The Weekly Caption Contest October 19, 2012
film / tv / lists / guides / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / podcasts / web culture / politics / dc / snl / netflix / marvel / cbr

The Weekly Caption Contest

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | October 19, 2012 | Comments ()


I think that last week's caption was a particularly hard one, and so I have to say that I'm immensely impressed (once again) with all the fantastic responses. I have narrowed it down to seven finalists, each one who will be identified by one of the Seven Sages of Greece.

And so, a refresher of the graphic from last week:


Coming in 7th, as Periander of Cornith, known for saying, "Be farsighted with everything," is:


Hum, we seem to be alternating between 1940's retro postcards and 1970's Polaroids for these contests. That's not a bad thing. Just an observation.

Bweaves, you're absolutely right. I hadn't known this, but a pattern has been emerging and your ability to see elusive and complicated connections where others may not, suggests that you might be looking at an awesome future in the FBI, CIA, or any other agency interested in surveillance. As an encouragement for you to follow in the path of your talent, I present to you this very short film by David Lynch. Please let us know what the connections are!

Coming in 6th, as Pittacus of Mytilene, venerated for uttering, " You should know which opportunities to choose," is:


Hey! Listen. Shhh. I talked that guy behind me into getting a perm. The chick with the perfect wave and the teeny waist is my best friend and/or the stupid skank who is dating my eternal crush. In about an hour, when Miss No Bra flees the kinky monster she has created, I will swoop in with tissues and a sixer of Pabst. He will be mine!

I do not know how you can tell that the girl in the green sweater is not wearing a bra. Is it only because it was the 70's? Regardless, I respect your ability, and quite frankly, thank you for making me consider the matter. She is pretty and it's nice to think about her. Also, I respect your game, as you clearly know how to get a man.

Coming in 5th, as Thales of Miletus, who dazzled the ancient world by saying, " Know thyself," is:

Simon Laan:

Drinking beer and doing hair.... Patty Hearst wondered how this whole SLA thing could get any better

The drinker does look like Patty Hearst, and the whole thing just makes kidnapping appear to be fun, like a really, really long and disorienting sleepover. For you, I present a video of the multilingual band Stereo Total singing Patty Hearst. Enjoy!

Coming in 4th, as Bias of Priene, who rocked the joint by saying, "Most men are bad," is:

When the police found Jeff's body with a beer bottle up his ass and his hair perfectly styled, they knew the Curler Killers had struck again.

, I would have placed you higher, but your avatar confused me. At any rate, the Curler Killers sounds like an excellent title for an adult themed Nancy Drew book, a dream of mine that has yet to be realized. Thank you for helping to keep my dream alive. And to you I present this clip.

Coming in 3rd, as Chilon of Sparta, who figured it all out with this, " You should not desire the impossible," is:


I guess the old adage is true -- 70's porn WAS much more hairy.

Mentioning porn always works, and Zeke, you know how to work the system. See, even that makes me think of porn. Zeke the pig works the system. I would pay to watch that movie in private.

Coming in 2nd, as Solon of Athens, who blew everybody's minds with, " Keep everything with moderation," is:


So ... here's the picture of Susan doing Patrick's hair. It was so sweet of him to let her practice on him for her cosmetology exam... And there's me. Drinking perm salts ... Yah, I totally used Susan's hair scissors to stab them both 50 times in the neck right after this picture was taken... Now, that was a fun Sunday afternoon. And here's a picture of me at ..

L.O.V.E. also knows how to work the system. In fact, I think that L.O.V.E. and Zeke should collaborate on the porn film, the sequel, I guess, Zeke and Love work the system. Otherwise, L.O.V.E also posted a picture from Silence of the Lambs, slipped in a bath salts variation and got the Helter-Skelter vibe bang-on. Well done, L.O.V.E! I present to you a photograph of the Manson Family, who kind of look like the Partridge Family, only hiding in a cave.


Coming in 1st, as Clebulos of Lindos, who kept it real by saying, " Stick it to the man," is:


[Rod Serling]: Enter Jerry Bankowitz, a young man hoping to, as he would say, "get some pussy". To that end, he is sitting in the girls' dorm on a Saturday night letting the girl of his dreams give him a makeover. Unfortunately for Jerry, all hopes of nookie are lost for he has unwittingly become a permanent resident of.....the Friend Zone.

***cue creepy music***

Nate, you have looked into my soul with this one, as I have lived in the Friend Zone for a great, long part of my life. I am Jerry Bankowitz. You sir, are the winner of the caption contest this week and will be rewarded by receiving a typed letter of commendation from Dustin Rowles. He draws what we think are unicorns on the margins of the page.

This is the graphic that Replica has provided for this week:


Come home with your shields, or on them.

Forgetting Where He Is, President Obama Frustratingly Sticks to the Script on "The Daily Show" | VIDEO: Oops. Tom Hanks Says F**k Live on "Good Morning America"

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Judy yawned and wondered why her parents had fallen for Romney's vague campaign promises to "get America working again" when he'd offered no specifics.

    Only 7, she was sadly still too young to understand how this would 'beat China'...

  • no one

    Some found starting life $50,000 in debt a burden. Not Suzy. By god that was just the kind of motivation she needed to drag herself out of that crib and crawl her way to the office.

  • LibraryChick

    Linda Hunt knows it's only a matter of time before NCIS-LA goes off the air, and she doesn't know where she'll work if she can't get her resume to load. She really needs to leave She-Devil and Kindergarten Cop off her screen credits to have a fighting chance in today's acting market.

  • Uriah_Creep

    The Windows 8 Release Preview continues to baffle new users.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    Watching from outside the hermetically sealed work environment, the method actors wondered for the first time whether they had gone too far in preparing their child for Hallowe'en.

  • Where did you guys get the picture for last week? I seriously think that guy may be my Uncle Gary.

  • "Mr. Seacrest, let me introduce Sandra. She can't type and tends to cry at the sound of her phone ringing, but per your demands, you now have a personal assistant who is two inches shorter than you."

  • L.O.V.E.

    Oh oh, sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays.

  • bastich

    "One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found
    himself transformed in his office into a Kewpie doll."

  • John W

    Timeouts now included quarterly reports that were due by close of business in the Jacobs household.

  • Legally Insignificant

    "Who knew that pooping your pants wasn't what they meant by Casual Friday?"
    Incidentally, this is my second poop-related Weekly Caption submission this month. Freud would have a field day with me. However, if 2 Girls 1 Cup taught us anything, it's that poop is hilarious.

  • June 2013 - The Romney Administration's amazing 20% tax cut across the board creates almost TOO many jobs.

  • LB

    I want to bring up the baby's unfortunate taste in shoes and hair accessories, but how awesome is that twisted topiary on the floor? I can't totally fault her style. I want that for my home.

  • googergieger

    Desperate for winning any sort of demographic, NBC makes The Office for kids. Not a person in the world could tell the difference from the actual show.

  • Snath

    Joyce was a mess. This had to have been the worst Friday in recent memory. Harold had finally stumbled in around three in the morning, reeking of cheap booze, and when she confronted him about where he had been, he mumbled something about her being a bitch and wobbled into the den to fart and pass out. Before she had left the house this morning she had stood quietly for a while, observing his alcohol-induced slumber. She had wondered, not for the first time, how it would feel to take one of the frying pans - not the non-stick, God forbid, but maybe the cast-iron - and bash in the back of his head. She thought maybe it was a blessing after all that he was infertile. It was too late for children now, in any case.

    Three separate accidents on I-35 had backed traffic up so badly that she was over an hour late. She had decided to stop for coffee on the way, seeing as how her morning was already so behind, but she was still so agitated that she only took a few sips before realizing she wouldn't be able to finish it. "The caffeine jitters!" Harold would have said, laughing like it was the funniest thing in the whole damn world. She thought again, fondly, of the frying pan.

    When she finally walked into the office, Mr. Cutledge swooped down on her like some sort of gleefully demented vulture.

    "You're la-a-ate Joyce. Again. Did you forgot about the talk we had last week? If you can't be here on time, I'll have no trouble finding someone who can. I've given you plenty of chances. What's your excuse this time? Long line at Starbucks?" He glanced pointedly at the cup in Joyce's hand, and she realized belatedly that she should have left it in the car. She tried stammering out an apology, but Mr. Cutledge waved his hand in her face, effectively shutting her up.

    "I don't want to hear it, Joyce. Just get to your desk and get on the phone. We've got people holding."

    Humiliated, Joyce shuffled off to her cube, dreading the long work day ahead of her. It already felt like she'd put in her eight hours, and she'd only just gotten there, and of course she was going to have to stay late to make up for this morning's debacle. On top of that, if Harold was home for work on time and she didn't have dinner ready, she was going to hear about it for the rest of the night. Secretly, she found herself almost wishing he'd just keep going. It might give her an excuse to finally use that pan.

    Preoccupied with thoughts of Harold dropping boneless to the floor, Joyce didn't notice the tack on the floor of her cube until she had stepped on it, driving the point through the thin, worn sole of her shoe and into her foot. She yelped and jumped in surprise, splashing coffee everywhere.

    She dropped into her chair and wrenched off her shoe, staring incredulously at the small bead of blood forming on the ball of her foot. Wadding up some tissue, she wiped off the blood and was relieved to see it already seemed to be stopping. Turning the shoe over, she pulled the tack free and slipped the shoe back on, looking around her cube at the same time to see if the tack fallen from somewhere. She glanced at her favorite poster and her heart leapt into her throat.

    It was gone. "Hang In There" was gone. Three tacks remained to mark where it had been displayed on the wall of her cubical, one of them with a corner of poster still pinned gamely in place.

    She couldn't believe it. The one thing that kept her going, the only thing that got her through hours of angry customers, obnoxious coworkers, and the thought of going home to Harold and his drunken obscenities, was that poster. Something about that tiny kitten, hanging on for dear life, filled her with hope that things could get better. All she had to do was keep going, keep trying, keep brushing things aside, and something would come along to make things all right.

    And now it was gone.

    Joyce sat in her chair, utterly alone, and wept.

  • ,

    Damn you, Snath.


    I had the thing won, WON, I tell you, and then ... then ...

    "sits in my chair, utterly alone, and weeps*

  • ,

    After a four-hour budget meeting and the run-in with her boss, Bridget discovers, much to her regret, that she has left her pacifier and a dry diaper in her other purse.

  • enygma_6

    Finally overwhelmed by the responsibilities and insignificance of her youthful career, Honey BooBoo's mother swore at that moment that her kids would never be subjected to the same horrific anonymity that she was.

  • kirbyjay

    The pants and the computer at the same time? This is gonna be a bad day.

  • Brite

    Binder! *sniffle* He put me in a binder!

  • John G.

    My only thought is "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhh," that picture is terrifying. Why are kids so creepy?

  • ringo183

    "Has anyone seen my gum?"

  • ,

    The Curious Case of Betty Button, Human Resources manager.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Despite being a clever attempt to enter the tot-office market, Microsoft's "Dora the Internet Explorer" was plagued with technical issues from the start.

  • bastich

    "Now point to where the IT admin touched you on this doll."

  • bastich

    This...this is what comes of babies having babies!
    This is why we need abstinence-only education and Purity Balls!
    Remember, girls: your cherry belongs to Daddy!

  • bastich

    Just in time for Christmas: "Baby's First Temp Gig".

  • bastich

    Customer feedback for "Apple Clocks" has been mostly negative.

  • Sam

    "If you thought your boss was immature, you ain't seen nothin' yet! Watch "Baby on the Board" this fall, only on CBS"

  • bastich

    A diorama from the "Scared Straight" presentation for steering students away from business school.

  • bastich

    A scene from the most horrifying sexual harassment PSA ever.

  • bastich

    "Dammit Romney, where is MY binder?"

  • bastich

    The girl wept at her desk in frustration, regretting never having gone into the family business with her dad, Chucky.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Cindy, always the prude, prepares to avert her eyes to the email attachment -- subject line, "The Coolest You'll Look Pooping Your Pants" - sent by that perv Bonnie in accounting.

  • Kenny G.

    A moving scene from the Little Tykes Daycare production of ERIN BROCKOVICH...

  • Kenny G.

    GODDAMMIT!!! Who the hell stole my stapler?!?!?

  • Wednesday

    Damn this glass ceiling. A gal can't get an office with a window OR a phone with a cord.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Oh, and thanks a bunch for leaking mine and L.O.V.E.'s production details before we were ready. I mean, I'm used to leaking before I'm ready but I don't know about L.O.V.E.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Code Magenta. Code Magenta. The dragon is in the castle. I repeat, the dragon is in the castle. Swallow the blueprints, Dammit!

    By the way, did we settle on zeke_the_L.O.V.E._pig? Or was it L.O.V.E._zeke_the_pig? Or zeke_the_pig_L.O.V.E.? Or did we decide to go with a different kind of name for the production company. The tequila erased most of my recall?

    Postscript: M.M., thank you for the fine picture. Take note that none of the men are sporting swim trunks. They are in the caves up in the Simi Valley mountains where it must have been extraordinarily hot, and those corduroys are simply not conducive to drug-infused orgies. Thigh rash city, my man. Its madness. And those nudists cults aren't any better. Bare ass on hot sand is not serenity. But shorts and tank tops? I dare you to find a murderous 70's cult that rocked Hang Tens.

  • zeke_the_pig

    It's Friday, I'm running to the nearest bar, blueprints in hand, and tequila shots at the ready to make said swallowing much easier. The shots should also help with the recall, but the way I remember it it was something like L.O.V.E._zeke_L.O.V.E._the_pig!

  • L.O.V.E.

    Good fortune, zeke. I used the time machine to go back to
    the 70's and get us some authentic actors for the movie. They are true action performers! And 1977 Burt
    Reynolds has agreed to be our lead! I hope you like the sets and locations I scouted. How is the story coming along?

  • Michael Murray

    I want to steal all of these images. I mean, I have stolen all of these images.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Hola, Miguel. Here are a few other for your collection that didn't quite make the cut.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Man, corporate drones get younger every year.

  • zeke_the_pig

    In her tiny cubicle known as The Womb, the future Ms Clinton threw her newly written, completely blank CV into the bin and despaired at how long 9 months looked when displayed in the form of a loading screen.

  • Natallica

    Tyrion Lannister: The early years

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Violentacrez creates one last subreddit before being outed: Pedo-Office

  • Slow clap....bravo!

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Thank you kindly. I'm sure people who follow this subreddit disagree as to whether the British or American version is better.

  • LuLu

    This picture is giving me scary flash backs. I had a secretary that had a doll and desk and computer set up just like this on her desk. She also had various pieces of plastic play food that she would put on the desk during lunch and for dinner just before she left for the day. I always expected to look up and find that doll coming at me with a knife.

  • BobbFrapples

    Daddy said if I covered his 9-5, he'd buy me a pony. That was six month ago. I still want my pony..

  • dizzylucy

    After the success of the Muppet Babies, NBC Executives suggested a "younger cast" for the Office, but alas, it did not help.

  • Honey Boo-Boo stars in a very special episode of The Office.

  • BWeaves

    Cathy Guisewite: The Early Years.

    (I'm unable to work porn, Muppets or a video into this caption, but does this count?)

  • BWeaves

    Wait? I won for an observation and not an actual caption? WTF? Wait? I WON! I WON! I WON!

    P.S. I do technical support for the NSA.

  • Well, if we're doing the full disclosure thing, it's been a week and every time I think of Rod Serling saying "get some pussy" I still giggle out loud. I think this needs to be an animated gif.

blog comments powered by Disqus