The Weekly Caption Contest
I’m not just saying this because I’m a pushover, even though the truth is that I really do fall over quite easily, but once again, the submissions were the aces. You people are the wind beneath my wings. You’re beautiful, little tornadoes of brilliance and fury and compassion. You’re special, only without the quotation marks.
For those that need a reminder, this is the caption that Replica provided for us last week:
I have now narrowed it down to 7, so each of you will be designated a Wonder of the Ancient World as your standing.
Coming in 7th as the Lighthouse of Alexandria:
“OK, They’re all distracted! Bring in Hoffa and the cement!”
I like this because my father was responsible for killing Jimmy Hoffa. He told me that they didn’t bury him in cement, as mswas has suggested, but actually fed him to pigs, like in that Silence of the Lambs sequel. Hannibal. That’s it.
Coming in 6th as the Hanging Gardens of Babylon:
“Gateway drug” is my new mission in life.
I cannot express just how happy I am to have helped to inspire Bierce in his new mission. The church would be very, very proud of you Bierce, now you go, be the best gateway drug that you can be!
Coming in 5th as the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus:
I don’t know. With this teaser poster, something tells me this is the season “Mad Men” goes down hill.
I’m kind of ashamed to admit this, but I never watch “Mad Men.” However, I do like looking at pictures from the show. I relate to Don Draper. I am so Don Draper. Hell, some of my friends even call me Double Dee as the resemblance between us is so uncanny. Speaking of Double Dee, I will present a gratuitous and pleasing photograph of Christina Hendricks as a prize.
Coming in 4th as the statue of Zeus at Olympia:
“Step right up ladies and gentlemen and see the Half-Foot Circus! That’s right see the circus where all the performers are only 6 inches tall! Lookie here at this high wire act, The Magnificent Thumbersons…. well…..it’s high to THEM. Marvel at how many tiny clowns we can stuff inside a Barbie Super ‘Vette! Feast your eyes on the daring Pyro the Matches Eater! And be thrilled to the brave Gunther Gebel Wee Williams as he tames a pride of ferocious ferrets. Hur-ray! Hur-ray! Hur-ray!”
I don’t use this word very often, but I’m going to use it now. I think that this submission is cute. It makes me smile and think of mice wearing sweaters.
Coming in 3rd as the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus:
“HEY! SHUT THE FUCK UP OVER THERE! YOU’RE GOING TO DISTRACT THE GUY RIDING A BIKE ALONG THE TIGHTROPE! LIVES ARE AT STAKE HERE, YOU INCONSIDERATE PRICK!”
Sparky, I just love anything uppercase. Hell, my friends who don’t call me Double Dee call me UPPERCASE. And you’re right, the guy in the hat looks completely obnoxious and lacking in any self-awareness, so congratulations to you for seeing into his dark soul!
Coming in 2nd as the Colossus of Rhodes:
If Federico Fellini did film noir.
Kelsy, this is our classy submission, our film studies submission. You don’t just talk the talk, you walk the walk. And so to you I give the original trailer for the Fellini masterpiece 8 ½ :
And Coming in 1st as the Great Pyramids of Giza:
SGT Joe Friday- “I’ll tell you what I know. I know that in fact that too many kids that get into pot end up with heroin and then onto LSD. I know that if you drink, you suffer a loss of judgement if you drink to excess. But I also know that judgement returns when you sober up. I know and so do you that when you slip out on an acid trip that you never know when you will slip again. This is now Carny…not a couple of years ago. We’ve had time now to see and study the effects of LSD. People who haven’t had a dose in weeks sail out on another trip. They never know when the minute they drop one acid capsule or ingest it in any other way that they bought the farm. They lost any chance to depend on or even restore that most precious inner senses; JUDGEMENT! Well my way of thinking is without judgement, you might as well be dead. Your brain is dead, so why not the rest of you?!?”
Carny: “Hey pal I asked if you wanted some cotton candy.”
SGT Joe Friday: “We are talking Cotton Candy. Cotton Candy is the flame, heroin is the fuse, and LSD is the bomb. So when you try to equate Cotton Candy with wholesome family fun mister…NOT ME! You may sell that jazz to another sugar junkie but not speaking to someone who has spent most of his time holding some sick kids head as he vomits and retches on a curb at 4 o’clock in the morning. And when his knees get enough starch in them so he can stand up and empty his pockets, you can BET he will turn out at a pixie stick and a joint or two of marijuana. And you can DOUBLE your money that he has a cap or two of H. So don’t you con me with your mind expansion slop.
Officer Frank Smith: “Damn it Joe why the fuck did I ever agree to go to the fair with you?”
Utterly brilliant. I will say no more about it, just pure, brilliant perfection.
To honour this, I am posting this video that is entirely worth watching in its entirety:
And GunNut2600, you should also know that if you care to briefly enter onto the grid and give us a mailing address, you will receive a typed letter of congratulations from Dustin Rowles. I have been told that these letters smell like cinnamon.
And now, without further ado, the image for this week!
Go to it, champions!
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