The World Series Starts Tonight!

Doing It for Harry

By Seth Freilich | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (65)

(*Quietly looks around the website to make sure that Dustin isn’t paying attention*)

Psst! Hey, you. Come here, quick like. I don’t have much time before that hating sumbitch Dustin and his invectives of jealousy pounce all over this shit. I’m sure Rusty will mention this in tonight’s Pajiba After Dark, but I just wanted to highlight something going on tonight. Eight p.m., Eastern. Fox. Joe Buck and his sanctimonious cock will be announcing a little thing called Game 1 of the World Series.

On the one side, you’ve got the Evil Empire. The New York Yankees. A helluva fucking team, to be sure, but one that’s been put together at quite a fucking price. This year, it cost the team over over $200 million, in fact (almost 50 percent more than the second most expensive team, that other New York squad of losers), to compile Purple Lips, Eat-Eat Sabathia and all the other guns for hire.

And then there’s the sweet, lovable Phillies. Yes, New York, I understand that your team has won the World Series twenty-whateverthefuck times. But you know who won it last? That’s right, the World Fucking Champions! Last year, they won for the pride of a filthy city. This year, they’ll win for Harry the K.

Truth be told, it’s going to be a helluva series, and should be the best one we’ve seen in quite a few years, from a pure “love of the game” standpoint. And sadly, half of you have probably already left because you don’t give a shit about baseball, or sports in general. Good riddance. But if you’re still here, lemme tell you something. If there’s any question who you should be rooting for in the Series, there really isn’t. Rooting for the Yanks is like rooting for herpes.

Just look at it this way. You’re given the choice to sit down in a pub for a few rounds of drinks. Table one offers you A Roid, CC Sabathia, Johnny Damon, Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira. Table two offers you Cole Hamels, Shane Victorino, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins. Which table do you honestly think you’ll have more fun at?

Jeter seems like an OK bloke but, otherwise, that Yankees table sounds like pure fucking misery. Not to mention the fact that Sabathia will steal any pub grub you order because he must be constantly fed — to steal a joke from my Facebook page, the only thing I’m worried about in this series is that Sabathia may actually try to eat Shane Victorino (*chewchew* What? They called him *chewchew* the Flyin’ Hawaiian. *chewchew* I figg’red he was *chewchew* stuffed with pineapples. *chewchewswallow* …Was still fucking tasty, tell you what).

Meanwhile, over at the Phillies table, the gals can swoon over Cole and Chase, while Shane tells the boys jokes and Ryan and Jimmy entertain everyone with beatbox remixes.

It’s an easy fucking choice, right? If you root for the Yanks, the terrorists win. So say it loud, and say it proud: “Let’s Go Phil-lies! Let’s Go Phil-lies!”

And just to end on a note of harmony, the wonderful people rooting for the Phillies and the horrible trolls rooting for the Yanks can all join together in this chant of solidarity: “Fuck Joe Buck! Fuck Joe Buck!”

Follow @pajiba

← Invictus Trailer | Adam Sandler In Jack And Jill →

Comments

Yankees in 6.

Posted by: Sosumi at October 28, 2009 11:04 AM

Maybe Pedro can duplicate his performance in game 7 of the 2003 ALCS (you know, back when he was actually good). Pedro is the best Philly has for game 2, really? That's kind of sad.

Posted by: sosumi at October 28, 2009 11:08 AM

Isn't this something with footbal?

Like the game?

heh heh

Posted by: Magiel at October 28, 2009 11:14 AM

First pitch is supposed to be at 7:57, so if you tune in at 8 you'll miss ... the first pitch. But don't worry, there will be 437 more pitches in the ensuing 5:01 because the Yankees are physically incapable of playing any game in under 5 hours.

Oh, and as a Pirates fan for nearly 45 years I am physically incapable of rooting for the Phillies. I loathe, despise and detest the Phillies with every fiber of every fabric of every article of clothing of my being.

Except when they're playing the Yankees.

Yank the fuckees. Go, Phils.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 28, 2009 11:15 AM

Seth... I've missed you. I've had to listen to nancyboy rowles for weeks now. I do truly hope you had to beat him into submission to get this post up, you know, the whole killing 2 birds thing. I live in NYC (i'm also from here, don't ask me to explain my phillie phanaticism...ism) and i'm drowning under the cheap cologne soaked second hand armani suit that is draping this city. help!

Posted by: Todd at October 28, 2009 11:20 AM

I have a feeling that this is not going to end well, no matter the actual circumstances. I'm thinking I ought to hire a bodyguard for the one poor bastard who's a Phillies fan in our NY state office, in his lonely red shirt. There is yelling, and group photos, and threats of firing, and it seems like it's all in good fun on the surface, but there's this kind of undertone of menace that makes me glad I didn't finish my paper and requested half a personal day today. Also, it makes me glad to be not enough of a baseball fan to have a team affiliation.

Well, much like my Catholic school emergency nuclear war training, I'm going back to "duck and cover" under my desk until it's time to go home. If nobody hears from me after this week, maybe someone should call my mom... Beav out!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 28, 2009 11:21 AM

Yeah, but who's on first?

Posted by: BWeaves at October 28, 2009 11:21 AM

It's hard to play a game in under 5 hours when you're issuing a 10 run beat down and the team you're beating down changes pitchers every third inning. So, being a Pirates fan means you lost interest in this season some time around late April or early May?

Posted by: sosumi at October 28, 2009 11:21 AM

I dunno. Jeter always struck me as a prick who was smart enough to hide that side from reporters. Kind of like Kobe Bryant before that unfortunate ass-rape incident.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 28, 2009 11:26 AM

Seth, Kolby might kill you for this.

The Yankees scare the crap out of me. Which is why this series will be fun as hell to watch.

And now, here is Mac's love letter to Chase Utley, from last week's It's Always Sunny. It perfectly encapsulates my love of the Phils.

Dear Chase,

I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so much alike. I would love to meet you someday, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you, but I think you would be impressed with my speed. I love your hair. You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about, and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. And I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real home run.

Love,
Mac

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 11:28 AM

Just when I've settled in for a long lifetime to be primarily spent hating Mark Teixeira, he comes out for the Employee Free Choice Act. And now I have no idea what to do with all this free time....

Posted by: sansho1 at October 28, 2009 11:29 AM

/unshun

I'm feeling generous today. Yanks in 6.

/reshun

Posted by: Kolby at October 28, 2009 11:29 AM

Also, the sight of Harry's white shoes in the dugout never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Man I miss his voice.

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 11:30 AM

I will never understand why they had to ruin post season baseball by having the ham handed uber-vanilla super cunt Joe Buck calling the games. Couple that with the atrocity that is color man Tim McCarver and you've got the announcer's booth version of turd stew. AND it's on Fox. 'Nuf said there.

I read somewhere once that rooting for the Yankee$ is like rooting for Robert Redford to get the girl or for Bill Gates to win the lottery. It couldn't be more true. Phillies phans (see what I did there? Witty, huh?) know about suffering. They are the losingest franchise in professional sports history. As a real sufferer though, a Cubs fan, I'd like to throw all of my love and support behind the city of brotherly love and their seriously formidable and truly fun baseball team. Perhaps I can gets me some next year. (PLEASE baseball Gods. We have lived in agony long enough.)

NOW GO OUT THERE AND RIP THE YANK$ A NEW ASSHOLE!

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at October 28, 2009 11:37 AM

PHILLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at October 28, 2009 11:42 AM

Well put. Let's go Phillies! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)

Posted by: thejodester at October 28, 2009 11:44 AM

Don't worry, I've got Kolby. She isn't going to do anything. Except cry when her team loses.

If the Phils repeat I think Julie is going to have a giant orgasm and then spontaneously combust.

Posted by: Nicole at October 28, 2009 12:00 PM

Oh come on, the Yankees have this one in the bag. Saying it will go six games is generous. I say 5. It's the best soulless amalgamation of veteran all-stars lots and lots of money can buy and it is on a runaway course to a world championship.

Having said that, there is no nobility in rooting for the forgone conclusion to happen and it would be much more entertaining to see the Yankees face plant in the World Series. I'll be rooting for the underdog in this one (except for Derek Jeter, he's fuckin' harsh- and his .334 average really helped my fantasy team.)

Yeah, whatever, go Phils. (hey, is that Kate Hudson?)

Posted by: Yossarian at October 28, 2009 12:01 PM

So, being a Pirates fan means you lost interest in this season some time around late April or early May?

Posted by: sosumi at October 28, 2009 11:21 AM
---
LATE April?

Seriously, I never quite lose interest (hell, I went to the last home game of the season this year, on a Monday afternoon with about 2,000 other hardcores, and it was a great day). I just never develop any illusions about actually winning anything. The season is so much more relaxing that way. None of this pennant-race tension and pressure and accompanying bipolar eagerness/fear of getting up every morning. Just pleasant times drinking beer in the warm sunshine and an occasional win, every one of which comes as a delightful surprise, and is treated as such.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 28, 2009 12:07 PM

Northeast team versus northeast team.....

When you people start caring about teams on this side of the Rockies, I'll start to care about your I-95 series.

Posted by: WestCoastPat at October 28, 2009 12:08 PM

I'm calling for a 4 game sweep. Whatever gets House and Glee back on the fastest.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 28, 2009 12:09 PM

But who's in goal? I heard predictions that Ovechkin is going to score over 50 home-runs this season.

Posted by: admin at October 28, 2009 12:10 PM

If the Phils repeat I think Julie is going to have a giant orgasm and then spontaneously combust.

Dear Julie,

Please invest in a flame resistant bra. I understand that such items can be quite expensive but I feel you would be doing the world a great injustice by putting those mammarifous sweater pillows at risk. I am quite willing to share in the expense of such a garment and I think I speak for all Pajimen when I say "Please smother me with your clevage of ecstacy."

Sincerely,

R. Doran Scott

President, The Alliance for The Preservation of Boobage (APB)
Central Canada Chapter

Posted by: admin at October 28, 2009 12:16 PM

Well, as a Rangers fan, there are more former Rangers in the Yankees than in the Phillies, so I'm gonna have to root for the Yanks.

Sorry, Phills phans.

-Ralphie

Posted by: Ralphie at October 28, 2009 12:28 PM

The Yankees won 103 games playing in the best division in baseball, they would have won 110 if they had played in the NL East.

Posted by: Sosumi at October 28, 2009 12:33 PM

The Yankees won 103 games playing in the best division in baseball, they would have won 110 if they had played in the NL East.

I didn't know Joe Buck was a Pajiba commenter.

Posted by: Nicole at October 28, 2009 12:37 PM

As someone who used to go to games and stand behind the dugout hoping to get Don Mattingly's autograph, I can say without guilt or hypocrisy, Fuck the Phils.

Go Yankees!

Posted by: Roaddog at October 28, 2009 12:42 PM

If and when teams west of the Rockies stop getting their asses handed to them, we'll pay attention to them.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 28, 2009 12:42 PM

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't claim a horse in this race - my Yankee-hatred isn't as strong as it once was. But then I realized that there's one beautiful, jheri-curled reason for me to choose a sign.

Pedro. I will always love the dude, regardless of where he is.

Phillies in six.

Posted by: TK at October 28, 2009 12:43 PM

Slight correction, at least 110. That Joe Buck is a pretty smart guy.

Posted by: sosumi at October 28, 2009 12:44 PM

TK - Who's your daddy?

Posted by: sosumi at October 28, 2009 12:47 PM

Seth, thank you! I so enjoy reading your "baseball stories." I think it would be a blast to sit in a bar with you, consume many beers, bitch about Joe Buck, and watch a Phillies win. I like to say hating the Yankees is like its own sport.
Go PHILLIES!!! I can't wait. I think it's gonna be a fun Series.

Posted by: Chiggy at October 28, 2009 12:50 PM

Yeah good baseball! I really don't care who wins. I am just looking forward to a good match-up.

Posted by: androstarr at October 28, 2009 12:51 PM

The who's your daddy thing pretty much lost its effect after 2004.

Hey, make a joke about airline food next.

Posted by: TK at October 28, 2009 1:13 PM

Tracer - If I thought that the east coast would be excited/interested if the series had turned out Angels-Dodgers, I would agree with you. My experience is that they would rather watch reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond than a west coast only series.

Posted by: WestCoastPat at October 28, 2009 1:15 PM

Fuck Joe Buck! I'm rooting for him to die, literally die

Posted by: Malon at October 28, 2009 1:28 PM

julie, i'd like to be there to catch your orgasm after all of this. If that's, you know, possible.

Posted by: Todd at October 28, 2009 1:33 PM

Hey, those of you who reside in Philly, can you give me a good place to park near the stadium/Spectrum on Saturday? If there is such a thing?
I'm going to the Pearl Jam show, which starts right around first pitch, and it's going to be a fucking madhouse.

Posted by: vikky at October 28, 2009 1:35 PM

Hey there. First time poster, long time reader.

Dear Julie,

Thanks for posting this on your facebook.

Dear Seth,

Thanks for writing it.

Dear Yankees fans,

Eat it.

Dear Joe Buck,

Eat it. Then die.

That is all.

Posted by: MB at October 28, 2009 1:40 PM

Vikky:

You're fucked. There will be zero parking. I'd recommend parking somewhere farther out and taking SEPTA. That'll be a fucking zoo as well, but slightly less of a zoo. Enjoy.

Posted by: TK at October 28, 2009 1:44 PM

Vikky, yes. Take the train.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 28, 2009 1:45 PM

Todd...catch it like the plague? I will happily spread my germs :)

Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day figuring out who MB is.

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 1:45 PM

Vikky-what TK said. You'd be best off parking somewhere in South Philly and taking the Broad St line to the Spectrum. Have fun at the concert!

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 1:48 PM

Nobody would be interested in a Dodgers-Angels series because nobody is interested in the Angels.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 28, 2009 1:49 PM

Isn't SEPTA on strike?

Also, I will be putting a Philly sticker in my window, so if any of you see a tan Hyundai Elantra with Massachusetts plates, please select a different car to smash and set ablaze after the Phillies win Saturday and are up 3-0.

Posted by: vikky at October 28, 2009 1:55 PM

The who's your daddy thing pretty much lost its effect after 2004. as did pedro.

Posted by: sosumi at October 28, 2009 2:06 PM

I don't know guys, people have been complaining about the Yankees being bought and paid for for years and years now, and while the team was certainly ridiculously expensive to put together, they seem to have real chemistry this year. They seem to truly enjoy playing the game. I don't care how much they're getting paid if I can tell they're enjoying themselves and working their asses off to win. I love watching this team.

Posted by: Kolby at October 28, 2009 2:09 PM

Hey, if you don't like Joe Buck, turn on the radio and listen to John Sterling. "It's an A-Bomb, from A-Rod!"

Posted by: sosumi at October 28, 2009 2:10 PM

Meh.

It's Phillies in 5, though.

Still...meh.

Posted by: Smokin at October 28, 2009 2:15 PM

Vikky-not on strike yet :) They may be on Saturday though. You'll be able to hear me screaming.

Kolbs-the Yankees ARE fun to watch. I'm so psyched for this series.

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 2:20 PM

I hate the Yankees more than I hate anything ever. The entire team could save my daughter from drowning and I'll convince myself they did so on accident while trying to molest her. I'm telling you, I hate those dirty motherfuckers.
The Phils have this relentless quality to them, kind of like the '04 Sox and late '90s Yanks. They just know how to win in so many different ways. If the Stankies don't get great starting pitching and 4 HR's per game, they're fucked.
Cliff Lee takes Game 1.
Pedro loses Game 2.
Phils take the next 3 out of 4 and shut that shitty new clownfart of a stadium down!
Mark it down, suckas!

Posted by: Kballs at October 28, 2009 2:29 PM

The Phillies already made the Dodgers their bitches, thus endearing themselves to me greatly. If they can take out the Evil Empire as well, they'll make my fucking year.

LET'S GO PHIL-LIES!

Posted by: Erin at October 28, 2009 3:39 PM

Kolby
No, you are not allowed to talk about 'great chemistry' and 'joy of the game' regarding these or any other Yankees. We aren't buying it. If they look happy, it is because they are getting paid millions and winning 100+ en route to a championship. If they were struggling and faced adversity they would alternately turn on each other or sulk. There is no chemistry, no joy, just business. The egos can coexist because they are winning and not facing criticism. If you love baseball, you root for the underdog against the Yankees (even if that means rooting for the Phillies).

Posted by: Yossarian at October 28, 2009 3:41 PM

I do love baseball, and I will be a Yankee fan until the day I die.

Posted by: Kolby at October 28, 2009 3:57 PM

I don't care for baseball so much, but as someone said earlier, hating the Yankees is a sport unto itself. So, go Phillies!

And yes, Chase Utley is adorable.

Posted by: bonnie at October 28, 2009 4:08 PM

Greeetings from sunny Southern California, right near Disneyland.

World Series??.... Uhm, baseball? Is that sport season thing still going on?

Moved on. Hockey and erm, uh, basketball.

Posted by: Ms MoMo at October 28, 2009 4:16 PM

If you love baseball, you root for the underdog against the Yankees (even if that means rooting for the Phillies).

Oh come ON. That's just ridiculous.

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 4:31 PM

The who's your daddy thing pretty much lost its effect after 2004. as did pedro.

Never said he was the greatest pitcher ever. Never said he still had it. But I love the guy. He was great while he was with us, and I'll always enjoy watching him.

Not sure why you feel the need to troll about it, but hey. It's your wasted brain space, bud. Have at it.

Posted by: TK at October 28, 2009 4:54 PM

As a Giants fan I always have to pick somebody else to cheer for in the Series and it sure as hell isn't going to be the Yankees! Go Phillies!

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at October 28, 2009 5:14 PM

Never said he was the greatest pitcher ever. Actually, in his prime he was one of the best pitchers of his generation. But, I really can't root for a professional athlete who threw a 70+ year old guy to the ground.

Posted by: sosumi at October 28, 2009 5:45 PM

"World" Series?

Cool, I hear the Japanese team are the ones to watch this year. The Brits have got some game too. Of course, you should never underestimate the Russians.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at October 28, 2009 8:51 PM

Oh, get out of here with that bullshit. It's been the World Series since 1903. Deal.

Posted by: Kolby at October 28, 2009 8:54 PM

No!

Posted by: Daniel Hall at October 28, 2009 10:01 PM

Ha! Game 1 bitches! Everyone say it with me....WELCOME BACK POST-SEASON A-ROD!!!

Hey Yankees...our Cy Young is way better than your Cy Young.

And our other Cy Young is better than your oth...oh? Huh? Really??? 1.3 billion doallars in total payroll since 2000 and no titles, not even 1? What about that dude who won the Cy Young in 2001, Clemens, didn't...oh? No? Really? Out of the league? Huh...Steroids? No shit. Well what about that A-Rod guy and his league MVP in 2003 he hasn't won a world ser...huh? No? not even one? Steroids huh? Wow. No wonder everyone thinks he's a douche.

Oh well...at least they have that shiny new stadium what with they can fill with the tears of thousands of douchebag Yankee fans.

Karma's a bitch and A-Rod will never see a ring unless it's the one wrapped around Jeter's cock.

Posted by: PissBoy at October 29, 2009 10:49 AM

Last time I checked, it takes 4 wins to win the Series. Love all the Yankee hate, it's so much better than the indifference generated by the Phillies.

Posted by: sosumi at October 29, 2009 2:43 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Doing It for Harry

Comments