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The Weekly Caption Contest

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | September 21, 2012 | Comments ()

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It's utterly ridiculous but I liked the submissions so much from last week that I've only been able to narrow it down to ten finalists. Ten. "American Idol" has more dignity than I do. Without further ado I will present the final ten, but first a reminder of the images that were provided for us:



10. Dave McIntyre, Esq

"umm...the girls are cute. I got nothing.'

For me, this represents truth in advertising. Well done, Dave, you got to the heart of the matter like a goddamn lightning bolt and your candor elevates us all.

9. EricD

Picture #2

The moment Gloria Steinem first made the connection between a fish and a bicycle.

Picture # Raquel Welch

The 70s were a very different time for feminine hygiene products.

I like the first one because it's all, you know, political and a lot funnier and more charming than Bono. I like Eric's second one because I love Racquel Welch. Did you know that people claim she had some ribs removed to acquire that hourglass figure? It's a true rumor and a true inspiration. I also like it because I know a woman who had an opportunity to run one of the legs of Olympic Torch Relay this year. They made her, and everyone, wear one of those white, space age bodysuit things and just before she was to take the torch her lady time struck. Mr. Bean kind of chaos ensued, and even though she was briefly locked in the boys washroom in a British public school, she handled it like a pro and the Olympics were not ruined, and so EricD, I present to you a photograph of super stud and 1972 Olympic champion Mark Spitz.


8. Kenny G.

1. "Shit Baby...This JIFFY-POP went fuckin' crazy!!!"

I like the expletives, well done, Kenny!

7. Kelsy

I don't really have anything funny to say except that I really like blowing bubbles, and I kind of want to join the people in the first picture. If I was required to wear Levi's to blow said bubbles, I guess I would wear those stripey ones because why not?

Kelsy, I would say you pretty accurately read my mind. I also like blowing bubbles and stripy pants are fun, so yes, yes, why not?

6. mswas

Top: Mary thought, "I might be wearing the belt buckle of love, but boy do I sure hate you, Fred," and then she punched him in the head.

Bottom: "And then the House of Representatives declared the word "vagina" offensive!"

I like the violence that mswas has conjured here. She's dug deep for the subtext, and then followed that up with a damning and incisive political commentary. Mswas, I would vote for you in your ran for office.

5. Carl •

"First, we drink the special traveling liquid. Then we lie down in bed with the purple veils on our faces. That night, a space vessel shaped much like this bubble will come to retrieve us."

If you don't find mass suicide from a religious cult funny, then really, you don't find anything funny. Nicely done, Carl!


4. Melina

Right before the "Just Say No" campaign there was the little known drug campaign known as, "Drugs Make Everything Better". It was well received.

Melina, you are well received.

3. PDamian

First photo:
WOMAN: "Yale Drama, Shakespeare In The Park, five years in the national tour of Godspell ... and the best my big-time Hollywood agent can do is some butt-ugly jeans commercial."

MAN: "Well, you did tell him to pass on the hooker and maid roles."

Oh, political and funny and bringing the beauty that was Godspell back into our hearts and minds. Brilliant, PDamien, brilliant!

2. David

First one: "Pimp my Sesame Street."
Second one: "You totally made that kid cry!!!"

David, you nailed them both and for whatever reason I love imaging some kid crying as the two stars of Playboy's College Edition 1975 cycle off into the future.

1. protoformX

Excerpt from Carl Weather's diary: "This one time I took Angela Davis' little sister out. We blew giant bubbles on the sidewalk and ate hotdogs from a street vendor. She couldn't finish hers, so I took it home and put it in a pot, added some broth, a potato. Baby, I got a stew goin' "

Really, it wasn't even close. ProtoformX's caption made me laugh out loud. I want a t-shirt that says, Baby, I got a stew goin.'

Proto, you have just won a mystery gift! It's a golden day for you. Just send us your address and Dustin Rowles will send something to you.

And now, with a nod to Melina, the image for this week:


Have at it!

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Carl

    "You know, Ronny married me because I gave the best blow jobs in Hollywood."

  • frank247

    The existence of pictures of Nancy Reagan sucking on a black man have been refuted since the early days of the Reagan administration.

  • "I want you to give me one for the Gipper"
    "yes ma'am"
    "and my safe word is... SANDINISTA..."

  • Bildo

    "Nancy!!.. Get down here an SUCK MY DICK HO!!"

  • L.O.V.E.

    Few realize that before there was Morgan Freeman as Tom Beck, Dennis Haysbert as David Palmer, and Tracy Jordan as President Homeboy, Mr. T paved the way for America to accept a black man tapping that ass in the White House.

    Mr. T, a true American Hero.

  • Maguita NYC

    ... And that's how "I pity the fool" was born.

  • GunNut2600

    "I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs."

  • GunNut2600

    I figured I would go with an actual Nancy quote as its scientifically impossible to out batshit crazy that family.

  • Lb

    I want to frame this picture and put it in my office. And, when I'm having a rough day, I want to look at it and marvel for just a minute. In that minute, I will appreciate the tube sock/hiking boot take on Santa's boots, the Christmas appropriate cross necklace selection, the subtlety Christmas pumps. I will let the picture take me back to the best reality tv show of all time, "I Pity the Fool.". And then, because no moment of joy is complete without a little sadness, I will yearn for my own Gentle Giant (tm).

  • Out of all of Mr. T's accessories, the tube socks are my favorite.

  • googergieger

    I have to say...

    I REALLY don't get Obamacare.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Holy hells do I love the weekly caption contest.

    (mswas was robbed)

  • no one

    Mr. T finds out what Reagan really meant by the ‘trickle down’ effect.

  • no one

    Thank for my own studly Mark Sptiz. I am grinning ear to ear. He was a big hero of mine back when he won those.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    "I pity the fool who says no to GILF!"

  • Kenny G.

    "I was really hoping to get a Mr. Coffee..."

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I would give you all the upvotes for that terrible, amazing pun.

    (Someone did give my mom a "Mrs. Tea" for Christmas one year.)

  • Kenny G.

    This was always my favorite scene at Madame Tussauds...

  • Drake

    Is that a candy-cane in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?

  • L.O.V.E.

    "Everyone knows my line, 'Just say no to drugs.'
    But have you heard my other line, 'Just say no to condoms'?"

  • Bert_McGurt

    "Twas the night before Christmas, in the house that be White,
    First Lady taking pictures with Santa in tights.
    He's a little surreal, he's more than a man,
    He delivers kids presents from a badass black van.
    In stockings of tube, giving gifts of himself,
    This Claus don't need help from no fool little elf!
    His visit was brief, there are children to see,
    And no pity he'll have for a tardy St. T!
    'On Face! On Murdock!, On Hannibal!' he cried,
    'We got places to be, and this sucker don't fly!'
    And he said as he left, in his gold and his silk,
    'Merry Christmas to all, and thanks for the milk!'"

  • **Slow clap**

  • Maguita NYC

    Wait!! That Mark Spitz picture is real??!...

    I thought it was Michael Phelps all 70s Guido-fide!!!

    As for Nancy Reagan getting her Mr.T on: Sheldon Cooper is looking at this somewhere, and hoping that The Gentle Giant doll box is in mint condition.

  • ElvisCostelegram

    Mr. T pities both fools and women married to Ronald Reagan.

  • HerGuyWednesday

    "I love it when a plan comes together (where 'plan' = 'frail, elderly, white woman + hulking, mohawked, gold-laden black man')."

  • Legally Insignificant

    Mr. T, wanna see MY black mohawk?

  • kirbyjay

    Thanks for hosting my sex toy party T, and this hostess gift sure is in a BIG box. Gentle Giant? I hope it's not too gentle.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    "I'll be there in a minute Ron, I'm taking my Lady's Viagra."

  • BWeaves

    "Why yes, Mrs. President, my Gentle Giant (TM) is glad to see you. And, it will fit you like a T."

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    While Nacy was a big proponent of The War on Drugs, she didn't have issue with natural stimulants such as licking a Mr.T to get high.

  • L.O.V.E.

    "4:00, Lincoln Bedroom. Ronald should be asleep by 3:30. Bring your 'A-Team'."

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Asshole. I was totally going there too.

  • L.O.V.E.

    You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to beat me to the perv.

    Now images:

  • Mrcreosote

    It's the pom poms on Nancy's shoes that make this picture for me. Perhaps it was a simpler time that we all agreed should never, ever be talked about.
    Hannibal dressed as the Easter Bunny was never as good.

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