Pajiba

Stacey, that KSK thing is a play on the Aristocrats joke that makes the rounds among comedians -- it's an old comic chestnut that actually spawned a documentary in which various famous comedians talked about the joke. In the normal version, after all the horrible activities, the talent agent says, "Dear god, what is your act called?" To which the family responds, "The Aristocrats!" I always thought it was kind of stupid.

KSK reproduced it with "The Patriots" as the punch line because they're tormenting Patriots fans until the Super Bowl. (and maybe after!)

Turns out Clay Aiken isn't gay, he's just asexual. Because that isn't creepy at all.

Yeah, those creepy creepy asexuals. They just might... not have sex with people. Wow, that is so disturbing. They obviously must be stopped. Or started. Or something.

Small Wonder? Don't remake that! That show scared the shit out of me. Those creepy blank eyes of hers, that monotone voice...all in a kid's body wearing some stupid old fashioned dress. She reminded me of the girl from The Bad Seed.

Poor news guy, I had the same thing happen to him, so I'm laughing as well as feeling pity for the loser.

Several things:

1. That joke was awful! Nobody read it. I'm serious. It will wreak havoc on your sanity. Wow, I mean...disturbing. I'd imagine that's what it's like inside Pissboy's head sometimes.

2. Small Wonder remake would be awesome, especially if Vicki went ballistic and beat the shit out of that annoying little bastard Elliot.

3. What's so creepy about asexuals? It'd probably make life a lot easier. Also, this news about Clay Aiken is actually a relief. I mean, would you rather hear about him having sex? With anyone? No thank you.

I may have to send Mr. Kolby (the Republican - gasp!) the link to John's post about Obama. I'll turn him sooner or later. Muah ha ha ha!

Kolby: It's far easier than you think. In 2004, I simply informed Mr. PaddyDog that all sexual favours were being withheld for the next 4 years unless he could look me in the eye and swear he hadn't voted for Bush (he's a terrible liar). My guy became a card-carrying Democrat quicker than you can say "perverting the Democratic process one blow job at a time".

Don't read the joke.... don't read the joke.... aaaauuuugggghhhhh

PaddyDog...that's insidious, manipulative, and thoroughly evil. I approve, carry on.

Shadows of Dakaron: Thanks so much. I've often wondered why I haven't yet been hired to plan out campaign strategy for a leading candidate. My approach is so simple, yet effective.

I thought the outrageousness of the lead-up was the whole point of the "Aristocrats" joke. It is basically a old shaggy dog framework, but the teller has to come up with the most ridiculous and offensive thing they can in the middle. The most offensive, the better. It was never meant to be really funny, just a verbal secret handshake between comedians.

If you really want disturbing, I just saw the commercial where Michael Strahan sings a Mary J. Blige song. Brrrr!

Oh and Max Headroom update: yes, yes, a million times yes.

The KSK piece is indeed a transcript of one of Gilbert Gottfried's variations on the Aristocrats joke. From what I've heard and read, Gottfried is considered the current living master of the Aristocrats joke...

"Now pay attention here, because this is where things start to get a little out of hand."

...and I can see why.

I guess you've never seen The Aristocrats.

That comment about Clay Aiken is so try-hard, vulture-ish and offensive. Imagine calling any of the main sexualities "creepy" - what a horrible, unsympathetic and narrow view. Has he attacked anyone, or done anything immoral, illegal or wrong? God, it really creeps me out that he doesn't have sex with people! Yuck! I bet his closets are filled with, you know, clothes and stuff! Shudder.

Hell yeah, The Equalizer! If he's interested in slumming for TV, maybe they could get Terence Stamp.

Oh, and may I add: I'm asexual, and trust me when I say we are NOT interested in having Clay Aiken in our camp.

Kolby--we may have to get mr.kolby and mr.wsapnin together and let paddydog have a go. I don't mind farming out the services. But wait--if all it takes to get a guy to vote for a Democrat is good blow then I may have just found my special purpose!

And my favorite line from Bosom Buddies
"A formal? Great! Now I have to shave my back!" --Kip
It was by far the best of the '80's.

Clay Aiken is asexual only because his strict religious moral values won't allow him to be gay. I'd rather go to hell than be asexual.

Paddydog & wsapnin - I may have told this story here before, but Mr. Kolby & I went through tough times during the '04 election cycle. In the end we had to ban the viewing of a few shows on our house, and it's worked wonders. So, to this day, no Bill O'Reiily, no Bill Maher, no Fox News whatsoever. Wish us luck this year!

we are NOT interested in having Clay Aiken in our camp.

There's a camp? Are there S'mores?

Hehe... this reminds me of the Futurama episode

Campaign worker: "We're The Voter Apathy Party"

Fry: "Sweet! Can I join?"

worker: "Not with that attitude."

Fry: "Ah, screw it then."

worker: "You're in!"

Or something like that. Actually it has nothing to do with any alleged asexual camp, except that I imagine it would be pretty hard, not to mention pointless, to fake your way in.

Where am I going with this? I don't know.

Kashi Rosemary and Sugar Snap Pea is better than the Coconut Lemongrass, anyday.

When is somebody going to acknowledge that Tony Bourdain sold his immortal soul for a bit part (not EVEN a cameo) in Uwe Boll's latest movie?

And why does no one visit me in my home?

Michelle Pfeiffer looks incredible, although she could stand maybe five pounds extra. I liked Cate Blanchett's tapestry maternity gown. And Angelina's mg was also fetching, if a bit dangerous in the Isadora Duncan sense.

Fox News ran with the ' 200 kids released from Iraq high school' headline this morning despite the fact that the number was actually closer to 25 hostages. Believe nothing these yahoos claim.

I had a friend who was asexual due to the fact that she had been raped at age 15. :( But if Aiken's claiming he's asexual not out of previous trauma but just to get away from his gayness we all know is true then I hate him even more.

as an asexual and loyal pajiba reader, thanks for the support.

Sandra Oh's dress is supposed to be inspired by hanbok, traditional Korean dress. I think it could have been much nicer, though.

Is Pajiba endorsing Obama?

Pajiba is not. -- DR

I thought the point of the joke was that everyone hates the Patriots. Um, okay.

Bring Alf back!

Because your apartment smells like polygrip and cat pee, AM!

Off topic but what the hell - reports are coming out that Del Toro might direct the new Hobbit movies, which is nice. Maybe they'll be in Spanish

Ahahahahahhaha! Yes! June, you rock.

Ahhh, I had a feeling that joke had something to do with the Aristocrats. I actually never bothered to watch the film because I heard terrible, terrible things about it. So yeah, I can see where hearing a variation of that several times over might get old.

I loved The Aristocrats. I had a ball. It wasn't all just comics telling the joke; there was a lot of talk about the joke and what it means to comics and how it's like a gauge of their abilities--like someone said up above, sort of a comics' fraternal handshake.

The funniest version was George Carlin's. I near 'bout died. Unfortunately, it was near the very beginning of the movie, and nobody topped it. They should have put it nearer the end.

Is Pajiba endorsing Obama?

Pajiba is not. -- DR

Huckabee?

Fun bit of trivia - Kevin Peter Hall (aka Lincoln) from Misfits of Science played the Predator in Predator I and II, as well as Harry from Harry and the Hendersons.

while Gilbert Gottfried's version might be considered to be the current one to beat, my favourite version from the film (and probably the only funny thing she ever has done) is Sarah Silverman's. she tells it from the point of view of the now-grown-up daughter in the act and gets sentimentally teary-eyed when she speaks of "grandma".

Bob Saget's is also funny, if only because you've never thought that words like that could come out of Danny Tanner's mouth.

i have to say though, i'm suprised that a Pajiba staffer hasn't heard of the joke or, at least, the Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza produced documentary about it. it was released in 2005 by THINKfilm and was dedicated to Johnny Carson because rumour has it that it was his favourite joke.

Even better than the remakes, is the link for the 10 Scariest Vaginas that don't have teeth. I think Unicron should have been a bit lower, especially considering he would only eat cybernetically enhanced planets, that happenend to be shaped like balls. Someone that picky should automatically be demoted.

causaubon I believe Stacey's explanation answers concerns. It was a decision not to see the movie

coconut lemongrass isn't bad. the best is black bean mango.
the aristocrats reminds me of another joke, that's basically the same idea but with less poop involved called Ritmus Pippen. but i may be the only one that's ever heard of it.

The funniest thing about The Aristocrats is that the joke itself is actually the least funny part. Which is kind of funny, no?

Truthfully, the movie is so vile that it transcends its own vileness- the joke becomes just words and it is how the comic puts them together and performs it that become the artistry- not the actual acts they are describing. The obscenity is both integral and secondary to the movie as a whole- a fascinating dichotomy.

If you do rent it, definitely watch the extras- the joke about the snail has become my all-time favorite. I'm giggling now just thinking about it.