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The Weekly Caption Contest

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | September 7, 2012 | Comments ()


Screen Shot 2012-09-06 at 11.10.58 PM.png

The graphic that Replica provided for last week's contest was harder than hell to caption, I think, and so I want to congratulate everybody who made the effort. I mean, it would have been much easier to just open up a bag of potato chips or something, but you folks dove right in and in spite of the difficult challenge that was facing you, your brilliance prevailed and awesome, unpredictable captions were springing up all over the place! You are the best of America.

To stimulate your memory, I will provide you with Replica's image:

oldgraphic.jpeg

I have narrowed the field down to five and they look like this:

5. jM

Later, they realized in horror that the festival was really a public sacrifice when the parade route ended at a giant blender.

----

I like this one because my wife and I recently bought a juicer and it's completely transformed my life. It's very destructive, almost gory, like the wood chipper scene from Fargo, but it end's up making something that's really great for you! And it scares animals, too, so it makes me feel powerful. jM, I salute you for your excellent contribution and award you the prize of not winning a DVD copy of Jersey Shore Shark Attack.

4. LB

[insert quip about bananaman's speech to no one is totally like the crazy Clint Eastwood speech] + [witty reference to the phallic banana] + [Freud reference?] = Pajiba commenting gold?

No, that can't be right. I mean a spambot top-fived, but what if I make a grammar error? No, okay, I'll just sit this one out. Maybe there will be a trade news post I can comment on first, to warm up.

----

I like this one because it almost reads like computer programming, and if it weren't for computer programming Canada never would have landed a spaceship on the moon. I think that LB pretty much had the formula dead-on, except for the fact that I positively fucking EMBRACE grammatical errors. My DNA is composed entirely of spelling and grammar errors. The doctors told me so. I also like that by not submitting, LB ended up submitting a really good one, so LB, you get an extra slice of pie at dinner tonight!

3. Maguita NYC

Next season on True Blood: The new and improved Fairies would taste like passion fruit and get dressed in pears and spears.

----

This one is brilliant and excellent because "True Blood" sucks. The show started off whip smart and interesting with just the right amount of the unexpected, and then it became a fun and campy, brain-off, sexy soap opera, like Bay Watch with Vampires. And now it's exhausting in its clich├ęs and supernatural melodrama. I love nudity and I can't even watch it anymore, and my wife, who used to fall into a trance at the site of Bill, Eric or Alcide (seriously, you could stick a pin through her and she wouldn't notice when one of those guys was on the screen), well, she doesn't even bother watching anymore. It's 50 Shades ofV Vampire crap, is what it is. Well done, Maguita NYC, you call a fairy a fairy!

2. L.O.V.E.

I'll give her this, Lady Gaga's crabs are much more festive than most peoples'.

-----

The Love Machine rolls on, displaying a dirty imagination that somehow encapsulates the graphic quite perfectly. Well done, L.O.V.E!

1. L.O.V.E.

In the year 2019, the aptly named, Bi-Curiosity, sends back its first images from the surface of Venus.

-----

It's flat out dominance, is what it is. L.O.V.E cannot be stopped. I love this caption because this is entirely what I hope is on Venus. For many years I thought I wanted the planet to kind of look like Sweden, but no, L.O.V.E. showed me that this is what I wanted all along. You're a monster, L.O.V.E like Mike Tyson in his prime and it's both thrilling and intimidating to watch you work. You sir, will have another contribution made on your behalf to the Portland, Maine Ronald McDonald House. You are a hero.

This is the graphic for this week, please have it it!

Screen Shot 2012-09-06 at 11.10.46 PM.png



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • jM

    Is it just me or is that poor dog's portrait getting happier and happier?

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Doomsday Preppers: When the food runs out and they eat the poodle, they will have the portrait to remember Fifi by.

  • colpetty

    Gary Larson never did tell them they were his inspiration

  • no one

    Buy this painting, or we will kill this dog.

  • "How many times I gotta tell ya? Get that fuckin' dog out of my half of the picture."

  • Nico

    This is my rifle, this is Gun. One is for shooting, one is for fun.

  • Kenny G.

    "The dog here...is going to become my other slipper..."

  • Carl

    And would ya know it, both Fifi and Laverne got the hysterectomy before the month was out.

  • Barry Ronk

    Though Frank's attempt to impregnate Abbey (pictured in oil on muslin) had ended in tragedy; his years of engineering nuclear weapons told him that all he needed for the shotgun insemination to be effective was a smaller load.

  • "Ralph immortalized Dorinda how he always loved seeing her: sitting on the couch holding Sweetcakes, with Sweetcakes' portrait right next to her. Holding his gun and brushing hands with his darling Dorinda, it was almost as if she wasn't dead at all."

    Sorry guys, this got really dark.

  • E. L.

    In Dog we trust.

  • ZombieMrsSmith

    Definitely better off than they were four years ago.

  • BWeaves

    Is this the poster for A Christmas Story II: The Sequel: Ralphie Get Your Gun?

  • LibraryChick

    You'll shoot your eye out.

  • LB

    Thanks. Between this and the Arnett/Poehler split, I believe I am officially entitled to eat an entire pie tonight.

    I would comment on this photo, but it could easily be a photo of a couple from my hometown showing off their respective talents. I would feel awkward snarking it up. I did, however, end that sentence with a preposition for your enjoyment.

  • Melina

    The reason why Crawl was able to help Rebecca navigate and balance the expectations of family in Son in Law came not from his many years of college and the mastery of numerous majors but because these were his parents. It also explains why he dressed as he did.

  • Barry Ronk

    Unable to properly papertrain her Harry & Tina decide to memorialize Fifi and just move on.

  • Mrcreosote

    Do you SEE what happens when we let the Yeti take a picture? That bastard has NO eye for composition and he gets his damn hand in every shot. Just give the damn camera to Nessie.

  • L.O.V.E.

    An early Gribble family portrait. Mr. Gribble displaying his prized possessions: His rifle, his hunting companion, and his artwork. Mother Gribble was just two months pregnant with Dale when the picture was taken, oblivious to her husband's secret.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • BobbFrapples

    Bob Ross: The Later Years

  • LibraryChick

    There are no happy little trees here.

  • BobbFrapples

    They'll never be happy again.

  • Mickey

    The Jones family seemed like a wholesome slice of American pie ... until the day that Clem forgot to take his meds.

  • Drake

    A couple of years later, their portrait of "Ole Purple" was a constant source of sorrow.

  • Bert_McGurt

    "I tells ya Ma, there's sumthin' fishy goin' on when them duffel bags got both a drawstring AND a zipper..."

  • lowercase_ryan

    Everything I need, I got right here: Redneck, White Shirt, and this pooch right here.

  • L.O.V.E.

    We started this magazine, "American Bitch". It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.

    http://www.dailymotion.com/vid...

  • Mitchell Hundred

    I would watch the hell out of a Christopher Guest movie about those two.

  • Legally Insignificant

    Damn Obama! First he came after my upside-down gun, next he'll be coming after my sh*tty artwork and my wife and dog with matching haircuts.

  • By worshiping at FiFi's altar, Ma Arnold and her second favorite child, PePe, are mourning the loss of their dear friend, whom Pa Arnold had just taken out back for the last time. As you can tell from the expression on PePe's face, what he really wanted to know was where FiFi's rhinestone collar had gone. Better not have gone to pay for Pa's new camping gear! He will pee in your boots.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    "I know we're going to survive the zombie apocalypse because we only saved the REALLY important stuff."

  • bastich

    "In Business News: 'Elmer's Neuter-by-Shotgun Service' stock has risen since they revealed that they would now be offering circumcision services."

  • Wednesday

    Frontispiece: The Zombie Survival Guide, Millennial Edition

  • bastich

    Leaked shot from the set of "David Lynch's Old Yeller".

  • F. Robert

    I remember this Christmas.

  • Jannymac

    hahahahaha, I had this heart cringing moment when I first glanced at the photo and thought...my god, is that my AUNT SARAH? It's not, but lord help, it could have been.

  • bleujayone

    See the new portrait in the Guggenheim Museum: American Pathetic.

  • Slash

    It's like 1972 exploded and landed in these people's living room. Then of course the man shot his wife, the dog, then himself.

  • ElvisCostelegram

    Like Tom Sawyer before him, Mr. Fluffy witnessed his own funeral before Virgil took him out back and put him down.

  • Maguita NYC

    From my dead cold hands?
    I think they meant the puppy.

  • Maguita NYC

    Wow, thank you for the recognition! And I stand by your wife: Next season, you gotta pay me to watch any TB nudity. Yes, it has become that boring with an aftertaste of bitter disappointment.

  • Kirbyjay

    When I was put on the poodle rescue list, I specifically asked for Democrats.
    Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp!!

  • no one

    You're saying they wanted to adopt Debbie Wasserman Schultz?

  • kirbyjay

    No, I'm saying the poodle is on the poodle rescue list.

  • Be veeewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm huntin' poodles.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Thelma decided to have her merkin immortalized in oil. Art critic Buck Thomas considers his options.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    This picture of the first ever Republican National Convention hangs between Mitt and Ann Romney's separate twin beds.

  • Only Lady Snuggles knew the truth about what happened to Leroy's first wife.

  • idiosynchronic

    Why, yes, we'll be attending the premiere of the Last Ounce of Courage next week!

  • Bert_McGurt

    "Sadly, their poodle portraits failed to attain the same popularity above grandparent's couches as their initial offering, Generic Woodland-scape."

  • frank247

    Looks like the first inter-species shotgun wedding/portrait unveiling was a success.

  • Bert_McGurt

    "Initial reactions to the Poehler/Arnett split were mixed, to say the least."

  • L.O.V.E.

    I am debating even giving this a caption. It is pure art.

    It should really be put on display at the Met.

    I mean, you wouldn't put a caption under the Mona Lisa at the Louvre, would you?

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