Pajiba

The Notebook is one of those movies that no one on staff could muster up the energy to review either the first time around when it came out in theaters, or immediately upon its release into DVD. Here we are, though, weeks later, and The Notebook has solidified itself as a bona fide DVD success, giving us, unfortunately, no choice but to endure 123 minutes of chick-flick hell so that 16-year-old Tommy will understand that this is the perfect film to watch with his girlfriend in his parent’s living room in the hopes that Betty will be so overcome with grief that she won’t notice when he tries to cop a feel.

Directed by Nick Cassavetes — the son of a pioneer in American cinema verite, John Cassavetes — The Notebook helps to solidify Nick’s reputation as a pioneer of American cinema mediocre. There is absolutely nothing exceptional about The Notebook except in its ability to make easily manipulated moviegoers weep, not so much through the use of talent or a well-written script, but by sheer brute force. Cassavetes—adapting the crappy romance novel by Nicholas Spark (A Walk to Remember, Message in a Bottle)—has apparently opted for the Kama Sutra method of filmmaking—poking, prodding, and pummeling from every conceivable angle in the hopes that he can force salt-water ejaculate from your tear ducts; if the sappy love story doesn’t leave you bawling, then by damn he’ll go at you Steel Magnolias style.

The story is bi-leveled, though don’t let that have you believing it is complex; it’s not. It follows a guy named Duke (James Garner), an apparent resident of a nursing home, who fills up his time by reading a love story about Noah and Allie to an unnamed Alzheimer’s patient (Gena Rowlands, the director’s mother). Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel McAdams) met in 1940 at a carnival, where Noah made an ass of himself, and, naturally, Allie fell in love with him. Noah, however, is poor, which we know because he square dances with (gasp!) black people, and Allie is wealthy, which we know because her father’s moustache curls up at the ends. And we all know that the poor guy/rich girl premise is doomed to fail.

All is swell for most of the summer of 1940, up and until we learn that Allie is going off to college in New York City, and that her momma (Joan Allen) isn’t altogether fond of Noah, mostly because he only makes $.40 an hour at the sawmill; predictably, the couple separate. Noah goes off to war, and Allie eventually gets engaged to a guy named Lon (James Marsden), who doesn’t have an upturned moustache, but will likely grow into one.

I won’t ruin your private hell by revealing any more plot than that, but if you have half a mind, the film unwinds just as you’d expect, and concludes with your girlfriend’s tear-streaked face pressed against your chest as you fight to stifle either your own tears or laughter, depending on your mentality. The movie is not a total waste, however; James Garner’s performance as Duke is surprisingly unsentimental and dignified, given what he had to work with, and McAdams—one of the wicked Mean Girls—turns in a performance good enough that it feels wasted in this film. For the most part, however, The Notebook is unapologetically treacly, the kind of movie that may make you weep, but you’ll feel dirty about it afterwards.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba and managing partner of its parent company, which prefers to remain anonymous for reasons pertaining to public relations. He lives in Ithaca, New York.

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