P2 / Phillip Stephens
This new French cabal of horror-maestro-wannabes led by Alexandre Aja appears to be high on ambition and low on real ability. Ever since 2002 or so, writer Grégory Levasseur and editor Franck Khalfoun, both of whom served with Aja on the over-touted (and rather silly) High Tension, have been trying to make a name for themselves in horror’s hallowed halls. Aja shows promise (with regards to horror norms), and all certainly know their influences, but the whole troupe has a lot to learn before they can really start being able to emulate their Italian and American forefathers with any consequence.
The stupidly titled P2, directed by Khalfoun, is a wholly unsuccessful thriller whose only piquing quality is its probable attempt at giallo horror homage. The film hones in on two characters and one location, providing the tight corners, thrills, and a pair of moments of sheer lurid nasty that would make Mario and Dario break into wide-toothed grins. The blood and boobs (and canines…and eye-violence!) are certainly there; what’s lacking is any kind of exposition and a workable villain. The plot of P2 just isn’t up to even bad giallo standards — the two leads can’t stir the interest necessary to thrill and the parking garage setting, an admirable attempt at American familiarity and claustrophobia, hasn’t the Grand Guignol to augment the suspense and mask the lack of real action.
I suppose anyone who’s walked through the concrete desolation of an empty, shoddily lit parking deck can empathize with our chief heroine’s (Rachel Nichols, whose resemblance to Bridget Fonda is alarming) plight, isolated and unnerved in this gray labyrinth with its leering cameras and fragmenting echoes. But are we to be similarly provoked when it’s revealed that the cat to Nichols’ mouse (Wes Bentley) has likewise been effected, been driven mad by the hellish seclusion of this Alighierian parking garage? Methinks not. Bentley, a promising young actor whose career has taken a turn for the thbbbbbt these years past, can’t approximate the psychopath Aja, Levasseur, and Khalfoun have written him to be; in all likelihood, no one could, because this crazy security guard feels more like a half-assed stalker, the kind that leaves you alone after one raised-voice confrontation, or a whiny ex-boyfriend than anything genuinely scary. Nor does he have the screen presence to really put the goose in our pimples; sure, he yells a few times and narrows those caterpillar-thick eyebrows, but honestly — if this guy didn’t have his pet Rottweiler or his handcuffs, would there be anything to stop Rachel Nichols from beating his ass like we know she eventually will? Methinks not.
So, unhinged security bum traps and kidnaps the overworked, perennially put-upon, and — worst of all — single! businesswoman, revealing himself to be her longtime admirer. He concocts a fantasy even a real lunatic wouldn’t find creative — serving an ersatz Christmas dinner of microwaved noodles to Nichols in his pathetically be-Christmas’d office. Helpfully, he’s disrobed her too; turns out that once that dowdy jacket and button-down shirt have been removed, once that hair’s been released from that oppressive bun, this office thrall is downright foxy. Nichols will spend about 80 percent of the movie in her slip, her glorious bosom palpitating for the camera and providing a starker relief when the inevitable blood speckles her pallor.
And then a whole lot of fuckall happens for over an hour; our heroine escapes and attempts to out-maneuver Bentley’s mewling villain, finally mustering the gall to turn the tables on her attacker and serve the entirely gratuitous emasculation he has coming. It’s all predictable and lacking in suspense. Even one or two episodes of stomach-wobbling gore can’t make up for all this misfiring apprehension; P2 is only mildly unsettling and wholly uninteresting.
I’m sympathetic to the Aja/Levasseur/Khalfoun clique, I really am; their attempts to make a name for themselves in modern horror’s parade of one-note slashers and torture-porn is a step in the right direction, and anyone who tries to pay homage to Argento (they even have a signature musical group: “tomandandy” to evince Goblin!) is cool in my book. But an impressive resume is not enough, boys — the non-visual elements need your attention, too.
Phillip Stephens is the lead critic for Pajiba. He lives in Fayetteville, AR.
Pajiba Love 11/09/07 | | Fred Claus |
Comments
I was hoping Rachel Nichols' hotness could save this movie... damn.
Posted by: Gordon at November 10, 2007 3:16 AM
Yet ANOTHER entry into the the "male emasculation porn" genre.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 10, 2007 6:25 AM
Wait - there's a "male emasculation porn" genre? Where have I been?
Posted by: Daphne at November 10, 2007 10:32 AM
Tomandandy also did the music on Mr Stitch, which was pretty cool and I think might also have been a French film.
It was a cool bit of weirdness from Rutger Hauer and Wil Wheaton. And that groovy manbeast Ron Perlman.
Posted by: Loob at November 10, 2007 12:02 PM
No one loves giallo like I love giallo and this sounds like a a ding-dang bore. I wish Goblin would bloodily dispatch "tomandandy" with much pomp and creativity for not even having a scary name. Then they could auditorilly harrass Levasseur & Khalfoun 'til they lose both their minds and retire to an ancestral castle, never to make inexcusable movies again.
Posted by: Amanda H. at November 10, 2007 12:49 PM
Bentley, a promising young actor whose career has taken a turn for the thbbbbbt these years past
That made me laugh for about two full minutes.
What a waste of a good setting--parking garages really are creepy as hell.
Posted by: TT at November 10, 2007 3:58 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeYEiSDmt0I
Yup yuppers, parking lots are pretty damn creepy when you're walking around by yourself.
Posted by: Alex at November 10, 2007 8:22 PM
Parking garages are pretty damn creepy. But they also make me think of Massive Attack's "Angel" video which isn't a bad thing. I dunno.
Posted by: Zerokool at November 10, 2007 8:25 PM
Aja shows promise (with regards to horror norms)
Aja's style is anything but traditional with regards to horror in the US. He actually focuses on character development, performances, and intricate details that help his work thrive. I cannot speak for the others you mentioned.
Posted by: Robert at November 10, 2007 11:03 PM
One must needs watch Suspiria before passing judgment, here.
Posted by: Rykker at November 11, 2007 1:02 AM
Hi ZeroCool. I like your handle..."Look at the refresh rate on this screen!!!"
also: "You wanted to know who I am, Zero Cool? Well, let me explain the New World Order. Governments and corporations need people like you and me. We are Samurai... the Keyboard Cowboys... and all those other people who have no idea what's going on are the cattle... Moooo."
:)
Posted by: rebeccah at November 11, 2007 4:07 AM
hahahahaha Hackers did have its moments, guilty pleasure!
"I kinda feel like God..."
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 11, 2007 7:10 AM
I went to see this with my sister Friday night, but there were like five separate groups of rude high school kids talking and yelling, so we left fifteen minutes in and got our money back.
I guess I owe the little bastards a thank-you note.
Posted by: mella at November 11, 2007 11:33 AM
creepiest parking garage moment in film:
Candyman: HELEN! [deep, creepy, gravelly voice]
Helen: Yes?
Candyman: HELEN!
Posted by: YIPES at November 11, 2007 10:19 PM
P2 is stupidly titled. Based on the commercial spots, my boyfriend and I have just been referring to it as "Ax Boobies."
Posted by: Lobstersurprise at November 12, 2007 12:05 PM
When I first saw the trailer to this, I had a vague hope that it would actually be good...because of the location, mostly, and because I thought Wes was appropriately creepy in American Beauty. I figured he'd be able to pull off creepy stalker-villain-guy pretty well. Like I said, it was a vague ope, that went downhill the more I saw the trailer. This review was reallly just a nail in the coffin.
Hackers is still a great movie to watch, if only to laugh at how Hollywood views the computer world. But it was also really fun to watch....I haven't seen it in years. I'm gonna have to go find it again.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 12, 2007 12:12 PM
High Tension is one of the best horror movies of the past 10 years. If you thought that is overrated by the genre-masses, and you didn't care for P2 then I guess I'll have to see P2. '
Pajiba, please start reviewing horror movies as horror movies. In all the horror reviews you start with "I know these movies are simply vehicles for over the top slaying, and teen promiscuity...BUT in this flick there's no resemblance of structure" blah blah blah.
Posted by: CoolWhip at November 12, 2007 12:43 PM
"creepiest parking garage moment in film:
Candyman: HELEN! [deep, creepy, gravelly voice]
Helen: Yes?
Candyman: HELEN!
Posted by: YIPES at November 11, 2007 10:19 PM"
That was a good one.
Another good one was when Elaine's goldfish died because Kramer couldn't remember where he'd parked the car.
Posted by: Loob at November 12, 2007 1:56 PM
"...and -- worst of all -- single! businesswoman..."
does she own a cat, too?
Posted by: Estelle at November 12, 2007 2:22 PM
A giallo-like film in theaters? How come I knew nothing of this??? Probably because it sucks like a hooker on a crack binge. I am truly sad that this film sucks... but I may see it anyway!
I actually got all of the references to giallo in the review, though... a first for me! Not that I'm ignorant or anything - I just have a very limited group of film genres that I will watch.
I loved "May." Just enough homage to Argento, but with its own unique qualities. Very creepy and one of my favorite movies!
Posted by: Mistress Violet at November 12, 2007 9:42 PM
This movie fails in about every way possible, except for the "Gratuitous Booby Shot" category. As a horror movie it's garabage because the villain isn't even close to scary. I laughed at Tom most of the time. Then I thought, "Maybe I was supposed to laugh at Tom, maybe this is a campy kind of horror movie that doesn't take itself seriously..."
Except it DOES take itself seriously. And it blows. Worth a rental with good buddies and good booze, but that's about it. But, as crappy as it was, it's still better than Red Eye.
Posted by: saxyman1004 at November 14, 2007 11:15 AM
