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This Will Be the Most Horrific Thing You Read Today

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | February 10, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | February 10, 2014 |

It’s Monday, so chances are, you’re already in a bad mood. The bad news about this story is that it will put you in an ever worse mood. The good news? It can only get better from here.

Out in Denmark, officials at the Copenhagen Zoo euthanized a healthy, young giraffe over the weekend, despite a petition with 27,000 signatures asking that the giraffe be spared. Why was it put down? Because it had been the product of inbreeding, and though healthy, the international breeding program insists that giraffes that are the result of inbreeding be killed.

But wait: It gets worse. This cute little baby giraffe was also DISMEMBERED and fed to the lions, in front of a crowd that included CHILDREN.

Were those children horrified? Will they ever be able to go to a zoo again? Will they have nasty flashbacks every time they see a giraffe now? Are they traumatized for life? Uh, no.

Just the opposite. The crowd was “very enthusiastic” and “the kids asked good questions.”

And that’s why American kids have trouble competing with the rest of the world. We see a baby giraffe senselessly dismembered and fed to lions, and our children will probably need five years of therapy, which they will pay for by suing the zoo.

In Denmark: They’re enthusiastic and they ask questions. So in the inevitable zombie apocalypse, when American children are falling over each other trying to avoid having their brains slurped away by walkers, those Danish kids will look on enthusiastically, and ask questions!

In fairness to the Copenhagen zoo, at least they didn’t waste the giraffe meat. They put it down with a bolt gun instead of lethal injection, so as to not contaminate it. Also, they did have a reasonable answer for the most common questions: Couldn’t they have just kept it? No, they had no room. Could they have transferred it to another zoo? No, because it would’ve continued inbreeding. Couldn’t they have just sterilized it? No, because he’d just take up valuable space that could be used for genetically superior giraffes.

In other words: No. Because REASONS, OK?

Source: CNN. H/T: Cindy

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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