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There’s No Way This Noise-Cancelling Mouthpiece Doesn’t Get Used For Public Phone Sex

By Victoria McNally | Miscellaneous | March 13, 2017 |


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Picture this: you’re one of the millions of commuters who takes the New York subway into work every morning. Thanks to the new Transit Wireless Wifi system, you have cell service at every single stop. While you’re stuck underground, an extremely important and sensitive phone call comes through. What do you do?

If your response is not so much “Get off at the next stop and take the phone call in a secure, quiet location” as it is “Take the call anyway and construct an elaborate Bane mask so your lips are no longer visible and your voice is masked by Minion sounds,” then congratulations! There’s a product for you! It’s called the Hush Me and it looks as ridiculous as you are for expecting any semblance of privacy while using a smartphone in a public place.

Not only does the Hush Me cover your face and insulate your voice, it also plays customizable sounds to mask whatever’s still audible, so you can still annoy the people around you with unnecessary noise! And I wasn’t kidding: “Minion” is one of them.

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So. Let’s talk seriously, here. How long do you think it takes after this thing actually hits the consumer market before it’s used almost exclusively by the BDSM community for surreptitious public phone sex? I mean, it already resembles a hi-tech ball gag. If anybody’s gonna spend money on this, it’s going to be somebody who wants the people around them to know they are using it and wonder what they’re talking about.

H/T Mark Zohar (@MarkZohar) on Twitter.


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