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The Weekly Caption Contest

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | October 5, 2012 | Comments ()


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Well, once again there were too many good submissions in our caption contest.

Stop it.

Get dumber, people. I now have to open a second bottle of wine while going through all the submissions and trying to decide which one is best. You know what you people are? You're a gateway drug, that's what you are. Soon I will be on opium, which has always kind of been a dream of mine, so I simultaneously thank and curse you.

And so now, a refresher of the graphic the Replica provided last week:

weeklyoldcaptionfrankthorne.jpeg

I have narrowed it down to seven, so if you don't mind, I would like each one of you to think of yourself as a deadly sin.

Coming in 7th place as LUST:

BierceAmbrose

I shall strive always to remember ...

I prophesy they will aid in this remembering. These are most meta of gods. Their justice may be obscure, but in their telling of that obscurity they shall be as clear as an unmuddied lake, or as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on them, I prophesy.

I like this one because it reminds me of Cormac McCarthy, whom I once beat at Scrabble.

Coming in 6th place as GLUTTONY:

Snath:

After years of shopping to studios and numerous script rewrites, Michael Bay's Rip Van Winkle adaptation is finally greenlit.

Snath, I particularly like this one because I cannot stop imagining the soundtrack. Think Sigur Ros meets Lionel Ritchie.

Coming in 5th place as GREED:

L.O.V.E.

Quentin Tarantino has re-imagined the Kung Fu genre with Kill Bill.
Quentin Tarantino has re-imagined the War movie genre with Inglourious Basterds
Quentin Tarantino has re-imagined the Western genre with Django Unchained.
Now, in his latest cinematic achievement, Quentin Tarantino has re-imagined the Duke's of Hazard as a 1970's Sci-Fi movie.
Starring his favorite Cocaine-wizard friend, Robert Ricahrdson as Uncle Jesse,
and Asia Argento as Daisy Duke, Tarantino has done it again.

I want to see this movie very much, and the broken icon that was at the bottom of this submission suggested something entirely pornographic. This is to be commended, thank you L.O.V.E.

Coming in 4th as SLOTH:

NateS1973:

Joyce Dewitt pauses to reflect on her decision to leave 3's Company.

BierceAmbrose

Looks like she took a bit of Chrissy with her when she went.

This is a dual submission, with Bierce working off of the original comment by Nate. They're like a horribly, horribly beautiful synchronized swimming duo, and for that you get a photo of Chrissy. Fight over it as you will.

chrissy.jpeg

Coming in 3rd as WRATH:

Legally Insignificant

Delilah kept an eye out for aliens while Gert the Elder quietly soiled himself.

This one just smells right.

Coming in 2nd as ENVY:

MikeRoorda

He should have been more specific when requesting his rescue party be "stupid hot." She WAS beautiful. Built like a lingerie model from some planet with no carbs and lots of free growth hormones, but she was also dumb. God was she dumb. Take today for example. Today she was wearing her headband around her neck, surely a hazard. She'd also forgotten her barrel extender at the ship, was wearing a child's shirt in sub zero temperatures and had chosen to wear heels instead of more sensible footwear. Heels for Chrissake! You couldn't even see the ground through all this pink fog, but you knew there were rocks underneath and if her ankles didn't give out first one of the natives would easily pick her off soon. Her gun was basically useless in its half assembled state. His only hope, his last wish, was that in her final moments of flailing around like a scared and handicapped puppy one of her perfect breasts popped lose and he could burn the image into his memory. He'd have to dust off his hardware, it'd been a while, but he was pretty sure the plumbing could still be coaxed into action.

I love this, it's brilliant, especially the bit about forgetting her barrel extender in the ship. You are a force, MikeRoorda and should be celebrated! For you, I present a video of Kool and the Gang performing "Celebration":



And coming in 1st as PRIDE:

Kenny G.

I hate it when the Faculty puts on a play...

This, this is exactly the sort of thing that faculty would put on! The gym teacher and the geography teacher, giving it their all at the school assembly and for a brief moment, becoming the stars that they always knew they were. Kenny G, you are a star and will be receiving a typed letter of congratulations from Dustin Rowles, as well as some slobber from one of his children. I bet if you ask him, he'd put some stickers on the letter, just send us your address and this limited edition collector's item will be yours. And also, you get this video of Kenny G:



Watch it, I dare you.

This is Replica's image from this week, have at it!

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Kenny G.

    "Ricola...!"

  • no one

    MR. MOORE! Breakfast is ready!

  • ringo183

    "Anybody got any gum?"

  • L.O.V.E.

    "Hey, everyone, look. Its David Blaine doing another douchey stunt with his shirt off. Didn't see that 'magic' trick coming (hand wank gesture)."

  • mswas

    "OK, They're all distracted! Bring in Hoffa and the cement!"

  • Kenny G.

    "What's that? The girls AREN'T part of this stunt? Holy crap...
    By the way, where are we going for donuts...?"

  • BierceAmbrose

    "Bring out your dead bodies ... "

    Not willing to limit himself to Shakespeare, Joss Whedon released this re-imagined Monty Python produced for $0.37 in his backyard on lunch break.

    In related trade news, Whedon has signed to tour with Cirque du Solei next season, having mastered tightrope work over the Columbus day weekend between making the Thor / Dr. Horrible crossover "Captain Avengers - The Hammer *is* Nathan Fillion" (Spoiler - he kills most of Connecticut.) and editing the documentary of his nerd/comi/wonder/dragon-con world tour "The Last Wash."

  • BierceAmbrose

    /meta

    ... and for that you get a photo of Chrissy.
    Fight over it as you will.

    I don't think we have to fight. I mean, "Three's Company" right?

    (Also, I owe it all to my collaborator.)

  • BierceAmbrose

    /meta

    "Gateway drug" is my new mission in life.

  • frank247

    LOOK OUT, HE'S GONNA CRASH!

  • frank247

    HEY! ASSHOLE!

  • TC

    "...we call it The Aristocrats!"

  • googergieger

    I don't know. With this teaser poster, something tells me this is the season Mad Men goes down hill.

  • GunNut2600

    SGT Joe Friday- "I'll tell you what I know. I know that in fact that too many kids that get into pot end up with heroin and then onto LSD. I know that if you drink, you suffer a loss of judgement if you drink to excess. But I also know that judgement returns when you sober up. I know and so do you that when you slip out on an acid trip that you never know when you will slip again. This is now Carny...not a couple of years ago. We've had time now to see and study the effects of LSD. People who haven't had a dose in weeks sail out on another trip. They never know when the minute they drop one acid capsule or ingest it in any other way that they bought the farm. They lost any chance to depend on or even restore that most precious inner senses; JUDGEMENT! Well my way of thinking is without judgement, you might as well be dead. Your brain is dead, so why not the rest of you?!?"

    Carny: "Hey pal I asked if you wanted some cotton candy."

    SGT Joe Friday: "We are talking Cotton Candy. Cotton Candy is the flame, heroin is the fuse, and LSD is the bomb. So when you try to equate Cotton Candy with wholesome family fun mister...NOT ME! You may sell that jazz to another sugar junkie but not speaking to someone who has spent most of his time holding some sick kids head as he vomits and retches on a curb at 4 o'clock in the morning. And when his knees get enough starch in them so he can stand up and empty his pockets, you can BET he will turn out at a pixie stick and a joint or two of marijuana. And you can DOUBLE your money that he has a cap or two of H. So don't you con me with your mind expansion slop.

    Officer Frank Smith: "Damn it Joe why the fuck did I ever agree to go to the fair with you?"

  • Art Oczkodrinko

    THE WH0RES ARE HERE!

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    "What are you, crazy!? Look both ways before crossing the street, it's DANGEROUS!"

  • If Federico Fellini did film noir.

  • Kenny G.

    We have a winner!!

  • BierceAmbrose

    ++++++

  • Kenny G.

    "Alright folks! Let's break it up...Nothing to see here...Go on home...Nothing to see here!"

  • John W

    ...Mitt Romney's infographic for his economic recovery plan was not working as well as he had hoped...

  • Kenny G.

    The strange thing is...this photo is posted UPSIDE DOWN!!!

  • Legally Insignificant

    Having burned through all of Brando's coke on the set of Streetcar, Karl Malden turned to a harder drug: trapeze acts.

  • bleujayone

    "Step right up ladies and gentlemen and see the Half-Foot Circus! That's right see the circus where all the performers are only 6 inches tall! Lookie here at this high wire act, The Magnificent Thumbersons.... well.....it's high to THEM. Marvel at how many tiny clowns we can stuff inside a Barbie Super 'Vette! Feast your eyes on the daring Pyro the Matches Eater! And be thrilled to the brave Gunther Gebel Wee Williams as he tames a pride of ferocious ferrets. Hur-ray! Hur-ray! Hur-ray!"

  • BobbFrapples

    The 50 Foot Man found more constructive things to do with his life after his wife's meltdown. "Serving as a highwire post is one of the most gratifying things I've ever done."

  • 'Has anyone seen my wife or my sister? My tie needs sorting out.'

  • Mitchell Hundred

    Okay, so they aren't shooting 'Fringe' here! Let's go check that rural wooded area. And hurry up, they can't start without an Observer.

  • In spite of their giant PR man, fresh meat delivered over telephone wires was not as futuristic as it sounded.

  • L.O.V.E.

    "Spolier Alert: They All Die!"

  • Bert_McGurt

    "That rope ain't the only thing that's tight around here, if you know what I mean and I think you do."

  • The original PBS fundraisers were rather...strenuous when it came to hosting duties.

  • "HEY! SHUT THE FUCK UP OVER THERE! YOU'RE GOING TO DISTRACT THE GUY RIDING A BIKE ALONG THE TIGHTROPE! LIVES ARE AT STAKE HERE, YOU INCONSIDERATE PRICK!"

  • Mrs Pilot

    Roger- "Hey, Don! Look what Pete came up with for the new client meeting!"

  • "Has anyone seen my bike?!??!?"

  • L.O.V.E.

    "Release the Kraken!"

  • Elvis Costelegram

    "Marco!"

  • Snath

    I don't understand this newfangled pornography.

  • Shirtless Man Takes Last String Out Of Town As Giant Dapper Man Invades Midwest; Cannot Bear To Choose Which One Of His Two Wives To Rescue.

  • BWeaves

    "He's so gay he won't even touch 'em with a 10 foot pole while they're presenting."

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Bill didn't quite understand the intricacies of sneaking illegal immigrants into other countries.

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