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The Weekly Caption Contest

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | October 12, 2012 | Comments ()


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I'm not just saying this because I'm a pushover, even though the truth is that I really do fall over quite easily, but once again, the submissions were the aces. You people are the wind beneath my wings. You're beautiful, little tornadoes of brilliance and fury and compassion. You're special, only without the quotation marks.

For those that need a reminder, this is the caption that Replica provided for us last week:

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I have now narrowed it down to 7, so each of you will be designated a Wonder of the Ancient World as your standing.

Coming in 7th as the Lighthouse of Alexandria:

mswas:

"OK, They're all distracted! Bring in Hoffa and the cement!"

I like this because my father was responsible for killing Jimmy Hoffa. He told me that they didn't bury him in cement, as mswas has suggested, but actually fed him to pigs, like in that Silence of the Lambs sequel. Hannibal. That's it.

Coming in 6th as the Hanging Gardens of Babylon:

BierceAmbrose:

"Gateway drug" is my new mission in life.

I cannot express just how happy I am to have helped to inspire Bierce in his new mission. The church would be very, very proud of you Bierce, now you go, be the best gateway drug that you can be!

Coming in 5th as the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus:

googergieger:

I don't know. With this teaser poster, something tells me this is the season "Mad Men" goes down hill.

I'm kind of ashamed to admit this, but I never watch "Mad Men." However, I do like looking at pictures from the show. I relate to Don Draper. I am so Don Draper. Hell, some of my friends even call me Double Dee as the resemblance between us is so uncanny. Speaking of Double Dee, I will present a gratuitous and pleasing photograph of Christina Hendricks as a prize.

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Coming in 4th as the statue of Zeus at Olympia:

bleujayone:

"Step right up ladies and gentlemen and see the Half-Foot Circus! That's right see the circus where all the performers are only 6 inches tall! Lookie here at this high wire act, The Magnificent Thumbersons.... well.....it's high to THEM. Marvel at how many tiny clowns we can stuff inside a Barbie Super 'Vette! Feast your eyes on the daring Pyro the Matches Eater! And be thrilled to the brave Gunther Gebel Wee Williams as he tames a pride of ferocious ferrets. Hur-ray! Hur-ray! Hur-ray!"

I don't use this word very often, but I'm going to use it now. I think that this submission is cute. It makes me smile and think of mice wearing sweaters.

Coming in 3rd as the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus:

Sparky:

"HEY! SHUT THE FUCK UP OVER THERE! YOU'RE GOING TO DISTRACT THE GUY RIDING A BIKE ALONG THE TIGHTROPE! LIVES ARE AT STAKE HERE, YOU INCONSIDERATE PRICK!"

Sparky, I just love anything uppercase. Hell, my friends who don't call me Double Dee call me UPPERCASE. And you're right, the guy in the hat looks completely obnoxious and lacking in any self-awareness, so congratulations to you for seeing into his dark soul!

Coming in 2nd as the Colossus of Rhodes:

Kelsy:

If Federico Fellini did film noir.

Kelsy, this is our classy submission, our film studies submission. You don't just talk the talk, you walk the walk. And so to you I give the original trailer for the Fellini masterpiece 8 ½ :



And Coming in 1st as the Great Pyramids of Giza:

GunNut2600:

SGT Joe Friday- "I'll tell you what I know. I know that in fact that too many kids that get into pot end up with heroin and then onto LSD. I know that if you drink, you suffer a loss of judgement if you drink to excess. But I also know that judgement returns when you sober up. I know and so do you that when you slip out on an acid trip that you never know when you will slip again. This is now Carny...not a couple of years ago. We've had time now to see and study the effects of LSD. People who haven't had a dose in weeks sail out on another trip. They never know when the minute they drop one acid capsule or ingest it in any other way that they bought the farm. They lost any chance to depend on or even restore that most precious inner senses; JUDGEMENT! Well my way of thinking is without judgement, you might as well be dead. Your brain is dead, so why not the rest of you?!?"

Carny: "Hey pal I asked if you wanted some cotton candy."
SGT Joe Friday: "We are talking Cotton Candy. Cotton Candy is the flame, heroin is the fuse, and LSD is the bomb. So when you try to equate Cotton Candy with wholesome family fun mister...NOT ME! You may sell that jazz to another sugar junkie but not speaking to someone who has spent most of his time holding some sick kids head as he vomits and retches on a curb at 4 o'clock in the morning. And when his knees get enough starch in them so he can stand up and empty his pockets, you can BET he will turn out at a pixie stick and a joint or two of marijuana. And you can DOUBLE your money that he has a cap or two of H. So don't you con me with your mind expansion slop.

Officer Frank Smith: "Damn it Joe why the fuck did I ever agree to go to the fair with you?"


Utterly brilliant. I will say no more about it, just pure, brilliant perfection.

To honour this, I am posting this video that is entirely worth watching in its entirety:



And GunNut2600, you should also know that if you care to briefly enter onto the grid and give us a mailing address, you will receive a typed letter of congratulations from Dustin Rowles. I have been told that these letters smell like cinnamon.

And now, without further ado, the image for this week!

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Go to it, champions!







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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • ,

    Once Patrick realized he'd misunderstood the two salon-school girls about the "tease" and the "blow job," he decided to go all-in on a perm and bottle job.

    But he'd misunderstood about the "bottle job" ...

  • ,

    Jennifer and Allison couldn't have known when their first playful exploration of Sado-Rollerism with Weird Warren began that before the night was over, the police would find their mutilated bodies in Kent ... AND Mayfair.

    When he was arrested for the grisly crime, Warren's hair was perfect.

  • ,

    When the police found Jeff's body with a beer bottle up his ass and his hair perfectly styled, they knew the Curler Killers had struck again.

  • Kenny G.

    And thus, the mullet was born...

  • Morgan_LaFai

    All hail the seventie... Oh shit! She's comin' outta the photo! Head for the hills!

  • ,

    "Um, when you said the two of you would roll me and make my hair curl, I thought you had something else in mind ..."

  • Kenny G.

    Chuck always loved sleepovers...

  • Kenny G.

    The skeletons in Mitt Romney's closet just keep coming out...

  • Tracer Bullet

    This photo is the first in a series that explains why your parents get tense whenever Aunt Lisa is in town. And the reason you're the only one in your family with red hair.

  • no one

    It was still seemed unorthodox, but the rest of the team learned not to question Tom Brady’s game prep.

  • pumpkin

    After Keith, Danny, and Mom left, the Partridge Family was never the same.

  • ringo183

    "Anybody want some gum?"

  • "This TBS made for TV movie about Patty Hearst and her time with the Symbionese Liberation Army isn't very accurate. I'm pretty sure that Field Marshal Cinque was a black dude, there was not much hair styling, and a lot more brutal rape."

  • bleujayone

    Daryl Hall was desperately trying to grow a mustache and curl his hair in an attempt to get fame through a new image. After several drunken (and painful) attempts with his sisters' "help", he decided it would just be easier to achieve the same effect by teaming up with John Oates.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Evidence Tag # 87-042281
    Buffalo Bill Photo Album, Picture 24. Circa April 1974.
    Buffalo Bill getting ready for the prom.

  • bastich

    "Dear Penthouse Forum,
    Zoinks! I never dreamed that I would send a letter to you, but I had to tell someone about all the hullabaloo I went through to have my first groovy menage a threesome...."

  • bastich

    Is that Jonathon Davis in the picture? I suddenly understand the music of Korn.

  • [Rod Serling]: Enter Jerry Bankowitz, a young man hoping to, as he would say, "get some pussy". To that end, he is sitting in the girls' dorm on a Saturday night letting the girl of his dreams give him a makeover. Unfortunately for Jerry, all hopes of nookie are lost for he has unwittingly become a permanent resident of.....the Friend Zone.
    ***cue creepy music***

  • bastich

    A photo from the night you were conceived.

  • Drinking beer and doing hair.... Patty Hearst wondered how this whole SLA thing could get any better

  • ElvisCostelegram

    I did it all for the nookie.

  • BierceAmbrose

    FTW.

  • Donna & Jackie just assumed Kelso was high when he said they would all inspire a sitcom someday.

  • Drake

    OK, Tiffany, as soon as I finish with these curlers, we'll wax that mustache and check out some padded bras.

  • Drake

    In real life, it takes a LOT more that just taking off glasses and letting down hair to change the mousy girl into an eye-catcher.

  • Amberlark

    Hey! Listen. Shhh. I talked that guy behind me into getting a perm. The chick with the perfect wave and the teeny waist is my best friend and/or the stupid skank who is dating my eternal crush. In about an hour, when Miss No Bra flees the kinky monster she has created, I will swoop in with tissues and a sixer of Pabst. He will be mine!

  • kirbyjay

    2 of the Johnson triplets hope a home perm will make the third sister more feminine.

  • BWeaves

    Hum, we seem to be alternating between 1940's retro postcards and 1970's Polaroids for these contests. That's not a bad thing. Just an observation.

  • I'm so honored to be the classy film nerd commenter this week. Truly.
    As to this picture? 70s pregaming was weird.

  • L.O.V.E.

    So ... here's the picture of Susan doing Patrick's hair.
    It was so sweet of him to let her practice on him for her cosmetology exam...

    And there's me. Drinking perm salts...

    Yah, I totally used Susan's hair scissors to stab them both 50 times in
    the neck right after this picture was taken... Now, that was a fun Sunday afternoon.
    And here's a picture of me at ...

  • Bert_McGurt

    A scene from the upcoming documentary Al: A 'Weird' Beginning.

  • Melina

    10 minutes after his hair was perfectly set; Mom ruffled it and said, "Let's go, Pretty Boy"...5 minutes after that, I was conceived while Aunt Joanne chugged her beer in the corner and pierced them with her fixed and intense gaze.

  • Wednesday

    "I know, right? This is the '70s, straight hair, polyester, everything is burnt orange and avocado green. And Jerome asks for hot rollers."

  • Mitchell Hundred

    As you can see, back in the old days men went to extraordinary lengths to discover what it was about human females that prevented them from going bald. This trend would eventually come to a head in the Great Emasculation Crisis of '77.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    Of course, this crisis was resolved when President Carter stepped in, wrote off some of the more extreme cases, and signed an executive order capping the world's queer population at 10%. That figure has held true to this day, causing many prominent historians to argue that it is Carter's primary legacy.

  • spljt

    [The Girl with the Bottle]: After the hair comes the makeup and nail polish, then the bra and panties, and finally, that three-way I've always dreamed of.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    The Manson Family preps for a night of mayhem.

  • selucius

    Penny Lane found life as a Band-Aid decidedly less fulfilling after Stillwater's break-up.

  • You know it's funny - Penny Lane was exactly what I thought of on seeing this pic, but could think of nothing, so thanks for articulating it

  • L.O.V.E.

    I second this. And while i'm in a highly intoxicated, yet judicious mood, I would be remiss if I didn't nominate you (zeke) for top Eloquence for Second Half of 2012 (First half going to Jezzer). I do appreciate your sensibilities. Good on you.

  • If a highly intoxicated nomination like that I can't appreciate, then I can't appreciate any - so cheers. And right back at you vis a vis sensibilities.

  • mrcreosote

    Joanna drinks in celebration of her time travelling prowess. The Man Perm business makes her a retroactive millionaire.

  • Melina

    hilarious that I named her Joanne and you named her Joanna!!!

  • BWeaves

    Ashton Kutcher gets "man pretty."

  • I guess the old adage is true - 70's porn WAS much more hairy.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Damnit! That was the first thing that came to my mind, too.

  • BWeaves

    You were first and you already won.

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