-win -- except you did and he didn't" doesn't sound like the best foundation for a relationship. Maybe because I'm the he in that sentence.

The ball was "snapped" after the whistle to begin play was blown, so it was a live ball. However, no one on the offense moved after the ball was snapped, acting like the ball was still dead. So the defense should have been making a move on the QB as he was complaining about the ball being messed up.

They also do this type of stuff where the WR stands on the field but near the sideline, so it looks like he's talking to the coach, but actually is an eligible receiver and sprints down the field.

That's Pee-Wee football for you...

I would like to feed Oprah's fingertips to the wolverines.

TK, this is one of the most unique vitriolic references to Oprah that I've read. Extra points for originality!

Um.....I'm pursuing my master's in psychology. Haven't been a virgin since I was 16. Given the psychology students I know, methinks the 70% may require further research. Also, I would have thought the percentage for computer science majors would be higher. Who knew?

Thanks, Wales for breaking down the football clip. I am still confused, though - at what point was the ball snapped? I never saw it. It just looked as though the QB was handed the ball. Thanks for indulging your local, clueless football novice.

What exactly does a "studio art" major entail? Do they mean as opposed to art history?

Gail is not a eunuch. That is all.

Also, I would have thought the percentage for computer science majors would be higher. Who knew?

Hold up. Let's get something straight here. Those number were for female computer science majors. Ask any comp. sci. major at our sister school, she will tell you they have guys coming from the rafters after them. Plus, as I have said, women have no problems finding a man to sleep with. She can sneeze and there will be at least three penises ready to go.

Male computer science majors (like, coincidentally, myself) have much more dour outcomes. Yes, I like being a genius (proven officially, although I cannot find the paperwork right now), but if I was dumb and laid, I wouldn't really care, right? Only the smart virgins know how much the poon is worth.

So I reiterate: DO NOT THINK THAT MALE COMPUTER GEEKS ARE GETTING LAID. THEY ARE NOT. PLEASE DONATE ALL THE GOOD LOVING YOU CAN, AND KEEP THIS DWINDLING RESOURCE ALIVE.

Dear Mr. Vermillion, sir:
Maybe if you didn't use words like "poon" you might have better luck finding a nice girl to um.. you know... "donate"?

And, Mr. Vermillion, were I not old enough to be your mother I'd donate you silly.

Respectfully,
etc.

Maybe if you didn't use words like "poon" you might have better luck finding a nice girl to um.. you know... "donate"?

You mean...? All this time...? DAMMIT!!!!

And, Mr. Vermillion, were I not old enough to be your mother I'd donate you silly.

Age ain't nothing but a number.

Vermillion,
I have to agree with gilly - never heard the word "poon" until you introduced it into my vocabulary. So, uh, thanks? That said, it is best that we never speak of it again.

By the by, thanks for looking out on the I Know Who Killed Me thread. It could have been a dark day....

Where is this "Donation" center?

Oh ... so ... much ... cranky.

Daphne: I don't know off the top whether it's legal in the NFL, but most football leagues allow the center to turn and hand the snap to the QB -- which is what happened here -- instead of hiking it between his legs. The snap between the legs was developed as a means of getting the ball away quickly while facing the guy who's about to clobber you, but it's not required. Having said all that, the coach that called this shit against a bunch of kids is an A-1, first-class shithead -- congratulations, Lombardi, you just ran a successful trick play against the 4th-grade varsity; I've got Bill Belichick on the cell, he says he's a big fan.

Oh, CNN, where to begin. Maybe it says something about the still-fucked-up balance of power between genders, but I can't even summon the energy to be offended or amused by this nonsense. There's just something inherently pathetic about a so-called "woman's" magazine/website/TV show presuming to instruct women on how to handle us menfolk with some whoopin'-your-hands-'round-real-quick-like sy-ko-lah-jee. Good work, Oprah, you finally settled the battle of the sexes. I guess that's it for your show, then, huh?

[H]e just wants to be right. This is his weakness; you can use it like judo ....

I'm not sure a martial arts simile is appropriate for teaching women a debating trick that only a hulking, Sasquatch, IQ-48 man would fall for. If he's enough of a fuckwit that this will work, he may not end up resolving the dispute with mental fencing. After you've tricked him and are laughing at his idiocy, watch out for "domestic violence"; this is "like" judo, except it's really judo. And really karate. And really painful. Apparently your fuckwit husband grew up watching Bruce Lee movies before moving to the Rockies and learning nothing about high-school psychology.

And finally: That's Buster from Arrested Development in the NYPost parody ad! Hee hee hee.

Where is this "Donation" center?

Leave a message on my blog (blatant plug!) and I will get those directions right to you. And remember: you do me this for mankind. You don't want an Idiocracy, do you?

I must warn you, no matter what Manny tells you, the donation center does not look like a Bouncy House, nor is donation preformed by having a Puerto Rican jump off a roof on top of you.

Guh, the NFL site is incredibly unhelpful about their rules -- I can't see that the actual definition of "snap" is set forth anywhere, though they discuss lots of other rules. But fear not, Daphne, for verily, the Wiki sayeth: "The ball is almost always sent between the snapper's legs, but only in Canadian football is that required." So Jeff Saturday could casually flip the pigskin over his shoulder to Peyton, but doing so would be ill-advised with Richard Seymour across the line fogging up both their facemasks with Dear Lord, Christ in heaven, is that garlic fries, Richard?

And: Geez, Mooseheads, OCD much?

Hee hee hee, here it comes.

You know, I've got an IQ in the mid 130s (tested officially at 12) and yet I had sex before I'd hit my 18th birthday. By and large, it wasn't GOOD sex, but I don't know many people who had good sex in high school. Anyway, maybe it's because I'm a music major, I don't see that listed anywhere on the chart.

Vermillion, best of luck on your quest. It's not really my style to offer sex anonymously to strangers on the internet, but the other ladies of Pajiba seem to have that covered.

Oh, by the way, Vermillion, what kind of a name is "Poon"?

You people never heard of poon? Short for poontang? In the same family as "ill poonanny"? Come on,, somebody has to have heard of it!

I'm with you, Vermillion. I believe it derives from a bad Ted Nugent song, "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang." Right? -- DR

Thank you TK, for the John Belushi reference!

And that football play is so much bullshit/trickery! Shame, shame, shame on the coach!

[ARGH! *facepalm*] "Comanche Indian."

Daphne, while I appreciate the props, Claire is right... that is a Belushi/SNL reference. And kudos to Claire for catching it!

Vermillion, I'm sending you happy thoughts. And "poon" always makes me think of Chevy Chase in Fletch.

What kind of name is "Poon", anyway?

pause

Commanche Indian.

Another very, very dark confession: Just like I had not seen Spinal Tap until last week, I have never seen Fletch.

Here is my Pajiba membership card, I will see myself out now.

Vermillion, you can keep the membership card. I didn't even LIKE Spinal Tap. Or maybe I can see us both out? I have heard and used the word poon before, but I never knew it's origins. I wonder if you can use it in Scrabble? Dirty Scrabble, sure. But is it really a word?

P.S. Colbert is my god too. I hope he draws out this 'addicted to painkillers bit'. Gah! He makes me happy. :)

I went to a technical college so the ratio of guys to girls was approximately 4 to 1 (except in engineering where 10 to 1 was more like it).

Aaaah good times - especially for a gal like me with a weakness for geeks.

Aside from that - studies like the one above make me seriously question the bodies currently awarding funding. Someone, somewhere has evidently been hitting the crack pipe. Also: apparently my subject has the highest percentage of virgins (tied with math) that's fantastic.

That football play was cheap, ugly, unsportmanslike and Dan Marino basically pulled the same thing (successfully!) on the New York Jets about 15 years ago.

You people never heard of poon? Short for poontang? In the same family as "ill poonanny"? Come on,, somebody has to have heard of it!

I had no idea it wasn't a common expression, V. This is all so surprising. But then again, I call children "tippy-ties", so...

For some reason I associate the word "poon" with South Park. There's probably a logical reason for that which involves the word being used on the show but I choose to believe that I've never actually heard it used in conversation.

How does one actually get to the phrase "tippy-ties" incidentally?

(in other news: Hee! I have a blue name now, aaah the power of avoidance)

Vermillion - I highly recommend Fletch. A lot of people give me shit for liking it (and by "liking it", I mean "thinking it's so hysterically funny that I've seen it roughly 500 times"), but it's Chase at his very finest.

And I totally skipped over socalled's posts, and therefore basically posted the same quotes. Sorry Socalled.

How does one actually get to the phrase "tippy-ties" incidentally?

Oh, Alex--consider yourself fortunate you have not been exposed to the ???? that is the movie "Pootie Tang." A friend insisted it was hilarious. And it actually was, in fragmented parts...

I will always love "Pootie Tang" for giving me the perfect term for little kids: "not the tippy-ties!" Pootie cries when he spies young'uns in danger. How can one not love that word?

Use it three tmes today and it's yours forever.

Ranylt, that reminds me of a friend who calls hookers "Clippety-Clops".

OK, now I'm just taking up space. Fuck, this morning is crawling.

Ranylt, I have suffered through both that movie and Booty Call. What is sad is that I do not remember what either of them are about.

I had honestly forgotten about that word. All I really remember is the scene in which someone (A Wayans brother,I think), wraps himself in saran wrap head to toe.

Such bad movies. I have also not yet seen Fletch.

I understand that Jamie Foxx and Louis C.K. are going to get together and create a sequel hybrid to Booty Call and Pootie Tang. They're gonna call it: Pootie Booty. Hey-Ooooooo.

I'm very sorry.

I'm really, really very sorry.

Hey, me, those things are fun when pulled against professionals! Unless you're a Jets fan. Trick plays like that one, though, anywhere below high school, are just cheap.

Add me to the "I've never seen Fletch" club.

I am also posting just for the hell of it because I'm trying to avoid filling out a job application. I have, however, got one out of the challenged 3 uses of "tippy-ties" into conversation so far today. It is a fantastic phrase.

This is the funnest PL thread ever, and I'm missing out because of stupid work.

Ranylt -- in discussing the word "Pootie," we mustn't forget about "Pootie" from "I Love New York" -- the manskank who had a mental breakdown in the middle of filming, and coined the catchphrase from a fellow cast member, "That's some Pootie shit right there!"

Ehhh... I guess I'm probably the only one who watched that.

I should have added Booty Call and Pootie Tang to my secret shames. I wanted that belt. I search every Piggly Wiggly I could find, and still no magical belt. For such a bad movie, it certainly has wormed its way into people's minds.

And for those who just have to know, but are too scared to have this in your search history,

Pootie Tang: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pootie_tang

There is even a list of, and I quote directly, "Pootie Tangisms".

Booty Call: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Booty_Call

The saran wrap guy was actually Tommy Davidson, who did work for the Wayans on "In Living Color" back in the day when the actually funny Wayans ekpt Shawn and Marlon in the background.

Pootie Tangisms!

Wow, did I ever misspell "The Tipi Tais."

Alex, I associate the term with South Park too, I think because Mr. Garrison used to use it a lot before he came out of the closet.

No time to read all the comments, but that is a legal play. It doesn't matter how the center hands the QB the ball. That being said, most high school coaches have extensive tape libraries and show their kids a hodge podge of trick plays at the beginning of the season. The tape I saw ended a little different. The safety was hip to the trick and hit the kid walking to the sideline so hard that his helmet came off.

And if you happen to find pootie whilst on a quest for hidden treasure, it is Pirate's Booty Pootie.
If the ninjas don't get to it first, stealthy little devils.

consider yourself fortunate you have not been exposed to the ???? that is the movie "Pootie Tang." A friend insisted it was hilarious. And it actually was, in fragmented parts...

I've heard of Pootie Tang but never seen it. Oddly, I saw a write-up for it just yesterday on ScreenGrab (you'll have to scroll down a bit) that almost makes me want to check it out.

Should I?

Should I?

I'm almost afraid to answer that question, Jerce. With a movie like PT, mood is everything.

Thanks for pointing me to the Screengrab piece. I'd completely forgotten sa-da-tay. I'm going to irritate everyone around me for the rest of the day, saying that.

With a movie like PT, mood is everything.

"Mood"? You're making a carefully veiled reference to recreational drug use, aren't you?! Aren't you?! I'm tellin'!

Aha! That explains it.

I'm also morbidly drawn to this movie now.... hmmm... I have a feeling that it may be a "torrent and save for delerium brought on by insomnia" movie. I have many of them.