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What Do Madonna, Sean Penn, James Cameron, and Charles Bukowski All Have in Common?

By Michael Murray | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (27)



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Facebook serves many purposes, one of which is to remind you of the birthdays of your acquaintances. At a glance you can find out that it’s your old friend Carter’s birthday, and then instead of actually doing something about it, you can just post your well wishes on his wall, thus giving the appearance of being more invested in the event than you actually are. I mean, all you have to do is throw in an exclamation point or two and you’re good to go!! Of course, such gestures have always seemed obligatory and transparent to me, and so I strive to write something that makes it look like I’m trying a little bit.

This situation came up earlier in the week and in an effort at being “creative,” I decided to see what celebrities shared my friend’s birthday, thinking maybe I could spin something clever out of that. It turns out that I could not, but I did discover that all sorts of different celebs had birthdays this week, including Madonna, who whether she likes it or not, is now 53.

Without any sort of context, if you were to suddenly shout the word Madonna at me, I would not think of Jesus or Christmas decorations, but of her video to the great dance song “Like A Prayer.” It was a sexy number, that, a jubilant bustle of cleavage and a little, black dress that plays as well in straight clubs as it does in the gay ones.

Still, I’ve never really been able to imagine sitting down and listening to her music, because I hate her voice. It’s thin and squeaky and conveys nothing but an infectious commercialism, and I would never do anything to intentionally come into contact with it. For me she’s always been a video artist, and her music can hardly be understood or discussed unless seen in the context.

The latent potency of her videos was made most vivid to me one day while at the dentist. Now, I hate the dentist more than you do.

Way more.

I’m always a demoralized and jittery mess when I’m there and the only thing that I can ever remember lifting me out of this misery swamp was a Madonna video that was unfolding on the TV affixed above me.

It was the 2000 song “Don’t Tell Me,” which of course, on it’s own is entirely forgettable, but with Madonna in chaps and wearing a tight black top that looked like it was sprayed on, it became a work of genius. Using all the best talent the world had to offer, she made a really visually engaging video that was dead sexy, but in an almost artful, subtle way. I simply could not take my eyes off of it, falling into all the suggestions it presented, and for the four and a half minutes it played was able to completely forget about the drilling, poking and bleeding that was happening to my head, and so Madonna, a most happy birthday to you!!

On a related note, Madonna’s one time husband Sean Penn turned 50 this week. Now we all know that Penn is one of his generation’s great actors. The word gets over-used, but he really does have a kind of GRAVITAS to him, sucking the attention of the audience like some gravitational force from outer space. But regardless, what really impresses me about the man isn’t his acting, but his directing. The guy is top notch and his 2001 film The Pledge was very nearly a brilliant work. It was spooky, lyrical, haunting and entertaining, and if you haven’t seen it, well, you should give the man his props for his 50th and watch it.

Speaking of directors, James Cameron just turned 57, and whether you love him or hate him, you have no choice but to acknowledge the influence he’s had on our popular culture. I’m not a big fan of his work and was one of those people who rejoiced when he lost the Oscar for Best Picture in 2009 to his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow, for her excellent film The Hurt Locker. Cameron’s offering, Avatar, was little more than a collection of recycled images and themes from his previous work seen through the lens of CGI and 3D. It was all sound and fury, signifying little, and I thought that Bigelow’s handling of the “action/adventure” genre much more assured and nuanced.

It’s long been an unsubstantiated theory of mine that women make better directors of these types of movies than men. I think of the underrated disaster film Deep Impact, which was directed by Mimi Lender or Mary Harron’s interpretation of American Psycho, and in them, like The Hurt Locker, you can see an attentiveness to subtext and expression of empathy that informs the story, stirring an emotional as well as adrenal response. By contrast, the masculine films tend to be as subtle and predictable as boners, which of course, have their place, too, but Cameron’s amplification of everything, his need to turn all gadgetry up to 11, only highlights this disjunction.

Regardless, Cameron has moved the idea of cinema forward, and whether you agree that the gaming culture his narratives seem to cater to can be as rewarding as those upon which they’re built, is immaterial, as it’s a good and useful debate, and so James Cameron, I wish you a happy birthday, too!

Charles Bukowski would have turned 91 this week, and as many know, he was the writer who more or less validated drinking as a form of artistic expression. He made it feel okay, even noble, to be a fuck-up. His unremitting dissolution and ragged, bottom-of-the-barrel appearance, coupled with his naked appetite for all that was indulgent, visceral and even selfish, was a liberating to discover. It offered hope, reminding us that having an effecting and authentic voice wasn’t strictly reserved for a learned elite, but was something that each one of us living down in the muddy trenches, had as well.

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Comments

Happy Birthday Chuck, you misogynist old bastard.

Posted by: JenVegas at August 19, 2011 11:12 AM

Is this where I post, yet again, that James Cameron is our film generation's Cecil B. DeMille? Because he so is.

Your assessment of Madonna is one with which I agree. Much in the same way, I introduced Mr. Julien to the works of Leonard Cohen this past week (seriously, he didn't know any) and was explaining that Cohen doesn't work entirely as a poet or as a singer, but when you combine the two with a litany of dirge-like songs, the result is magnificent and occasionally transcendent.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 19, 2011 11:18 AM

Bukowski was a drinker?

Posted by: Forward Observer at August 19, 2011 11:32 AM

For me she’s always been a video artist

YES. It irks me when people refer to Madonna as an "amazing" or even "influential" singer. Uh-huh. There's no way she's famous for her voice. It's all about the pop confections she manufacturers and the videos she stars in, not about her thin voice.

I fear the dentist, too. You know what got me through my first root canal? Amy Grant. I haven't heard her music since I was a good little Christian girl in elementary school. The office was listening to a Christian music station and they were playing a block of her songs. I was so focused on her music that I don't remember much of what was going on in my mouth.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 19, 2011 11:35 AM

Mr. Bukowski somehow resembles Robert Duvall. I, too, hate the Madonna's voice, even more than Paula Abdul's.

Posted by: DenG at August 19, 2011 11:48 AM

Charles Bukowski? Wasn't he the Unabomber?

Posted by: JP at August 19, 2011 11:53 AM

Influential Singer is not the proper title for Madonna. Influential Pop Star, however, I wouldn't argue with. Or perhaps Influential Businesswoman?

Regardless, I don't own a single album of hers but am a big fan of all her videos, particularly that Don't Tell Me video, which I now have to go watch.

So thanks, I guess.

Posted by: Anne At Large at August 19, 2011 11:59 AM

Few things get my motor running more than early 90s Madonna. And now I'm wistful, longing for the simpler times of Madonna & Michael Jackson; of SEGAAAAAA; of having literally nothing to do all summer but play outside, watch TV, & eat. Time sucks.

Posted by: the new transported man at August 19, 2011 12:11 PM

Madonna didn't have the strongest voice, but at least it was distinctive. Most singers today are interchangeable. I would say her best video is Like a Prayer but I loved all of her early stuff. Just the way Like a Prayer was shot, how each frame seemed designed to push buttons, it's a hell of a calculated stunt. I'm a sucker for gospel choirs in my pop music so it gets bonus points for that as well.

Posted by: TylerDFC at August 19, 2011 12:22 PM

Madonna annoys in a class all by her annoying self.

That said, I wish I had not read this because I had semi-forgotten about The Pledge. It is DISTURBING and haunting and I cried while watching it and folding laundry. Harsh harsh harsh.

Bummer, I need something happy. Maybe I'll watch the original Fright Night while folding laundry.

Posted by: klingonfree at August 19, 2011 12:26 PM

Mrs. Julien:

You've been married how long and you've only now introduced him to Cohen's work? I would divorce you on the grounds that you had deprived me of his genius for so many years.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 19, 2011 12:36 PM

MelBivDevoe, I was a huge Amy Grant fan as a good little Christian girl myself. There was a time when I would doll myself up, sing along to her songs into my hairbrush, and was sure I would be The Next Amy Grant. That did not happen. I'm sure I would have a bout of nostalgia if I heard her at the dentist's office but my dumb dentist doesn't play music or have TVs up.

Posted by: pickled tink at August 19, 2011 12:50 PM

The all slept with Madonna?

Posted by: Keith at August 19, 2011 12:56 PM

Thank you, Keith. That was the first thing that popped in my head when I saw the title.

Posted by: Corntree at August 19, 2011 1:28 PM

Oh HAPPY Birthday Branaski, Happy Birthday to you!

Posted by: replica at August 19, 2011 1:49 PM

That was the first thing that popped in my head when I saw the title.

Mine was "Who are four people who've never been in my kitchen?"

Posted by: branded at August 19, 2011 1:57 PM

If you divorce me PaddyDog can I move back to Canada where I belong?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 19, 2011 2:09 PM

I don't think the Canadians will have you back when they hear you've been so lazy in spreading the Cohen gospel.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 19, 2011 2:15 PM

"Avatar...was all sound and furries..."

That's how I wanted to read it, anyway.

Posted by: Ian at August 19, 2011 2:25 PM

They have to take me back. I'm a LEGACY!

Besides, the Dowager Julien will take anyone out who tries to stop me.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 19, 2011 3:08 PM

Mrs. Julien:

Canada, now home to one of the 100th highest structures on the planet, has likely changed greatly since you knew it as a child. We now make wine and movies, and our borders are now longer as wide-open and desperate as they once may have seemed. In order to return to Canada you will have to pay an entrance fee of $30, take a written test ( mostly identifying visual images like moose, hockey stick, stop sign) and then so ten push-ups to prove your physical fitness is sufficient so that you don't burden our already heavily taxed health-care system, so good luck with that!

Posted by: michaelmurray at August 19, 2011 3:15 PM

Mr. Murray:

I was a wee lass of 34 when I left, so I guess things may have changed greatly. Is everyone in Vancouver still uptight about being laid back? God, I hope so. Will there be vinegar for my fries at the restaurants? Will people stop thinking I need to do the laundry when I ask for the washroom? Will I be able to say "youse guys go wait in the gradge" and be clearly understood? Will the creeping changes to my pronunciation, particularly the tone I hear whenever I refer to my son's camp, go away? Can I do lady push-ups? Actually, that is an excellent question. Can I? We shall see.

Mrs. Lysander Julien

P.S. $30 American or $30 Canadian? The Dowager Julien is good for it.


Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 19, 2011 3:34 PM

Miss J:

Yes, you can certainly do lady push-ups, it would be discriminatory if otherwise, and hard.

Everybody in Vancouver is still uptight about being laid-back, but now, particularly after the Olympics, they have a ring of municipal pride around them that would make you think they build Marstropolis on the planet Mars.

There is no vinegar for fries anymore, at least not in Toronto, which is where you would be obliged to live for a period of time.

People will understand all about the washroom requests, and on the east coast they will understand if you ask for the warshroom, to boot.

Everybody will understand what you mean when you say "youse guys go wait in the gradge," and they also will understand that the gradge is a kind of men's den where Trooper or some such will be playing.

And yes, your pronunciation will refer to normal and the $30 fee will be accepted in any currency or coupon.

My sister works at Immigration which is why I know all this stuff.

See you soon!

Posted by: Michael Murray at August 19, 2011 4:00 PM

Madonna is the female Elvis.

Posted by: The Mutt at August 19, 2011 5:20 PM

@The Mutt

You know, in some regards Madonna is the female Elvis, although her movie career was somewhat less spirited than his was. One central difference in the two though is the nature of the madness that galloped over them. Elvis got fat and lazy, dying on the toilet while trying to disengage some deep fried peanut butter and meat burger from his system, while Madonna fled to England where she persists in trying to defy time and master an accent that will always elude her. However, it wouldn't surprise me to find out one day that she died on the toilet, too, only in her case engaged in some sort of brutal colonic that was supposed to make her look and feel 22 again.

Posted by: Michael Murray at August 19, 2011 5:29 PM

Most days, Madonna's voice sounds like a goat with its nads caught in barbed wire ---except when she tries to belt it out, and then, she sounds like a tinny, Elvis impersonator (I detest Elvis.) However, I love her videos. She is a master (dominatrix?) of the art of spectacle.

Mrs. J, I find it difficult to believe you waited so long to expose Mr. Julien to Leonard Cohen. Mr. Stinky introduced me to Cohen's sonorous voice practically at our first ... ahem, meeting. (I am only somewhat embarrassed to admit that tears slid down my cheeks during the "Hallelujah" scene in Shrek; I know, it was a John Cale cover, but still.)

Posted by: Stinky at August 19, 2011 9:43 PM

Mrs. J:

Come home any time. I will leave the lights on.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 19, 2011 10:05 PM