The Weekly Caption Contest
I think that last week's caption was a particularly hard one, and so I have to say that I'm immensely impressed (once again) with all the fantastic responses. I have narrowed it down to seven finalists, each one who will be identified by one of the Seven Sages of Greece.
And so, a refresher of the graphic from last week:
Coming in 7th, as Periander of Cornith, known for saying, "Be farsighted with everything," is:
Hum, we seem to be alternating between 1940's retro postcards and 1970's Polaroids for these contests. That's not a bad thing. Just an observation.
Bweaves, you're absolutely right. I hadn't known this, but a pattern has been emerging and your ability to see elusive and complicated connections where others may not, suggests that you might be looking at an awesome future in the FBI, CIA, or any other agency interested in surveillance. As an encouragement for you to follow in the path of your talent, I present to you this very short film by David Lynch. Please let us know what the connections are!
Coming in 6th, as Pittacus of Mytilene, venerated for uttering, " You should know which opportunities to choose," is:
Hey! Listen. Shhh. I talked that guy behind me into getting a perm. The chick with the perfect wave and the teeny waist is my best friend and/or the stupid skank who is dating my eternal crush. In about an hour, when Miss No Bra flees the kinky monster she has created, I will swoop in with tissues and a sixer of Pabst. He will be mine!
I do not know how you can tell that the girl in the green sweater is not wearing a bra. Is it only because it was the 70's? Regardless, I respect your ability, and quite frankly, thank you for making me consider the matter. She is pretty and it's nice to think about her. Also, I respect your game, as you clearly know how to get a man.
Coming in 5th, as Thales of Miletus, who dazzled the ancient world by saying, " Know thyself," is:
Drinking beer and doing hair.... Patty Hearst wondered how this whole SLA thing could get any better
The drinker does look like Patty Hearst, and the whole thing just makes kidnapping appear to be fun, like a really, really long and disorienting sleepover. For you, I present a video of the multilingual band Stereo Total singing Patty Hearst. Enjoy!
Coming in 4th, as Bias of Priene, who rocked the joint by saying, "Most men are bad," is:
When the police found Jeff's body with a beer bottle up his ass and his hair perfectly styled, they knew the Curler Killers had struck again.
, I would have placed you higher, but your avatar confused me. At any rate, the Curler Killers sounds like an excellent title for an adult themed Nancy Drew book, a dream of mine that has yet to be realized. Thank you for helping to keep my dream alive. And to you I present this clip.
Coming in 3rd, as Chilon of Sparta, who figured it all out with this, " You should not desire the impossible," is:
I guess the old adage is true -- 70's porn WAS much more hairy.
Mentioning porn always works, and Zeke, you know how to work the system. See, even that makes me think of porn. Zeke the pig works the system. I would pay to watch that movie in private.
Coming in 2nd, as Solon of Athens, who blew everybody's minds with, " Keep everything with moderation," is:
So ... here's the picture of Susan doing Patrick's hair. It was so sweet of him to let her practice on him for her cosmetology exam... And there's me. Drinking perm salts ... Yah, I totally used Susan's hair scissors to stab them both 50 times in the neck right after this picture was taken... Now, that was a fun Sunday afternoon. And here's a picture of me at ..
L.O.V.E. also knows how to work the system. In fact, I think that L.O.V.E. and Zeke should collaborate on the porn film, the sequel, I guess, Zeke and Love work the system. Otherwise, L.O.V.E also posted a picture from Silence of the Lambs, slipped in a bath salts variation and got the Helter-Skelter vibe bang-on. Well done, L.O.V.E! I present to you a photograph of the Manson Family, who kind of look like the Partridge Family, only hiding in a cave.
Coming in 1st, as Clebulos of Lindos, who kept it real by saying, " Stick it to the man," is:
[Rod Serling]: Enter Jerry Bankowitz, a young man hoping to, as he would say, "get some pussy". To that end, he is sitting in the girls' dorm on a Saturday night letting the girl of his dreams give him a makeover. Unfortunately for Jerry, all hopes of nookie are lost for he has unwittingly become a permanent resident of.....the Friend Zone.
***cue creepy music***
Nate, you have looked into my soul with this one, as I have lived in the Friend Zone for a great, long part of my life. I am Jerry Bankowitz. You sir, are the winner of the caption contest this week and will be rewarded by receiving a typed letter of commendation from Dustin Rowles. He draws what we think are unicorns on the margins of the page.
This is the graphic that Replica has provided for this week:
Come home with your shields, or on them.
Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)
Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)
Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his
Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)