Pajiba

First one that springs to mind is Bush's "Machinehead," which I always swore was "Mushy Head" and makes me think of a rotten canteloupe.

J. Geils Band - My Anus is the Center Hole

For years I've misunderstood Pearl Jam lyrics. I think the longest running one was in Black I always thought he was saying "I know someday you'll have a beautiful laugh", and then one day I was listening to it and went, "hmph. Life totally makes more sense. I'm an idiot. tralalalala."

Well mine all stems from the same song "All Apologies" by Nirvana. I thought the line was:
"Choking on the ashes of a runaway."
"Choking on the ashes of a maid"
"Choking on the ashes of a geranimal" (don't ask me about that one but somehow I made it fit)
I seriously didn't even know the right lyrics until right now.

On another note, my best friend Natasha used to believe Phil Colins was singing just to her when he sang "She seems to have an invisible Tasha" instead of Invisible Touch. We obviously have problems.

CCR: "There's a bathroom on the right."

Stabbing Westward's lyrics for "Shame." I swore up and down (well, half-jokingly) that the lyrics to the chorus said, "How can I have sex without you?" After realizing how silly that would be, I changed my opinion to, "How can I obsess without you?" Then, when I finally bought the damn CD and looked at the lyrics, I saw that they actually said, "How can I exist without you?"

Britney Spears - Hit Me Baby One More Time

I often mishear that as John...pick up a knife and stab whomever is playing this "music" repeatedly, in the heart, with a very large blade.

Now that I think about it, the lyrics don't really go with the tempo of the song so I'm probably a little off.

First of all, PissBoy I do not think that you are being entirely honest.

Second, my favorite misheard lyric, won't make sense to any of you, because it was lyric from the Main Squeeze's band (a couple of bands ago) and it was misheard by my roommate at the time. What she heard was "I was a wounded purse, but now I'm different." Of course, I have no idea what the actual words are, because that's all I hear on the occasions that the old cassette tape with that song on it comes out.

I know that there are more popular songs that I mishear the lyrics on, but I can't think of any now.

Annie Lennox's soulful Feels Just Like I'm Walking On Propane Gas.

And my dad always thought it was Secret Asian Man.

For years I thought Led Zepplin's "All of My Love" was Olive, My Love. I still sing it that way because I like it better.

In Ween's Transdermal Celebration the line is really "A billion miles to Mark A" but I always hear it "A million miles to Margate". The rest of the song doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either, so I just assumed they were sending a shout-out to Jersey.

I refuse to believe that The Band's "Weight" refers to a woman named "Fanny." It was and will always be, "Take a load off, Annie"

WHAT?! Damn it Dustin, I thought it was Annie as well.

When I hear Metallica's "Unforgiven," I always hear "Lemon tree...LEMONY!" I have insisted to my best friend for years that the song is about making lemonade. Angrily.

I often mishear that as John...pick up a knife and stab whomever is playing this "music" repeatedly, in the heart, with a very large blade. Now that I think about it, the lyrics don't really go with the tempo of the song so I'm probably a little off.

No, PB...I think that's about right. :)

When I was a youngin' I thought Rob Zombie's "More Human than Human" lyrics were "all here man let me hear the band"

Yep.

Another Elton John song: "Hold me Closer Tony Danza" Still cracks me up!

Deep Purple's Smoke on the Water. I don't know how this could happen but I was told of someone who thought the chorus contained the following: "Slow motion Walter, the fire engine guy." Awesome and bonus points for the complete disregard for the title of the song.

This oughtta be pretty damned hilarious. The record-holder for inscrutable lyrics has to be the entire Elton John/Bernie Taupin canon ('Goodbye Yellow Brick Road' has to have a dozen in that one song alone), my fave being "Hold me closer, Tony Danza"(!), but that may be replaced by the "biggest dick I ever got," which made me laugh even harder. You can have a field day with Taupin's lyrics as sung by Elton John.
Another great one I read is "I'm shaving off my muff for you" (Whitney's 'Saving All My Love For You'), and "There's a bathroom on the right" ('Bad Moon Rising') is good for a giggle (I didn't come up with any of these).
One time a stoner friend of mine was singing along with 'All Right Now' and sang "Let's move before they raise the fucking rate, owww.."
And for 'Wire' fans, remember when that guy said the actual opening lines to 'Honky Tonk Women' and NO ONE knew what the hell he was talking about??!! I sure didn't.
Let's add Mick Jagger's mangling of the English language up there with Elton.
I got more, so I'll be back!

My mother and I used to crack up when the Thompson Twins "Hold Me Now" would come on the radio, because "Hold me now, warm my heart" always sounded to us like

Hold me now, walk my car

She also thought that "Love, lift us up where we belong" sounded like "The lift is up where we belong." And she wasn't even English.

The other day Billy Idol's "My Kind of Lover" came on the radio, and my husband began laughing maniacally then sang along, "My Candelabra." And that's exactly what it sounds like.

A friend of mine misunderstood Tool's Aenema ... "Fuck L. Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones" as "Fuck Old Ma Hubbard and fuck all her bones." And that is how I sing it, because that's awesome.

do you remember that comedy troupe, the vacant lot? they had a skit devoted to the misheard lyrics of "blinded by the light". funny stuff.

anyway, when i saw dirty dancing and i heard the contours' "do you love me?", i thought he was singing: "i'm the masturbator" rather than "i can mash potato".

To this day I think Gavin Rossdale is singing "Mickey Mouse, Scrotum the Cow" in "Everything Zen." The interwebs tell me the lyric is really "minnie mouse has grown up a cow" - but I like my version FAR better. Makes me think of a new Disney character being introduced: "Mickey Mouse, meet Scrotum the Cow."

I'd pay to visit THAT park any day.

My grandfather used to sing "If you eat green apples in Virginia, you'll have a pain in your lonesome spine." Even as a little kid, I knew that didn't make sense. I was grown before I heard "In the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, on the trail of the lonesome spine" and realized what the real lyrics were. To this day, when I hear that tune, I sing Pappy's lyrics in my head.
Thanks, Pappy.
I had a classmate who sang the Who's "Who are You" as New Orleans. I don't know what she sang at the "who the hell are you" part.

Another: "Brimfull of Asha," which I of course couldn't understand ANYWAY, but I thought the line "everyone needs a bosom for a pillow" was "everyone needs some pudding from below".

Naturally, I imagined this to be an allusion to pudding from hell...like tapioca that eats your babies.

As a child, I always thought Percy Sledge was singing a tender ode to legumes:

"When a maaaaan loves a walnut!"

Outside in the cold distance,
A Wildcat James Brown

(only in the Hendrix version)

I definitely thought for the longest time that in "You Oughta Know", Alanis was singing "It's not fair to remind me of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me". Cross-eyed bear? Whatever, I was like 10.

Melina: Choking on the ashes of a geranimal
I absolutly made up the same word for this song. And I have sung it since day 1. Bizzare.
__________________________

Anyway, for the longest time my husband was telling me about this song he kept hearing. "This guy talks about how he has to see boobs. Its really a strange song" he said. I shrugged. I didnt believe him. Songs on popular radio stations do not say 'boobs'. At leat none that I can think of...I chalked it up to the fact that English is my hubby's 2nd language. Then it came on the radio one night. It's that newer Chris Brown song 'With you'.
I listened in stunned silence. "He really does say 'see your boobs' huh?" My husband said. I nodded. But then I looked up the lyrics. And lo and behold:

Correct lyric: I need you boo, (oh)
I gotta see you boo (hey)

Heard lyric: I need your boobs. Gotta see your boobs.

I just want you to know I love all of you very much, and I am so glad my boss is out of the office right now and can't witness me hitting "Refresh" compulsively and giggling insanely at all of these entries. Best diversion yet.

go to You Tube and look up Pearl Jam's "Yellow Ledbetter" misheard lyrics. it's one of those mystery songs (like REM was fond of having when I was in junior high) where the band never reveals the lyrics. This Misheard Lyrics version video is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and I find myself singing its version whenever the song rotates on my ipod.

"Count the head lice (lights) on the highway" ('Tiny Dancer')

Long-time lurker popping in to say that the number one misheard lyric for me (aside from the "douche" bit, which still gets me) comes from an A-ha song. (Yes, I listened to A-ha.) It's from "Scoundrel Days" and the correct lyric -- had to look it up -- is "Outside on the pavement/The dark makes no noise." To this day, however, I still hear "Outside on the pavement/The dog makes a mess." I defy you to listen to it and not hear that. Or perhaps I am merely projecting...

Pearl Jam is awesome for some misunderstood lyrics. Although I am much like your wife and am one of those people who simply must know the real lyrics. I still am not certain about half of "Evenflow" and it is one of my favorite songs.

I still maintain that "Rooster" by Alice In Chains is one of the most indecipherable songs ever.

Damn, the 90's was good for unintelligible song lyrics.

Sublime's "Santeria"

What he's singing : If I could find that heina, and that sancho that she's found.

What I heard: If I could find that heina, and that sanchorachis band.

Lemme alone. I don 'peak a 'panish.

I loved Feist's "1 2 3 4", even after it became the apple theme song, but when I first heard it, I thought she said "Old teenage hoes appeared at your door", which made me wonder what exactly Ms. Feist does on her free time. Oh well, totally deserved her five Junos, and she has a permanant place in my top 5 switch-worthy list.

"Sittin' butt naked on a porcupine made of concrete, yee-ahh!"

Just to let you know, this line just about made me lose my shit in the very quiet medical office in which I work. And surf Facebook compulsively.

Anyway, my "wtf" lyrics come from the beginning of Filter's "Picture."

"A wake-o my oh plean, a wake-o my oh plean"...

I still don't know what the real words are.

Am I mistaken, or did I hear that the lyric "If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed no, it's just a sprinkling for the May queen," is the ACTUAL lyric in 'Stairway To Heaven'? Now that's just stupid all on its own, innit?

For months I thought the line in Michael Buble's song "Everything" was "you're my momma's face," which is pretty creepy. Turns out it's actually "you're from outer space."

Nada Surf: "I'm a quarter black, I'm popular."

I recently went on a nostalgic trip gathering my 90s music on my ipod and I came across the Mr. Big song "To Be With You" (shut up) and in the chorus I always sang it "waited on the line-up, gangs and dudes" (shut up more).

This morning I knew I had to be terribly wrong, so I looked it up, and it makes just about as much sense as mine:
"Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you"
whatever

Oh, and I'm sorry for the double post, but I'm suprised no one has mentioned this one yet. There's some Janet Jackson song where I SWEAR she says, "Get a rug and poo." I think the lyrics are supposed to be "All my love's for you," but she says that again after the rug and poo thing, and it sounds completely normal. Anyone care to help me out?

paul simon's 'mother and child reunion' when he says 'i can't remember a SATURDAY'. it always bothered me that he couldn't remember a single saturday in his whole life. after years and years of listening to that song and wondering why, it finally occurred to me that the lyric is "i can't remember a SADDER DAY"

The fabulous, romantic song, "Lips Like Sugar" by Echo and the Bunnymen: The first time the singer sings that line (in the first verse), I swear by all the Gods that are or ever were, it sounds exactly like he's saying, "Lips like chicken." He then repeats it: "Lips like chicken." I'm convinced that's what he's really saying.

I have lots of others...In another 80s song, "Gypsy" by Fleetwood Mac (yeah, gag, I know), in the first verse what's-her-name sings, "In a room with some lace and paper flowers" (gag again) and for years I thought she was singing, "In a room where sun lays in vapor flowers." And yes, I do prefer my version--a better visual, and much less trite.

How about "two chickens to paralyze, pack your bags, we'll leave tonight". What's that about?

"Crash Into Me" I used to think said "I'm bare bumed and crazy". I have no idea what he is saying in that song.

Ever since I was a kid, I've never understood the lyrics for Black Crowes - Hard to Handle. I don't think I could even attempt to replicate what I thought the real lyrics are because it's literally just a big heaping pile of jibberish in my head.

Thats the only one I got. I'm usually that annoying person...You know, if I don't know the lyrics I will look it up. I like to think it helps in building context withing the song. And I don't want to be the fool singing the wrong lyrics because thats how I roll.

Bee Gees' 'You Should be Dancing': "Whatcha doin' with the neighbor's cat?" - both times! I still don't know those actual lyrics, and I guess I'd rather not.

What's love got to do, got to do with it?
What's love, but a second handy motion.

(second hand emotion)

Pearl Jam's Betterman it sounds like Eddie's singing about how "She can't find amphetamines."

Unfortunately I'm one of the fascist textualists Dustin mentioned so whenever I'm listening to a song I don't know and I hear something really weird I immediately assume I've heard it wrong and either listen to it over and over until I figure out the real lyric or I look it up.

Another stupid (actual) lyric, this from Elvis' 'All Shook Up':
"Well, bless my soul, what's wrong with me/ I'm itchin' like a man on a fuzzy tree."
Stay away from the fuzzy trees, dumb shit!

When James Taylor would sing about "Copperline", he would sing about 'Hercules and a hog nosed snake, down on Copperline' For a long time I thought he was singing about 'Hercules and the hogs don't stink'.

Bohemian Rhapsody:

Actual lyrics: Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me.

Heard lyrics: Hit me with the windows, doesn't really matter to me.

Ha ha! this is great. I constantly do this and then once I find out the lyrics I can't go back. Even if it makes me look like an idiot. And it does. Of course I can't think of anything right now, but the worst is when you think a song is so romantic and awesome and then because you misheard the lyrics you realize that it is about suicide and murder or something.
One I can think of recently is on Goldfrapp's new album there is a song called 'Eat Yourself" (that is not the misheard lyric) but she says plastic boots and I hear boobs. And I do it every dang time I hear it. When I was a kid breathless and restless always became breastless. I guess I am obsessed with boobs.

My all-time favorite was my little brother (who was five at the time) singing "kitty kitty, kitty kitty" to Britney Spears "Slave 4 U." I actually had to look it up to make sure those weren't actually the words (its "get it get it"), and on balance I think I like his better. My guess is he thought that woman singing really liked cats.

Uncle Tupelo's Whiskey Bottle

One time a friend and I were road tripping and I thought is was SO COOL that we were listening to that since we were driving through White Plains and I THOUGHT the song went:

Liquor and guns, the sign says White Plains...

Only to have my friend relentlessly mock me, since it actually goes:

Liquor and guns, the sign says QUITE PLAIN.

Balls.

Chorus of Radiohead's Bones: "When you've got to feel it in your bones"

My husband's interpretation (which he insists on singing, a la Dustin, which drives me nuts a la Mrs. P-H): "Can't you see my maniac gloves?"

*sigh*

Semi-related note to the Canucks out there--you know the Tim Horton's Roll-Up-the-Rim commercial, where people roll up the rims and exclaim what they've won, and the first lady says "Tim card!"? Well, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what she had said, but it sure sounded like she won a "Tampon!" to me.

The Eurythmic's "Must be Talking to an Angel". I was so sure it was "Must be Talking to a Ninja" when I was a kid. I thought that was pretty freaking cool at 10.

When I was in grade school I always thought Benny and the Jets (Elton John) had the line
"she's got electric BOOBS, a mohair suit...."

i still sing it that way most the time if I hear it

U2: "If you want to kiss this guy, better learn how to kneel. On your knees boy." Was singing it at the top of my lungs one day when the hubs cracked up.

My parents were huge Abba fans back in the day. My sister sang "Gimme gimme gimme a monacle magnet" at the top of her lungs. My grandmother was scandalized to learn that the real lyrics to what the four-year-old was singing were actually "gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight".

Also, not so much misheard lyrics as misinterpretation of lyrics, but I thought Olivia Newton-John's Physical was an exercise song.

"Hold me closer, Tony Danza. Count the headlights on the highway..."

"I'll never dance with her mother, WOOOO when I saw her standing there."

Let's not forget the ENTIRE song 'Louie, Louie' by the Kingsmen. Hell, even the FBI couldn't decipher those lyrics (and they really did try)!

Oh oh! For YEARS I thought the lyrics to "Can't Hurry Love" were "Kate, your in love." I was really thrown the first time I heard the Phil Collins version.

Jeremy: I do the same thing on Feist's song. And I didn't even know that wasn't the right lyric. I always wonder what those "old teenage hoes" are up to.
And I second "Second handy motion"

Personal mis-hearings:

CCR's Bad Moon Rising was also "there's a bathroom on the right" to me

Hendrix's Purple Haze was "scuse me while I kiss this guy"

Clapton's Cocaine was "she's alright, she's alright, she's alright, cocaine"

The best messed up song lyrics I've heard from someone other than me was a dude requesting "Red Hot Love" from Golden Earring, and the DJ said " Dude, that's 'Radar Love'. You should know the right name of the song when you request it." and then hung up on the requester. It was hilarious.

As a fascist texualist, I feel it my duty to inform you all that the chorus of Letters to Cleo's "Here and Now" contains actual words, and those words are:

The comfort of the knowledge of a rise above the sky above could never parallel the challenge of an aquisition in the here and now, here and noo-oo-oow.

And that is from memory. Twelve years later and that is what I remember from high school.

Jen: You have truly shattered me. I read your comment and went, "Wait, what? It's NOT electric boobs?" Then I looked the up the lyrics. Electric boots are nowhere near as cool. Sigh.

Clapton's Cocaine was "she's alright, she's alright, she's alright, cocaine"

B.F.D., I didn't know those weren't the lyrics until right now. I had to look it up.

Pour some shoo-gah on me...

It's hot, sticky sweet, shahma shooma shooma shahma shooma feet.

Er, something like that.

I know they made this one into a commercial, but I still don't know what Def Leopard is saying.

A friend in college started singing a popular song by The Police one day. Instead of , "We are spirits in the material world", she was singing:

"Oscar lives in my cereal bowl, he lives in my cereal bowl."

Which was much creepier than Sting ever intended.

1. Hey, everyone thought it was "Secret Asian Man" which actually made sense when you watched the James Bond movie where Sean Connery is plastic surgeried into an Asian man.

2. "I'm not talking about millenium." I only found out a few months ago that it's "I'm not talking about MOVING IN, and I don't want to change your life, but there's a warm wind blowing the stars around, and I'd really love to see you tonight."

3. And I can't believe nobody's mentioned Louie, Louie. The entire song is impossible to understand.

Here's the real lyrics:

"Louie Louie, me gotta go. Louie Louie, me gotta go. A fine little girl, she wait for me. Me catch the ship across the sea. I sailed the ship all alone. I never think I'll make it home. Louie Louie, me gotta go . Three nights and days we sailed the sea. Me think of girl constantly. On the ship, I dream she there. I smell the rose in her hair. Louie Louie, me gotta go. Me see Jamaican moon above. It won't be long me see me love. Me take her in my arms and then I tell her I never leave again. Louie Louie, me gotta go." (By Richard Berry. Copyright 1957-1963 by Limax Music Inc.)

Here's what I hear:

Louie, Louie, mememego. Louie, Louie, mememego. Amimeril,shememememe. Mememememeacross me me. I memememememme. Louie, Louie, memememego. etc. etc.

I work at a karaoke bar (shut up!) as a bartender and we play music videos in between songs. The other night a new one popped up. This group called the All American Rejects starts singing this song about mowing lawns. Something to the effect of "Even when your hope is gone/mow the lawn/mow the lawn/til you make it through". I was wondering out loud if yard work was somehow a cathartic stress reliever until my co-worker (laughing hysterically) pointed out that they were saying "Move Along". Which is stupider. Damn new bands.

My old roomate thought The Who's " Who are you" was "Ooooooohhhh Ollie! Ooh ooh, ooh ooh". This is after CSI has been on the air for years.
And I second "Cross-eyed bear that you gave to me"

"Stabbing Westward's lyrics for "Shame." I swore up and down (well, half-jokingly) that the lyrics to the chorus said, "How can I have sex without you?" After realizing how silly that would be, I changed my opinion to, "How can I obsess without you?" Then, when I finally bought the damn CD and looked at the lyrics, I saw that they actually said, "How can I exist without you?" "

I totally thought it was 'How can I have sex without you?' until right now!

they are coming to me now:
Coldplay's "Yellow"
Real "Your skin oh yeah your skin and bones"
Mine: "Your still oh yeah you're still in love"
Boy was a surpised with the difference. Still love that song.

I always mishear Peter Gabriel's "Games Without Frontiers" because he's saying "Jeux sans frontieres" and that's French, and I don't speak French.

So I hear, "She's so funky, yeah." I only recently found out that was wrong.

"...you can't stop being my penpal...I'm goin' back to my cloud."

Elton John's "Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road"

"Confucius never stops...."

Coldplay's "Clocks"

Long time listener, first time poster...could NOT resist!

Tori Amos - Professional Widow 'gonna bring you some toast tonight, gonna bring you some toast tonight...Saturday babe'.

Clearly NOT the actual lyrics, but what to do, I am unable to sing the correct line now...even IF I knew what the hell it was.

Oh, and Alright by Jamiroquai...'we'll spend the night together, wake up with uncle Trevor'. Think quite a few recreationals may have been consumed to elicit such oddness from my tiny decrepit brain.

There's more (oh yes) but it's late and I must rest...

Pea, I thought "she's alright" was the chorus to Cocaine for years - just recently I found out that wasn't right. It's too bad - I like "she's alright" better than "she don't lie".

One more: And this is one that I just found out about thanks to Rock Band:
Roam by the B52s:
"Roam if you want to, roam around the world, roam if you want to without anything but the lovely bees."
Should be without anything but the love we feel.
I never ever knew that until last month. I'm such a dork. I like the lovely bees better.

All this time I thought the most famous misheard lyric was Jimi Hendricks' "'Scuse me while I kiss this guy"

Anyway, I can't think of any of my own, but for the longest time now we still make fun of my sister-in-law who thought the line from "Here I Go Again on my Own" went "Like a twister I was born to walk alone."

Jen!

I did the SAME thing. Glad to know it wasn't just me.

I could never understand the end of the chorus to 'Honky Tonk Women' - always sounded like an old Japanese monster movie title to me: "Ghidrah, Ghidrah, Ghidrah, Three-Headed Monster."
I'm stickin' with that.

Well, let's see...

N Sync (or however they punctuate their stupid name) -- instead of "and no matter what I do I feel the pain/with or without you" I always heard "and no matter what I do I feel the same/with or without you." This song played on near-continuous loop at my college job (Grrrrrr!), and it still took me a couple years to figure out that it wasn't an ode to apathy.

And whenever my mother plays Jesus Christ Superstar it always gets stuck in my head as "Jesus Christ, Superstar, who in the hell do you think you are?" -- fitting, I suppose, since I am an atheist.

The one I took the most grief over, though, was "Buenos Aires" from Evita. I was CONVINCED that Madonna was saying she had "just a little bit of Stockwater Tea" (hey, she was poor, she was even almost out of tea!) instead of "star quality."

Billy Idol's "Eyes Without a Face", heard as "How's about a date?"

Dang Bistro...I say that. I really need to read lyrics. It should be "drifter" right?? I will still sing twister because I was like 10 when that song came out.

My favorite misheard lyric, which I still sometimes accidentally sing:

In the "Do Re Mi" song from The Sound of Music, I thought it said, "ti, a drink with Jan and Brad" instead of "jam and bread." I heard the song before I saw the movie and thought Jan and Brad were two of the kids' names. Oh the shame.

My college room-mate SWORE Hall & Oates were singing, "She's a mandita!" I said, what the fuck is a mandita? She said, you know, that tribe in Africa. She was blonde, what do you want?

Another friend thought The Police song was "We are spareribs in the material world, are spareribs in the material world...."

I LOVE the commercial that was on for a while about "lock the cat box, lock the cat box."

And, my personal screw-up would be pretty much all of "Killer Queen" and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" Still don't know what the hell they are saying.

First thing that popped into my head is John Mellencamp - "Jack and Diane"

Heard: Diane sittin' on the backseat of Jackie's car"

Actual: Diane's the debutante backseat of Jackie's car" (my lyrics make way more sense)

AND

Heard: Scratches his head and does his fair exchange knee

Actual: Scratches his head and does his best James Dean

I know, mine is complete nonsense but it never sounded like "best James Dean" to me.

God, these are hilarious.

I don't know if this counts, but when I was a little kid and listened to "Michelle" I thought the part in French was them singing "Some day monkey boy play piano some, play piano some". Yeah, it was misheard French and I was like 5, but still. I still long for a monkey boy/Paul McCartney duet.

"There's a bad man on the ride.". I thought maybe the bad man was causing the hurricanes and that's why we shouldn't go out tonight.

"I set the night in motion." (Correct: I second that emotion.). I mean, when you give someone kisses sweet, you are sort of setting the night in motion, right?

Noelle...
It's not "she's so funky, yeah"?
Well, holy crap on a cracker!! Always thought it was.
My friends' son used to sing 3 Doors Down, Kryptonite as crib tonight.
Sort of cute for a 4 year old.

"FANNY"?!

No. Fuck no.

Van Halen's Panama? I thought it was Padded Bra.

These are ACTUAL song lyrics from "Life" by Des'ree:

I'm afraid of the dark
Especially when I'm in a park
When there's no one else around
Oh I get the shivers
I don't wanna see a ghost
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
Watch the evening news

These are more ACTUAL lyrics from "I Love New York" by Madonna:

I don't like cities
But I like new york
Other places make me feel like a dork
Los Angeles is for people who sleep
Paris and London
Baby you can keep

Forget mishearing songs. There are enough song lyrics out there that don't require f*cking with for butchering.

Ooh, I've got another one.
For "Jump" by Van Halen I always thought they were saying "Maxwell, Jump, Jump. Maxwell, Jump." My boyfriend recently told me it was "might as well jump".
You learn something new everyday.

I agree with David. The reason we misread them is that they don't make any sense. I love "The Shins" but for the most part I couldn't tell you what their songs mean.

Wow- not a MENTION of the Simpsons and "everyone look at your pants"? For Shame- that's a paddlin'!

also, i thought "more than a woman" by the beegees was "four legged woman", which then morphed into "four letter woman". i don't know what a four letter woman is.

Garth Brooks - Friends in Low Places. "I'm not big on social graces." I swore it sounds like and I will still sing to this day..."I'm not big on sausage races."

Ah, misheard lyrics, always a fun topic. In high school Pearl Jam was always on the radio, and for a horrifyingly long time I thought the song Glorified G went "glorified version of a pelican..." Which, even at the height of grunge music's popularity, I knew made no damn sense. Damn you, Eddie Vedder, enunciate!!!

But I still sort of love this one: A school friend argued with me for days (this was pre-internet), insisting that the lyrics to "America the Beautiful" include "above the fruity plains." I think in the end we agreed to disagree.

Oh, and I say we just over-rule The Band (hey, I love 'em, too) but, damn, ain't having no song about no woman named Fanny. It IS Annie, dammit!!!!

Not really misunderstood lyrics, but a few years ago I was working on some homework and singing quietly to myself without thinking at all about what was happening, and what came out was:

"Whooooa Black Betty,bam ba lam. Something 'bout spaghetti, bam ba lam..."

Of course, I almost never pay attention to what lyrics actually are, so it isn't really surprising.

OK, I just had a giggle fit reading all these and the only other person in the office is now backing away slooowwwlllyyy from my desk! ;-) I was giggling too hard to explain...

Me too with Purple Haze - if it's not "'scuse me while I kiss this guy", it should be!

I also mishear the chorus-ey bit in 'Starting' Something'. I have no idea what it is really, as I've never looked it up because I like my gobbledegook version better!

TMax - I'm pretty sure that's 'springclean for the May Queen', not 'sprinkling', but it's stupid either way.

"Gallows Pole" by Led Zeppelin -- I seriously think you could get a whole diversion out of lyrics sung by Robert Plant. In this one, I thought for the longest time he said "Now I laugh, oh so hard, she is swingin' on the gallows pole." I was like, what the hell did you hang the sister for?! She didn't do anything! Which kept me sort of annoyed with that song for years. Then I found out it's actually "Now I laugh and pull so hard and see you swingin' on the gallows pole." Still kind of brutal after he took all those bribes, but not nearly as bad. (I assume the guy must have done something to get hanged for to even be there in the first place.)

Also, more universally -- "Don't Bring Me Down" by Electric Light Orchestra. I know I'm not the only one who hears "Don't bring me down, Br-r-r-ruce." Whe the hell is Bruce?! But he's actually saying "gross," which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, either.

"Pour some shoo-gah on me... It's hot, sticky sweet, shahma shooma shooma shahma shooma feet."

Jen - The correct lyrics are "I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head to my feet".

Now, can you help me with the beginning of the song? "Love is like a bomb, baby, come and get it on. Livin' like a lover with a radar phone" or something like that.

Depeche Mode's Enjoy The Silence - the line is "pleasures remain, so does the pain" but my friend Joe always sang "pleasures remain, soldiers burping."

Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" - I THINK the line at the end is "you're gonna be the lucky one" but I always sing "Y'all know Hakeem Olajuwon."

Another addition--there's this song that Robin Thicke does (yeah, yeah, I'm lame) and the first line is "Some like to keep heat on/Some never have enough", and my sister swears it's really "Some like to get peed on". It really does sound like "peed", though. Maybe it was written by R. Kelly.

"Slow motion Walter the fire engine guy" is what my friend and I always sing.

My favorites:

"You've been outright offensive for so long now". (Desperado, the Eagles)
"Warm smell of fajitas/policemen rising up through the air" (Hotel California)
"I fell for a stapler." (California, Rufus Wainwright)
"Taco bell shoe." ( Avalanche, Matthew Good)

"Anyway, I can't think of any of my own, but for the longest time now we still make fun of my sister-in-law who thought the line from "Here I Go Again on my Own" went "Like a twister I was born to walk alone.""

I heard "like a twizzler I was born to walk alone."

Oh. And my favorite: "I guess it rains down in Africa." (Oh, Toto.)

"Semi-related note to the Canucks out there--you know the Tim Horton's Roll-Up-the-Rim commercial, where people roll up the rims and exclaim what they've won, and the first lady says "Tim card!"? Well, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what she had said, but it sure sounded like she won a "Tampon!" to me."

YES! I wasn't paying attention and my brother and I looked at each other and went "...tampon?"

Paul Simon- Graceland:
She comes back to tell me she's gone
As if I didn't know that
As if I didn't know my own bed
As if I'd never noticed
The way she brushed her hair from her forehead

I heard:
The way she brushed her hair and farted

Karma Chameleon:

"Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on comedian."

Also misunderstood nearly all the lyrics to Dance Hall Days:

We were so advised
So we danced all dance
We were cool on Christ
When I, you, and everyone we knew
Could believe, dude, sharing what was true
Oh, I said....

...Take your baby by the wrist
And her mouth is a fist
And in her eyes the stuff that's true
And you need her and she needs you

HAHAHA. Awesome.

I don't misunderstand too many lyrics these days - I always look 'em up.

Way back when, my best friend thought that the song "I Ran" by Flock of Seagulls was actually a song about the country of Iran - as in, "Iran, Iran so far away". She would sing along and then say, this song is so stupid! I have not let her forget that to this day.

Take a back right turn...it took us to two weeks to get him to believe it was "Paperback Writer". heheheh, Also, same guy, "bakin' carrot biscuits, everyday" no really Max it's "Takin' care of business" Sheesh, really small ears.

Melina,
I say the lines, "choking on the ashes of a runaway," and the "geranimal" one too! What on earth is he really saying?

Toto, I've always heard "I left my brains down in Africa"

prairiegirl, I'll add to your Jack and Diane confusion. I always heard:

"Changes come around real soon make you swear at a man"

instead of:

"changes come around real soon make us women and men."

I also want to add how creeped out I was when I realized the highly inappropriate lyrics to Greased Lightning are NOT the innocent:

"You are supreme. The chicks will scream for grease lightening."

and instead are actually

"You are supreme. The chicks'll cream for greased lightening,"

And "pussy wagon?" REALLY?

That movie was a childhood favorite! I watched it repeatedly and had NO IDEA. Ew.

Jack and Diane always got me too. "Long after the trend of living is gone." Oops!

Also, for some reason, Leyla always confused me (and I learned the acoustic version first!): "Darlin', won't you please my world remind."

And finally, my favorite: Instead of "rule the world," I heard, "Everybody wants to hula hoop."

I'm still bad at this nowadays... but it provides great fodder for my sister to laugh at me.

"Annie Lennox's soulful Feels Just Like I'm Walking On Propane Gas."

Which also has the courus "Monkey Don, Monkey Don, broken glass."

Spacehog's The Last Dictator: "I am the mashed potater."

Paul Young: "Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you." (Not me, but a friend heard this one)

AC/DC's Thunderstruck, where I was sure the repeated shouting of "Thunder" was "F*** you!" (I was appalled that they didn't bleep it out on the radio....)

I just recently figured out Van Halen's Panama didn't have a chorus of "Mellow Yellow." (Yeah, that one's pretty shameful.)

And I believe the most famous misheard lyric is "The girl with colitis goes by."

I'll think of more as soon as I post this, I'm sure.

Oh, and I thought of one: When Tori Amos in "Northern Lad" sings, "when you're only wet because of the rain," I thought for YEARS that it was "When your only world occurs in your brain." You have to admit it also makes sense in the context of the song. Tori is the queen of mumbling and mispronunciation.

My roommate used to swear on everything holy that the lyrics in the Destiny's Child song "Bugaboo" were not "break my lease so I can move," but rather, "break my knees so I can't move."

Shame on me for knowing the truth. Talk about wanting to break your own knees.

"Even flow"

"Something, something, gibberish, pig latin, Oh Even flow, At the love like butterflies"

As much of a fascist textualist as I am, it still bothers me that I have utterly no idea what the hell Veder is screaming about. I just mumble until the chorus and sing it loud and proud.

My ex fiancee used to laugh her ass off cuz one time we were in the car with my mother and Elton John's Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me came on the radio and she thought the chorus was actually "Don't let YOUR SON go down on me." That was pretty classic.

I've just remembered two more -
I always heard the chorus from Billy Ocean's 'When The Going Gets Tough' as 'go and get stuffed'. And from Madonna's 'La Isla Bonita', 'tropical the island breeze' became 'chop a goolie...'.

I was not alone - the Capital Radio morning DJ at the time always referred to the songs as "the 'go and get stuffed' song" and "the 'chop a goolie' song"!

Keith Richards from I Could Have Stood You Up. I always hear "He sucks my dick.." oh lordy I'm old.

...not a lyric but...

My dad was sitting at the computer a few years ago, not paying attention to the TV. It was a commercial for Miracle Ear hearing aids. Right after the commercial ended he turned around and asked "What the hell is a meer-gleer?"

This song called Lovin Each Day by this guy named Ronan Keating has the weirdest lyric.
He's actually singing "Our love is like an ocean, let's get it in motion"
But it sounds like "Let's get an abortion."

I don't know what's worse: the lyric or that I actually know (and like) this stupid song.

Todd:

I know the answer to that one! It's actually "Gruss," which is a German greeting/toast. But apparantly enough people thought it was "Bruce" so ELO started singing it that way in concert.

Oops - premature posting (sorry!)

Tears for Fears' "Mothers Talk" - the line is "my features form with the change in the weather" but I CLEARLY heard "my peaches fall with the change in the weather...." I just figured that Roland Olazabal experienced a northerly migration of his testicles when it was cold outside and they'd some back down when it got warm again.

Aerosmith's "What it Takes" - the line is "tell me you ain't lying when you're crying for me" but I just scat "taba dooby daya dooby daya dooo wayyyyyy". My wife gets irritated at that one because I know the actually lyric (she told me) but I stick with my scat skills (just like Space Ghost!)

Christopher Cross's "Sailing" (don't judge me) - the line (I think) is "Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be"(?) but I do the scat here, too, "Sailing takes me away to were I always doo be doo be."

I was always convinced that Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" chorus went "Just call me an island sleaze, all my body yours for free, this is who I long to be..."

Considering her coffee table book was huge when I was listening to this song a lot, it's no wonder I thought it was about some raging slut in the Caribbean! Now that I think back on it, I still like my lyrics better.

May I humbly suggest Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs for a short, hilarious read. One reader wrote in to say he thought the lyrics to Achy Breaky Heart went something like this:

"You can tell my lips
or you can tell my hips
that you're going to dump me if you can
but don't tell my liver
it never would forgive her
it might blow up and circumcise this man"

Oh yeah, and my uncle always sang,

"I smelt the cranes down in Africa!"

I was so sure TLC was singing "go go jason wonderful," rather than "don't go chasing waterfalls."

I still think mine sounds better.

Pearl Jam
Yellow Ledbetter:
The entire goddamn thing.

My sister always thought that "Make me a higher love" was actually "bake me a pie of love".

I myself haven't had any interesting mishears. I did think Scissor Sister's I Can't Decide lyric was "Fuckin' kissed you both at the same time" instead of "If I could kiss you both at the same time". I needs my swears.

Michael Jackson- Billie Jean: Actual line: "The Child is not my son!" My version: "The Chair is not my son!"

Elton John: Benny and the Jets: Actual line: "She's got electric boots, a mohair suit You know I read it in a magazine," My Version: "She's got electric boobs, and malhide fruits, you know I read it in a magazine."

Michael Jackson- Billie Jean: Actual line: "The Child is not my son!" My version: "The Chair is not my son!"

Hee hee hee. As a kid I always thought the lyrics were "but Jem is not my son," and I would think to myself..."But Jem is a girl!"

I'm breaking out of lurk mode to throw my own favorite misheard lyric. I don't know what this actual lyric is, but every time I hear Bowie's "China Girl" I hear "I'll give you Mallomars to rule the world!!" and it's impossible not to belt it out right along with him. Try it, it's fun!

And Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs? I also highly recommend it, but Neil Diamond fans beware, because Dave gives Neil a sound thrashing.

For Bush's Machinehead, I always thought he was saying "I waffle my machine" which I knew couldn't be right. The correct lyric, a friend pointed out to me, was "I walk from my machine."

Then there was The Boys of Summer : "I can see you....your bra strap shining in the sun." I think it's actually "brown skin".

one day while my bro-in-law and i were talking about name songs, "michelle", "mandy", etc., i mentioned jefferson starship's "sarah", and my sister interrupted to say, "KAsarah". When we asked her what she was talking about, she insisted that it was acutally, "KAsarah, KAsarah,..." It took us the better part of an afternoon to explain that no, really, thats just the musical stylings of jefferson starship, and yes, they are f'ed up.

Ooh, thought of another one. In the Sophie B. Hawkins' song "As I Lay Me Down," which played incessantly on the radio during my freshman year of high school, the background lyrics sound exactly like "I love tacos!"

I found on her website that it's actually "ooh la
kah koh", which is an indigenous language of the Ballantine
tribe and means, "wash your feet before you sleep." Okay, I like "I love tacos" way better.

I always sing Pearl Jam's "Glorified G" as "Four fine virgins on a pelican..." even after I found out it was "glorified version of a pellet gun..."

Manny,
I totally agree on Santeria. Even tho I knew it was the wrong lyric, I always sang:
"If I can find Jack Hanna, and that poncho that he found"
It made sense to me in 10th grade....

Dave Matthews Band, "Crash":
"Lift up your skirt a little more, and show the world to me"
always becomes
"Lift up your skirt, little boy, and show the world to me"

Because I love me underage trannies.

I third the Alanis "Cross-eyed bear" thing. I told this to an ex-boyfriend I now refer to as FAShole(due to his assholish demeanor and his resemblence to a child with fetal alcohol syndrome) and he totally accused me of making it up! That there are others out there who misunderstood this lyric (I thought the guy had given her some cockeyed teddy bear) completely validates the latter half of my ex's moniker, which means I can write a song just like Alanis' about how my exboyfriend is a craptaster. It's all cyclical.

Another good one is the UNO Attack song - You might get AIDS!!! It's like "thanks for reminding me, UNO Attack. Do you think you need to shove it in my face all the time! Don't you think I know I should cut down on illicit sex-having and IV drug using!" But maybe they just mean you might get AIDS when the HIV-laced cards come flying out of the machine and cut your ass. It's hard to make games interesting for kids these days.

JH: I like the scat approach!

I tend to make up sounds that approximate what noises are being sung. Like in No Doubt's "Just a Girl": "I'm just a girl living in captivity, oh bula boo, let me stay, la la la." No idea what she's really singing.

Or Gwen Stefani's The Sweet Escape: "I been acting like someone who fell on the floor and sa fug cha cha the refridgerator..."

That girl sings like she's got a mouthful of wet cat fur.

Anyone remember that song "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman? I swear there was a part that said "and her arms and legs wrapped 'round my shoulders". To this day, I have no idea what she's really saying.

i'm embarrassed to admit this, but in the early to mid-90s i did listen to dave matthews band. you can snicker now. anywho, my friend and i used to think he was saying "satur-nite" instead of "satellite"

I always wondered why Rusted Root kept referring to someone named Simi and the whale in the song "Send me on my way"

MystTeree - I just looked it up - it never even dawned on me that wasn't the correct lyric. Apparently, it's "And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder"

I'd call the rest of you FREAKS and WEIRDOS, but I have a misheard lyric too. It's from Stevie Wonder's Sir Duke: the actual line is "They can feel it all over", but I kept hearing it as "Naked people all over".

I still prefer my version.

BWeaves: "I'm not talking about millenium." I only found out a few months ago that it's "I'm not talking about MOVING IN, and I don't want to change your life, but there's a warm wind blowing the stars around, and I'd really love to see you tonight."
I always thought it was "I'm not talking 'bout my linen" as in doing my laundry for me.

"Lift up your skirt, little boy, and show the world to me"

Because I love me underage trannies.

Doug, that made me laugh so freaking hard. Oh my god.

Hey MystTeree,
The Tracy Chapman lyric is "And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder".
I must say I prefer the misheard version.

Jefferson Starship: I heard "Say goodnight to music" instead of "Set the night to music."

I have a friend who thought it was "whoah-oh-woah it's the music" not "whoah-oh-woah listen to the music."

And the one that makes my boyfriend laugh hardest is the Thompson Twins' "Hold Me Now". At the end the guys in the background are saying "my cold and lonely heart" but I thought they were saying "my ho-heee-high-he-har." Yep. I sang that for 20 years.

My favorite on this list is "I'm a quarter black. I'm popular."

I could never understand what Madonna was saying in Like a Prayer. The line goes: "You're here with me, it's like a dream. Let the choir sing."

"Let the choir sing" always sounded like "lefoquasi"
(and, yes, I do have a hearing problem.)

"Hey little thing, let me light your candle cuz a momma ah sure an da hananah, it's a ram."

...yeah.

I was there with "Secret Asian Man" too...but I actually did question at one point if he was saying "agent" and then talked myself out of it, because really, singing a song about being a secret agent is the least secret thing ever. So I thought Asian made a WHOLE lot more sense.

My two favorites from my youth?

'Cause inside I'm a dime without a shoe...

(P.M. Dawn's "I'd Die Without You")

Waffle

It was good

Living with you...WAFFLE!

It was good

I wanna wanna a waffle

(Better Than Ezra's Good)

In the case of "Good", when the real lyrics are "(wahow, It was good livin with you (wahow), It was good (awwawawa, wahow)..." who can blame us for getting them wrong??

A song about a waffle made more sense than a grown man using "wahow" as an actual word.

So I was talking with my friend back in college about the Alien Ant Farm song "Smooth Criminal", and I said I really wanted to hear the original because I wanted to hear Michael Jackson say "butt stains on the carpet", and she looked at me weirdly and busted out laughing. Then she informed me it was actually "blood stains on the carpet". So, yeah.

Pearl Jam, "Rearview Mirror"
I thought it was, "Soppy, soppy, clean you up, clean you uppp, watch you thru my rearview mirror"

Never thought it was actually: "Saw things,
Clearer,
Once you, were in my...Rearview mirror..."

And an old friend thought "brown eyed girl" was really "my bride girl." That's real bad.

Nickelback's "Rockstar" I thought they were saying "8 Big Men who Like to Beat Up Bassels" No clue what a bassel is.

Funnier though - My dad thought in the song Tubthumping it was "I've got no cows!" rather than "I get knocked down!" He's a farmer. I usually sing his version cause it makes sense in Wisconsin.

As usual with these lovely diversions, time constraints force me to post BEFORE reading. I therefore apologize if this has already been mentioned:

From Tori Amos's "Cornflake Girl:"

Actual lyric:
And the man with the golden gun
Thinks he knows so much,
Thinks he knows so much...

For months, I was convinced she was singing about a man with a rolled-up gnome.

Complete with the visual of a murdered gnome concealed in a rolled up, Oriental rug.

Ha! Vesica, I used to love PM Dawn! And that Better than Ezra song was confusing as hell.

Shit, you guys are keeping from my work. But this is too funny.

Pearl Jam, "Rearview Mirror"
I thought it was, "Soppy, soppy, clean you up, clean you uppp, watch you thru my rearview mirror"

Never thought it was actually: "Saw things,
Clearer,
Once you, were in my...Rearview mirror..."

And an old friend thought "brown eyed girl" was really "my bride girl." That's real bad.

My sister-in-law thought the lyrics were "Sad Patrol", instead of Sad But True-Metallica

Also my cousins would sing "Count Your Pussy" instead of "Controversy" by Prince. Hehe!

Lyric: "I fought the law and the law won."
My version: "I won't be long on the cow horn."

Makes absolutely no sense, but I defended it for a very long time.

My friend's version of "Good-bye, Ruby Tuesday" is one of my favorites also - "Good-bye, rheumatism!"

All I got to say is: Escuse me while I kiss this guy. Nuf said

In my office we listen to a crappy soft rock radio station all day, which means I have the privelage of hearing Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" at least once a day. There is a line that says "They were clouds in my coffee." And I KNOW that's what it says, but I can't but hear, every time, "There were clowns in my coffee, clowns in my coffee." I don't know about you, but to me that is a terrifying mental image.

I also thought that N. Diamond's song "Cherry" was "she's got the way to move my chair 'round" not the correct "she's got the way to move me, Cherry." That girl's name doesn't exists and even stupider grammar, Neil.

And another one: Change change change, change your fool.

Kristin: YES on "I love tacos" for that Sophie B. Hawkins song! We've been doing that for a while - never thought someone else might hear the same thing. That is hilarious!

My husband always sang "this is scary" instead of "voices carry" (Til Tuesday - long ago & far away), and "islands of seals" instead of "our lips are sealed" (Go-Go's).

Dirty Deeds! Thunder chief!

Jesus and Mary Chain's Just Like Honey, I always heard "I'll be a plastic toilet" and "eating out this girl is the hardest thing that I can do." Still actually not completely sure if Im wrong on those.

That Walking in Memphis song always tripped me up too. I believe it's actually "walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale." but we always sang it "walking with my feet in feet in a field."

Also? Prodigy's "Smack my bitch up" was "Take my picture"

My sister always thought the song from rod steward went "have i told you OLD LADY that i love you"....everytime i remember that i laugh my ass off and the better part is that she fought me for it and we even made a bet!!!

PS: it goes "hava i told you lately that i love you"

Ooh, one more, Boston's "More Than a Feelin."

I always thought the chorus was:

"More than a feeling, when I steer the car far away,
My baby's dreaming, and I see Mom and Dad walk away"

Unique II - Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride

for the longest time thought it was "Ain't nothing gonna break my spine"...always wondered why it was such a violent song

For the longest time, I thought ACDC's "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" was actually "Dirty Deats and the Donder King".

I know, I am special.

My wife thought that the Mary Chapin Carpenter song said "He thinks he'll beep her" instead of He thinks he'll keep her. I guess she thought it was an ode to telecommunications.

Hendrix's "Kiss the Sky" is my big one. I always thought "Scuse me while I kiss the sky" was actually "Scuse me while I kiss this guy."

Another one...back in the 80's i had a friend call josephine and she said the song by madonna like a virgin went "josephine and you are mine" and we all beleive her (shut up, we were 10)

MG, a friend of mine thought that ACDC's Dirty Deeds was sung "Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep", which is pretty fitting, 'cuz those would be some dirty deeds.

Also, all of the "Cross-eyed bear" business from Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know reminds me of the supposed story behind this song. The guy from the song is said to be Dave Coulier. Yes, that Dave Coulier. As in Uncle Joey. As in cut. it. out.

If this is all true, then she went down on him in a theater.

And that, my friends, is probably one the most terrible metal images of all time.

I meant "mental" not "metal". But yes, that image is pretty brutal.

Ugh, I'm famous for misheard lyrics...the one that jumps out at me immediately though is from Smashing Pumpkins' "Fuck You (An Ode To No One)" from "Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness".

Cracked my friend up when she caught me singing "I don't need your love, you Disco Bitch" instead of "No way, I don't need it, I don't need your love to disconnect/And you make it, so real, I don't need your love to disconnect".

*le sigh*

They later named their (ever-so-short-lived) band Disco Bitch and we all had a laugh.

My roommate always heard the Counting Crows version of "Big Yellow Taxi" line "they paved paradise to put up a parking lot" as "they paved paradise and put up a fucking lie."

She'd always be so confused, "Ahh! HOW is this allowed on the radio?!?!?!"

"I did think Scissor Sister's I Can't Decide lyric was 'Fuckin' kissed you both at the same time' instead of 'If I could kiss you both at the same time.'"

Melissa, are you sure on this? I was pretty sure the actual lyrics were "fuck and kiss you both at the same time."

At the beginning of JLo's "I'm Real," Ja Rule politely asks us what his "motherf***in' name" is, and JLo say's "R.U.L.E."

My friends and I always thought she was just saying "Are you ready?" We were devastated.

My.space.bar.is.dead.

From.the.Disney.movie.Pocahontas,
Colors.Of.The.Wind:

Have.you.ever.heard.the.wolf.cry.
to.the.blue.corn.moon?
Or.asked.the.flying.bumpkin.why.he.screeeeeams?

I dont know the name of the real song, but the chorus is something to the effect of Amber is the color of your energy, but it sounds like Amber is the color of my urnie stream

oh, sweet beegees
when i was little i heard "more than a woman" as "banana woman"... and it has stayed that way ever since

For years, I used to sing along, "And the pool hall aches, with every step you take..."

EM,

I had my best time today reading, refreshing, writing, refreshing, writing more & such that it actually pissed me off to have to leave work for an appt at 3:45 today.

I only just now got back on Pajiba, and your comment was about the 5th or 6th after the last one I'd read, re the lyrics of 'Michelle'.

God, I laughed so hard at that intuitive, precise, excactly-the-same pronunciation you so perfectly wrote, one that I myself have used for over 20 years, that I skipped the rest of the comments immediately just to write you as to how much I enjoyed it, so I hope you've come back & seen my compliment.

Being a HUGE Beatles fan, I'm disappointed in myself for not having more 'mis-heard lyrics' just from their songs alone.

This was indeed an excellent topic to cover for an afternoon diversion, and as of this writing I'm hoping to come back tomorrow and see even more great ones that were/are later remembered. It's hard to pull 'em up right on the spot, y'know? But give it some time, & post 'em as you remember 'em.

Now back to reading the rest of the comments.

Be well, Pajiba people

Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie":

Actual lyrics: "Oh boy, I can see your body moving
Half animal, half man"

I hear: "Oh boy, I can see your body moving Half manimal, half man"

I also hear Van Halen's "Panama" as "Manimal," so I think it's a personal sickness.

Living in Alaska always seems to mean getting to these so late.

I have two to submit.

For the classic Aerosmith song, I for years believed it to be "Do it like a lady." I believed that the fine gentlemen of Aerosmith were exhorting me to be more feminine. Much of this perception comes from my early exposure to this song only through Mrs. Doubtfire (like so many things we may blame this on Robin Williams). The song plays as Robin Williams in drag performs a variety feminine tasks and I believed they were celebrating his fine grasp of womanhood. (I can not believe I watched this movie repeatedly and still escaped childhood relatively unscathed.) Six months ago as I was cheerfully singing along to the radio, stopped, fully listened to the (mostly incomprehensible) mutterings and corrected my mental lyrics to the celebration of drag it really was, "Dude looks like a lady".

I grew up in Kansas and we routinely sang our state song, Home on the Range. I never mis-heard the line "seldom was heard a discouraging word". I believed that meant that was seldom was a discouraging word. We didn't want things to happen seldom; we wanted them to happen often. I even avoided using the word seldom until I hit middle school, stopped and thought about it, and realized that (1) I don't care about Kansas all that much and (2)seldom were people saying discouraging things was the ultimate goal.

before i learned spanish, i thought that juanes' hit "a dios le pido" (to god i ask) was really "adios lapido" (see ya lapido). my spanish partner was very confused when i kept requesting the song about lapido.

Nator:

Holy hell, I am laughing so hard there are tears coming out of my eyes. Your dad is AWESOME!

I wish I could participate, but I am a total lyric-nazi.

JH! - I thought Depeche Mode was saying "soldiers burping" too!!!! wow. that's funny.

The Eagles - "Ooh, ooh, Witch-headed woman"

I mishead Rage Against the Machine's "Calm Like a Bomb" as "calm like you're mom".

My brother misheard the line "numb is an old hat" (from Ani Difranco's Studying Stones) as "momma's an old hag." He refused to believe me when I told him that he was wrong. We were driving home at 4 a.m. from an Ani concert (yes, I'm a freak, but whatever)and I had to call my roommate to get the liner notes to confirm it.

And finally, no, we don't have any mother issues...what of it...

re: Greased Lightning.

I always thought, as I got older and heard 'cream' in the line that I was just being inappropriate and should stop tarnishing things I loved...

Huh.

..."She's got a chicken to ri-ide"...

Thank you all for helping me get through what would have been a mind-numbing wait for tech support. This is hilarious stuff.

Here's my contribution: I was sitting in the car with my husband and a friend and started belting out "You're so lame" to the tune of Carly Simon's "You're so vain." The thing is, I KNOW the friggin' song, I just forgot. Eh--I think it works my way, too.

Hm, don't know if anyone mentioned this one, but my mom always swore Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty were saying "Stop Draggin My Car Around!" hee

Also, anything at all by the Cocteau Twins. I often wondered if she was just making noises or mixing languages, but just try to find lyrics! Even the song titles sound like something she misheard :)

Listening to Dave Matthews Band in college (leave me alone, it was the late 90s) my roomate was amazed at the lyric "Fire up a bowl" in The Christmas Song.
It's "father up above." It's about Christmas!

Here's one for you.

A friend of mine used to swear blind that the chorus of Macy's Playground's "Sex and Candy" -- note the name of the song, folks -- went "sex and candle-lit hair" instead of "sex and candy, yeee-eeah". Exhortations to look at the title of the song found no purchase.

Actual Simon & Garfunkel lyric: "Just a come-on from the whores on 7th Avenue."
The lyric I sang from age 4 to age 16: "Just a gun-on from the war zone 7th Avenue."
It never made sense to me, but I owned it when I sang it.

I always sing my own lyrics to songs, and it drives my boyfriend nuts!!!

1. In Mariah Carey's song "fantasy" (which is a god-awful terrible song, but I listened to it a lot when I was in 6 / 7th grade) I thought it was "Sweet, sweet medicine baby"

2. In "Rockafeller skank": "check it out now, the funk's in the rubber", which I know doesn't make a whole lotta sense, except that contraception is pretty cool.

3. In Massive Attack's Teardrop, I have the entire song lyrics wrong. This is what I sing at the top of my voice:

Down, down, deeper and down,

Makes me break my waters,

Fee-eels like sunlight,
Prayer

Why would someone sing about their waters breaking? Odd.

I love this thread. I have a million more that I can't think of right now.

"I was so sure TLC was singing "go go jason wonderful," rather than "don't go chasing waterfalls.""

GENIUS

*misheard

aww man. Wednesdays are really bad for me. I'll have to read through the comments tomorrow but for now here's mine....and it's bad enough I'm actually kind of embarrassed even though I was a little kid when I thought that the chorus to "Addicted to Love" was (aw jesus...I don't know if I can even type it...okay) "Hyena's little faces you're addicted to love."

Raindog; BWeaves

Along with 'Africa' by Toto, which has also been (mis?)interpreted very nicely here, that friggin' line, "I'm not talkin' bout movin' in" had been yet another thorn up my ass for years, and I'm so glad you interpreted it for the rest of us.

Sadly, as I loved this song so much because I felt I was going through the same kind of thing with my girlfriend when it first came out, I scrutinized that line again, again, agai-- and even again..

and like you, raindog, I ended up adopting the "linens" line, and it became "I'm not talking 'bout the linens." But it don't stop there with me, my friend: I wonder just W-T-F!!! was so bad about the linens that it inspired this fuck to write a song about it?!

Oh sure, he SAYS, "I'm not talking 'bout the linens" - so why'd you bring the goddamn subject up in the FIRST place, dickweed?!! And he "don't want to change your life" (at least I understand THAT lyric, Mr. Immaculate Communicator)?? If you're so fucking upset about your precious fucking 'linens' that you gotta mention it in a song where you'd just rather see her tonight, e.g., shut the fuck up and let's just screw--well, you've just given away any trust I ever had in you, as a songwriter/artist/whatever-

Sorry, went on a tangent there (some after-work wine will do that) anyhow, keep 'em coming folks, I'm refreshing right after I post!

MY POINT BEING (dammit),

Just goes to show you what ONE SINGLE MIS-HEARD LYRIC can do to ruin your life, or at least a relationship.

OK, I'm better off gone now.

I still hear "I'm a pool hall ace" in The Police's Every Breath You Take (instead of "how my poor heart aches").

Blinded by the Light definitely, but what stumped me was why anyone was allowed to sing:

"And Little Hurly Girly gave my anus curl a whirly..."

I don't even try to understand CCR - I think part of what makes John Fogerty so much fun is that I don't understand 90% of what he's singing about.

I laughed so hard at all of these!

And I only have one to offer: I always misheard "Devil with a Blue Dress On" as "Devil in a Bluegrass Song" which isn't entirely unreasonable, I suppose, but my dad did laugh A LOT when he heard me singing it that way.

My mother insisted for a long time that the Kiss song went "I want to rock'n'roll every night, and part of every day." Way to be not cool, Mom....

I thought in "White Flags" by Dido that the line was:
"I know I've left too much death and destruction to come back again"
It's a minor flub, but it made Dido slightly less coma-inducing for a second.

On a more significant note, when I got the Jimmy Eat World CD, "Clarity," I used to sing the song "Believe In What You Want" as:

"Dancing in plastic C-cups now/
Do you believe in what you want?"

See, I made up an entire story about how it was about getting plastic surgery and becoming a stripper, and there was all that stuff about spinning and twirling, like on a pole. It seemed like a revolutionary statement. But, it turns out that the song states: "Dancing in plastic shake-up snow"

Since this thread seems to be winding down (or, please prove me wrong and continue to post), I'd at least like to give a thank-you to David, who posted at 3:40pm today with some ACTUAL, really awful lyrics, from Des'ree ("I'd rather have a piece of toast") to Madonna ("Other places make me feel like a dork").
From his inspiration: Howzabout a topic of lyrics that are-- well, just stupid as they're written, see above; in other words, ones you only WISH you'd mis-heard? That could go for movie lines, too.
Regardless, thanks for the most entertaining afternoon diversion I've had the pleasure of coming across in awhile.

So.. what are the lyrics in Pour Some Sugar on Me? The last time I heard it on the radio it sounded like, "Livin like a bomb, baby come and get it on. Livin like a lover with a red iPhone." which is obviously not correct.

Also, in the Pearl Jam song "Rats" I thought for years it went, "Lick the dirt off Olajuwon's feet." I know now it's "a larger one's feet" but whatever... I knew they enjoyed basketball. seemed to fit at the time.

An all time classic: Salt n Pepper - Push it.

Dirty Deeds! Thunder chief!

!!!!!!!!!!!

I never would've remembered that, MG. And when you're 12 or 13 listening to AOR radio, how the hell ya gonna know better? That's like when I called 103She and tried to request "Love Removal Machine" without, you know, knowing a damn word. I just started Astburying for a moment and they hung up on me.

Regarding karaoke, performing "Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress" was a bewildering experience. I kept almost stopping saying "wait, no, that can't be right. IS it?" The internet says I was right, though. And could they give me a little reverb? No, they could not.

Trust your confused lyrical gut, karaokers! I don't have many good mishearings I can think of, but my favorite UNhearings were definitely aforementioned "Greased Lightning" ("....lotsa tit?! Damn, how I'd ever not notice this?) and Mr. Cougar's "suckin on a chili dog outside the Tastee Freeze". I couldn't even form wrong words outta that.

I am definitely a fascist textualist, but I've remembered two to add that I don't think have been mentioned...

For a good month or so, my dad wouldn't shut up about a song he had heard on the radio, and kept bringing it up at the dinner table (in an attempt to be 'down with the kids', i guess)...anyway, he insisted the song was called 'mosquito boogie'. It took us a while to work out he was actually talking about the 'hey, must be the money' part of nelly's 'ride wit' me'...

also, my friend em is convinced that rusted root's "send me on my way" is in fact secretly titled "simion my whale"

Brolin, I used to think that the lyrics to "Push it" were "Ah, this is bullshit." Hee!

TMax, your tangent about the linens had me giggling.

Todd, It's not "Don't bring me down, Bruce!" ???? My life is now over. I've ALWAYS sang it that way (and by always I mean, every now and then when I'm drunk at 3am. I am completely disillusioned now, a shell of the woman I once was. I'm choking on the ashes of a geranimal as I type.

Nator, I think I love your dad. I WISH Tubthumping were a insightful indictment of the rampant depression and alcoholism Agri-Business leaves in it's wake as it destroys America's family owned farms.

Of course "Danny Boy" drinks (a whiskey drink, a cider drink, a lager drink, whatever...), he's got NO cows.

I can see the protest drives now (atop John Deere's).

We've got no cows.
But we get up again.
You're never going to keep us down.

Power to the people, man! Power to the people.

No Doubt's Spiderwebs always got me with, "It's all your fault...I'll screen my phone calls". I thought she said "I'll scream my balls off". I thought it was pretty apropos of Stefani, who was way cool back in the day

As this diversion proves, I could obviously be wrong, but I think pour some sugar on me starts off

"Hit me like a bong, baby come on get it on...yada no clue yada"

Far as I know it's:

Love is like a bomb, baby come and get it on, livin like a lover with a radar phone, lookin like a tramp, like a video vamp, demolition woman can I be your man?

I can't remember if they put the lyrics on the sleeve or not (and no one mentioned the "Rock of Ages" gibberish?). And "Rocket" being all about glam bands weren't the most scrutable lyrics for a middle school American.

It's not SHE'S SO FUNKY, YEAH????

I'm shocked.

And stunned.

Well, this is kinda out of sync with the thread, but back in the day, my Dad always thought they were singing "real Dodge deal" on the radio, instead of "Real Don Steel". (He couldn't figure out why there wasn't a commercial for Dodge after they sang that line!)

Late to the party, but I had to comment for two reasons. 1) Thank you guys for cracking my shit up after a looooonnnnggg and hateful day. 2) My friend in high school was the queen of mistaken lyrics. Please to enjoy:

Nenah Cherry's "Buffalo Stance" - she thought it was "Bucket of Sand". Yeah. Seriously.

"Jet Airliner" by the Steve Miller Band - she sang "Big Ol' Jed and Lionel, don't carry me too far away" - thought it was about moving guys...

Chicago's "If She Would Have Been Faithful", made more sense to her if sung thusly, "If she would have been paid for..."

And my favorite - INXS's "Suicide Blonde" - "Soup and Salad Bar". Because really, there just aren't enough songs about Souplantation!

I've always had a bunch of these, but there are only two that come to mind right now:

In all versions of 'Dream a Little Dream of Me', I always heard Say ninety-nine and kiss me instead of Say nighty-night and kiss me . I even went so far as to tell my friend he should use that for the title of a mixed CD for a friend. He laughed and laughed and me...well I felt like an idiot.

And for years and YEARS I really thought the part in Abba's "Dancing Queen" that goes you can dance, you can jive having the time of your life was really you can dance you can DIE having the time of your life, which always seemed kind of fatalistic but hey, they were swedish.

I grew up listening to the oldies station out of Cleveland, so I learned a lot of wrong lyrics to songs I never knew (and never will know) who wrote them. The one my parents tirelessly remind me of is from a song with the following lyric:
"Ain't no woman like the one I got" (I think).

(Naturally?) as a child I thought it was:
"Ain't no woman like a one-eyed goat"

Guess I get a free pass for all deviancy...wait, what?

For the longest time, I thought the chorus to "Karma Chameleon" was "Come on, come on, come on, come on Camillia", which makes a hell of a lot more sense than the actual chorus.

I scrolled all the way down, and not a single mention of Flashdance? My sisters and I (we grew up in the 80's) sang along to Irene Cara on the radio. Of course, we were singing "...take your pants off", while Irene wasn't.

Coming to the party a little late: we used to tease one of our friends incessantly because he thought the chorus to Madonna's "Ray of Light" was "And I feel like a disco ball...." It's actually rather fun to sing it that way. Sometimes, you do feel like a disco ball, y'know?

'Everytime you go away, you take a piece of meat with you' - HEY it wasn't me but a friend of mine.

Then there was my sister's 'I guess you like gravy' instead of 'I miss you like crazy'

I have 2, both from songs by the Red Hot Chili Peppers:

Scar Tissue:
Their lyrics: With the bird I'll share this loney view
My lyrics: With a Burma Shave it's so nice and smooth

Aeroplane:
Their lyrics: Songbird sweet and sour Jane
My lyrics: Some wore sheets and some wore jade

Yeah, so when I was a kid, I thought the song "I Don't Know Why I Keep Coming Back to You" was saying "I Don't Know Why I Tinkle In Bed for You"

Listen to it...

Okay, had to respond to a couple people and read the whole thread for once:

Brett: "'sex and candle-lit hair instead of 'sex and candy, yeee-eeah'."

Isn't it "Sex and candy, in the air"?

lyricalcatt: "I love "The Shins" but for the most part I couldn't tell you what their songs mean."

This almost made a grown nerd cry. What has the world come to? Their lyrics aren't that obtuse, are they?

"Soup and salad bar" made me cry a little.

From a frequent-offender friend of mine:

"Psycho Chicken: que'est-ce que c'est? Bak bak bak bak bak, bak bak bak bak baaak."

My parents liked Gene Pitney when i was young and his song " Princess in Rags" , about being in love with a poor girl whose family has it tough, has the line:

Now her Dad, he's a worn out man, prayin' that he can make enough to eat.

I always heard, and was very saddened by the fact that:

Now her Dad, he's a ONE ARMED MAN.....

I also have a friend who in high school was notorious for this.

My two favourites are her line from a song being "asthma, sex and candy" ( instead of "I smell sex and candy") and thinking that the Enya song 'Sail Away' was actually 'Save the Whales'.

Always entertaining seeing her do karaoke .

Go West - "King of Wishful Thinking"

i swear i thought the line "i'll pretend my ship's not sinking" was actually "i'll pretend my shit's not stinking"

Isn't it "I smell sex and candy in here"?

I will always misunderstand songs sung by Brits. Or Aussies. ALWAYS.

"I was just a skinny LAD, never knew no good from BAD, before I let my love go to green"

When my friend was a little girl, she and her sisters were convinced that the Rolling Stones' "Get Off of My Cloud" was "Hey! You! Alphabet Clown!"

Back To Life, by Soul II Soul.

Instead of, "However do you want me / However do you need me," I have always heard, "I wanna be a wombat / I wanna be anemic."

And then there's Secret Asian Man.

My mom thinks that "Can't find a better man" lyric from Pearl Jam is "Can't find the buttermilk." When I was a kid I thought "Owner of a lonely heart" was "Only a baloney heart." Red Hot Chili Peppers: "Fly away on my cell phone" (instead of Zephyr).

Just thought I should mention that until I just read this diversion, I was under the impression that the woman in "the weight" was named Annie. I'm unimpressed with the "Fanny" version.

Beehive25- That's because the Stones don't fucking enunciate. Your friend's way is better.

Anyone else misheard that song: "you better face it you're addicted to love"? I always thought it was "addicted to glove".

Or that Christmas song (and I still don't know the lyrics): "here we go a-mausoling, among the leaves so green! Here we go a-wandering, we're so fair to be seen! here we go, joy to you, and to you you're welcome to!"

GreenDay? "another turning point, a forked tongue in the road, tongue grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go"

i have heard 'My Sharona' sung as 'mice aroma' and that is how that song is for me now, its cheese and ratsak

Ooh, thanks, libraryliz, that reminded me of an old friend of mine who SWORE that same line was "Do the fucking lady"! No amount of reasoning (including pointing out that the song was so prevalent in Mrs. Doubtfire) could convince her that it was "Dude looks like a lady".

I always thought in The Who's "Baba O'Reilly", they were saying "Teenage Spacemen" instead of "Teenage Wasteland", and "They're all spacemen!" instead of "They're all wasted".

I manage to mangle the Star-Spangled Banner every time. I used to open with "Jose, can you see?" It goes downhill from there.

I thought Steven Tyler was singing "Do that funky lady"!

That Summer of '69 song, "Got my first real sex dream, by about five past nine"

And I thought Pink Floyd was singing "holding on is just another prick in the wall".

Bananarama's - Venus

Where they go 'I'm your Venus, I'm your fire..."

I ALWAYS heard it as "I'm your fetus, I'm your fire.." growing up.

Also, Madonna's 'Material Girl', the bit where she just is belting out 'Materi-al, al!', I thought she was singing 'Cheerio-oh!' Granted, I was seven. And adorable.

I always heard "I'm Alright" from Caddyshack as Ham on Rye. I just thought that Kenny Loggins wanted a sandwich.

And whenever my mother plays Jesus Christ Superstar it always gets stuck in my head as "Jesus Christ, Superstar, who in the hell do you think you are?" -- fitting, I suppose, since I am an atheist.

Heh. You're not alone, Heqit, that's exactly what I thought they were saying. It seemed appropriate to me, seeing as how they were all hating on Jesus in that scene (or as far as I remember, for all I know, I'm completely fucking wrong and looking a lot like a douchetard right now).

And for the whole "Take a Load Off, Annie," thing, I always thought it was:

Take a load off Manny
Take a load for free
Take a load off Manny
And you can spit the load right on me.

Does that make me a total freak, or no?
I thought it was some moment of enlightenment.

My daughter, when much younger, used to sing "We're gonna rock down to Electric Caribou" instead of Electric Avenue (old disco-ey song).

My brother and I have regularly butchered lyrics throughout our lives, starting with our Tom T. Hall and Dr. Demento albums we had as kids. Neither one of us are strong auditory people, we're very visual. There are too many examples to even remember. I assume nowdays that any lyrics I think I hear are wrong until I read them online and confirm that I had them wrong.

lannie: I thought it was "cross-eyed bear" until thirty seconds ago when I read your post. Shoooot.

I thought that Black Crowes, "Hey little thing let me light your candle 'cause..." was "Let me light your chemicals." My parents thought it was hilarious.

Also, "you don't know how it feels to be me," was lovingly rendered, "you don't know how it feels to drink pee," but that's just because my cousin was a smart ass.

I'm sure I'll think of more as I read the rest of these.

And on behalf of a few others' imaginations:

someone made a contribution to the mondegreens site at the San Francisco Chronicle ("mondegreen" is the technical term for these things, you know) of hearing Jose Feliciano sing "Police naughty dog".

My dad was convinced that Billy Squire said "there's alllways SOMEthin!"

My mom heard MC Hammer say "Do the jerk, do the jerk at work".

I'm just glad I don't really know or have a connection to "The Weight". Seems to really be upsetting people. I was disappointed to find the line in "Slow Graffiti" was "a feeling of dread" rather than "feeling all dread" just because I liked that phrase more, but that's getting off lightly it seems. Now Jaci, I'm not saying you're a freak, I'm saying there's a really vulgar image in my mind right now, and it's hilarious. But what will the Manny who comes by here think?

And you *bet* your ass I like gravy, Gunter. I'm just sad I can't find a video clip for this:

Space Ghost: (invisos in, with gravy mustache) Greetings, I'm Space Ghost. We've all been drinking gravy, and preparing to suck up mightily to tonight's guests, (reads with great difficulty) Talk show Soup person John host Henson, and Goen Bob Entertainment person Tonight.

Brak: (off stage) I heard Hanson was here.

Space Ghost: Not Hanson, Henson. John Henson

Brak: Ohhh. Oh. Hey, Space Ghost, you got somethin' on your face.

Zorak: It's gravy.

Brak: Where'd ya get gravy?!

Space Ghost: In the commissary.

Brak: What is it, giblet?!

Moltar: No, it's brown.

Brak: Brown?! I'm goin' down there now! (scats to himself)

Space Ghost: Zorak, play something funky, I need to go get a Wet Wipe.

I was drukenly butchering the Prince song "Kiss" and was mortified to hear myself singing, "My love will be your food...yeah?" I always thought it was "my love will be your fool," which doesn't make a lot of sense at all.

I don't see Wang Chung on this list. Can't remember the song title, but there is a line "Take your baby by the wrist and in her mouth an amethyst" What? Did I hear that correctly? Can anyone help me out here? Why would you shove a purple rock in her mouth?

Am I the only person who can't understand one fucking word Bob Dylan sings?

My 4 year old daughter in the car will constantly ask for "Farmer Police" by Radiohead. It's her favorite.

Maybe I'm the only person who had a little sister who was really into Pokemon back in the day...
But if anyone else out there knows the Pokemon theme song, it's much funnier to sing "Gotta catch Jamal!" instead of "Gotta catch them all!"

a wishful misconception..."we milked this city on rocky-road"

Stone Temple Pilots, Creep: The lyrics are "Take time with a wounded hand" but I always heard "Make time for a wounded ham".

a wishful misconception..."we milked this city on rocky-road"

Dance Hall Days, how did I miss that posting the first time through? My bad. The song is now stuck in my head, damn. Need a drink now.

One more. Anyone remember that song by Frente called "Bolt of Blue"? The way Frente sings it, it sounds exactly like "Bolt of Poo".

My childhood obsession with Pearl Jam was possibly single-handedly spawned by having to look up all those lyrics in the liner notes!!

I had a friend who used to sing a Dylan song with the words:
My love winks, she does not bother
She knows too much to argue with the judge....

or the coy bathing beauty in "Visions of Johanna":
You can't look at much candyman as she herself prepares to swim...

and there's actually an old blues 78 about a red-light district in Mississippi that the record company titled "Rat Cheese Under the Heel Blues" but was sung as "Natchez Under the Hill Blues".

And now "Dance Hall Days" is also in *my* head. 24 years is it, now? Still have noooo clue what that song is sayin. IS it "cool on Christ"?

Susan, I think that's their cover of "Bizarre Love Triangle", but I'm now wondering what a "bolt" would mean in poo terms. And you reminded me of 1994, and I quite welcome that. And is the ham, you know, just mangled like the spiral cutter went apeshit or do you mean it's all dried out with just a bunch of scraps on the bone but nothing substantial left to get from it? The former's just fine, but the latter is indeed a bummer.

I love "farmer police" and I'd love a little girl in the backseat completely bemused by my renditions of Thom and Ed's voices. Gotta have something to look forward to.

I listened to Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" 700 times before i realized the chorus was "Jeremy spoke in class today." before that I was convinced the words were "Killing me slowly brass ring."

Clown control to Mao Tse-Tung,
commencing countdown, engines on....

I used to always sing "Bizarre Love Triangle" as: Every time I think of you I feel shot right through the front of me.
Seems reasonable, no?

I apologize in advance if this has already been posted...Kenny Rogers Lucille:
"You picked a fine time to leeeaavvveee me Lucile, with four hundred children and a crop in the field."

Glycerine by Bush-toward the end of the song I always thought they sang:
"Baboon wire!
Baboon wire!
As she falls around me"

The actual lyrics:
"Bad moon white again
Bad moon white again
As she falls around me"

And yes, I sing in exclamation points.

Of course I thought of some more...

My mom used to sing, "mystery girl," instead of "promiscuous girl."

Aaaand I had a cousin who's last name is Moran and I thought that the Beach Boys knew her family or something because it definitely sounded like, "Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob Moran." Swear to God.

One more, John Mayer (I know I know, everyone like loves him around here right!?) in New Deep, the line is, "And talk is the same cheap it's been," but my best friend and I both thought it was "Dark as the same chi," and we didn't know what the fuck a chi was. Whatever.

Usually I'm a lyric nazi, but before you can look it up, it's fair game.

Another Pearl Jam, of course, my husband, who is usually a stickler for proper lyrics, thought Jeremy was "Jeremy smokes in class today". He missed the point of the whole song because of this.

Weezer's "The Good Life." The line is apparently "shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night," but I heard "chicken booty makin' sweet love." I mean, have you seen Rivers Cuomo's ass? It made sense!

3 Doors Down - "Be like That": All I can hear is "Fuck like that...."

Ticket to Ride:

"She's got a ticket to ri-iiii-iiiiiide,
and she don't care.

My baby donkey.
My baby donkey."

"Want to dress you up in Milo, all over your body"

(my love)

Add me to the list of people who thought Alanis had been given a cross-eyed bear. I always pictured, you know, a cheap stuffed animal from a carnival game or something.

As a child, my younger brother was convinced the chorus to "Karma Chameleon" was "I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a chameleeeeooooon." "Roxanne" contained the lyrics: "Rocks! Aaaaand you don't have to worry -- not tonight!"

Since someone else brought up "Home on the Range"...the little brother always sang "Home, home on the raaaange. With a deer and a bottle of