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Ansel Elgort Edges Ahead of Miles Teller in Douche-lympics

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Music | September 9, 2015 | Comments ()

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Music | September 9, 2015 |


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Ansel Elgort is sort of like Miles Teller around these parts in that while most of the Pajiba writers admit that each is a good enough actor, there is a strong contingent that cannot get around that elusive quality of “punchable face.” We’re not talking about actual violence, just that set of qualities that make someone seem some combination of smarmy, pretentious, infuriating, douchey, and arrogant. The sort of person whom you can’t quite put a finger on a real reason to explain why everything they say and do makes you twitch, but can’t sum it up better than just declaring that you want to punch them in the face.

I warn you, if you’re on the fence, you’re going to print out a picture of Elgort just to put it into the shredder on principle.

Ahem.

Ansel Elgort has an alter ego named “Ansolo” who makes the techno music.

Note: I know that either nobody calls it techno anymore or that’s not actually the right word. In fact, the article I’m reading about this says it’s called “EDM”, but I assume that’s the street name for some combination of ecstasy and laxatives. I’ve also heard the word “house” but if your house is making those terrible noises you probably should sue the general contractor. So I call it techno because that’s what it was called when I first hated it in the late nineties.

Ansolo has a record deal. And I can’t imagine why I haven’t listened to any music released in the last eight years.

Says Ansolo:

The whole thing… it’s more than just writing and performing. It’s engineering and producing. It’s magical. It’s something on your computer you can do all by yourself. It’s the same thing as piano and voice, but now you have tracks that are 70 channels. You can write lines for all these different synthesizers and make unique things. With a piano, everyone’s heard what a piano sounds like, but with dance music, every month there’s a new track with a sound that everyone’s like, “What is that sound? How did he do it?”

“It’s engineering and producing.”: As someone with an engineering degree, I’m offended.

“It’s magical. It’s something on your computer you can do all by yourself.” Try not reading that in Rafi’s voice.

“but now you have tracks that are 70 channels.” I don’t even have cable anymore, appealing to an arbitrarily high number of channels, when there are only six I actually want is not going to work on me.

“With a piano, everyone’s heard what a piano sounds like.” Oh and now we see the fascist anti-deaf undertones of this entire undertaking.

“every month there’s a new track with a sound that everyone’s like, “What is that sound? How did he do it?”“. untz-untz-untz-untz-untz-untz-untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz- untz-untz-untz.

How? You were so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you never stopped to consider if you should.

Ansolo has kindly set up a SoundCloud. I don’t really know what that it is other than being a mechanism for clicking that thing below and having your ears bleed for an hour:

(source: USA Today)



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