The Weekly Caption Contest
The graphic that Replica provided for last week's contest was harder than hell to caption, I think, and so I want to congratulate everybody who made the effort. I mean, it would have been much easier to just open up a bag of potato chips or something, but you folks dove right in and in spite of the difficult challenge that was facing you, your brilliance prevailed and awesome, unpredictable captions were springing up all over the place! You are the best of America.
To stimulate your memory, I will provide you with Replica's image:
I have narrowed the field down to five and they look like this:
Later, they realized in horror that the festival was really a public sacrifice when the parade route ended at a giant blender.
I like this one because my wife and I recently bought a juicer and it's completely transformed my life. It's very destructive, almost gory, like the wood chipper scene from Fargo, but it end's up making something that's really great for you! And it scares animals, too, so it makes me feel powerful. jM, I salute you for your excellent contribution and award you the prize of not winning a DVD copy of Jersey Shore Shark Attack.
[insert quip about bananaman's speech to no one is totally like the crazy Clint Eastwood speech] + [witty reference to the phallic banana] + [Freud reference?] = Pajiba commenting gold?
No, that can't be right. I mean a spambot top-fived, but what if I make a grammar error? No, okay, I'll just sit this one out. Maybe there will be a trade news post I can comment on first, to warm up.
I like this one because it almost reads like computer programming, and if it weren't for computer programming Canada never would have landed a spaceship on the moon. I think that LB pretty much had the formula dead-on, except for the fact that I positively fucking EMBRACE grammatical errors. My DNA is composed entirely of spelling and grammar errors. The doctors told me so. I also like that by not submitting, LB ended up submitting a really good one, so LB, you get an extra slice of pie at dinner tonight!
3. Maguita NYC
Next season on True Blood: The new and improved Fairies would taste like passion fruit and get dressed in pears and spears.
This one is brilliant and excellent because "True Blood" sucks. The show started off whip smart and interesting with just the right amount of the unexpected, and then it became a fun and campy, brain-off, sexy soap opera, like Bay Watch with Vampires. And now it's exhausting in its clichés and supernatural melodrama. I love nudity and I can't even watch it anymore, and my wife, who used to fall into a trance at the site of Bill, Eric or Alcide (seriously, you could stick a pin through her and she wouldn't notice when one of those guys was on the screen), well, she doesn't even bother watching anymore. It's 50 Shades ofV Vampire crap, is what it is. Well done, Maguita NYC, you call a fairy a fairy!
I'll give her this, Lady Gaga's crabs are much more festive than most peoples'.
The Love Machine rolls on, displaying a dirty imagination that somehow encapsulates the graphic quite perfectly. Well done, L.O.V.E!
In the year 2019, the aptly named, Bi-Curiosity, sends back its first images from the surface of Venus.
It's flat out dominance, is what it is. L.O.V.E cannot be stopped. I love this caption because this is entirely what I hope is on Venus. For many years I thought I wanted the planet to kind of look like Sweden, but no, L.O.V.E. showed me that this is what I wanted all along. You're a monster, L.O.V.E like Mike Tyson in his prime and it's both thrilling and intimidating to watch you work. You sir, will have another contribution made on your behalf to the Portland, Maine Ronald McDonald House. You are a hero.
This is the graphic for this week, please have it it!