The Weekly Caption Contest August 24, 2012
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The Weekly Caption Contest

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | August 24, 2012 | Comments ()


The submissions for last week's caption contest were entirely awesome. It's like they were written by Olympians bred strictly to write captions, that's how good and weird and perfect they were, and I must say, it was virtually impossible to narrow them down to just three. However, tough people must make tough decisions, and so, even though I have broken my baby toe and the FBI just arrested my brother-in-law, I remain tough, tough like a goddamn fire hydrant, and have narrowed the field down to three.

As a reminder, I provide you with the image the Replica provided us last week. It looks like this:


Number 3 goes to scone:

As the young god Bacchus struts through the park his natural magnetism incites interest and excitement. 'Who is this confident stranger?' they wonder. Suddenly, what once was a pastoral afternoon erupts into a frenzied, orgiastic, celebration that none can stand against. Discarded articles of clothing arc overhead like TP streamers. The river, now flowing with wine, attracts twenty-somethings like wildebeests to a watering hole during the Serengeti drought season. The air echoes with a cacophony of passion and laughter as Bacchus continues his jolly pilgrimage through their midst. The 'god who comes,' indeed.

I will tell you the straight up truth, as I am a truth teller, but I wanted to buy the book. And you should also know that scone, mighty scone, provided a picture of a statue, too. It might have been of Bacchus, or it might have been of someone else, no matter, it looked antique and that's good enough for me. Scone, I doff my cap to you so that you might see my bald spot.

Number 2 goes to The Only New Zealander :

Ay, we looking at different pictures here? This kid is practically Sassypants McKonfidence. I suspect we are here to glorify him.

I can't even drum up the self-esteem to post under my real name on the internet. Look at him flaunt business.

Funny, smart and perceptive, this. For me the compelling aspect of the photograph is the confidence and joy in the shirtless guys face. He is Sassypants McKonfidence, and that's what we love about him. He. Has. Got. It. Going. On. The Only New Zealander, you should know that earlier today while I was buying wine I was told that New Zealand (it was a New Zealand wine!) was what would happen if you took all the best parts of Canada and crunched them up into cool. I want to come and visit you, which might not feel like a prize, but it is, it is. You also get the nickname of Sassypants McKonfidence.

The winner for last week's caption is zeke_the_pig!

His was the first caption, and it brilliantly summed up everything that was happening in the photograph:

Blind Man Fondles Invisible Man's Testicles As Crowd Is Distracted By Fat Man.

Way to go Zeke, you're like the Rain Man of captions! If you send along your address we will send you a DVD (probably a bootleg) of Jersey Shore Shark Attack, with a lipstick kiss from Dustin Rowles on the cover. Don't think it won't be a collector's item because it will.

The image that Replica has provided this week is this:


Tear it asunder, Pajibians, tear it asunder!

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • jian zan

    I am a 54-year-old businessman. I own 2 businesses. Life is busy but I still feel lonely. I’ve been living alone since my wife passed away 2 years ago. Maybe I should get going. My friends suggest l take a try on ……Ś_ē_n_i_o_r_k_i_s_s_​​i _n_g ……so I got a profile there under “denver54”. I would like to meet a quality woman to make my life more adventurous. If you are interested, maybe you can come to say hi.

  • mswas

    A scene from the ORIGINAL Total Recall in 1954. The movie was scrapped because they just couldn't get that third breast past the Motion Picture Production Code.

  • GunNut2600


  • little willy wasn't sure what to think when he wished for three rockets and the genie heard rockettes

  • Fantastico

    Most people don't realize Requiem for a Dream was a remake of an old Hope/Crosby joint called Road to Addiction, which had a much more disturbing ass-to-ass scene.

  • thenchonto

    "OH GOD!"
    "Can I help you?"
    "The sound stage. I'm trying to get to the sound stage. I'm the new intern and they said... they said to take this to the sound stage and pointed this way and OH GOD."
    "I see... well... they do that a lot. The sound stage is in the other direction. There's a sign. Sir? Sir?"

    *ten minutes later*

    "...and that's about the time he dropped the mic and came at me, officer. I have never been more terrified. But, you know, this is why we started wearing those metal hair cages. Do let me know if he wakes up. I'm afraid I gave him quite a wallop."

  • Darcy

    An idea grew in L. Ron's head as he struck out, yet again, with the fairer sex. Yes ... Thetans ... Xenu ... galactic overlords ... Dianetics. Women would HAVE to respect him now!

  • frank247

    Augusta National has really gone downhill since they let women into the clubhouse....


    Mind if I play through?

  • Back stage a young Todd Akin assures the showgirl that with the aid of his new gynecological device she need never fear unwanted pregnancy again, and kindly offers to show her how it's inserted.

  • Guest

    "Now, THIS is a Magic Mike!"

  • BWeaves


  • Keh_Squared

    "Spring break! Woo!"

  • Keh_Squared

    "And say goodbye to THESE! Because it's the last time!"

  • Carl

    "Baby cakes, I swear it'll work. You just move your lips to the words and I'll sing into the microphone. With your top off, no one will ever notice the difference!"

  • LizLemon

    My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps...CHECk EM' OUT!

  • L.O.V.E.

    Dammit, Lola!

    Last time you wore those yellow feathers in your hair,
    and a dress cut down to there,
    I was struck in the back by a chair,
    left to clean up blood stains everywhere!

  • Mitchell Hundred

    See, it actually was a microphone in my pocket.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Here we see a young Ted Kennedy, discovering the merits of name recognition.

  • John W

    Lady Gaga your on in ten minutes.

  • Oh! Ma'am? You have a bit of spinach in your teeth.

  • L.O.V.E.

    The name of this piece is, "Bitch Better Have My Money".

    Bitch better have my money. Rain, sleet, or snow. Bitch better have my
    money. Not half, not some, but alllll my cash. Cause if she don’t. I’m a put
    my foot dead in her ass!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    what, no video this week?

  • L.O.V.E.

    Why, thank you for asking!

  • BobbFrapples

    Damn. The zipper on this meat suit is caught again.

  • MichaelAndTheArgonauts

    Well hello Dolly!!

  • AudioSuede

    As he was overtaken by the attractive but soulless zombie showgirl replicants, Bernie realized the "magic microphone" he'd brought to defend against their evil charms was really just a normal microphone that was currently broadcasting his screams for help to a room full of more attractive but soulless zombie showgirl replicants.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    A young Benny Hill gets his first gig and first glimpse of boobies, the rest is history.

  • Jerce

    This one right here. No need to scroll further, folks, we have a winner.

  • Bert manfully tried to keep his eyes at face level while interviewing a real live Vegas showgirl for the newspaper back home in Topeka. He succeeded only by keeping them as wide as possible. In fact, he concentrated so hard on keeping his eyes open and focused that his face froze that way. .

  • bleujayone

    "What the........MOM?!?!?!?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *sobbing....NO, MOMMA WHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!"

  • Well $h!t. I'm not even gonna try now. That's freakin' hilarious!

  • lowercase_ryan

    holy shit, the invisibility cloak works!

  • has my vote

  • buell

    Jimmy Olsen gets all the boob jobs at the Daily Planet.

  • ZombieMrsSmith

    "This is how we did phone sex in the old days."

  • Captain_Tuttle

    Or - Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?

  • Maguita NYC

    Having left small town Kansas, naive little Bobby Kent learned the hard way that a "hole-in-one" in show business has absolutely nothing to do with golf.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    Madam, I beg your pardon! I'm not that kind of boy!

  • TheOtherGreg

    Have you felt yourself to be exploited in any way?

  • mrcreosote


  • Ted Zancha

    And from that moment on, Ronald was afflicted with a soul crushing case of PTSD.

  • dizzylucy

    Glee episodes just keep getting weirder and weirder...

  • he concentrated so hard on keeping his eyes open and focused that his face froze that way.

  • Bert_McGurt

    That's...not a bad caption actually.

    Edit: looks like this bot is a thief! Sorry katie. Even though I'm not from Kansas.

  • that's okay... Just aggravated that of all the captions, mine got hacked.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Here's another caption:

    "Lady, I don't care how many times you flash me your puka shells, I'm not interested in Milli*naire4-Project.-bl*gspot.c*m."

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Bill had no idea that his first exposure to the trans-gender community would be quite so big.

  • zeke_the_pig

    As for the caption:
    'Pathe News now has the great honour of presenting newly discovered historical footage from TK's basement!'

  • zeke_the_pig

    Finally,I get to be the Rain Man of something! Thanks.
    And, like, I (totally unfortunately) live all the way across the pond in sunny London, so donate that scrumpdidaliumptious prize to one of other guys.

  • aroorda

    Just keep looking her in the eyes, just keep looking her in the eyes

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