Pajiba

I love Purple Rain by Prince.

Just had to get that off my chest.

I love my (clearly) significant other but sometimes, just sometimes (especially on days like today when I do the "last minute idiot shopping") I envy single people.

Also, I'll be pissed with Bernard Black at midnight, so no "My dick is a blowtorch" for me....fortunately.

So no review of The International yet? I need to know if its worth my time - meaning does the Clive hotness outweigh the Julia annoyingness? Please help me out here...

I think you're thinking of "Duplicity", Ms. green.

Let me break down my week for all of you:
On Monday I had to go to the dentist for cleaning/checkup. The sound of them scraping my teeth is enough to make me want to scratch my eyes out.
On Tuesday I learned that the project I was heading up had hit a fairly major snag but none of the members of my team felt the need to tell me, the project manager. Grrrr.
On Wednesday I had to go back to the dentist to fill the cavities they found on Monday. (My teeth suck, they always have, the end.)
On Thursday I got laid off. Yeah. Not kidding.
Yesterday I had to go see He's Just Not That Into You because that's what my mom wanted to do for her birthday and I am a very good daughter. Speaking of wanting to scratch my eyes out...
And today nearly Mr. Kizzer has to work so I will be spending Valentine's Day with my grandparents explaining my new-found unemployment to them.

This week sucks ass.

I'm just saying this because I need to vent and I know I can at you people. Thanks Pajiba-ites :)

Dudes, I just farted.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!! ♥

I just watched the pilot episode of Twin Peaks. I can now say with certainty that I love Twin Peaks. As I am currently single I will have to leave it at that on this holiday.

I love Hot Pockets. Of course I generaly only eat them after consuming several gallons of beer. I may in fact may be misremembering my love of Hot Pockets. I doubt it though, I have a very white trash palate.

My perfect guy would often say things like "Hey I was at the store and I bought you Hot Pockets and a stuffed monkey. Wanna watch a horror movie?".

This would definitely be a perfect guy, except for the Hot Pockets. For more on Hot Pockets, see this.

My guy does sweet things such as you describe (sans Hot Pockets), and he also gets me a dozen roses and a box of Sees chocolates that weighs more than my head.

I win. :-p

my husband has invited two of his guy friends over for dinner tonight, forgetting that it's valentines day.
So romantic

Ok guys. Let's keep this to a minimum. You all know who needs to read through all this on Wednesday night so really, I think it's best if we just let it go. Ok? Just let this thread die before it hits trip digits?
I for one, will be attending a sexy party filled with lonely girls with low self esteem. I don't know if I'll make it back to the keyboard tonight.

Look, Anonymous, how long have you been seeing this guy? Nobody looks his best first thing in the morning. Are you sure you're not just in some kind of mood today? Are you truly dissatisfied, or are you just sorta looking for reasons to be dissatisfied?

Or have you met somebody more interesting and you're just trying to justify it in your mind?

@ Anonymous (An Eloquent in Hiding)

You gotta tell him. maybe not today, maybe in a few weeks but disclosure is the only way to go.

My oh-so-perfect pseudo-Mr. came to me late last night with Valentime's presents for me. We don't do that, so it was a lovely surprise.

Currently, we're both in the living room; he's playing cards with his buddy while I watch John Carpenter's Vampires and do some homework. In a while, we're all going to a party at our friends' place. The guys will be playing cards some more while I entertain my host with movies (I'm bringing Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, and The Incredibles. She can't watch anything with sex in it. She's kind of weird. But, she's got tons of food, and she's a pretty good cook.) Sounds like a great Valentime's evening to me!

Anonymous, tell him. Tell him now. it always hurts in the short term, but in the long run, you're both better off. Trust me.

Optimus, that sounds like a good time to be had. Enjoy!

Kizzer, ouch. That sounds like a shitty shitty week. I'm sorry. Also, we're dental twins. I have the worst teeth on the planet, no shit. I blame my Irish/English heritage.

Anonymous, tell him that it's not him it's you. Then tell him that you still love him just not in that way, that you will always cherish the time you had together and that you still want to be friends.

Wow! That sounds familiar.

Honestly though, two words: Pity fuck.

bucdaddy I'm sorry to here that. Both the uncle and work.

As to your question:

4. On each other (she has three) then 5.

We call it "Poker Sunday".

Things like that can turn into a great, lasting friendship if you're both comfortable with how it pans out. If you don't think there's a mutual understanding then you've gotta talk it about a little. It's not a crime, it's not cruel, that's just how you feel about him.

Just let this thread die before it hits trip digits?
I for one, will be attending a sexy party filled with lonely girls with low self esteem.

Oh, go easy on the comments, you say? In the words of Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, I've no sympathy at all.

Well, I hope it's some fun when it does get there, Lainey. Maybe Monday. I was expecting something today too.

Don't some o' you knuckleknobs have wives? Get outta here.

Off to drink a bunch of red wine.

Jay, my wife is out with the kids and my house is quiet for the first time in six months. I am having a drink and cutting motherfuckers playing Afro Samurai on the PS3. This is the best Valentine I have ever gotten. I love my ladies but god damn daddy needs a break.

Plus she got me a nice cutting board as a gift, It's awesome. I say this with absolutely no sarcasm.

Oh. and...

*Fist Bumps BSlim*

First comment evah for me-

Allow me to tell you about my V-Day.
Let me start by saying I fucking loathe this stupid holiday.

I work for an NGO in Peru, and constantly hear from the women here about how much they love blue eyes. Stoked about this, my friends. This afternoon, I was in a coffee and cigars meeting in Arequipa with the foundation administrator. A 65 (or so) year old Peruvian guy, wrinkled and reeking of Pisco and wearing a ri-fucking-diculous panama hat, decided it was a good time to stumble over and tell me about my beautiful blue eyes, and about my levels of sexy. Thanks for the awkwardness, asshat- try not to walk away on your face. I mean, it's not like I was busy discussing pending business or something. Next V-Day, maybe don't start drinking at 10am, huh?

Fuck VD, and the horse it rode in on.

Anonymous, invite a girlfriend over for a threesome. It probably won't change your feelings but at least he'll always remember you fondly.

Buc, I prefer to say "make the pussy smoke."

Fuck VD, and the horse it rode in on.

I blame Paris Hilton.

By the way, that line was the most unintentionally hilarious thing ever.

Excellent advice you guys. And trust me, I would never break up with anyone on Valentine's Day. I'm not a monster.

And Barbado...

Which should (but not be limited to) include:

*Swallowing
*Anal

We're both dudes, so that kinda goes without saying...

krza,

so, did you ever find out what Pookie was doing in Peru?

We're both dudes, so that kinda goes without saying...

Posted by: Anonymous (An Eloquent in Hiding) at February 14, 2009 7:07 PM
------------------------------------------------

I'll be damned, my apologies. Then, take it up a notch...how you feel about sheep?

Hell, let's take it up another notch...how does your Mom feel about sheep?

I bet she feels b a a a a a a d.

richmac, give her a break. After all, she's only a teenager.

Have you spoken to her about it richmac?

I forget shit all the time. Luckily, so does my wife.

my husband has invited two of his guy friends over for dinner tonight, forgetting that it's valentines day.

Posted by: superfish at February 14, 2009 6:09 PM

I don't know fish. What do his friends look like? Maybe he didn't forget it was Valentine's Day. Every gift doesn't come wrapped up with a bow on it.

Are you saying that YOU gave her a card/gift on both occasions and she didn't reciprocate?
Did she use to?
What does she say when you give HER your gift?

Since this is a hijack thread, may I just say Happy Valentine's Day to anyone who can appreciate a perfectly airbrushed ass?

http://www.wwtdd.com/photo.phtml?post_key=19361&photo_key=68581

The hell have I gotten myself into, commenting on Pajiba?

Posted by: krza at February 14, 2009 7:50 PM
------------------------------------------------

Hehehehehehehehe...fresh fish...gotta pretty mouth...

Card/small gift for Christmas...me nothing. Today, card no gift. Yes she used to. Thought it was my difficulty of finding a teaching job, and it was her form of motivation but now I am not sure. I have the job now, and still non-gotz.
Maybe just becoming more vapid. Horoscope, no idea...I am a Sagittarius for what it is worth. I would talk to her about it, but ER nurses are notorious non-talkers in their marriages, from what I have heard.

Excellent advice, L.O.V.E., and...er...thanks for the Valentine...but have you got anything for the folks who'd prefer looking at a perfectly airbrushed male ass, though? You know, since you had my hopes up there for a sec? I mean, I can objectively appreciate that it's a nice ass, but it's not doing a whole lot for me.

Woodchipper, eh? I have a hedge clipper. And no, she did not wish me a happy Valentine's Day, but thanked me for the card, and said she forgot. Again, if I forgot and she got me one, I would never hear the end of it.

oh, and I'm sorry to hear about your day, bucdaddy... if it makes you feel any better, we can go for an extra couple hours on Tuesday.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at February 14, 2009 7:01 PM

Sorry, meaux, but no can do. My wife will accept me looking at naked females, but I don't need her looking over my shoulder when I scan for male ass.

Please feel free to do your own research though and post one for the ladies.

Fortunately for me, my wife has no interests in celebrating this day. Her only expectation is a card.

I got her one that says something to the effect of

"What do you get when two Mexicans fall in love?

Two hearts that beat as Juan."

She said it was the best card she ever received.

I'm getting homemade brownies tonight.
Then I'm getting the brown eye.

Woohoo!

Hey I have been reading the site for almost two years now. But I have never commented.
Because it is VDay and everyone is talking about love...
I am in love with two men. I am in love with my husband and my friend. And this past month it has almost killed me. I just found out he had a crush on me too. I have spent weeks drinking trying to get over him. So far nothing has worked. It is very painful to think about what you can't have.
And now he no longer wants to be friends with me because he says it is too hard. What should I do? How do I get over him?

Ouch. What a thing to have to unravel! Question may be trite but are you SURE you're in love with your friend?

I say threesome, Gargamel, but I say that about everything. In all seriousness, one of them has to die. I ain't sayin' who, but I bet you're the beneficiary on your husband's life insurance.

Who says you have to get over him, Gargamel? Leave your husband! And tell him today. Do it. Valentine's Day Heart Massacre!

As i write this im watching my 2 kids and my girlfriends 3 kids play guitar hero . they are not very good .

My Lady and i love doing 1-5 buc .

Ah. Well. Poor planning on your part, I daresay. In all seriousness, I was the "friend" in this situation a few months ago. My friend disappeared for a few weeks, which was the worst way to handle it. I finally sent her an email and she finally hipped me to the score. It sucked donkey balls as she and I were thick as thieves, but shit, I got over it. Not much over it. I mean it still hurts and I'm still a little pissed off about the whole situation but I certainly understood that she had to protect her family. Fuck. Where'd I put that tequila?

Come on everyone knows that you can never be in a serious relationship with anyone you have ever condiered your best friend , they know way too much about you and your past . While it might seem like a great idea at the time , combining your greatest friendship and the physical connection you yern for all in one . We all know that it rarely if ever works out and in the end it all ends in tears

gilp, My husband was actually my best friend before I married him.
I don't know why I can't get over my friend. Me and my husband are still in love and happy. And yet I totally want to fuck my friend and live happily ever after with him.
I don't understand how my brain can love two people at the same time. The worst part is that now my friend no longer wants to see me because he is scared that he will cheat. So I have lost my friend.

Yeah, um, Sabrina? You've been "dating" for a week and for half of that time he's been unavailable or uninterested in getting some?

You know that movie that just came out last week? The one where the title is from a book that was from a conversation on SaTC? Yeeeahhhhh....

Trimmed. Shaved. Sabina, you'll just have to send pictures and let us decide which is most accurate.

If "I" end things now. Right. If things end now.

When did we all become advice columnists? richmac, you really should tell your wife how you feel. Maybe she really has no idea this bothers you. y'know, 'cause guys supposedly don't care about that stuff. And Gargamel, that sounds like what I like to call "grass is greener syndrome." Something new sounds more exciting as what you already have. Very very bad idea to throw out the marriage over a maybe that, best case scenario, ends up feeling exactly the same as the relationship you're in now, but spiced up with the guilt of having hurt your husband. You might try making an effort to make things exciting in your current relationship again and taking a break from your friend (but not necessarily a permanent one).

My dear IIG, not having any foreplay (without toys)is my modus operandi. And while were not #4ing, silence will be the rule. I just hope the neighbours aren't offended by extended periods of quiet.

Sabrina I wasn't really joking. In my house, "Honey I shaved," is like, "Supper's ready!" You know your going to eat. But I understand your frustration with him "not having the time". You damn well make the time to shuck that clam!

gawd, I'd love to offer advice to the lovelorn, because it would seem so much easier than sitting here and trying to dredge up the energy to be excited when my 'hubby' gets home. Sigh. I've been doing that awful 'bedtime, nuh-uh' thing since he refuses to discuss our rather massive problems right now, and after a month of this it's like he's literally dying and wondering if he can get a mistress like Dan Savage sez. Mind you, for ten years I've had to bargain him down to 4 times a week, 'cause I swear to god - I'm TIRED. He's all 'wheee!' and I'm all, 'Yawn' although it's pretty fabulous for all that. It just sucks to eat cake every damn night when the chef treats you like the soup nazi.

heh. I hate Valentine's day too! I never did want a card or a stupid gift, but a 'thanks for working so hard' would be swell, let me tell ya.

Fie on it!

My Valentine's day has been spent eating semi-solid food after being sick for almost a week.

It's a good day.

I had a friend wish me "Happy Halloween" today. Then she corrected herself, and said well, today's one of those second tier holidays.

*Puts admin down for No. 4*
---------------------------
Posted by: bucdaddy at February 14, 2009 10:43 PM

It's called whiskey dick for a reason son.

And the love continues.

"Push" by The Cure sounds really great on a wine buzz. Gawd I love Tamsin Greig.

No one gave the response to my setup line.

Fuck you all.

Goodnight.

I think it's from Rushmore Jerce. However I am unaware of the appropriate response.

Unless it involves beekeeping.

Gargamel875, if you want to fuck your best friend and you love him then im sorry to tell you but your not entirely in love with your husband my ex wife did the same shit to me and that kind of talk is just a way to justify it to yourself so you dont feel like a bitch , just man up and walk away from the relationship now before you cheat get caught and lose everythihng or not its your choice . But dont hide behind the love angle . Its total Shite

...And then when I turned my head again, I realized he had eaten half of my chocolate bar!

What?!

Who spawned you, and WHY? That chocolate bar was the only damned piece of fucking food I had for the whole fucking day. Half a second of less than hyper-vigilance on my part, and 'HOOVER and a WHUT?!'

People: Never do anything work-related on a weekend. Certainly never go to a library. People can find you, make you feel very uncomfortable, and eat your Caramilk whilst you blink!

How can you play me like that? You KNOW I have no money, and you're the fattest person I know, you Heaving Sweat-Mounting-Gristle-Fuck! Go find an apple, I know you can afford it, moneybags! Then chase it up and down the C.N. Tower a few times. You need to EARN this!

Man, I don't have a beef with Valentine's Day. True, I've never had one myself in the romantic sense, but uh...you know, why should anyone give a shit? Seriously? I gotta listen to chicks bitch and gloat about whatever genitalia is on their minds all the damn time. Today, it's just in pink. It's one day out of the year that's not specifically catered towards me, boo-hoo. If I had a decent personality I'd have a boyfriend, and if I cared more about obataing one, I'd do something about it that encompassed more than me acting like a jilted scorpion half the time. Hey, I'm self-aware, friends!

But damn it, you dump me, and periodically eat my pittance meals? FIE! How can this transgression stand? I know YOU'RE not in love, mackie, and you're trying to be nice with the awkward conservation. Fine. as Molly Ringwald would say, that's 'totally human of you.'

But you do not take a girl's candy from her on this most consumer-friendly of high holidays! Dear God, are you NEW!?

THAT is an affront to the LORD! You are awakening a sleeping giant, and the hurt that I'm gonna put on you will be indescribable. I'm gonna lay the hammer down. By Grabthar Hammer's I, the Unrequited will be revenged on his caramel-stealing paunch! If I can just get some meals, a sleeping pill perscription, the money to obtain these things, and a window in my schedule. I've already got the coordinates locked in, and a set of blueprints.

More likely, I'll just say 'Dude, you ate my meal, I want it back with intrest.' And, he'll comp me, because I'm obviously getting thinner.

Dag, 4 am already? I have to find a married couple to talk to. God knows they can bore me into an early grave. Maybe I can just tell them to cut off the juice when my eyes roll back into my head. Around minute 12 of the wedding tape? Or, tell me about your erstwhile labour pains...that's totally some of my business.

Um... O-LYM-PI-A!!!!!!

The correct response is: Was that Latin?

So no one wins my Valentine kisses! It's tragic really.

And for a place that's supposed to have a female-majority readership it's married men what's hanging around on a Saturday night.

Naturally.

Well that pizza we got had five kinds of meat on it, including bacon. Sooo.....that's pretty much a score!

ive just spent a weekend away from the internet... i had pajiba withdrawls. now i get my fix... man i love pajiba.

all hail godtopus

Worst. Valentines. Day. Ever.

To start: Friday night I broke my toe running to change clothes for a party we were supposed to go to. It hurt so bad (I've never broken anything before) that I screamed and was doing the desperate, sobbing, ugly crying where you don't even care who sees you looking like that anymore. Hubby (an ex-rugby player), proceeded to tell me it was no big deal and that he had broken tons of toes and fingers and still kept playing, dammit. I told him to eat a dick and take me to the ER for some Goddamned painkillers and medical treatment. He insisted that I was fine and didn't need to go, and went to the party instead (to be fair, I agreed at that point).

90 minutes later, I called him and made him come home and take me to the ER. It hurt too bad, my whole foot was swollen, and I was not going to be able to sleep without something ending in "-codin." He took me, and we drove around the medical center for 45 minutes before we found the ER. Seriously--what if I had a massive stab wound or something? That's ridiculous!

I got X-Rays and a splint and good drugs. Yay. We go home (it's now like 2 AM) and I take one, and he helps himself to one, too. I woke up the next day at 2 PM. He woke up at 8 AM, took a 3-hour nap at 1 PM, then another 2-hour nap at 6 PM. We had dinner reservations at a new place at 9:30.

Dinner was great, but hubby practically had to carry me in the damn place because I still couldn't put any weight on my right foot, especially after shoving it into a pair of heels. We were both so wrecked and hungover from the drugs we just sort of started into space while we ate. He almost fell asleep at the table. I gave him his card, and he informed me that he'd forgotten to get me one, as usual, even after promising to remember this year (the card is not the issue--it's more of a general lack of affection and demonstrativness on his part that gets to me).

We went to a shitty club for 30 minutes to see some friends, at which point I just couldn't stand anymore and we came home, were instead of having sexytime, he fell asleep watching rugby and the dog stepped on my toe under the covers.

Can I have a do-over?

Posted by: AnnArrogance

Damn, homie. I just ate and fucked and watched TV as usual.

You need to get rid of a guy who shows no concern when you are in pain--suggesting instead that you "get over it"--and who does not show you affection.

Seriously, a $30-$40 vibrator would provide you with as much of a relationship as what you are describing.

Jo Mama. That post was brilliant. You managed to smash so much win into that. I can feel the heat of your rage. I mean, we've all been there but that... That was Eloquent.

I'm working on my bartending skills because in this economy, you never know. I mean, I have a master's degree, but I'd like to be more...useful.
So for the past three or four months I've been practicing, in earnest, at home.

I can float, layer, pour exact measures without measuring (you count the beats), use a regular shaker and a Boston shaker, I'm getting fast, and I can make about two dozen basic and not-so-basic drinks by heart now.

The only bad part is that I drink all my mistakes. So I'm thinking I need to either have a party or slow down before I'm on Intervention.

Also, I love Purple Rain, too.

I'm really just venting. To be fair, that's just the way he was brought up in South Africa. His father was the hard-ass to beat all hard-asses, and abusive, and hubby kind of has some serious psychological issues with showing affection as a result. He's been working on it since we got married, and he has gotten better, but it's a process.

I don't mean to make it sound like he didn't show me any concern--he did--but the "suck it up" mentality is just the only way he learned how to deal with pain. I decided to try and suck it up and that's why I told him to go ahead and go to the party, but it just didn't work.

He really is a great guy--it was just a sucky 24 hours for both of us. Oh, and he took one of the painkillers because he fucked up his bad back trying to lift me up the steps to the front porch.

Honestly, just venting about a shitty day, not trying to make my husband come off as an ass. He's not. I swear.

gilp, It's okay that you don't believe me that I am in love with two people. I never believed in that type of thing until it happened to me.
And I am not trying to leave my husband. That is the opposite of what I want. I just want the other guy out of my head.
It's just that I feel like I am in mourning over what could have been. That's why I am in pain.

That was Eloquent.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at February 15, 2009 1:48 PM

You will regret taking sides early and playing favorites, young Rhyme. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Take it from one who knows.

You know, bucdaddy, I was wondering the same thing... or has Pookie been kidnapped by government operatives for some secret task force, or something? Did I miss a thread where he (yet again) threatened to stop commenting, and then actually followed through? I fell like we haven't been treated to the wisdom of the Pookster in a week. I miss him.

because in her turkey, you can taste three kinds of moistness

I really hope the secret ingredient isn't love.

I'm late to the party, but I felt like sharing...

I made Vday plans with a guy I met 2 weeks ago. We hung out Friday night and he was planning to come over my place at noon on Saturday. I was going to bake cheesecake and he was making me a music mix. Plus there would be sex at some point. Anyways, he called at 11:59am to say he's not coming over. I was pissed because I made cheesecake at 3am. Plus I was not going to get to show off my lingerie. I ended up going out to drink and dance until 3am with friends. I found a guy and took him home. I kicked him out at 8am. Win!

I'm late to the party, but I felt like sharing...

I made Vday plans with a guy I met 2 weeks ago. We hung out Friday night and he was planning to come over my place at noon on Saturday. I was going to bake cheesecake and he was making me a music mix. Plus there would be sex at some point. Anyways, he called at 11:59am to say he's not coming over. I was pissed because I made cheesecake at 3am. Plus I was not going to get to show off my lingerie. I ended up going out to drink and dance until 3am with friends. I found a guy and took him home. I kicked him out at 8am. Win!

I missed an (at least) buzzed Jay at Pajiba After Dark? That would have been a perfect opportunity to get some juicy library stories. Has he ever caught people getting wild by the Wilde? A little pokin' by the Tolkien? I need the dirty Dewey Decimal details.

How did my Valentines Day go? Well, lessee, I'm unemployed, had to move back in with my parents I'm nearly 30), I have no significant other, my Mom's off her meds again and Dad realized it was Valentines Day at- I'm not kidding here - 10:17 the night before and wanted me to order flowers to send to Mom at work the next day, completely not realizing that Valentines Day was Saturday and banks are closed.

If you hear about a family in KY that died in a fiery orgy of blood and Drano-choking death, yeah, that'd be mine.

brandedNeither of those options, unfortunately. Tots n shots oh nine involves loads of tater tots and many many many different types of shots.

But you've made me think of new possibilities...

People, haven't you been paying attention?

Pookie is in Peru trying to pick up dudes. Ask krza!

Even if you don't NEED a Viagra, if you are healthy enough, TRY one sometime.

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 16, 2009 9:01 AM

Damn straight (pun intended)! If you aren't healthy enough, Johnny Mandel wrote your theme song...

Well, he was singing that......after....

I watched Y Tu Mama Tambien alone on Valentine's Day. Now all I want to do is get double-teamed in Mexico.

Really? hard to believe.
I heard this news times from many friends playing on a ta ll da ting site ___T allMingle Com___,i did not believe, i think that they are know nothing but da ting and love.
i am wrong.
Posted by: owen at February 16, 2009 10:48 AM

OWEN!!!!
Larry: I'm Owen's friend.
Momma: Owen doesn't have a friend!
Larry: That's because he's shy.
Momma: No he's not. He's fat and he's stupid!

I'm sorry, owen, but your spambotness is well below the usual standard for all of us Pajibans. While proper grammar and spelling are not usually a prerequisite, proper word/letter spacing is a criteria we look closely at. I am afraid that we are going to have to reject your posting and discourage any further attempts to draw us into your dating world.

Thank you,
The Pajiban Management

Pookie,

I command you to kneel before Zo...I mean, ME. You are hereby ordered to pleasure me for.....at least 20 minutes. (Hey, beats the ex!!)

YEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!