Pajiba

That clip from Dark Knight is so awesome. I can't wait.

Also, is resemblance to Zach Braff being used as a positive on that site? Because in my opinion, that man is very VERY far from attractive. And I hear he's an utter and complete asshole, which does not do his appearance any favors. Fish lipped, no chin having, pleading eyed, self important ass wipes don't do it for me.

...I just made a mess in my pants. The good kind of mess. I want the Stryker. I want it right now...

re: The Dark Knight.

I'll be in my bunk.

So many dead clowns... Now if you'll excuse me, I have to install a time machine onto the Pajiba Mudertank. We are watching that fucking movie, dammit.

How to destroy what little credibility (if any) one has on Pajiba:
The Baldwin brother on Celebrity Rehab was actually Daniel, not Stephen.

TDK (trying to be unspoilerish): It's that guy from that show! And those guys do this! And then the other guy goes like that! But wait, then this other guy does this again. And then it goes... inaudible due to heavy drooling.

Indeed, Stephen Baldwin is the Bible-thumping zealot.

How amazing is the Dark Knight gonna be?

Eddie Murphy will become allergic to the latex in fat suits, Tila Tequila will have her virginity restored, and Morgan Freeman WILL say "motherfucker" again. Believe it.

That film critic article was illuminating, to say the least. He made some excellent points about the nature of film criticism, and really has inspired me to make changes in my usual method. Plus, I like that somebody was able to artfully defend Ang Lee's Hulk.

Thing is, reading that article, I realized that it was exactly what RanyIt was doing in her reviews when people started complaining about all the big words and such.

To put it plainly, when reviewing films, don't be a prick.

Being a Pajiban, that line and entry number 10 was a hoot to read.

The Zach Braff site is hillarious. I can think of a guy I know whose picture could be on there, but I had never realized it until now.

I dunno...Nolan's last film was good and all and this looks good, too, but...give me a Gotham City that's, y'know, gothic any day...

...and did anyone else get a distinct "Kids in the Hall" robbery vibe off of that clip? Y'know..."Everyone put your hands in the air, do as I say or this will happen to you..." (shoots one of his own men)...?

Guys? The "Celebrity Rehab" error? Was totally intentional. Get it? I make a funny.

Must seize the moment:

I nominate Genny/Rusty's paragraph at the first post for inclusion on the next Elegants list. Absolutely HIlarious!

We're allowed to make nominations, aren't we? Don't want to be pushy here.

Wait, we have someone named Chasity here?

And sorry, Stacey, I didn't pay that much attention to the comment so it went right over my head, and I'm sure I'm in the minority. Please continue to 'make funnies', I'll catch up soon, promise.

But don't it make Brandon's comment all the more hilarious, admitting he actually watched Celeb Rehab?! Smooth move there, pal.

My first instinct was to whack him with that 'destroying credibility' shit. Then I realize this guy is obviously angling for a gig on 'Extra' and hopefully getting into Pat O'Brien's pants! I'm tellin' ya, fucker makes Perez Hilton look civilized, the fucking dumbass.

Yeahhh babay, halfway through a 12-pack of Old Milwaukee Light already (pssstt: it's always on sale!)We do it right here down south, you Yankee peckerheads--

Dark side taking over... must stop commenting...

The McGowan-Rodriguez news has already been squashed by their camp. So the Barbarella remake is a go ahead. Excuse me while I cry.

TMax, I'm flattered. I just have a lot of pent-up Zach Braff related aggression because my brother is a Scrubs fan and I just keep watching his character date these gorgeous women and it makes me irrationally angry.

My dear TMax, we're all making funnies here that you have trouble catching up with. If I could, I would have used sarcasm html tags with my previous comment because the credibility shot was me taking a shot at myself for having watched the show, not at Stacey.

For your beer selection, instead of Old Mil, pick up a 12 of Milwaukee's Best (aka Milwaukee's Beast).

Gen,

I'm going to come off like a complete cyberstalker here, and I do apologize for that, but, like I've been writing my ass off to this site all week (OCD), when it hits me I just can't stop.

I just caught your comment after my last refresh of the night, and I'm glad I did.

I "luurve" Scrubs, totally and completely. I can claim the honor of seeing every single episode at least twice (thanx to my constant notebook updates of my DVR viewing habits), and that's despite Zach's ever-present- er, necessesary involvement as a kind of linch pin for the whole thing; I think his character is (was?) necessary, and there was a lot I liked about the character in the first few seasons.

That being said, it was the increasing quality of their writing/ acting talent/innovations that would have kept me hooked whether or not Zach had stayed on the show.

But yes, I so very much enjoyed your colorful description of Bambi.

And this is how I spend my July 4th Day's Eve.

Screw it, I'm happy enough right here just where I am, trust me

branded,

It appears I missed your point entirely, and I apologize to you and everyone else who shared a 'wtf' moment when they read my post. To further my current embarrassment, I was (am) drinking the exact beer you describe (and laughing while typing that) - seems I confused the brand names while prattling away. While some people absolutely HATE sarcasm, I love writing, reading and receiving it, kinda masochistic that way. I never claimed to be the ripest apple in this bunch.

I ask your forgiveness in my rash, rushed posting, and I and my 3/4 drunk self sincerely apologize to you, branded, and everyone else. I'm not too drunk to know when I've fucked up.

Please forgive my sensitivity, it's been a busy debate week for me.

Carry on, y'all

Genny, While Zach Braff is about as irritating as a mosquito bite on your fun stuff, he's not really ugly so much as he is, well, incredibly generic. He's like the no-name brand of celebritites. He's just adequite in every imaginable way.

TMax, I feel your pain. I can't step on cracks, it takes me 10 minutes to brush my teeth becuase I have to make sure I hit each one, and whenever I set anything up, everything has to have angles dividable by 90 degrees. Pajiba happens to be a nice place to channel it.

Torture Pork + Musical + Paris Hilton = The Trinity of the Anti-Christ

Haha I meant 'Torture Porn' above but Torture Pork works too. Best typo EVER!

I know it's just the Beast talking for you, TMax.

Pajiba. Feel the love. Except for Uwe Boll...he can go fuck himself.

Dark Knight cannot get here soon enough to remove the horror of Indiana Jones and the Steaming Pile of CGI Prairie Dogs and Shia Laboeuf Swinging with Monkeys from my brain. That five minutes was better than the last 9 hours of what George Lucas has shat upon us all.

Heh. I totally thought you were bringing my credibility into question, too. Or should I say "credibility," as it's not really worth all that much to begin with. Basically, I just wanted to make really, really sure that everyone knew that I was, in fact, insulting the lesser Baldwins.

the lesser Baldwins

Isn't that an island chain near the Azores?

Yes Kolby, my name is Chasity. At least its the name I use for tax purposes.

I love Torture Pork. It's in the Jerked Beef family, I believe. The meat is so much sweeter when the pig has been painfully abused and humiliated for months beforehand.

Here's all I have to say about Repo: The Genetic Opera:

Bousman is not an idiot. He made three Saw films, rewriting his own screenplay to become Saw II, as a power play. Now that he's proven his movies can bring in the big bucks, he can make his own projects. Repo is one of them. He wouldn't just cast Paris Hilton for the sake of casting Paris Hilton. He even trash talked her and other stunt casting targets at a convention before Saw III was released.

So, how about waiting for the movie before calling it pure shit, people? I'm not expecting a great film either, but I'm not going to write it off because it's A) an original musical; B) a horror film involving organ donation; and C) featuring Paris Hilton.

I'll take it a step further: Hilton's the only reason to watch the god awful horror film Nine Lives for she's the only actor that was willing to add some depth and nuance to her performance. You could have knocked me over with a rose petal when I realized what she managed with such awful material. And she screamed with the best of them in the not so hot House of Wax remake. So, she's capable of being semi-decent in horror. The singing is the question, of course, but Bousman has repeatedly said she nailed all the sound tests and that earned her the part. He didn't want to cast her till she proved herself.

Of course, maybe I'm horribly biased towards Repo since I damn near won a science-fiction short story contest in high school with a story about a rewards program for signing on as an organ donor and the fine print that no one took seriously. It's a good, scary topic to delve into, and not a simple idea in the least bit. Plus, horror musicals tend to be a pocket full of awesome on screen (Happiness of the Katakuris? Cannibal? Come on, people).

Damn, now I'm all confused. I wasn't going to see Hancock based on PS's review, even though both the New Yorker and the NYTimes gave it reasonably good reviews (actually, Denby in the New Yorker pretty much raved about it). But now, thanks to the CCInsider link, I find that Newsweek and the Post slammed it too, usually a fairly good indicator that the opposite is true... what the hell is a broke superhero-movie-lover supposed to think now?

Hey, you great people, Happy 4th of July!

I wake up this morning and I'm afraid to check this comments section until I'm approximately as lit as I was when posting last night, only to read beautiful, classy comments that truly have moved me (insert your own joke here) and just particularly made my day. I went to a neighbor's small party today and spilled two, two drinks on myself - NEITHER of them alcoholic, mind you- just another demonstration of how comfortable I am at social gatherings.

So of course I started drinking again when I came home, and for anyone left reading, you may all be relieved by the fact that I upgraded my beer of choice for today to Busch Light (they all taste like shit to me, I drink 'em just to get drunk -- anyone got a problem with that??)

So now I'm here, way late to the game, but I had to throw out props while the rest of you are actually co-mingling with other earthlings:

Jeremy, your words were a real comfort for me, and I thank you for your consideration. If I happened to be bi, or gay, or--aw, fuck it, I got a man-crush on you either way;

branded - most excellent and cool response to my tirade, a true Pajiban you are, and

Stacey, I oftentimes make the mistake that I'm smarter than I actually am, so please know I was totally off-base in my comments, always wanting to improve and please, and always looking forward to your writing.

Oh, and you were in my Oz-dream, too, Socalled; I laughed so fucking hard at your post that I'm still grinning just writing this.

You're all wonderful, and we'll all be miserable again by Monday, but I for one enjoy the 'now' and thak you guys for making my day.

...

Yes, I meant "thak." I'm writing for BSG now and have wholly adapted to their language.

Gonna be an early night, I can tell.

Oh TMax, have I told you lately that I love your drunken ramblings? Perhaps because I find I'm often in a similar state when I read them.... Oh, and Jeremy? While we're admitting it, I totally have a straight-girl version of a man-crush on you, too. You make me laugh, kiddo.

Finally, HAPPY JULY 4TH, PAJIBANS TO THE SOUTH!!! (Mind if I celebrate with you? Good, 'cause I've already started.)

Not too drunk to read about your love for my ramblings, sweet thing. I thank you so much, Meaux (if I may be so bold)

Yeah, you could say I'm "CAPITALIZING" (hahahahahahahahahahahahahah)
on the great new freedom of 'bolding' and 'italicising' you've so generously allowed me (if nothing else, I give credit where it's due): you've always been a kind and welcome personage around here no matter who you're writing to, and we both seem to really like Jeremy, so I look forward to reading from, and writing to, you, within the safe confines of our Pajiba coccoon.

(If I'd had these kind of friends in HS I might not be as messed up as I've been [nah, that's a pathetic excuse]- but I wouldn't trade my age for going back to 11th grade for anything)

Hoookay, a nice way to finish off my day. We're supposed to be shooting off fireworks tonight here in SC (more legal than 2% milk), and for those of you who don't have the option, let me congratulate you on saving $200 bucks for six minutes of flat, flaming, colorful, loud, pure sparkling entertainment, like me.

No, I wouldn't waste any of my stimulus check on this rot, and FUCK YOU BUSH for thinking we oughtta be grateful for getting a few hundred of our own dollars back, weak as you've made them.

Can't let the 4th pass without a holla to Mr. Jerk-Off (I refuse to call him President, he's not mine) and yes, I recognize I've already tipped my alcoholic status to you unwitting readers, so fuck politics, forgive my typing fingers and be patriotic/thankful today, okay?

Or not, your choice. Gotta love that.

Hah. What's ironic is that I already have my post-zombie-apocalyptic vee-hikle planned!

img src=http://i26.tinypic.com/a3h5ea.jpg

Aint it brilliant? Only downside is that it probably gets like, four miles to the gallon.

Oh well. Still looks badass. All it needs is a flamethrower thing on top. I can always rig it to run off of grease from mexican food, too. Or brrraaaaiiiinssss.

Fuckers took down the Dark Knight vid. Ah well. Only a matter of time, I guess.

Aw, thanks Tmax and MO! Y'all are making me blush!

Die, Lindsaybot. Die die die.

Wow, thanks for the linkage, TMax. I didn't think much of it until I saw how much traffic you were actually shuttling my way. So this Pajiba thing is kind of a big deal, huh? I'll have to stick around and see what all the fuss is about.

Again, thanks.