Pajiba

There is truth to Harry. In that, most of the time with two hetero friends of opposite genders, at one point or another there is an attraction on at least one side. That having been said, it doesn't mean you can't have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex. I have lots of guy friends, but I'm aware that either I or they have had feelings that were more than friendly at one point - they just weren't acted on (or were mentioned and shot down and moved past). So, yes, men and women can be friends, but I'd say most of the time sex came into someone's mind at least once. It just didn't have to muck up the works.

I always thought Corey had unrequited love for Lloyd.

To those who might take umbrage with the last entry: Just because you want to shag either Harry or Hermione, that doesn't mean they want to shag each other.

Corey and Lloyd!

Of course they can. Also, yes a lot of the time at least the thought of "what if..." enters into one or both person's mind. At the very least because if you are really good friends that means you think the person is pretty awesome, and if you also find that person reasonably attractive then it stands to reason you'd at least consider taking it to the romantic place. I don't think that means you aren't friends, though, it just means it didn't go down that road for any of a hundred reasons, but that doesn't make your friendship any less real.

I also think that if one person does harbor feelings that aren't returned and then gets over said feelings and the friendship remans that it makes the friendship any less valid.

This is the argument I always hear, and it doesn't make sense to me. If I wanted to date you and you told me no, I would just not be around you anymore. If I'm your FRIEND, though, and you tell me no, well, if you're a good friend that trumps a passing rejection so I stick around. Not because "oh, maybe someday you'll change your mind..." But because I love you as my friend and in my world that trumps blood family a lot of the time, so I'll get a date with someone else, whatever. It doesn't put a black mark on the friendship, or downgrade it, it's just something that happened in our history. Things might get a bit awkward for a while, but then we'll move on.

Can sex or romantic feelings get in the way of a friendship? Of course. It it a given that it MUST happen? Of course not.

I've had two very close male friends, neither of which survived the introduction of the wife-to-be. The first one stopped speaking to me which was great considering we were housemates, fucking asshole (I still see his now-ex-wife from time to time, I liked her then and I like her now).

The second one started treating me as The Other Woman when his intended decided she never wanted to see me, or know anything about me, eventually forcing me to end the friendship. That was one of the more shattering experiences of my life (and the reason I can't watch When Harry Met Sally, he is so much like Harry it's terrifying). I always thought that if he had told his fiancee how important our friendship was to him and that if she would give me a chance and get to know me she would like me, too. Instead he made me into a giant secret, which gave her really good reason not to trust me. The whole thing was awful and heartbreaking.

That said, I do think men and women can be friends. I know at least one married couple who would have been better off if they had stayed friends and not let sex or marriage get in the way.

I thought they were those two in Love Actually were related. Weren't they?

Emma's character was the sister to the PM. You know, Hugh Grant. Liam's character was just her good friend.

I'm firmly with Joanna on this--the notion that guys and gals can't be just friends? Crazy talk! I think I have about as many male friends as I do lady friends. Have I had naughty thoughts about some of them? Oh, for sure (*ahem* I'm married, not blind), but not all of them. Have they had naughty thoughts about me? I don't know, maybe some...I mean, to be fair, I haven't asked, and for the most part they haven't volunteered the information...but I highly, HIGHLY doubt they all have.

And hell, even if there is a bit of attraction there, it doesn't have to get in the way of a dandy friendship.

Men and women can’t be friends, and if I hear any guy out there saying he has women friends he’s lying, he just hasn’t figured out a way to fuck them yet. To all you women out there that are under the delusion that you have male friends, ask them if they want to fuck, that should clear up your delusions.

See, even the gay guy gets it.

Most of my friends growing up were girls. They were the people in my age group who did theater and music. If guys did theater and music, I'd be friends with them, too. I wasn't going to drop what I liked even as a kid to better stick with "boys with boys, girls with girls" norms. I got hell for it when I went to high school and had exactly zero guy friends, but so what? My friends were kind, supportive, and could cut you with words.

As an adult, I have an appropriate mix of male and female friends. It balanced out nicely eventually.

Listen jim I'm not one of those sophistcants, and besides, when we are talking about sexual relations, grammar is not the point.

Fuck chris rock, he ain't got shit coming from me. Maybe in your opinion he knows all about fucking the ladies, but I've been successful this far without any help from an unfunny comedian.

So, bisexuals can't have any friends?

I could simply just steal the old quote from Oscar Wilde: "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."

But that'd be cheating.

I firmly, firmly believe that guys and girls can be friends, until my senior year of high school when everyone I knew seems to suddenly have a thing for one of their friends. I obviously chalked this up to the "senior year" effect, in which everyone thought that this was their last chance and they might as well give it a go. That is, until one of my good friends decided to ask me out and hinted that he's been feeling this way for a while, but was just too scared that it will ruin the friendship. I politely said no, but it hasn't been the same.

I do have some guy friends who are just friends that I have never felt anything for, so I think my thinking is still valid.

Slash, that's ridiculous. I've had platonic male friends my entire life. MOST of those friendships had zero sexual tension. One in particular I was so close to, it would have been like getting freaky with my brother.

Like Joanna said, we're not different species. A great example from TV is the Andy Millman/Maggie Jacobs friendship in Extras. They are truly friends. You never get even a whiff of sexual tension. I love their friendship.

Women can have male friends cuz they think with their big brain

Men can't have female friends cuz they think with their little brains.

Is that what you're saying Pookie?

Kinda reminds me of Muslim countries where women have to cover themselves because grown men are not expected to control their sexual urges and women bear the brunt of their selfishness and immaturity.

Maybe some of you lack the ability to maintain friendships with members of the opposite sex, and if you want to share your experiences that's fine, but don't presume to speak for everyone.

Everybody's different. No doubt there are people who lack the maturity or self control to build and sustain friendships with the opposite gender. Or maybe they simply lack the inclination to try. Maybe they just don't value the non-sexual benefits of that relationship enough be an adult about it.

Because of course you can be friends with someone even if you find them attractive, and even if you admire them and get along great and laugh at the same shit. You don't have to fuck everyone and anyone you could fuck.

That doesn't mean a friendship can't be flirtatious, affectionate, or emotionally intimate (depending, also, on the openness and comfort level of your significant other if applicable). And it doesn't mean that sometimes you don't get curious, or anxious, or see a blurry line instead of a bold one. It just means you're a mother effing adult, and that you care more about the person then what's in their pants. This is not that difficult.

Look, teenagers are going to be overwhelmed by the importance of their *feelings* and they are going to pine and ache and confess their life altering unrequited love for their friends. That's what they do, they don't know any better. And twenty-somethings are going to drink and hang out and sleep with their friends. That's what they do, they don't know any better. But if you're grown and you don't think you are capable of being friends with somebody who has compatible sexy parts, what the fuck? There area a lot of benefits to friends besides those benefits. Check your priorities. Awesome people are awesome. Sex is just sex.

I dunno. I see Harry, Ron, and Hermione as a very 21st-century bisexual poly triad.
There. Is everyone happy?

Hey jenvegas, can *I* be your friend??

Of course men and women can be friends. I have had many female friends. There were even some I didn't want to fuck. Of course, there were a few that I did.

That said...the two closest friendships with women I have had are with an ex-wife and ex-long term girlfriend. After a few years apart from each of them, I became close to both of them again. Just because we weren't in love anymore didn't mean we didn't value each other. In both cases, with very different women, I talk to them a few times a week. See them when one of us is in the same town, a few times a year. The sexual tension is gone, and we can joke about such things, and talk about each of our current lives, partners, etc.

My best friend is a guy I've known about long enough for the Westermarck effect to kick in.
Yes, our friendship is completely plantonic, but at the same time, I think when somebody has been part of your life for that long, it moves beyond plantonic. He knows me because he was there during all the stuff that made me, and vice versa. That's powerful stuff.

I think there was 'sexual tension' at one point. But we were about 13 and at that age, if you just get along with a member of the opposite sex, you must be dating, right? We never even kissed, which says everything, really.

My theory is that it's possible to be close buddy with a member of the gender you're attracted to, but it helps if you established that friendship before puberty.

RE Snuggiepants: "Slash, that's ridiculous. I've had platonic male friends my entire life. MOST of those friendships had zero sexual tension."

That's what YOU say. I wonder what they would say, if they were being absolutely honest and knew you would never find out.

RE "Like Joanna said, we're not different species. A great example from TV is the Andy Millman/Maggie Jacobs friendship in Extras."

Yes, I know we're the same species. But referencing a fictional relationship is not really compelling evidence. Seriously. That's like saying, "Space travel can totally happen, cause I saw it in Star Wars!"

I'm not saying no meaningful male-female relationships between heteros can happen* without sex, but they do seem to be quite rare, rare enough that the odds of having one don't seem to be very good.

As I alluded to, I think it's sad that many (most?) men's obsession (and I think it is mostly psychological, and not 100% physical, as men claim) with sticking their peen into any hole that will accommodate them keeps them from seeing women as friends, ie, people. For most men, there seems to be basically 3 kinds of women: Women they're related to (mom, sisters, daughters, etc.), women they have no sexual interest in whatsoever (fatties, uggos, old women) and the rest (ie, women they'd like to bang). They seem to only value the relationships they have with the first group, prefer to have little to do with the second group, and see the third group as only targets to be acquired. People here are ragging on Pookie, but he's acknowledging what seems to be a near-universal sentiment, at least among men. Pajiba is an extremely small universe, it doesn't reflect how most people really think out there (motions toward the rest of humanity).

* I'm only emphasizing the hetero part because I'm assuming that there is little to no sexual tension between gay men and their female friends, but I could very well be wrong about that.

It just means you're a mother effing adult

I believe saying "mother effing" pretty much proves that you aren't an adult.

I think we're gonna have to go to the homosexuals on this one. Do they tend to have more opposite sex friendships than same sex (regardless of the friend's sexual orientation)? The answer to that question would help this conversation.

I don't think it is a gender thing. You telling me there isn't serious sexual tension going on in hardcore bromances? Look, everybody wants to fuck everybody. It's just that most dudes won't fuck their male friends because "that would be gay", and they sure as shit are not gay. From everything I've read "straight" women are more likely to engage in sex with other women at some point in their lives than "straight" men with other men.

Age old question that is certainly not as easy as everyone tries to make it out to be. The obvious answer is yes, they can be friends. The reality is it is very hard. Especially if you are talking about BEST friends. I really really really doubt that a straight man and a woman can be best friends without one or the other or both having feelings for each other that are exposed at one point in time. After the exposure, it is still possible for them to be friends but still best friends? No.

So I'll say for now that men and women can't be best friends.

They can be friends though! And btw, how dare you not use Jerry and Elaine as an example. Best example in television, movies there ever was. Then again then did date in the beginning and THEN become best friends. But then fall into it again at some point...and then go back to be best friends. It's tricky. Real tricky.

Slash, I'll just refer you to Yossarian, who said it better than I did. And I only brought up that fictional friendship in Extras to add to the list in the original article.

But hey, according to you, I can have platonic opposite sex friendships because I'm old, so that explains that. I'm sure all my male friends are TOTALLY only friends with me because I'm too old to fuck (and possibly too chubby, too!), not because of my humor or warmth or ability to listen or all-around support. Yeah, that's GOT to be it.

This is a conversation which some of my best (female) friends and I had a few years ago. Some of us girls had grown up through our early twenties with a majority of male friends, and a handful had never really had enduring friendships with males. The argument of is it a good idea to have friendships amongst the pool you like to date from was hotly debated.

I have always come down on the side of its about personal maturity and choices. Yes, you can, but it doesn't mean you will. At this point in my life, late 20's, I have almost exclusively female friends, which is a complete 180 from what the demographics would have looked like if you asked me a decade ago. But this is more a function of the social situations I find myself in- a mostly female group of coworkers, a 95% female graduate program, and some crazy girlfriends of formerly very close male friends who didn't understand that I had no interest in their now boyfriends/fiance.

To my eye the bigger idea here is that sometimes we keep our friends for long times (17+ years) and sometimes friendships which forever alter who we thought we were come and go incredibly quickly, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

eliminate gay from this issue. no heterosexual male and female
of the same age can be just " friends ". this article is written by a
female who is biologically incapable of understanding the billy
crystal character. from the male perspective , sexual tension will
always be present ... from the female perspective, i dunno being biologically incapable of understanding them. that is why the lovemaking scene between crystal and ryan played out as it did.
she wakes up all smiles, warm and fuzzy all over. he wakes up staring at the ceiling because he knows the friendship is shot.

another example .... the goodwin/krasinski tandem in
"something borrowed ".

by the way, men and women are 2 different species. lately
women want to eliminate every difference and become the exact same species but it isn't going to happen... not even betty
friedan can repeal human nature. women can become fireman,
cops and ceos of major companies but they are what they are
and men will remain what they are.