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Whiskey Baby Ninja Star | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Whiskey Baby Ninja Star

The New Pajiba T-Shirt & Kolbaby Bibs on Sale.

Miscellaneous | November 25, 2008 | Comments (58)

Just because the Murdertank and Godtopus T-Shirts have now been retired doesn’t mean you can’t own a piece of Pajiba merchandise. By popular demand, I submit to you the Whiskey Baby Ninja Star T-Shirt, a lovely long-sleeve T perfect for the winter time (assuming you also wear a coat). This T-shirt is American Apparel (though it is sweatshop free, it runs one-size too small, so order a size up) and makes the perfect Christmas gift. For yourself.

What is Whiskey Baby Ninja Star? Here’s a definition, from the still-in-progress Pajiba Dictionary:

The mystical combination of AlabamaPink’s son, his throwing stars, and TK’s beloved firewater. Unleash Whiskeybabyninjastar! and you’ll be sure to wreak incredible levels of havoc and mayhem. Also: Too much awesome to be described or defined.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t own it. Here it is, for your ordering pleasure:

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Whiskey Baby Ninja Star T-Shirt — $25 ($28 for Men’s 2X)

Size:

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And inspired by Eloquent Kolby’s recent childbirth, we’re now also offering for a limited time, Kolbaby Bibs, inscribed with the Pajiba Baby Logo. Kolbaby Bibs are perfect gifts for the scathing and/or bitchy infant, or the child of an unsuspecting relative who has absolutely no idea what a Pajiba is. Like the gays, we like to get to them young! Does your baby look as cute as this one, photoshopped wearing a Kolbaby Bib? Of course not! But you can rectify that situation by buying him or her a Kolbaby Bib. They’re cute, gender-neutral gree, and they’re useful, too.


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Kolbaby Bib — $15


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If you have any questions about sizes, orders, or tracking, email our resident T-Shirt guy, Ernesto.

Graphics provided by Skitz, of course.


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Comments

What, no Special Valley t-shirt?

Posted by: Sofía at November 25, 2008 4:02 PM

I like how the star is upside down. It reminds me of a pentagram, which in turn, reminds me of Satan and how very lucky I am to have him in my life. Hail Satan! Skuh-WHEEEE!

Posted by: Skitz at November 25, 2008 4:08 PM

Sofia's right, I need a top to match my bottom.

Posted by: becks at November 25, 2008 4:22 PM

Will someone please impregnate me so I can have a use for that baby bib? Otherwise I'll have to wear it, and though I'm not easily humiliated, well...that would suck.

Posted by: Julie at November 25, 2008 4:25 PM

You have no idea how excited I am to get a WBNS shirt. I really need a life.

Posted by: Nicole at November 25, 2008 4:26 PM

Hey Julie- Our initial thought, since none of us had young 'ens to photograph, was to wear the bib as a cape. Don't let a little thing like intended function stop you from buying one. Seriously, I need money to buy food for my family on Thanksgiving(actually just a Wii for myself... shhhh).

Posted by: ernesto at November 25, 2008 4:29 PM

Screw the bib. How much for the kid in the photo? I'm in need of an apprentice. My body is twisted with the scars of international success and I'm afraid I'll have no one to carry on my legacy of madness... And TRANNY ROBOTS!

Posted by: Skitz at November 25, 2008 4:31 PM

That is a marketing strategy I can get behind Ernesto.

Posted by: Julie at November 25, 2008 4:33 PM

I am probably going to have to get one of these. I am real sad because someone stole my suitcase not too long go and my Murdertank t-shirt was in there. Dawn it, I loved that t-shirt!

Posted by: erin b at November 25, 2008 4:43 PM

I meant damn it. It is hard to type when I get upset.

Posted by: erin b at November 25, 2008 4:44 PM

So now we can get a WBNS short or Kolbaby bib for the EE prize, right?

Best of luck with the whole impregnation thing, Julie - perhaps you should list the criteria you have for a baby daddy?

Posted by: lordhelmet at November 25, 2008 4:52 PM

Julie:

Lobster Bib. Or you can use it for those really long nights in alcohol's warm soothing embrace.

Ernesto:

Wii rocks. Really. Drunken golf is the best thing. I do suggest using the wrist strap as those damned remotes can get some really nice air under them.

Posted by: Melody at November 25, 2008 4:58 PM

Credentials to Knock Julie Up

Huge cockus. Gaping holes huges. Walking with a slight limp huge. But not 'Tom Jones' huge. That's too much body hair.

Absolute 0 (zero) affinity for self-flagellation, auto-erotic asphyxiation, crossbow stunts, or anything else that would get you into one of Julie's medical books. (Having a family member who died of a tragic, yet accidental penguin attack is still OK.)

Decent taste in music & movies and the ability to carry on a conversation involving other things other than Fight Club, your abs, what kind of hair gel you prefer, or Abercrombie. Julie's already tried GHB...and the llama never forgave her. (Isn't llama a great word? I'm a fan of the double L's llike the name Lloyd. Not that I would ever name my child Lloyd cuz it's a terrible name...but it's fun to llook at.)

No desire to name the child Lloyd. No desire to have any naming rights to the child whatsoever. The child shall have the middle name 'Scrabblesex' whether you hang around for bein the baby-daddy or not. So your opinion doesn't really matter.

A love of drinking and punching dwarves. Not hand-in-hand, but that would help her judge on your whole 'Fight or flight' reflex and whether or not she approves.

Oh...and you have to worship her. Whether near of from afar. (Hither or thither if you will) She'll decide.

Oh...and in case you didn't understand the first time...a giant schween. The kind of trouser monster badly dubbed Japanese businessmen and stroller-bearing mothers would run from. Something JJ Abrams would create to destroy Manahattan.

Posted by: PissBoy at November 25, 2008 5:05 PM

Melody:

I already know how awesome Wii is. I should have also mentioned it's a second one for my basement, so I don't have to disconnect it and lug it downstairs when my girlfriend is watching Bravo in the living room and I'd rather bowl. As I'm sure you can now see, that's how dire it is for everyone to buy a shirt and bib. Think of the children (me).

Posted by: ernesto at November 25, 2008 5:06 PM

Hmm, daddy criteria Helmet?

1. Male
2. Alive
3. Plays the bassoon

Posted by: Julie at November 25, 2008 5:07 PM

Just how absorbent is this bib? Is it machine washable? Is it... bulletproof?

Posted by: Skitz at November 25, 2008 5:11 PM

FUCK. PissBoy beat me to it. And also, HA HA HA HA HA!

All. True.

Posted by: Julie at November 25, 2008 5:14 PM

It's not bulletproof... but coincidentally, the same test proved it's damned absorbant.

Posted by: ernesto at November 25, 2008 5:14 PM

I love this graphic. It truly captures my son's visage-squirrely bucktooth and all. And it's an uncanny resemblance of his ninja costume. You should see him leap at me from his bed rail. Frightening. His roundhouse is a killer.

Must own bib and t-shirt. Must must. And get one for my great friend Ev and her newly hatched womb-elf.

Posted by: Alabamapink at November 25, 2008 5:18 PM

It's not bulletproof... but coincidentally, the same test proved it's damned absorbant.

So how did you explain the dead baby? I would have just cut out a tiny hole and reached inside and been Jim Henson about it til I got home.

Posted by: PissBoy at November 25, 2008 5:18 PM

Julie, although it's a given, I would still spell out that you shouldn't be firing blanks due to years of sperm-killing warmth from laptop use (it's nothing to be ashamed of Optimus).

Given the amount of Pajibabies running around, most of the Pajiba men probably have the required virility.

Posted by: branded at November 25, 2008 5:21 PM

PissBoy-

Let's just say I'll never get pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane again. Taxidermy is a wonderful skill-set.

Posted by: ernesto at November 25, 2008 5:23 PM

In all seriousness - Overproof is an artist collective and a majority of the profits from products like this go towards creating projects to keep local artists in Minneapolis employed and give them an avenue to connect with others in the community. So there will be no Wii's in my immediate future... at least not from bibs and Whiskey Baby Ninja Stars. Just wanted everyone to know I'm not a complete ass-face. Although, the dead baby thing is completely true.

Posted by: ernesto at November 25, 2008 5:39 PM

I, on the other hand. Have made untold millions from doodling the WBNS thingy. THOUSANDS OF MILLIONS! Rowles paid me a large lump sum that was air-dropped via helicopter to an undisclosed location in the upper midwest. I have two pools - one filled with Cristal and the other filled with bags of saline... It's like a pool of boobs. And that suits me just fine.

Posted by: Skitz at November 25, 2008 6:15 PM

One pool sounds sticky before going in, the other after you get out.

Posted by: ernesto at November 25, 2008 6:27 PM

Oh holy god I love you people. I'm really glad I didn't get to read this when I was still at work, because I totally would have gotten in trouble with all the guffawing.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at November 25, 2008 6:46 PM

"Something JJ Abrams would create to destroy Manahattan."

I love you, PissBoy.

Posted by: Smokin at November 25, 2008 6:50 PM

I want it all.

Good lord but we make beautiful things. Kolbaby bibs. I could die.

Posted by: figgy at November 25, 2008 6:51 PM

I'm late to the party.... again

BUT! The pool of saline bags sounds like the adult version of the ball pit at Burger King. FUN!!

Posted by: Wormer at November 25, 2008 6:55 PM

I thought the ball pit at Burger King WAS the adult version of the ball pit at Burger King.

Posted by: ernesto at November 25, 2008 7:28 PM

I've never tried a ball pit. Are they stuck together in twos?

Posted by: Tarn at November 25, 2008 7:35 PM

You're both wrong. The adult version of the Burger King ball pit is the Chuck E Cheese ball pit, because they sell BEER at Chuck E Cheese.

Posted by: Sarina at November 25, 2008 7:36 PM

jesus christ Rowles! I blame the pussyfication of pajiba on you. Last week we had a bunch of teenagers on here crying about some faggoty ass teen vampire movie, and now it's bring your daughter to work day. What's next, a field trip to Hobby Lobby?

Posted by: Pookie at November 25, 2008 9:06 PM

Branded, you may feel you insulted me BUT I just got an entirely unprompted shout-out on Pajiba. This is the Big Time. I've made it, Mama!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 25, 2008 9:07 PM

No insult, Optimus. You know how we like to fun around here. I'm just trying to watch out for all the future little Rhymes.

Posted by: branded at November 25, 2008 10:10 PM

Hey Optimus, is Branded a friend of ours? If not, I can make that problem go away.

Posted by: Pookie at November 25, 2008 10:19 PM

They sell BEER at Chuck E. Cheese?! I was just there last week, Godtopusdammit, and I could have used one. Welp, knowledge for next time! Also, there was no ball pit. I was SO. SAD.

Posted by: Snath at November 25, 2008 10:35 PM

I'm just trying to watch out for all the future little Rhymes.

Like tykes on bikes? Or boys with toys or girls with pearls? Or tots with... bots? Sorry.

Sadly I know no one who may be needing a bib at this point, but the shirt makes me smile.

Also Skitz, I seriously love your design work, man. Are you in graphics by trade or hobby?

Posted by: Kayanne at November 25, 2008 10:35 PM

Something JJ Abrams would create to destroy Manahattan

I thought that he used the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. Or was it the Michelin Man?

Posted by: Melody at November 25, 2008 10:37 PM


Ernesto:

I don't blame you at all. I have to ask though, do you have the Wii Fit? That's my new goal.

Snath:

Yes, they sell beer at Chuck E Cheese. Why else would parents continue to go to the place? I have heard the food is awful.

Posted by: Melody at November 25, 2008 10:39 PM

I am oh so tickled that the little one is being honored with his very own piece of Pajiban history. We're going to look so adorable together - he in his fancy new bib and Momma in her fancy new tee shirt!

Posted by: Kolby at November 25, 2008 10:58 PM

Which Chuck E Cheese were you at, Snath? The one in Burnsville still has a ball pit, or at least they did the last time I was there.

Posted by: Sarina at November 25, 2008 11:14 PM

I was surprised that it wasn't as bad as I had been lead to believe, Melody. It wasn't great, but it didn't make me vomit, so that's something, right?

Posted by: Snath at November 25, 2008 11:14 PM

Having narrowly escaped several legal paternity entanglements, I can say with all candor once every so often I'll look at pictures of me when I was a baby. I was the cutest little thing, but now I'm corrupted and I don't know if I want salvation.

Posted by: Pookie at November 25, 2008 11:23 PM

Who knew you ladies were looking for a ball pit?

Posted by: Pookie at November 25, 2008 11:28 PM

Yes! My wife loved her MurderTank shirt so much she's bound to want to have another slave labour child.

And people, all ball pits are adult ball pits. Just add KY.

Posted by: admin at November 26, 2008 12:03 AM

I'm not calling you a thief admin, but a comedian that spends his time coming up with jokes don't like it when another comedian comes and tries to steal his material.

Posted by: Pookie at November 26, 2008 12:09 AM

Really Pookie?

Which one?

Posted by: admin at November 26, 2008 1:04 AM

Brother Zigna,

Our fraternity is in great danger of having its cover blown. For 2,000 years we have operated just below the surface of society, silently and subtly using symbology to indoctrinate the young ones into the glory of the Brotherhood.

But now the one called "skitz" has revealed the secret of the "star." These Pajiblets are proving too smart for their own good -- and for us. They threaten to solve the symbols, break the code and destroy us.

As we know, the three X's on the bottle represent the three crossses on which Jesus and the two thieves were executed. The "ninja" face is the body of Jesus wrapped in a shroud. And the baby comes from a vessel known as "pink" -- another name for the color "rose," meant to indicate that this is, indeed, Rose(mary)'s baby, spawn of Satan, all hail.

The Pajiblets must be stopped by any means necessary. You are assigned to take care of this "skitz." For the sake of the plan and the Brotherhood, the names of the other assassins and the names and number of the other PajiTargets cannot be revealed to you.

You have your assignment, Brother Zigna. I trust you will carry it out well. And when it has been done, you may scourge yourself 500 times as a reward.

Stay strong, my brother. We shall yet prevail.

XOXOXOX

Brother Xavier

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 26, 2008 1:04 AM

That's the one, Sarina, and I looked everywhere for it! I was so disappointed I couldn't watch my daughter flounder in plastic for a while. Maybe I am just blind?

Posted by: Snath at November 26, 2008 7:32 AM

Brother Xavier,

It is done.

I lurves me a good scourgin'.

Brother Zigna

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 26, 2008 10:18 AM

It's wrong that I kind liked the original design, with the four symbols all in a row better, isn't it? I'm just supposed to be grateful there's a WBNS t-shirt, right?

Damn you Pajiba, it doesn't matter what my feelings are, 'cause you know I'm going to go ahead and ask for one for Christmas anyway. (In fact, I bet the overlords' exact words to themselves were, "Fuck tamatha and her feelings."--yeah, I'm on to you.)

Anyway, so excited for the new t-shirt! And sorry that my nephew is now too old for bibs.

I am now looking forward to the day when replica's zombie with a martini (including the zombie olive) is presented to us in t-shirt form...

Posted by: tamatha at November 26, 2008 10:52 AM

Skitz: In the medieval poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, the upside down pentagram is the symbol on Sir Gawain's shield and it represents Christianity. The five points of the star each have five meanings: they represent the five senses, the five fingers, the five wounds of Christ, the five joys that Mary had of Jesus (the Annunciation, the Nativity, the Resurrection, the Ascension, and the Assumption), and the five virtues of knighthood which Gawain hopes to embody: noble generosity, fellowship, purity, courtesy, and compassion.

The only reason I know this, is because I read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight in its original middle English. I loved it. It's got dirty bits.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 26, 2008 1:24 PM

No, Snath, apparently the ball pit really is gone. I called my friend, who has two small children and therefore goes to Chuck E Cheese about three thousand times more often than I do, and she said they remodeled it again and the ball pit went bye bye.

Saaaaaaaad!

Oh, well. They still have beer, and that finger race video game thing. The hell is that game called? That game is fun as HELL when you're drunk.

Posted by: Sarina at November 26, 2008 1:28 PM

Hmmm, don't think I've ever played the finger race game. We pretty much just played things that gave tickets, so she could get some ugly bracelets that she lost in the car on the way home.

Posted by: Snath at November 26, 2008 1:41 PM

Oh, I guarantee you that finger race game gives tickets. I've got like six thousand Chuck E Cheese tickets (that is not hyperbole) and all I ever play is skee ball and that fucking finger race video game. I'm really good at both of them when I'm drunk.

Posted by: Sarina at November 26, 2008 2:01 PM

I have actually never played drunken skee ball. You'd think for the amount of times I've been to GameWorks or what-have-you that I would have done it, but nope, never. I can say that I have done drunken Dance Dance Revolution, and you had better believe that I own at that game. I used to own a $100.00 dance pad and everything. I haven't played it in probably close to four or five years except when I'm drunk and in public. For maximum public ridicule.

My wife has saved me from a life of perpetual nerd-dom and I thank her every day.

Posted by: Snath at November 26, 2008 2:09 PM

hee...thanks Tamatha - but you gotta admit, Skitz has got the market covered for hot-modern design skillz...(in fact, I may just change his name to Skilz for kicks!).

I never was a designer...more a scribbler, so I don't know if the zombie is that easy to fit into t-shirt form. Oh sad lack of foresight! My knit scarves certainly have the tang of kindergarten art project to 'em too. Now if we had patches! Oh, imagine the the jeans jacket rock! Gotta get me that shirt too, although the grommits are well past bib stage I may need one for myself for beer night. Or the Vancouver 'Jibathon...we're having one soon, right Helmet?

Posted by: replica at November 27, 2008 12:55 PM





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