web
counter
 

The Reveal on the Really Uncomfortable April Fool's Joke

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (314)



pajiba zombie.JPG

Of course it was an April Fool’s joke. Of course we aren’t going to censor comments. You have any idea how difficult that is? I’ve been sitting in front of the computer for three hours moderating. I’m hungry.

But to the extent that it worked (and as you can see now that all the comments are published, there were a ton of people who naturally caught on), it worked because there is a grain of truth to it (the mock self-righteous anger didn’t hurt). And there were a lot of (uncomfortable for us) commenters that were behind the idea. We’d expected it to some degree. But it would never work. We wouldn’t want it to work. We really, honestly have no intention of censoring anyone. Hell, real-life friendships have been formed in the comments section, and were sure as hell not going to discourage that. It’s amazing.

However, the hijacking was a topic of discussion at SXSW. And I will concede that the I Love You, Man comment thread did irritate me (and apparently some of the unwitting targets). We all get occasionally irritated with the off-topic discussion and the constant sexual banter. But, that’s what makes this place what it is. We fucking dig the spirit of Pajiba, and AlabamaPink’s unfortunate passing reminded us of a time before the Eloquents were trying to constantly rid each other of their virtual undies, when the wit and the banter was a little more organic and flowed from the posts and not somebody’s decision to completely derail the conversation. That’s perfectly cool to do, and even encouraged in certain posts, particularly where we prompt it — Pajiba Love, the comment diversions, Seriously Random Lists, and even the trade news. It just gets under our skin when it’s the reviews — whether they’re good or not, or whether you agree with them or not, we really do put a lot of effort into them. And I hope you won’t stomp on our sincerity for saying so.

Likewise, I’ve met folks in real life who read the site, who expressed some of the sentiments revealed in the comments to that April Fool’s post — mostly, that some of the regulars have a tendency to alienate. The number of delurkers that came out this past week to express their sympathy for Pink, in a way, validated that — there are a lot more people who read the comments section than who comment. Some of them love reading the comments, some get annoyed or worse, and some want to be a part of it (or once were a part of it), but have felt alienated recently. There’s nothing we can do from a practical standpoint to remedy that, except to perhaps encourage a more inviting atmosphere in the comments. We don’t want to lose any of the hyper-fueled wit generated in the comments section, but it would be nice if more folks felt comfortable commenting. And that might mean not asking a newbie to take off her clothes, or trashing a commenter for disagreeing with a writer (we can take it — we’re as hostile as anyone, and we certainly can’t complain if the hostility is redirected back at us). We dig disagreement. Some of us *ahem* even beg for it.

In the end, though: It is your site as much as it is ours. And that’s the way we like it. If we didn’t get comments anymore, our hearts would shrivel and die. They honest-to-fucking God drive many of us, day-to-day. I spend half my day writing posts, and half of it reading the comments, and a good deal of the time, I feel like I’m on the wrong side of the comment line. There have been times when I’ve tried to distance myself just to keep perspective, but I’m always pulled back. You people are glorious, hilarious, venom-spewing, railing-against-the-world, angry awesome motherfuckers, and I hope to God it stays that way. It’d be a sad, soulless world without you.

Now, back to unmoderated comments. Rail away, folks.









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance



Pajiba Love 04/01/09 | Star Trek I, II, III Reviews









Comments

I still stand by what I posted...but I feel like a fool...an April fool.

Yeah, I know, it wasn't funny. Whatever.

Posted by: citizen_cris at April 1, 2009 1:54 PM

You really are slime Rowles.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 1, 2009 1:56 PM

This is the first time in my life that I have been fooled by an April Fools joke. I guess this just seemed so plausible I never thought to question it.
Well now I just feel...dumb. Ah well.

Posted by: rar at April 1, 2009 1:57 PM

"Just when you thougbt you were out, WE PULLED YOU BACK IN!!!"

You are such a glutton for punishment, Rowles.

But, we love ya for it!

Posted by: dammitjanet at April 1, 2009 1:57 PM

Honestly, I was really worried that you were going to say the bit about RDJ naked and chained to a bed was the April fool. That would have made me sad.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at April 1, 2009 1:58 PM

branded and I were just discussing this very thing in a different, more liberal, forum.

Firstly, well done, both on the joke (you had me for a while) and on the light smacking of fingers.

Note taken, and only partially ignored.

BUTTHOLES.

Posted by: admin at April 1, 2009 1:58 PM

Aw, we love you too, Dustin.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 1, 2009 1:58 PM

OK...group hug. group hug. Maybe lurkers wouldn't feel so 'outside' on some of the jokes if the 'Pajiba Dictionary' got finished. i remember that idea from times back, long ago, before talking pictures, motorized carriages, or legs.

Posted by: PissBoy at April 1, 2009 1:58 PM

Yeah, I'm sure you read my posts. I got fucking INDIGNANT! Hahaha. I maintain that it's because of my head cold. Plus, I've been on a civil rights kick lately.

I'm going to tuck my tail between my legs and slink away in embarrassment now.

Posted by: ChristianH at April 1, 2009 1:59 PM

Last year's was inspired. Sister Act 2 as one of the greatest films of all time. I felt like such a clown when I eventually realized that it was a huge prank. I was about to rewatch it and see what I had missed. That was the day I realized I couldn't trust everything Dustin said. That was the day my Pajiba innocence died.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 1, 2009 2:00 PM

Glad I saw this before I commented again on the other thread.

I was going to say this: I love the reviews here. And sometimes I would like more substantial discussion of the actual film. But as someone who has gone off-topic in the past (who hasn't?) I can't really gripe much. All I can do is try to stay on-topic and keep hoping for you guys to do some reviews of really weird old shit like 50s sci-fi movies. I would gladly do that for free. Last night I watched I Married a Monster from Outer Space and was mentally composing a review in my head.

Dammit! Off topic again!!! Sorry. Happy April Fool's Day. It's also my dad's birthday. (Whoops, DAMMIT.)

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at April 1, 2009 2:01 PM

The calendar on my desk still said March. When I removed it (around noon) it hit me.

You guys are mean.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at April 1, 2009 2:02 PM

Wanker.

Hey, I have an idea. How about all the "regulars" adopt new identities? Then all the lurkers and new people won't know who the hell anyone is, and will feel free to comment.

Posted by: Cindy at April 1, 2009 2:02 PM

I pretty much guessed it, but I wasn't sure which side of the fence to play on. That was a lot of fun. Although I do stand by my comments. And I actually really liked bucdaddy's idea of a Like/Dislike button for comments.

Buuuuuuut anyway...I'm glad the cat's out of the bag. That could've gotten much worse had you let it go for much longer. You're a keen one, Rowles. And quite a handsome man. Have I ever told you that? :)

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 2:02 PM

I was thinking about that too Pissboy.

To all you lurkers who are hesitant to comment, do it. If one of these jerks gives you sass (like AvB) don't run away. Sass back! Put them in their place. The Eloquents aren't that mean once you get to know them. It's a defense mechanism.

Posted by: admin at April 1, 2009 2:03 PM

Well, the Pajibanazis were just too much like last year's comment war thread. Besides, I couldn't see how you could keep up on it all.

I think my favorite April Fool's joke of all time was the year the newspaper comics all traded and wrote each other's strips. I remember Dilbert and Family Circle swapped, and For Better or Worse and Mother Goose and Grimm swapped. It was surreal.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 1, 2009 2:04 PM

Again, to get back to the question at hand...

Can I pop a cap in Conrad and burn his house down?

Seriously though, there are times I've been intimidated by the path the comments have taken, especially when they have absolutely nothing to do with the actual review. However, after a stiff drink, I'm able to jump in the deep end and be an equal opportunity offender.

Posted by: Skitz at April 1, 2009 2:04 PM

I love delurkers. It's the penis bearers who can't stand them.

Posted by: Sofía at April 1, 2009 2:04 PM

Oh Optimus Rhyme, go drive your chevy to the levee and you'll feel better.

Posted by: mswas at April 1, 2009 2:05 PM

Not commenting about being caught out on the April Fool's post... Only because I didn't comment in the April Fool's post.

Posted by: malikvlc at April 1, 2009 2:05 PM

Yea, I knew this was a joke and thought it was a great one... But I was really surprised by how many people loved the idea, because of the fact that they hated stupid ass comments like mine so much. For that I feel bad and will try and self-moderate. Sorry lurkers! Please feel welcome; it took me a while to grow the guts to post so I understand your trepidation and will try to respect that from now on.

Rhyme the Sister Act joke was two years ago, the grand smackdown fight where people quit was last year. Pajiba is the master of April Fool's Day.

Posted by: Kayanne at April 1, 2009 2:05 PM

I thought last year's was when Dustin & Seth got into a slapfight and scratched each other's eyes out, and TK called Stacey a stupidface. Or something.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 2:05 PM

I was this close to posting a comment in the censorship thread asking if anyone remembered it was April Fools Day. Well played, Dustin.

Posted by: Jeni at April 1, 2009 2:06 PM

Group hug!

I really hope that I, personally, haven't kept anyone away from the comments. I try not to. I'm a relative newbie myself, and I know it was intimidating to post at first, but eventually you realize that a) you can say whatever you want, b) people will listen to you if you have something intelligent to say and c) you really have to ignore some things. It can feel like a very closed-off bunch, but I think it's a welcoming environment. Sometimes you just have to force your way in.

I will make more of an effort to not alienate anyone (I DO read every comment and try to respond when I can) and I hope the lurkers come out. I love fresh meat.

Posted by: figgy at April 1, 2009 2:07 PM

How about all the "regulars" adopt new identities?

We should use our porno names from last year. Not that I even remember mine. I think it had the word "moist" somewhere in it.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 2:07 PM

Changing names is fun! I bet nobody can guess who I am now!

You can't guess, Conrad - because you're a peckerface.

Posted by: GUIDOFEVER at April 1, 2009 2:08 PM

Last year it was a fight among the staff, this year a fight among the commenters. When are you going to realize that more truth comes out than you might want?

One of my first thoughts when I got up today was what you were going to pull this year. I liked the chair throwing, groin kicking smack down of last year the best.

Posted by: katy at April 1, 2009 2:09 PM

Fuck that. I've been SoD for a couple years now. I wouldn't know how to be someone else.

The Pajiba Dictionary does need to be finished. Was that you volunteering, PissBoy?

And to all the lurkers and occasional lurkers out there...hey there. We're not so bad. A couple of us are really nice (Sofia, tamatha, AvB), some of us are really opinionated (Pookie, admin, BarbadoSlim), and some of us are just people. We all get along, come on down and get along with us. The only way to be “in”, is to jump in feet first and start throwing punches like the rest of us.

Except TK. He’s a turd.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 2:11 PM

Last year's was inspired. Sister Act 2 as one of the greatest films of all time. I felt like such a clown when I eventually realized that it was a huge prank.

That was a prank?

Well...fuck.

**

And sometimes it really can't be helped that discussions go off topic, but I will try to keep the comments on reviews about the reviews or the movies!

I think part of what happened on the I love you, Man review was that there were a bunch of us with nothing to do and Pajiba was something to do. I think a separate Weekend Hijack thread would help immensely, and it could also be a way for the lurkers to come out and comment freely. How about it?

Posted by: figgy at April 1, 2009 2:12 PM

Hahaha screw you Dustin.

Posted by: b at April 1, 2009 2:12 PM

The best part, from a staff perspective, may be that there were 300+ comments in the space of about three hours. The comments were pretty much evenly divided between those debating the change and those who realized it was a prank, which means that (a) a lot of people care a substantial amount about how the site works and (b) a lot of people pay close attention to what's going on. Which I guess we knew anyway, but it was interesting to watch it unfold. Between this and last week's unfortunate events, a huge number of lurkers were coaxed out of the shadows. tb

Posted by: ted boynton at April 1, 2009 2:13 PM

I think "moist" anything would be against the new rules Kolby. Also, "damp", "wet" and "slippery" are frowned upon.

Posted by: GUIDOFEVER at April 1, 2009 2:08 PM

Um, Pookie?

Posted by: Cindy at April 1, 2009 2:13 PM

Hey, GUIDOFEVER, you sound like a cool dude! Let's be friends!

Posted by: #1MilliVanilliFan at April 1, 2009 2:13 PM

Long time reader first time poster. I think that you make some very valid points Dustin and, quite frankly, you should have some sort of moderating and control system. It worked for Hitler, Stalin and Bushy. It could be Pajiba's own Patriot Act.

Especially that admin dickhead. What's up with him anyway? Stupid hick.

Posted by: longdongadministrator at April 1, 2009 2:14 PM

yeah, I knew it all the time.

(drat, no I didn't)

April Fool.

Posted by: lil_a at April 1, 2009 2:14 PM

Hey, not to be accused of hijacking a thread or anything, but I would just like to take this moment to reiterate my request that when the next Pajiba t-shirt is made, that it have replica's totally amazing Pajiban zombie on it (see pic above).

Oh, and I'm glad for once that I was not completely gullible and did not fall for the April Fools joke.

Posted by: tamatha at April 1, 2009 2:15 PM

Oh wait, I forgot to include:

Please! Pretty please! (re: the next t-shirt design).

Posted by: tamatha at April 1, 2009 2:17 PM

I'm just proud of myself that I figured out the joke before the reveal. Go me.

And hey, what about me, SoD?! I may have an axe, but I'm a nice gal. Fuck you, dude.

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 1, 2009 2:17 PM

I was this close to posting a comment in the censorship thread asking if anyone remembered it was April Fools Day. Well played, Dustin.

Posted by: Jeni at April 1, 2009 2:06 PM

And you would have gotten deleted like the rest of us, dear. THAT, they were monitoring for. They're sneaky ones, those Overlords of ours. I just wasn't expecting the reveal so soon, wasn't the Sister Act 2 reveal the next day?

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at April 1, 2009 2:17 PM

Poor Dan Carlson. Had a review in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hormones were raging and it got swept away in them.
That said, there's no reason why the movie reviews can't be good, honest discussions. We're smarties, we can talk pretty.
And then we can do the dirty stuff in Rowles' stupid Star Wars bashing Trade Roundups.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 1, 2009 2:19 PM

Also, new people, PLEASE come out to play. We alleged "eloquents" (I'm including myself there because of how I made the list that one time) get sick of listening to ourselves, too, you know. We enjoy fresh meat views, we enjoy discussion and debate, and we enjoy having new people to interact with. As was said in the first post, there are only so many ways to say "This sucks" or "this is awesome!" And don't hide because you feel like you're not "in on it", make yourself in on it! I did, and I'm thrilled that I did. I've "met" some delightful people here. And, when relevant and/or thoughtful comments are made, most of the regulars will engage.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 1, 2009 2:19 PM


I actually hoped it wasn't an April Fool's joke. I'm not much in the joking mood today - my sister's in for a biopsy this morning, and my only nemesis in the world is a finalist for a job at my institution. But I'm also someone who takes the irreverance of this site seriously, and who turns to it for some truth-talking jive about the national popular. No hipster bullshit here. And to me the comments have begun to embody hipster pretension - sometimes. If we feel the need to rub ourselves, can't we do it and still stick close to the original post? If we can't, then WTF are we doing rubbing ourselves in public for no fucking reason.

Posted by: Lance at April 1, 2009 2:19 PM

I tried to post "I hate this fucking holiday" several times, but the overlords wouldn't let me. So let me repeat, I HATE this fucking holiday.

Posted by: Ciji at April 1, 2009 2:19 PM

I KNEW it, damn you, but didn't trust my instinct. And so here I was wondering why my comment hadn't shown up on the previous thread, mentally going over everything I'd said, feeling a bit ashamed and cast out (not that I've ever been in, but, ya know). I thought, wow, they really are being fascists about this! This is the atmosphere of the New Cruelty in which I can't even talk about Godtopus torturing poor, hapless Eloquents.

I will never trust you again, Pajiba.

Posted by: melligans at April 1, 2009 2:19 PM

I second tamatha's request that that pic get made into a t-shirt. I would buy that right now and wear it proudly.

Posted by: Macafee at April 1, 2009 2:20 PM

The really sad thing is that I saw the story about the Justice Dept. overturning the conviction of Ted Stevens on Huffington Post at 8 am and I thought "great April Fool's joke". But then the story was picked up by all the media and it turns out it's true. No-one's saying he didn't commit crimes, just that prosecutorial misconduct is forcing an overturn. There is no Godtopus.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 1, 2009 2:20 PM

I'm sorry I called you badwords in my head.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at April 1, 2009 2:21 PM

You fuckers.

I still love Sister Act.

Posted by: Robert at April 1, 2009 2:21 PM

Can you guys post links to the last couple of April Fool's posts?
I remember falling for the Sister Act II joke hook, line and sinker. I'd like to go back and revel in my naivete...

Also, for all the lurkers, I don't post nearly as much as I used to, mainly because I've been outwitted and outsassed and plain out done by many of the now-regular posters, but don't let that stop anyone from getting their thoughts out. Writing coherently was never my strong suit, but nevertheless, it is fun to be able to share your thoughts with complete strangers about topics that no one in my real life circle of friends gives a shit about.

Posted by: Stella at April 1, 2009 2:22 PM

I actually figured this one out (the facist declaration, along with my desk calendar), and I figured that any comments pointing out the date WOULD be censored, so I just waited it out.

It was interesting reading all the pros and cons, though.

Posted by: Drake at April 1, 2009 2:22 PM

Posted by: longdongadministrator at April 1, 2009 2:14 PM

Now that is definitely Pookie. Lookout newbies!

Posted by: Cindy at April 1, 2009 2:24 PM

I meant what I said. Moderation wouldn't bother me, but I know what a gigantic pain in the ass it would most likely be (for whoever got the unenviable task).

Pookie never bothers me, in fact, he is a big, steaming pile of AWESOME. I don't read this site for the comments, anyway.

Posted by: Slash at April 1, 2009 2:25 PM

Aww…lizzie, you’ll always be my number one axe-wielding, eloquent, vampire-loving and –writing mistress of the night. But you might scare some people away. Hugs!

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 2:25 PM

Wait - so we aren't changing our names? Damn.

Posted by: #1MilliVanilliFan at April 1, 2009 2:26 PM

Lance
Thinking good thoughts for your sister and FAIL thoughts for your nemesis.

Posted by: mswas at April 1, 2009 2:28 PM

I will never fall for your shenanigans again, Rowles! You're HORRIBLE!

I blame all the planning going into my grandfather's funeral tomorrow (yeah, I know...it REALLY sucks to have a funeral to announce on April Fools Days) for my being slow to the uptake.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at April 1, 2009 2:28 PM

Fuckers!

Posted by: Jadine at April 1, 2009 2:29 PM

The sad thing was, the moment I posted my comment on the thread, my first thought was "Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex Aw shit wait it's April Fools Day fuck me I'm an idiot sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex". I feel pretty stupid right now, I won't lie to ya.

Although I will stand by what I said, reading through the I Love You Man thread was PAINFUL. Although I did totally tally the votes and as it turns out, I'm the most fuckable pajiban male. Score!

BUTTHOLE.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at April 1, 2009 2:30 PM

Hell yeah, #1MilliVanilliFan! Let's be pals! Now that I can post under a false name, there are a few things I'd like to get off my chest:

I use "Pajiba" as my password on everything.

I actually own a few Madea movies. For real. I think he's funny as hell.

I went to a Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Two different times.

In 2002, I had a bit part in an underground pornographic film based on a rare fetish involving my asymmetrically conjoined twin who depends on me for survival.

I work truckstops for drug money.

I provided Nadya Suleman with the seed for her octuplets. Also for drug money.

I friggin' love posting under fake names! I finally feel free to share things I never thought I'd get off my chest! Anonymity is the greatest!

Posted by: GUIDOFEVER at April 1, 2009 2:31 PM

Pink Hulk: Sorry baby! Do you need a cuddle right now? *Hug*

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at April 1, 2009 2:32 PM

Can you guys post links to the last couple of April Fool's posts?

Do we have a Pajiwiki yet? 'cause seriously, the bit where this site got packed up and taken away in a Homeland Security box still makes it the best movie site ever.

(I'd put one together, but not doing it is pretty much the only thing I can point to to validate the wavering belief that I actually have a life.)

Posted by: twig at April 1, 2009 2:33 PM

And now I'm more horrified than the anti-censorship crowd this morning: how much of that post was real and how much was fake?

Are we still getting more reviews? New writers? Trade news before people get snippy at IMDB over it being cOLD in here?

Because the Sister Act post was (allegedly) all lies...

Posted by: Robert at April 1, 2009 2:34 PM

If one of these jerks gives you sass (like AvB)

HEY! I'm standing RIGHT HERE, admin!

P.S. All my sass is in the spirit of sassiness, not assholery.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 1, 2009 2:35 PM

April fool Cindy.

Posted by: admin at April 1, 2009 2:35 PM

Oh, I love the Blue Collar Comedy Tour! "You might be a redneck" gets me every time! I never thought I'd ever really connect with anyone else on this site! Oh happy day!

Posted by: #1MilliVanilliFan at April 1, 2009 2:35 PM

Man, why'd you have to fuck with the system?

Posted by: Withnail at April 1, 2009 2:35 PM

I've always had a crush on you Guido.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 2:35 PM

My favourite April Fools today was from The Guardian in the UK. They announced they were abandoning the paper format in favour of Twitter. They provided examples of how succinct the news would be in this way:
"JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?"

Runner-up; The Economist announced it was diversifying its portfolio to include a theme park:
"As part of a strategy designed to broaden the revenue base, leverage content over new platforms and promote The Economist brand to a young and dynamic audience, The Economist Group is delighted to announce the development of a public-entertainment facility that combines the magic of a theme park with the excitement of macroeconomics..."

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 1, 2009 2:35 PM

I know. Kisses.

Posted by: admin at April 1, 2009 2:36 PM

OK, I may be stating the obvious but,
longdongadministrator = admin, because not only did he include admin in his "new" name, but he insulted himself in his comment.

And GUIDOFEVER, = Skittimus because he immediately threatened poor, sweet Conrad.

As for #1MilliVanilliFan? You're on your own, not enough info for me to figure out who that is yet.

Posted by: tamatha at April 1, 2009 2:37 PM

God I fucking hate April Fools Day. But then again, the "reveal" pretty much said what I was kind of thinking when I believed they were going to moderate; that they probably wouldn't actually censor that much, but they did want to bring some of those irritations to everyone's attention. So it was an April Fools joke with a purpose. How nerdy. But good.

Posted by: tinmo at April 1, 2009 2:37 PM

I work truckstops for drug money

Grandma?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 2:38 PM

I [i]knew[i/] it, and I am stoned off my ass on Vicodin. *yay wisdom teeth*

What's your excuse?

Posted by: Theresa at April 1, 2009 2:39 PM

Where's that fucking Spender, that motherfucker deserves a place in hell for siding with management.

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 2:39 PM

Awww thanks Jeremy. *hug*

You know, though, I wasn't kidding. I would REALLY like to read more reviews on here. Don't get me wrong...I will ALWAYS have a two cents worth when it comes to discussions on abs and DSL's, but I came to this site because of the amazing movie reviews. They are still here. They just seem to get hidden amongst, well, a little too much filler...

That being said, I totally got taken by that April Fools joke!

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at April 1, 2009 2:43 PM

On a slightly serious note:

If you don't want sexual banter, perhaps you should stop talking about Ryan Reynolds' abs.

Just sayin'.

You ask too much, Boo. Too much! -- DR

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2009 2:43 PM

PaddyDog - those are great! I think I heard something about The Economist theme park on NPR this morning, but I wasn't paying enough attention to notice if they presented it as an April Fools joke or not.

Posted by: tamatha at April 1, 2009 2:43 PM

Aw, I love you too, admin.

In the spirit of starting over and helping the young 'uns feel less intimidating, I too have changed my handle. I feel it will allow me a fresh start as well, and in future, I will only post grammatically correct and well thought out criticisms of films, books, television programs, and music, or the reviews thereof.

(See? I can do an April Fool's joke too!)

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 1, 2009 2:44 PM

Can we still do the dance number? Please? Vegas style? Feathers optional? I bet we could have old Uncle Walt spinning in his freezer.

Posted by: slower lower at April 1, 2009 2:45 PM

Well done!

I love this joint!

Posted by: frumpiefox at April 1, 2009 2:46 PM

I are not Cindy. For reals.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 2:47 PM

Don't be afraid of us lurkers! Even the unpleasant posters are usually just playing. (Fun Fact: Slim looks like a goddamn teddy bear in real life. I'm not kidding, dude looks flat-out cuddly. And Pookie has admitted at least once that he's actually a total family man.) Although I admit sometimes people let things get out of hand and don't always realize that not everyone reading/commenting is playing along. We need to self-police that a bit.

Posted by: s. pisaster at April 1, 2009 2:47 PM

Tamatha darling, I did not sit and stare at my cubicle wall for a whole forty-five seconds to come up with a primo name like this one just to have you out me in a few minutes! Give a guy or girl some credit!

Now, Guido baby, what exactly do you mean when you say you "work" truck stops for money?

Posted by: #1MilliVanilliFan at April 1, 2009 2:48 PM

Someone should pretend to be Jay so we can really have some fun.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 2:48 PM

If you don't want sexual banter, perhaps you should stop talking about Ryan Reynolds' abs.

I don't think eliminating sexual banter is the idea. Sexy talk that's connected with the main thread just makes everything more fun, like observing that RDJ's ripped body makes Iron Man that much mo'-bettah, so go go go sexy talk! Articles dedicated to a sexy topic, like bangable celebs or RR's washboard-n-joystick, provide a forum for what would otherwise by off-topic orgy-spawners.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at April 1, 2009 2:49 PM

Before I started regularly commenting making annoying jokes, all I did was read the reviews, assuming that all the comments were of the YouTube variety. Eventually, I discovered they're more like the cherry and whipped cream on a (sexual analogy removed), uh, I mean crisp cover letter on a completed resume. Then we certainly started coloring outside the lines and should start reeling it in.

Tinmo has it pegged. A joke with a learning purpose. And it didn't even need to be a dick joke.

Posted by: branded at April 1, 2009 2:49 PM

It's funny going back to read the unmoderated comments on the first post, because every person who mentions April Fool's Day seems bewildered that no one else has mentioned it yet. Fun times.
Blah blah blah cencorship is wrong blah blah blah. But it would be nice to have some respect for a topic. Maybe you guys should post an "Internet Stage" or even "Sexual Playground" every day for people to dick around in. Then the reviews can be left to relative comments.
Nah, that would never work. But a girl can dream...

Posted by: Patty O'Green at April 1, 2009 2:49 PM

Where's that fucking Spender, that motherfucker deserves a place in hell for siding with management.
Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 2:39 PM

YAY - I've been waiting all day for Pookie to comment! Now I can get back to work...

Posted by: malikvlc at April 1, 2009 2:51 PM

Someone should pretend to be Jay so we can really have some fun.

Only that would lend a note of class to these proceedings, naturally flowing to the Land of Oz. Of course, as Cicero would have observed, a goth chick from a band you've never heard of spouted some poetry that I could repeat here to show that I know obscure things you don't.

Or is that a little too "Chico and the Man" for you? Dizzig?

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 2:53 PM

Tee-hee! Oh, you guys...

Posted by: Not Sofía(but I think she ROCKS!!! FUCK YEAH, WOOO-HOOOOO!!!! GoooOOooOOoooOOooo SOFI!) at April 1, 2009 2:54 PM

#1MilliVanilliFan - oh wait, that's you too Skittiums. Of course I should have figured that you would come up with two alt Pajibidentities already.

Posted by: tamatha at April 1, 2009 2:54 PM

But you might scare some people away.

Dude, did you forget I have an axe? I stand by my declaration. And I'll be on your doorstep with my axe in approximately 8 hours.

Also, for the folks who are afraid to comment: hell yes it can be intimidating. I felt like a total thread-killer the first ten or so comments I ever made. But don't let it stop you. Like AvB said, we do tire of hearing ourselves (at least, I do. Plus, half the time all I've got to say is "yeah, what he/she/Skitz said"). Just reply to a few comments made by the regulars, chances are we'll respond to you. We may be cynical, snide bastards, but most of us have fluffy nougat centers.

Or do what I did, and start stalking Julie. Or start befriending folks on FB.

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 1, 2009 2:55 PM

The regulars don't bite...unless you ask politely.

Posted by: frumpiefox at April 1, 2009 2:56 PM

I'm sorry it WASN'T real, I was in the mood.... for warring.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 1, 2009 2:57 PM

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 2:53 PM

That was beautiful man. You forgot to say something about Harry Potter though.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 2:57 PM

I wonder if the "pro-censorship" crowd isn't staring down at the well-gnawed femur in their bloody hands and thinking, "It's possible I resorted to cannibalism a bit too soon.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at April 1, 2009 2:58 PM

Yeah, about the I Love You, Man thread:

Guy freebies:
- Optimus Rhyme
- Mon Savage
- My Precious Frat Boy

Girl Freebies:
- Marra
- Anna VonGuru
- Julie
- Lizzie
- Figgy
- jM
- Nicole
- Lizzie
- Lainey
- s.pisaster
- Stella
- Mella (where the hell are you????)
- Kayanne

It's pretty obvious I totally missed the lesbo phase in college.

Posted by: Sofía at April 1, 2009 2:59 PM

I remember wandering into TWOP's forums one day, and noticing they had a separate forum called the 'Meat Market', which was basically just the place to take the personal talk and the sexual innuendo so that the actual show threads wouldn't get too out-of-topic. Plus, it was a good place for newbies to start. Don't know how that worked for them, but maybe Pajiba could do something like that? A weekly thread just for all that, something like the Comment Diversions but without any stated topic.

It's why I love the Random Lists; they're a great place to unwind and just give in to our baser natures, and I'll personally try to keep the nonsense away from the reviews. I love the reviews.

Posted by: Phiggy at April 1, 2009 2:59 PM

Hey, I think I might have started out stalking Julie too! Julie, you're a stalker/noob magnet.

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 1, 2009 2:59 PM

I have to admit that Pookie's random style of disconnected, vaguely threatening one liners would have been sorely missed, no matter how offensive. They're just so...jarring. In a hilarious way.

Posted by: tinmo at April 1, 2009 3:01 PM

hey, am I one of those Lizzies up there? or are there other people here with my name?

Because if I am... that's awesome. (because I never think anyone thinks about me when i'm not here!)

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 1, 2009 3:01 PM

I'm kind of borderline disgusted that so many people were happy.

Posted by: Bucko at April 1, 2009 3:02 PM

I can't remember the first time I posted, but I DO remember the first time I got into an argument with some fellow commenters. It had to do with politics and whether or not I was planning to vote in some election (this had to be early 2006 - I think). TK laid a serious smackdown on me, I flipped my shit and fought back, and now we're, like, totally BFF. Except during baseball season.

So, I guess what I'm saying to the lurkers is this: if I can survive a bitch-off with the likes of TK, y'all can handle Pookie or BSlim(or Dustin, or, well, everyone) poking fun at you for defending Katherine Heigl's career/attitude/fucked up teeth.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 3:02 PM

YAY! I have a new name now too!

I can play this game!

Posted by: The Blush and Bashful Hulk at April 1, 2009 3:03 PM

Oh, and I think introducing yourself in the facebook group (the Who Are You thread, particularly) is a great way to start. Don't be shy! And if you don't want to give your identity away do like Skitz--he has a photo of an eye and no one quite knows who he is. I dare say a lot of us have come out from lurkdom from that.

Posted by: Phiggy at April 1, 2009 3:04 PM

And I am royally pissed that Sofi, doesn't want to make out with me. Whatever, I'll go hang out with #1MilliVanilliFan.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 3:04 PM

...but most of us have fluffy nougat centers.

I had mine swapped out for a cookie centre. I hate nougat.

But I love your axe.

Posted by: admin at April 1, 2009 3:05 PM

Posted by: The Blush and Bashful Hulk at April 1, 2009 3:03 PM

Can I just call you Shelby instead?

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 1, 2009 3:05 PM

Well Hulk, Pink is your signature color.

Posted by: tamatha at April 1, 2009 3:05 PM

And I'll be on your doorstep with my axe in approximately 8 hours

What makes you think that wasn't my plan? And stop stalking Julie...unless you got some real good pics...or have the opportunity to take some real good pics with her and forewarn me...

Posted by: Porny Pony of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 3:06 PM

And I am royally pissed that Sofi, doesn't want to make out with me.

See, this is what happens when you start picking favorites. People's feelings get hurt. Or at the very least, they act like their feelings are hurt. Others of us just suffer in silence.

Posted by: tamatha at April 1, 2009 3:08 PM

Honey Moistbritches! That was my porno name! Phew!

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 3:08 PM

Sorry, Kolby!!!! I honestly thought I'd included you!!

If you wanna be included, though, you could go by "lesbo" from now on. That way the sentence "I missed my lesbo phase in college" will be understood as compliment to your hotness.

Posted by: Sofía at April 1, 2009 3:08 PM

or have the opportunity to take some real good pics with her and forewarn me

well, I believe her b'day is coming up.... *suggestive raising of eyebrows* and I have a new camera!

But I love your axe.

Aww, I love your axe too.

(no, srsly, am i one of the girl freebies? do i need to go read that whole thread now?!)

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 1, 2009 3:10 PM

GUIDOFEVER had better lay off the conjoined twin angle...

Posted by: Skitz at April 1, 2009 3:10 PM

So, the moral of that little morality play amounts to, "With a little power comes a tiny bit of responsibility?"

Perish the thought. And BTW does dryly weaving vague references from movies into otherwise off topic posts count as on topic or not?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at April 1, 2009 3:11 PM

Kolby...you are teh awesome. I remember that thread. It was hilarious. But you did stick up for yourself pretty good.

Sofia...rawr...

BSlim...when aren't you in a warring mood?

Posted by: Porny Pony of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 3:11 PM

I've been reading for a long time now, but I almost never comment. I just wanted to say that I do love the reviews (and all the other columns), but the comments are the really fun part. They *always* make me laugh. And yeah, there are a lot of "inside" jokes and wacky shenanigans, but if you read long enough, you can follow it all without being a part of it, and still enjoy it. And if the comments for a particular post start to annoy or offend you, um, like, stop reading them.

I think the post a few days ago that included some YouTube comments pretty much makes the point: even when stuff here devolves into crazy off-topic malarkey, it's a serious cut above most of the Interweb craziness out there.

You people are glorious, hilarious, venom-spewing, railing-against-the-world, angry awesome motherfuckers, and I hope to God it stays that way.

Exactly.

Posted by: MM at April 1, 2009 3:13 PM

as Cicero would have observed, a goth chick from a band you've never heard of spouted some poetry

Cicero, goth and poetry?

I am deeply offended by how terrible your impression of me is. It's like you don't even know me!

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 3:14 PM

You forgot to say something about Harry Potter though.

Because that's what a lesser known character from Dr. Who would expect, set to the theme from CHiPs. Unless you're talking turkey basters, in which case, you've already escaped Snape's primary spell.

Ah, well, good enough for something as pedestrian as the Breeders.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 3:14 PM

This was a good one. I never get April Fool's jokes since April 1st is just another day to me. Maybe I should mark it on my calendar, though, if Pajiba is going to keep turning out jokes like this. But I stand by what I said earlier. I think the review comments should be relevant to the review and all diversionary comments kept to the diversions. It's just a matter of respect, in my view.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 1, 2009 3:15 PM

no, srsly, am i one of the girl freebies?

Hell yeah.

Ummm....I'm throwing this way off-topic. I'm gonna go now. You are all awesome. Grabby hugs and dark kisses to all! I'm getting mean looks from my NA

Posted by: Porny Pony of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 3:15 PM

Or as Marshall McLuhan said through Woody Allen: You know nothing of my work.

And it's Moltar who's got the CHiPs fixation.


Deeply offended.

Christ!

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 3:18 PM

Yeah...that's one thing I wanted to address to all the people who actually were in favor of moderation:

Anyone who is all whiny and bitchy about how they are "afraid of" or "intimidated by" the regular commenters? Grow a pair. It's the INTERNET, for Chrissakes. If you can't enjoy a little back and forth from the safety of your computer monitor's glow, I really don't know how you can make it in the real world. It's about survival of the fittest, people, so get your asses in there and run with the big dogs.

It's all in good fun, and no one here takes this shit seriously, so delurk, you guys! Have some fun! Hell, be a regular like me and STILL get taken by April Fools Day posts! Exclamation points!

Posted by: The Blush and Bashful Hulk at April 1, 2009 3:19 PM

Alas, Kolbers, in another week or so, we shall have to once again have to become mortal enemies.

Sunrise, sunset.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2009 3:19 PM

Hell yeah.

Sweet.

No, don't go! Stay! I'll play nice, promise! I'll do whatever you want!

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 1, 2009 3:20 PM

Damn. Fell for it completely. But I still stand by my "I'm too slow" assessment. Kudos, Rowles.

Posted by: Melissa at April 1, 2009 3:21 PM

Count me among the former semi-frequent commenters who have slipped off the reservation in the past 8-10 months. I used to be here all the damned time - hell! I had beer with TK! - but the ever-tightening circle jerk of eloquents has made me feel quite a bit more distant.

I love this website, wholly and nearly unconditionally, and I already hate how ridiculous and selfish this is going to sound, but one nagging thought that came to me, even as I mourned Alabamapink, was that I will never be as much a part of this site as she (or any number of others) was and is.

Of course there's also the fact that I work for a living and don't have time to monitor the virtual pairing of all you assholes :)

Posted by: elizabeth at April 1, 2009 3:27 PM

Just so everybody knows with all this talk about freebies, I totally don't charge for use of my bits.

It's all on the honor system, and use is encouraged.

Posted by: Bucko at April 1, 2009 3:28 PM

Damn. Which is the real Jay? Let's see, let's see.

Jay, please explain the Dewey Decimal System in fifteen words or less, including references to Elvis Costello, a food you don't like, and at least one thing I've never heard of. Also, which is better, Disney Orlando or California, and do people really live under the park grounds?

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 3:29 PM

Commenting for the first time is a truly frightening ordeal.
I guess I am tired of trying to explain to people about all of the funny things that other people said on Pajiba.
I want my own thunder damnit. That and there are far to many pajiba'isms worked into my vocabulary to have it be a site I have never contributed to.

Posted by: J.Peachy at April 1, 2009 3:33 PM

I wonder if the "pro-censorship" crowd isn't staring down at the well-gnawed femur in their bloody hands and thinking, "It's possible I resorted to cannibalism a bit too soon.

He who hesitates is last in line at the zombie buffet.

Posted by: twig at April 1, 2009 3:33 PM

I like the cut of your jib, Bucko.

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 1, 2009 3:34 PM

I will never be as much a part of this site as she (or any number of others) was and is

Don't say that. Regulars have come and gone and sometimes returned, and many of the current Eloquents have been around for less than a year. Some people will listen, some people will not, but if you feel like saying something, say it.

Also, talk about knockers a lot. [Commence Eddie Izzard "yes I am kidding"/"no I'm not" bit.]

Posted by: ted boynton at April 1, 2009 3:34 PM

Knockers. Heh.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 3:40 PM

Dewey's passé as cashews. Makes me vorpal.

It's Orlando, for undergrounders, when I was cruel.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 3:40 PM

No worries, Ted, I have no trouble speaking my mind; I just also have little to no interest in getting involved in the uber-flirty extra-curricular conversations.

Plus my boobs are nothing special. [I'll out-Eddie you yet!]

Posted by: elizabeth at April 1, 2009 3:41 PM

I don't have much to add except that whoever's impersonating Jay is cracking my shit up. What do they call that thing where people make no sense after a head injury? 'Word salad'?

I kid, Jay. Much love.

Posted by: Another Jen at April 1, 2009 3:43 PM

Good thing this was posted before I emailed Dustin my seventeen page bridge-burning-you-can't-fire-me-I-quit-free-speech-forever manifesto to end all manifestos.

Of course FedEx already picked up the mail bomb, but hey, what can you do?

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at April 1, 2009 3:43 PM

See, that's always the weirdest thing to me. People don't know what the hell I'm talking about and think it's some kind of elitist ego trip! They never consider that I'm simply a freak. I just don't get it.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 3:43 PM

Knockers!

That is all.

Posted by: Porny Pony of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 3:45 PM

Hey, MM, that's EXACTLY how I felt at first!

It IS daunting to jump into a new social situation, so I understand the trepidation of new folks. I was the same way. I'm pretty sure I made my first comment while holding my breath and then hitting "refresh" every eleven seconds to see if anyone was going to reply or smack me. No one did and the world kept going along as it always had. A few days later, I screwed up my courage and posted again. I believe it was also lost amidst all of the witty and wonderful regular folks. After again realizing that no one was going to bite me (I honestly believe TK, socalledonlycousins and AlabamaPink would have pounced on anyone who went after a newcomer without provocation), I jumped in again. Slowly, but surely, I got less nervous and more comfortable and eventually started having conversations with people.

It's like any community. Sit back, watch, wade in slowly and, this part is important, figure out if it's a fit for YOU.

And if all else fails, stalk Julie.

Posted by: Lainey at April 1, 2009 3:47 PM

Mr. Boynton has the right of it. You're never going belong if you don't try. I like hearing from the lurkers and infrequents because they usually bring something different to the table. You just have to remember, that when someone calls you on your shit, then you call them on theirs right back. Then love blooms. Oh, and when you make BSlim's list, he means it in the nicest way possible.


P.S. Ted, thank you for reminding me how fucking delicious a proper martini is. They were good.

Posted by: adminalinadingdong at April 1, 2009 3:49 PM

They never consider that I'm simply a freak.

no, i just appreciate that you have references even more obscure than my own. it's why i heart you.

just keep in mind, Jay: "It's part of my charm."

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 1, 2009 3:49 PM

And if all else fails, stalk Julie.

I *knew* I did something right.

Also, I think the first person to actually reply to one of my comments was TK. Thanks, dude. Remind me I owe you a beer at Bacon East in June. (I'm not joking. For reals, thanks. I totally felt like it was cool to post, because one of the regulars had deemed me worthy of reply.)(And then I started stalking Julie.)

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 1, 2009 3:52 PM

how fucking delicious a proper martini is

I actually broke down and used some dry vermouth this weekend; straight gin is usually the preference, but the vermouth was tasty. Also, trying gourmet olives can add some interesting twists, like olives with garlic or cheese instead of pimento. Not for martini beginners -- just dessicated, pathetic cynics looking for new ways to get their kicks.

Oh, crap, off-topic. I'm fired.

Posted by: ted boynton at April 1, 2009 3:54 PM

I used to be here all the damned time - hell! I had beer with TK!

I'm pretty sure that's what drove her away.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2009 3:55 PM

TK, are you kidding? You held your own after six Guinesses (Guinii?) and didn't (seem to) mind listening to me ramble on for hours. I never felt more a part of Pajiba than I did then.

Posted by: elizabeth at April 1, 2009 3:59 PM

And when you make TK’s list, you’re in solid. Cuz he hates everyone who’s cooler than him.

Lainey, baby, where’ve you been!

MM, that’s exactly how I felt too. I had followed the site for months before I posted, laughing my ass off at the comments and really learning the personalities that dominated the site, above and below the comment line. Eventually I just started posting like I had always been there, and nobody noticed enough to slap me away. I bet they’re really regretting it now. Even if you can’t contribute to the current conversation or the discussion of the article, you can still make sure that others know you were there. And just agreeing with some of the opinions can be enough to make a friend for life. Just look at AvB…she doesn’t have an opinion on anything, she just hangs on everyone else’s.

Just kidding! (Maybe)

Posted by: Porny Pony of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 4:01 PM

"After again realizing that no one was going to bite me..."

-------------------------------------------

...yet.

Remember me, ah? Sugartits, I still haven't forgotten what you said about my mom.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 1, 2009 4:02 PM

Some people are grammar nazis, I'm a word usage nazi. Only governments can censor, not website publishers. And don't give me any of this "modern definition" bullshit either. Those only develop from continued incorrect usage.

Also, don't say "decimate" when you mean "annihilate". That bugs the shit out of me.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 1, 2009 4:05 PM

Ah. Too bad. I guess I will re-lurk. As a 42-year-old woman with a family and a full-time job, I guess I'm not really the intended demographic on this site anyway.

If in the future the Pajiba Powers want to try a middle-ground for moderating comments, I refer you to gofugyourself. They only opens comments on specific threads. Perhaps you can ask people to be on-topic on the review posts but free-for-all on other posts?

It's interesting that the most on-topic comment discussions tend to happen on the always excellent Lost recaps. Can't all the threads be like that?

Maybe those of you who feel the need to treat this site like a meeting of very bright junior high kids can go to the Pajiba Facebook site instead to talk about your underwear or whatever.

Since I am clearly the minority opinion, I guess the answer is that I go fuck myself and stop reading Pajiba.

Too bad.

Posted by: Michellers at April 1, 2009 4:05 PM

I'm a word usage nazi

Love it, even though I'm a work in progress. There's nothing like good diction. It's the difference between "precise" and "accurate."

Back in the box, Ted.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2009 4:08 PM

This is totally off-topic, but Ted started it: I used to hand-stuff giant olives with deliciously stinky bleu cheese when I was a bartender. My gods, they were like tender, mouth watering jewels. I want to cry just thinking about them.

And don't think I don't remember that some of you hate olives. Freaks.

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 4:08 PM

As a 42-year-old woman with a family and a full-time job

Well, I share the age and the job thing, at any rate. I see your point, but these younger ones are more easily duped into giving you their lunch money. Age and treachery, etc.

@stardust: should have added: one-tenth? That's hardly anything!

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2009 4:10 PM

I would be one of those freaks. I prefer my gin with a curl of lemon rind. That's it. Of couse if said olives are on pizza or in a cheese ball, well, that is a completely different matter.

Posted by: adminalinadingdong at April 1, 2009 4:12 PM

And don't think I don't remember that some of you hate olives. Freaks.

Not ME! I just hate bleu cheese and bad diction.

Those only develop from continued incorrect usage.

Like turkeys who think "Luke, I am your father" is correct. Yeesh.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 4:12 PM

Wow - that really was off-topic, huh? I'm part of the problem, aren't i?

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 4:13 PM

Sure. April 1st. Okay.
Bwahhhhhahahahaha! And all that.
I took the bait. I stated my thoughts.
The good thing is that a lot of us were able to say, quite freely, exactly what we thought about this site and many of the people who post here which would never have otherwise happened if not for the joke and THAT, my friends is a good thing.
I doubt that Lord Pookster or The Great Barbadoozle appreciated my comments but... meh, to hell with 'em. They can lick My Extraordinary Nutsack.

Posted by: Spender at April 1, 2009 4:13 PM

Michellers,

You are certainly not the only 40-something, definitely not the only full-time worker, absolutely not the only woman, and pretty sure there are other family people here. Perhaps you are limiting yourself.

True, lots of panty jokes. But don't let that stop you from commenting. I think this site needs a good dose of "you." It reminds me of older, but not forgotten, Pajiba, when the comments section usually became a sometimes heated but always intelligent and insightful debate.

You could help initiate that change here.

Just ignore the "fuck offs" and the "turdlings" and please continue to contribute.

Hugs,

boo

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2009 4:14 PM

All of this reminds me of these precocious memebots constantly asking where we keep the books, then objecting when I demand a toll of Tiger Beat cutouts. Elric would plunge a bone-handled dagger through their femoral arteries, yet I simply nod and recite a few hobo names. Nothing so obvious as watching the detectives, however.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 4:14 PM

And when you make TK’s list, you’re in solid. Cuz he hates everyone who’s cooler than him.

Fixed.

Posted by: TK at April 1, 2009 4:15 PM

WE JUST WANNA FIND OURSELVES!!!!

Posted by: Sofía at April 1, 2009 4:15 PM

Jay - now I'm going to constantly worry that I'm not using the correct punctuation/spelling/grammar in all of my comments. I have enough stress in my life!

Posted by: Kolby at April 1, 2009 4:15 PM

Fucking hack.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 4:18 PM

... Extraordinary Nutsack.

Posted by: Spender at April 1, 2009 4:13 PM


eeeh..you might wanna have that checked son.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 1, 2009 4:18 PM

Ya gonna throw in a "you dirty rat" now? And where's all the spacing between thoughts? It's "Twist" not "Tiger Beat" these days. And what the hell's a memebot?

Hack hack hack!

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 4:21 PM

Ohhhh, wait, never mind. It's just the Pookie thing, I should've recognized its style right away.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 4:25 PM

Oh, Michellers, we don't talk about underwear. That's just gauche.

We talk about knockers.

Just teasing! I'm 39, full-time job in Human Resources (of all godforsaken places) and I'm relatively certain I'm not the target demographic either (although, since Dustin doesn't seem to be in a hurry to publish those demographic thingies from that one time, I can't be positive) and I like it here a lot. There are many articles and comment sections that I don't read (just not my cuppa tea) and sometimes when things spiral down, I remove myself so as to not ruin the fun of anyone else. There have been times (the freakin' I Love You, Man thread) when I've contributed to the spiraling down, as well.

All that to say, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can certainly hang here and comment where you feel it's appropriate and just skim the remarks of some of us if you find them childish and too time consuming.

To the staff as a whole, I'm sorry if I contributed to any of you feeling like we peed on your lovely articles. I love them and enjoy the (mostly) natural offshoots in the movie and tv reviews. I adore this here sandbox and the other playmates.

Posted by: Lainey at April 1, 2009 4:29 PM

I have my former English teacher of a mother and my high school Latin teacher to thank for my correct diction.

You know, this all reminds me...I think Dustin does moderate on the sly, at least where Ryan Reynolds is concerned. In the comment section of the Hottest Vampire list I was going to post one final smackdown with regard to how much hotter Gary Oldman is as a vampire than RR is. My comment was blocked and never appeared. I still have that smackdown waiting if you want it, Dustin.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 1, 2009 4:31 PM

Just look at AvB…she doesn’t have an opinion on anything, she just hangs on everyone else’s.

HEY! again! I'm still RIGHT HERE!!

What the hell, is it "pick on AvB day"?

Anyway, boo is right, Michellers. I am also pushing 40, and working full time. I also go to school part time nights. I have certainly been known to go off on the 12-year-old-boy tangents, but it's not always. And there still are discussions and debates that don't devolve. Or, at least, not for a while. Don't shy away, stick your $.02 in. Sure, somebody might disagree with you, but somebody else will agree with you, and then we have those debates!

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 1, 2009 4:32 PM

Dewey's passé as cashews. Makes me vorpal.

It's Orlando, for undergrounders, when I was cruel.

*clapping*

Positively genius, Jay.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 4:36 PM

What the hell, is it "pick on AvB day"?

No, that's Friday. And thanks for ruining the surprise, by the way.

PS: I tried to email you today. It bounced. I wasn't ignoring you, I *promise*!

Posted by: Lainey at April 1, 2009 4:38 PM

Who you calling "hack," poseur? Reminds me of the one time when fake-Darrin tried to bitch-smack Endora, but everyone knew something was off.

I write the book. Not you.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 4:41 PM

"Also, trying gourmet olives can add some interesting twists, like olives with garlic or cheese instead of pimento..."

I'm with you, Boynton, m'boy, but that there's treading some dangerous waters... Go for it if you're home and it's your booze you're futzin' with. I once ordered a much-needed Dirty Stoli, took a big swig (i.e. half the goddam drink), and immediately wished I hadn't. The culprit? Bleu cheese-stuffed martini olives. Normally, I think they're grand, but they definitely made my drink damned near undrinkable. And at eight bucks a pop, I felt obligated to finish it... Rule of thumb? Unless there's a stowaway pube or a family of Sea Monkeys swimming in your drink, there's no excuse to waste booze. None.

Posted by: Skitz at April 1, 2009 4:43 PM

What the hell, is it "pick on AvB day"?

Loooooove you!

Posted by: Porny Pony of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 4:43 PM

Unless there's a stowaway pube or a family of Sea Monkeys swimming in your drink, there's no excuse to waste booze.

And even then, it depends on whose pube and state of said monkeys.

Posted by: ted boynton at April 1, 2009 4:45 PM

so I've been looking at the comments for posts over the past couple days and it seems like most of 'em have 20-50 comments, I'm guessing most of which are on topic. I know we get carried away sometimes (especially on the weekends, when the internet is a sad and desolate place) but I feel like some of this is being blown out of proportion. Most comment threads don't degenerate. Some definitely do, but I really don't think it's the majority.

Posted by: s. pisaster at April 1, 2009 4:50 PM

Also, trying gourmet olives can add some interesting twists, like olives with garlic or cheese instead of pimento

Try stuffing with gorgonzola. That is all.

Posted by: branded at April 1, 2009 4:57 PM

As fucked up as it would be, I was hoping that alabampink's death was an elaborate hoax and that she was actually in remission. (sigh)

On another note, all you pro-censor motherfuckers are on my shit list. Change your name now or suffer the repercussions.

Oh, and fuck you Rowles. I hope you get hit with a bout of diahrea while stuck in an elevator with Katherine Heigl.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at April 1, 2009 4:57 PM

... Extraordinary Nutsack.

Posted by: Spender at April 1, 2009 4:13 PM


eeeh..you might wanna have that checked son.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 1, 2009 4:18 PM

-------------------------------------------------

My evening is free, Barbadoodle. I shall prepare a pitcher of Dry Martinis (from TB's recipe book) and await your appearance.
BTW... I'm 55. Son.

Posted by: Spender at April 1, 2009 4:58 PM

"And even then, it depends on whose pube and state of said monkeys."

Agreed. And no worries if the drink's strong enough to have straightened the pube...

Posted by: Skitz at April 1, 2009 4:59 PM

Of course I can't criticize and hold a grudge against a decaying, userless agent randomly scurrying about, but it'd be sad if that was really Cindy!

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 5:09 PM

RE "Some people are grammar nazis, I'm a word usage nazi. Only governments can censor, not website publishers."

Slight nitpick: the government (as in OUR government) isn't allowed to censor. Everyone else is. Because they are private entities; this website is, anyway. We are not forced to participate in it or contribute to it financially (unless you count click-throughs, and since the money is coming from advertisers and not commenters, I'd say it doesn't count). But point taken, that using the word "censor" to describe moderating the comments of a website is overstating it. Just as you wouldn't let someone come into your house and take a dump in the middle of your kitchen, website admins are well within their rights to moderate comments. Or not.

Posted by: Slash at April 1, 2009 5:11 PM

My new job pretty much killed my "regular" status, especially because by the time I get on here every discussion is stale and most of you have gone home, where you have real lives. That said, I spotted the April Fool's joke when I read the title, but there is some truth to it.

And why isn't anyone stalking me? I'm highly offended.

Posted by: Nicole at April 1, 2009 5:14 PM

And why isn't anyone stalking me?

Who says someone isn't? By the way, you've got a little schmutz on your collar.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2009 5:19 PM

I"ll stalk you, Nikki!

I love your new hair, your job has interesting drapes in the windows, WHY DON'T YOU SHOWER WITH THE WINDOW OPEN ANYMORE!!!

Posted by: Porny Pony of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 5:21 PM

Okay, we may be new and we may be green but now that Dustin has tricked us lurkers into having our Pajiba cherries popped, we might as well stick around for some good old fashioned abuse.

On an unrelated note, I volunteer for the "Stalking Nicole" post.

Posted by: Spender at April 1, 2009 5:24 PM

Beautiful.
A complete Mind Fuck. Without contraception.

Well played sir.

Posted by: Odnon at April 1, 2009 5:24 PM

Welcome and enjoy, Spender. We're quite happy to add to our merrily querulous and eccentric family.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at April 1, 2009 5:27 PM

And why isn't anyone stalking me?

Who says someone isn't?

I"ll stalk you, Nikki

I volunteer for the "Stalking Nicole" post

See, now that's what I call community.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2009 5:29 PM

Michellers,

Not to invalidate the point you made, because it's a perfectly reasonable statement of how you feel, I'd like to present a counterpoint.

Maybe those of you who feel the need to treat this site like a meeting of very bright junior high kids can go to the Pajiba Facebook site instead to talk about your underwear or whatever.

See, I love this site because although I'm a 36 y.o. female with a mildly soul-sucking fulltime job, in my mind most of the time I'm still just a very bright junior high school kid. However, because I'm actually old (and kinda shy), I fear the Facebook and other things of that ilk. This site appeals both to my inner 13-year-old and my grown-up, likes to read well-written reviews of popular culture, self.

PS AvB, you're my favorite commenter because about 90% of the time it's like reading my own thoughts. Does this count as stalking you without the aid of Facebook?

PPS Skitz, on the original April Fool's post, when you made the comment about shuffling down the road with your little hobo pack, I thought, boy, I hope he's joking. You're one funny mofo.

Posted by: MM at April 1, 2009 5:32 PM

*Pajiwiki* - Great idea! I love it! And it sounds like porn music too!

Posted by: Odnon at April 1, 2009 5:42 PM

I actually came over here today looking to figure out which post would be the April Fool's post.

Posted by: Lainiefig at April 1, 2009 5:43 PM

My evening is free, Barbadoodle. I shall prepare a pitcher of Dry Martinis (from TB's recipe book) and await your appearance.
BTW... I'm 55. Son.

Posted by: Spender at April 1, 2009 4:58 PM

Now THAT'S how you de-lurk.
I like the cut of your jib, Spender.

Posted by: MM at April 1, 2009 5:32 PM

Really? Somebody has me as a favorite?! Eeeeee! I've never been somebody's favorite before! (Except for jM that one time, but she was drunk and I think she thought I was a panda. [off-topic and in-jokey enough for ya?!]) Stalk away, dearie! And don't be shy about it, neither!

Also, well stated. I feel the same way; I can indulge both the intellectual and the juvenile sides of me here at Pajiba. Can't I have both?

Loooooove you!

Sure, Shadows... uhh, I mean, Porny Pony. I've heard *that* before.

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 1, 2009 6:02 PM

Who says someone isn't? By the way, you've got a little schmutz on your collar.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins


Socalled, if you are a jew please beware of the grammer nazis.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at April 1, 2009 6:03 PM

and, yes, I know its "grammar", but you idiom/diction/spelling nazis can also fuck off.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at April 1, 2009 6:05 PM

Oh, and I've decided to change my name for the month of April.

L.O.V.E., formerly JP, shall be known as Beyonce Rowles. I am Dustin's big-assed, singing, black, half-cousin who may be a man or woman.

Posted by: Beyonce Rowles (L.O.V.E.) at April 1, 2009 6:10 PM

If I'm a Jew, someone has some 'splainin' to do.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2009 6:11 PM

As long as you know you're wrong, it's okay.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 6:12 PM

Or as long as you know your wrong.

Posted by: branded at April 1, 2009 6:20 PM

you fucks will NEVER quess who *this* is!
mwa-haha!

also, damn, that gp is a sexxxy motherfucker! even though it's not me.
him.

i'm no good at this.
can't i just be himself?

Posted by: un-gp at April 1, 2009 6:21 PM

Or as long as you know urinal wrong.

Posted by: Beyonce Rowles at April 1, 2009 6:22 PM

Don't get on the wrong side of the law, son!

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 6:22 PM

SoD, Can't read these all right now, maybe somebody pointed this out, but the Like/Dislike button wasn't my idea.

Posted by: bucdaddy at April 1, 2009 6:23 PM

I saw a puppy once.

Feels good to get that out.

Posted by: GILP at April 1, 2009 6:27 PM

Goodbye Mega-City One. It's the Cursed Earth for me.

Posted by: branded at April 1, 2009 6:27 PM

You won't fuck around no more.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 6:33 PM

What the fuck is an eloquent?

Posted by: Erin at April 1, 2009 7:02 PM

Argh!!! I missed April Fools in Paji-land, and from the sound of it, it was a damned good one, too.

Now off to read the original thread....

Posted by: um...not meaux? at April 1, 2009 7:09 PM

What the fuck is an eloquent?

It's a lig, quiant phadroped wif a phong, wupple twunk where its hose schtould phee.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2009 7:09 PM

Yes, I agree with PissBoy's first comment - a Pajiba Dictionary would actually be helpful. I've been a reader of this website since 2006, and sometimes I still get confused with the inside jokes. I started delurking late last year, and I'm always commenting so late (like now!) on the posts. With that said, I still enjoy reading the comment threads because they are an integral part of the website.

Posted by: KP at April 1, 2009 7:13 PM

an eloquent is a grouping of five elephants, usually a variety of pachydermata from different litters that come together to form a single tupleted organism.
they generally have thick skin, large (at times, non-hearing)ears, and sometimes paint beautifully abstract and surreally disgusting pictures for us with their...um, trunks.

and they rarely forget.
unless it's april 1st.


Posted by: gp at April 1, 2009 7:20 PM

Welcome, KP.

Now excuse me. Its time for rehearsal.

All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies

Posted by: Beyonce Rowles at April 1, 2009 7:22 PM

My main problem with the comments is that there are just too many of them. I love reading everything, but that isn't really possible, and that fact has slowed down my visits. I would almost prefer fewer posts per day.

Shy newbies. Try reading a review from a year or two ago. The wackiness is the same, but the names are all different. Just jump in.

I think the post a few days ago that included some YouTube comments pretty much makes the point: ... it's a serious cut above most of the Interweb craziness out there.
Actually I recently wondered if there was some moderation as it seems strange to be such an island of whole sentences. What keeps the YouTube type commenters out?

Posted by: ChrisD at April 1, 2009 7:31 PM

Gloryoski. I missed the whole damn thing. All I can say/would have said is:

On DeLurking: It IS totally scary. I felt too dumb to even try for a long long time. Then I decided to just do it (I'm lame at making friends in real life too). My written stuff is so very poncy, I'm surprised nobody has beaten me down for it yet. That or it's safely ignored. Either way, there's a lot of folks willing to read it, so go ahead.

And just imagine the aggressive ones are that Uncle you don't like.

The Pajiba-At-Nite Effect: I've been a little dismayed/put-off by it too, at least until I did it myself (of course in the I Love You, Man thread). I did it because I wanted to hang out, and there was no other thread to do it in. Facebook...well it's too revealing. I'd rather just keep to my one site per day. It's just that it's all day!

These guys aren't getting paid to customize the site for us (though they really, really should be getting Paid), so I'd be more than happy to follow whatever ground rules or suggestions they had to offer.

I don't want to track dirt through the kitchen. (Just, maybe, spill a drink or two in the rec-room.)

Posted by: replica at April 1, 2009 7:32 PM

Why do the edge of the comments get cut off?

While I welcome "de-lurkers," and understand some of their agnst, this is sort
of like radio. Listen to, and like what you want but don't try to change us to
'better' us, if we get out of hand comeback another time. We like who we are, we
defend our ground, and fuck those that cannot take a joke. I am another that
does not like Facebook and have not been there and will not go there.
This arena gets me the info I am looking for, I learn a lot, laugh a lot and love
to read the brilliant comments here, since the banter is better than most movie
scripts. Until next April 1, enjoy the show.

Posted by: iceman at April 1, 2009 7:33 PM

but it'd be sad if that was really Cindy!

Well yes, I am a little sad. But I'm not crying or anything.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 7:44 PM

Oooh, I nearly forgot, it can be scary to delurk, and you may worry about being blasted by another commenter, but I was blasted once in an actual review (linked to as the worst sort of fanboy) and I lived.

Posted by: ChrisD at April 1, 2009 7:44 PM

Oh, and I'd like to add my support for a dedicated Weekend Hijack Thread. I'm a frequent weekend off-topic offender, but I mean no disrespect to an awesome review (and reviewer). I just like to play--I promise to keep it in the rec room if you build us one!

Posted by: meaux at April 1, 2009 7:54 PM

As an occasional contributor and sometime lurker, there does seem to be a lot of inside baseball-type posting from the ‘regulars.’ However, for the always-lurkers who wanna go Milo from Last Boy Scout on people (“You think you’re so fucking cool, don’t you?”) don’t sweat it. I come to this site mostly to remark on movie and book reviews of stuff I’m interested in...pretty simple, no? Who gives a shit if you’re one of the popular kids or not?

Posted by: stryker1121 at April 1, 2009 8:18 PM

Oh. Em. Gee.

socalled, for that 7:09 comment, you owe me the cost of drycleaning red wine out of a white down comforter.

And a glass of pinot.

Posted by: boo at April 1, 2009 8:45 PM

The fact that I have now been labeled a lurker makes me want to comment NEVER.

Just kidding! I actually like the name. It's so fitting.

Posted by: Granma at April 1, 2009 8:56 PM

Geez, boo, that was one slow-developing joke -- couldn't you have gotten off the bed when you felt the tremors coming on? The pinot I can do.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at April 1, 2009 8:58 PM

Michellers Hey lady, I'm pushing 40, got a teenage kid, married, work full-time, graduate degree, blah blah blah. And I love it here, warts and all. But I probably really AM a 12 year old inside. I do love a good doodie joke/boob comment/sexual innuendo.

Also, I think I need counseling for the fact that Pookie only makes me chuckle most of the time. Did I just encourage him? Sorry. I'm still not totally convinced he's not some awesome sock puppet.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at April 1, 2009 9:00 PM

thanks God somebody undersatands the truth of life...

Posted by: nayen at April 1, 2009 9:02 PM

Dear Lurkers,

I was once a lurker myself, then one day the stars aligned and I uttered my first words. From that moment on I decided to speak my mind, and look at me now. Spender, you fucking shill, you hack, you company man. You are like a time clock watcher that reports back to management when someone comes in late to work. You are not allowed to eat lunch with us, no one wants to carpool with you to work. If I were sick on a Friday and I was dead broke, I wouldn’t even want you to drop my check off by my house so I could go cash it. I despise you more than I do Vermillion.

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 9:04 PM

Spender, from this moment forward you are my Moby Dick. I shall chase you from Netflix to the Daily Kos, from Ameritrade to Slate magazine before I give you up!

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 9:13 PM

Ah, Phiggy, you're not fooling me, your excellent punctuation gave you away.

Posted by: bucdaddy at April 1, 2009 9:15 PM

Hijacking thread in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... to take suggestions for my new Pajiname (which I know I'll forget to use tomorrow, so sue me).

Have at me.

Posted by: bucdaddy at April 1, 2009 9:22 PM

I think that comment "hijacking" is only natural when the reviews are for *new* films. How much is there to say about a film you haven't seen - I want to see it, I don't care, the director's a feltchhead . . . that would get stale pretty fast. And the reviews themselves can only generate so much adoration/derision/grammatical finickry.

The reviews are delicious, tasty cake, and the comments are the . . . gravy . . . on the . . . cake. Um, yes. Gravycake.

Posted by: Lauren at April 1, 2009 9:27 PM

Pajiba is one of the few sites that brightens my day. I've been reading for awhile, and am endlessly entertained by the reviews, the lists, and the long comment threads. I lurk because someone usually says it better than I can, and YAY for that! Can't decide who to stalk, so I guess I'll just hang out over here on the sidelines till the brilliance strikes or one of you says something so awesome I'll have to start following you around to bask in your genius. There's so much here, it's hard to decide. Rock on, y'all. \m/

Posted by: Chickaboom at April 1, 2009 9:31 PM

If I were sick on a Friday and I was dead broke, I wouldn’t even want you to drop my check off by my house so I could go cash it.

Pookie, you know how you could avoid missing your check or risking Spender's company fingers touching it on those Fridays when you are sick in bed with not even two pennies to rub together? Direct deposit. Welcome to the 21st century, man.

/hijack

Posted by: stardust savant at April 1, 2009 9:33 PM

Buc, if you won't sniff at an old meme, the Sarah Palin name generator says Bucdaddy = Flex Gunship.

*whispers* It could be yours!

Posted by: Lauren at April 1, 2009 9:35 PM

you're still a narcissistic dickhead, pookie, april 1 or not.

but you're a narcissistic dickhead with a penchant for mom jokes, so there's hope for you.

but you should know better than to conjure a mom joke out of thin air--them's rookie chops.

Posted by: icecreammang at April 1, 2009 9:36 PM

What the fuck is Direct deposit stardust?

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 9:38 PM

Posted by: Chickaboom at April 1, 2009 9:31 PM

Me! Me! Stalk me! I'm both awesome and a genius!

bucdaddy, I was going to suggest "Sexypants", but I think I like Lauren's suggestion better. That, or "Big McLargehuge".

Spender, I think Pookie likes you! He doesn't single out just anyone, you know.

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 1, 2009 9:42 PM

First squeeze bacon then cake gravy? Why are you tempting me with such culinary abominations?

Posted by: Leigh Hacksaw at April 1, 2009 9:42 PM

*Bwaha* Gravycake...I don't know whether to laugh or retch, Lauren. Either way, lovely analogy!

Chickaboom, I know that feeling well; I was a longtime lurker and admirer of these crazy folks before taking the plunge into the (questionably sanitary) pool that is the comments section. I like your attitude--come on in, you know you want to!

Posted by: meaux at April 1, 2009 9:43 PM

Spender, it's been said that once you've been heckled/singled out by Pookie, then you're a fully initiated member of Pajiba. So I guess now you're a real boy!

I think lurkers shouldn't be scared to comment if they want to, and it's perfectly all right to lurk if you want to. Like me. Because I like to watch.

Posted by: MM at April 1, 2009 9:44 PM

You know why I REALLY never bother to delurk? Because I live at GMT -9, and all youse bitches are drunk off your sorry butts and no longer commenting by the time my humor has kicked in. Also, I like eavesdropping, because I am nosy and sort of malicious.

Posted by: sadlittlemuffin at April 1, 2009 9:46 PM

Pookie....

Don't say I never gave you anything.

P.S. I know you jest (I hope), but I had to share that site. A wise-ass like you could get much usage from it.

Posted by: stardust savant at April 1, 2009 9:47 PM

Icecreammang, I’m sorry but I’m trying my best to argue with you but you just don’t excite me enough. It’s not your fault, I take full responsibility for the bore fest we both find ourselves in. I’m sure you have witty remarks at the ready but you just don’t have that certain thing, BSlim has it, bucbuddy has it, but you, not so much.

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 9:52 PM

Sad, of course, in that it was doing a worse impression than Tracy Jordan's Bill Cosby, and you know me much better than that!

Any serious Jay student would do the research and know I've never been to Disneyland, but I understand that that's not possible with my little antagonist thing. As I've said before, it's almost tragic, like the "you think you're human" bit in that Terminator trailer.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 9:59 PM

Posted by: Lauren at April 1, 2009 9:27 PM

EXACTLY, Lauren! Wonderful analogy. Except the cake with gravy part. That's just wrong. Unless maybe if it's ice cream gravy...

Mmmm, ice cream gravy....

Posted by: Lainey at April 1, 2009 10:00 PM

Also, don't say "decimate" when you mean "annihilate". That bugs the shit out of me.

What about "gladiate"? As in, "If you don't get your hands off my gravycake, I'm going to gladiate your ass".

Posted by: Lauren at April 1, 2009 10:24 PM

Sounds reasonable to me, as well as a reasonable notion.

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 10:27 PM

I haven't been back to this thread since this afternoon, and I don't have time to read through all the comments that have sprung up in the meantime, but I'm still gonna say something.

I was one of the people who wasn't aghast at the idea of this site moderating comments in order to keep the diversion threads diversionary and the review threads review-sionary. (Probably in part because I've had some really good experiences with moderation on other blogs -- where it's less about censorship/fascism and more about creating a safe space and/or a space for a specific purpose.)

Here's what felt shitty to me about this prank. For the lurkers who sometimes feel like they can't get a post in edgewise because the regular commenters are naming whose asshole they'd most like to queef into, or who are intimidated by the "in crowd" feel of the comments, Dustin's post gave them the space to speak up and say just that.

To pipe up and tell the cool kids that sometimes they're a little exclusionary and to ask if maybe they could keep the circle-jerks to the diversion threads is a risk. ('Cause it's, y'know, the popular kids.) And then to have Dustin (who we thought was in our corner) say, "Yoinks! Just kidding, folks!"? Talk about being shut down. I doubt those lurkers are ever gonna speak up again. That felt shitty.

So this site isn't exactly what I want -- that's fine, 'cause it ain't my site and it is what a lot of folks here want. So have fun, go mad, get down with your *insert adjective here* selves. I guess for me, today just reinforced my sense of Pajiba as a place with insiders and outsiders. I didn't used to feel that as much, and it makes me sad, 'cause this place is smart and funny and entertaining as hell a lot of the time.

And yeah, maybe all the lurkers should just jump in and comment, maybe it's do or die here -- "Just comment! Don't be scared! We like fresh meat . . . er, voices!" The thing is, sometimes I miss coming here to read a movie or TV review and getting a smart, funny, witty, astute conversation about pop culture. Most of the time, it's not about being scared to comment -- it's about wanting to talk about movies without feeling like I'm elbowing my way into someone's private cocktail party. That's all.

/end soapbox

Posted by: Lizzie (greeneyed fem) at April 1, 2009 10:28 PM

...know I've never been to Disneyland...

I did indeed think you'd only been to the World, but that doesn't negate your having an opinion as to which is better.

However, I can neither confirm nor deny my identity today. I'm undercover.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 10:30 PM

Lizzie, why not just grab a drink and join the party? It's not unlike any place you walk in and see a crowd - mingle, start a conversation, tell a bad joke. Don't be a wallflower; I think you'll find a welcoming group.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 10:35 PM

Hey, I'm all about empiricism, not conjecture. I wanna see them all.

(No, nobody lives in the utilidors on the ground level)

Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2009 10:35 PM

Even if the others are sub-par?

My Dad actually works part-time at the big D., so I know about the walking tunnels.

Posted by: notCindy at April 1, 2009 10:44 PM

Lizzie, you make a valid point and I understand your sadness. But why would want Rowles to control the flow of free thought? Lurkers are welcome to come and make a comment without being harassed. And if you are a lurker who’s afraid to say something for fear that your feelings might get hurt, well then you have much bigger problems. This site might not be for the timid as you say, but you are certainly welcome to come here and speak your mind. I was a lurker for about six months before I posted a comment, it wasn’t because I was afraid of being bashed over the head, I didn’t post a comment because I wasn’t interested in posting a comment, in fact I was kinda bored with the site. But then I posted a comment and a star was born.

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 10:48 PM

"naming whose asshole they'd most like to queef into"


i pick jeremy feist!

Posted by: gp at April 1, 2009 10:51 PM

"And if you are a lurker who’s afraid to say something for fear that your feelings might get hurt, well then you have much bigger problems. This site might not be for the timid as you say, but you are certainly welcome to come here and speak your mind."

it WOULD be on april fool's day that i'd nominate pookie for a top comment spot.

but this time, i'd be damn serious.


Posted by: gp at April 1, 2009 10:57 PM

Lizzie (greeneyed fem), I totally get why you're upset. What I don't understand is why the lurkers won't comment about the topic at hand if they don't enjoy our off-topic banter. The insiders will never bother anyone who's talking about a review or a movie. We're not the enemy; we're more like that older sibling you can ignore every once in a while.

I don't think moderation is the answer. Not having moderated comments is what made this site what it is, in my opinion. Sure, we can talk about stupid stuff and post 300+ comments on breasts or whatever, but we can also carry a conversation about pop culture, and when it comes to serious stuff, we can rise to the occasion in a way that gives me great joy.

To all the lurkers out there: De-lurking is really not that hard. You start by posting comments on topic, and if you want to, you then slowly take the dark path that will lead you to be one of the 'insiders'. It's not gonna happen for just one good comment. You have to post regularly and not be afraid of what others will think. You can post on topic for months (as I did at first) and before you know it you'll take a chance with a joke, and then you may or may not find yourselves in the middle of a fight with BarbadoSlim or Pookie. When you put things in perspective, clicking on 'post comment' isn't that big of a deal.

Posted by: Sofía at April 1, 2009 10:58 PM

If you are a portly lady think hard before you decide to de-lurk. If you are an average looking lady...meh, But if you are a hot lady by all means de-lurk.

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 11:12 PM

Oh, you fuck. I totally forgot what today was.

Posted by: Jaci at April 1, 2009 11:21 PM

Thank you, mieux! I do want to! :)

TotallyNotAnna, you are hilarious. And at the very top of my StalkList. :)

Posted by: Chickaboom at April 1, 2009 11:21 PM

Lizzie I hear ya. I saw the same sort of inside humor stuff, too, but I just said what the hell and jumped in. It's just a website, I don't care if people find me clever or whatever. I do really like movies and TV and talking about both, but I like the side helping of fun, too.

There are a LOT of jokes around here I don't get and probably never will. What's a murder tank? Where did Godtopus come from? What IS Pookie? Meh. Doesn't matter. What matters is it's good cheeky fun. I can stalk you if you want. Or you can stalk me. We can be mutual stalkees. Do you want to do that?

Sigh. I was the kid in school who was sort of a floater (or a leftover?)--I semi-got along with every group but didn't fully belong to any, so I always noticed those kids who were completely outside of everything and always felt desperate to get them in the action. I sort of saw it as the larger group's loss. I mean, that guy sitting over there eating his fish and mac and cheese might be brilliant or hilarious or sweet and kind and we would never know unless someone said hey, come over here, be with us if you want....and even though I said this is just a website, I guess I'm still the same kid who doesn't want to miss out on another funny/kind/smart/awesome person to come over here and give us wet willies and make fun of our moms.

Lemme know if you're interested in the stalking thing. I've got an opening.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at April 1, 2009 11:30 PM

Woohoo! Me me me!

Oh, wait.... I got a little self centrified for a while, there. I do that, don't mind me. Just ignore me, I'll get over myself shortly.

Seriously, though, Lizzie (greeneyed fem), I feel sad that you didn't read all the comments here before you posted, because I think you'd notice that there's a whole bunch of newer posters there too. Please, if you read nothing else, at least read what Sofia has said, for she speaks the truth; and remember that most of the off topic posting is not intended to shut out newcomers or be mean-spirited. We do like new blood, we like new viewpoints. As I stated earlier, we like discussion and debate of the topics too. Even if occasionally it's hidden behind some boob and dick jokes.

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 1, 2009 11:37 PM

Also, I fully suggest that you mutually stalk with Anastasia Beaverhausen, because she is fully awesome.

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 1, 2009 11:39 PM

Every time I see the word “enigma” I laugh.

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 11:39 PM

what gets me is all the lurkers who seem to think that the regular posters are exclusionary. Or that we're gonna...I dunno, talk about them behind their backs? Gang up on them? (okay - Pookie and Slim have done that before, but you really gotta realize they're only playing) Every time I've seen someone new throw their two cents in they get welcomed with open arms (unless they're being genuinely idiotic). This is a big pool kids, there's room for more than the current crop of regulars. (also, "popular kids?" are you kidding? This is the mega-nerds internet playground, not a high school clique. And even if it was a high school clique, we'd be the one in the corner of the cafeteria playing D&D and arguing about Star Trek novels.)

Posted by: s. pisaster at April 1, 2009 11:39 PM

I share sadlittlemuffin’s problem that the party is usually over by the time I wake up but without dragging myself closer to the international dateline, there’s not much I can do about that. As an occasional commenter, it sometimes feels like awkwardly sidling into someone else’s conversation, but for the most part I’m happy to lurk and pop in if something interesting comes up.

Truthfully, the only thing I find intimidating at times is the standard of wit- one reason I hope a suitable alternative to EE is found. There are some gems buried amidst the compliments, complaints and occasional gobbets of unspeakably immoral filth that are easily missed if you don’t have time to scour the section (special mentions: Pink Hulk, AVB, Pookie, Jay, Kayanne- the “just sit here” post in George SW review was genius, admin, BuckSlim, Bucdaddy, Jay…).

Posted by: Dave Shepherd at April 1, 2009 11:44 PM

Listen AB and totally not AvB, this ain't no fucking open house nor is it a mixer. Lizzie, piss or get off the pot.

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 11:46 PM

BuckSlim! Ouch!

Posted by: Pookie at April 1, 2009 11:49 PM

totally not Anna von Beaverplatz, you complete me. You know that, right? You should know that.

Lizzie, try to think of Pookie as a small child with severe Tourette's and you'll be ok. I mean horrible, horrific Tourette's, like no case the world has ever seen. But he's three. Actually that's good advice for all of us.

Pookie, suck it for pissing on my butterflies and sunshine. I meant every word of that. And this.

Posted by: Anastasia Beaverhausen at April 2, 2009 12:05 AM

Ok ok AB, maybe I went a little overboard and I apologize. But you and totally not AvB don’t have to hold Lizzie’s hand like she’s some babe in the woods. You guys are acting like she’s the main course at a Sapphire luncheon.

Posted by: Pookie at April 2, 2009 12:17 AM

oops, make that Barbado. got buck happy
[/delurk]

Posted by: Dave Shepherd at April 2, 2009 12:22 AM

Ok, BuckBarbado. Once again, Ouch!

Posted by: Pookie at April 2, 2009 12:30 AM

I post on another forum with a mod by the name of Buckskin. If it's any consolation to Mr Slim, it's not an insult

Posted by: Dave Shepherd at April 2, 2009 12:32 AM

Man, you TRY to do something nice....

Posted by: Dave Shepherd at April 2, 2009 12:33 AM

Just call him B, or BSlim, or just plain old Slim.

Posted by: Pookie at April 2, 2009 12:39 AM

Thanks for the shout out Dave.

You will go on the list of those to be spared when my people take over this planet.

Tremble, for the Age of Glitter is upon you!

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at April 2, 2009 12:41 AM

I often use the word decimate, but then again I also never destroy more than one tenth of anything.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 2, 2009 12:49 AM

Pink if your people are all like you I look forward to it.

Thanks for the props Dave, don't let Pookie frighten you, this is how he introduces himself.

It's kind of like dogs sniffing each others asses, only rather than sniffing yours, Pookie insults it.

Posted by: admin at April 2, 2009 1:02 AM

Yeah, sure, just don't get any of that glitter in your eyes, it stings.

Posted by: Pookie at April 2, 2009 1:02 AM

See? This is why I love this site. If folks as diverse as admin, Pookie, and myself can all be friends, I think that next, we could tackle peace in the Middle East. Or at least try to bring together the bourgeoisie and the rebel...

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at April 2, 2009 1:06 AM

It has been a long day and I'm sleepy, good night every one. Sweet dreams, and admin, you gotta sniff it before you eat it.

Posted by: Pookie at April 2, 2009 1:10 AM

Good idea Pink, since we are officially Middle East peace brokers. I’m putting you in charge of designing our uniforms, and since I’m kinda overweight I want something in black, black makes me look slim.

Posted by: Pookie at April 2, 2009 1:16 AM

try to think of Pookie as a small child with severe Tourette's and you'll be ok.
---
I had him down for bipolar.

Totally not AvB at all, I have an opening at 4:01 p.m. Tuesdays, right after AvB, if you're interested.

And sweet lurking Jesus, newbies, we've just welcomed a 16-year-old into our family of mutants and spudboys, and we haven't ritually sacrificed him, yet, so how scary can we be?

Come on, you know you want to ...

"One of us! One of us! One of us!"

Posted by: bucdaddy at April 2, 2009 2:06 AM

Peace in the ME? You couldn't do worse than the current management.

No probs folks and I figured Pookie was playing nice. Pink, I'll scan the horizon each morning for signs of the approaching apocalpyse. Should I daub my doorway with the blood of any particular animal/evangelical minister so the Angels know to pass?

Posted by: Dave Shepherd at April 2, 2009 2:10 AM

Well, the comment made me look at the I Love You Man board and NOT ONE person had anything nice to say about wanting to bang the hell out of me. Even the fat kid with asthma in the corner of Pajiba gets a handjob. I on the other hand am on the outside looking in, as it were.

In the words of Dennis Quaid in Wyatt Earp. "You may all kiss my Rebel dick". I feel so unused.

Posted by: Rubble44 at April 2, 2009 3:11 AM

I do not want to offend anyone.

Pajiba rules.

ROCK. ON. !!!!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 2, 2009 3:58 AM

I used to comment lots more when I lived in Boston. Now that I'm in Australia I see the posts 24 hours too late. Oh no! D:

If you'd like to know I read Pajiba because you guys, on top of being opinionated and bitchy, have some of the best informed reviews on the internet. As a form film major, sometimes filmmaker and forever film snob I love you guys. LOVE!

Rarely do I disagree with a review and usually I re-appropriate material as fuel to my personal venomous opinions.

Anyway I should comment more, my happy "pajiba is awesome" thoughts clearly don't transmit into each of your individual very worthy brains.

By the way, that blank review you did a while back (was it a year ago) was EPIC. My husband still talks about that one.


Posted by: Gigi at April 2, 2009 6:32 AM

...it sometimes feels like awkwardly sidling into someone else’s conversation...

Jump right on in, the water's fine. Seriously, it's the only way to go.

Posted by: Cindy at April 2, 2009 8:09 AM

Dammit! I missed the joke this year! I HATE when that happens! Now i have to read everything in retrospective!

That just sucks the fun out of it. *steups*

Posted by: Four Eyes at April 2, 2009 8:27 AM

Man, I completely fell for this shit. It makes me sad. The reason I haven't commented in years is not that I'm intimidated, it's that I think most of the "personalities" are fucking obnoxious. I gave up my internet social life when I became too preoccupied with my real life. Yes, I am a self-righteous asshole.

Oh well. Thanks for nothing, Dustin.

Posted by: Imprimis at April 2, 2009 9:04 AM

we're more like that older sibling you can ignore every once in a while.

Like that uncle with spots on his pants who, the whole family knows, did funny stuff with cousin Jimmy when he was young, but NOBODY wants to say what?

Good advise.

My 2 cents, not 50, about censoring comments, is no.

"information wants to be free."

Posted by: Magiel at April 2, 2009 9:59 AM

Sister Act is the film that defined the Pajiba generation.

Posted by: Christopher at April 2, 2009 10:00 AM

I thought it was all centered around the HyperRanylt "Trading Places" review.

Posted by: Jay at April 2, 2009 10:13 AM

Geez, boo, that was one slow-developing joke -- couldn't you have gotten off the bed when you felt the tremors coming on?

Yeah, socalled, it was a developing joke. I was taking a long, relaxing swill as I was reading. At least half of the wine went back in the glass. Luckily.

Posted by: boo at April 2, 2009 10:13 AM

I was away for all of the "fun" yesterday, but I just have to say, as a now regular commenter:

I've been reading this site for over three years. I always loved the comments section and the commenters therein. But I rarely posted...aside from the Diversion threads I lurked for almost two years. The reason? I was fucking terrified of the regulars. Terrified. Everyone seemed to know everyone else and everyone was so very funny, and I didn't want to risk looking like an asshole by infiltrating their fun.

Then I started posting...just to see. I got into some fun discussions about movies and tv. I made fun of Delaware and subsequently met PissBoy for a movie and made a great, real-life friend. Slowly I stopped feeling self conscious about whether or not I was accepted, and started being my stupid, vulgar, idiot self. And now these bitches can't get rid of me.

I get SO SAD when people delurk just to say they feel excluded...because I know how that felt. It's intimidating to put your guard down. But I once did the same thing, and I managed to become part of a fabulous online community. I yearn for new people to comment. It gets boring if the same 30 people are involved in discussions. I really really hope that people who feel too shy to join in will, well, join in. Even if it's to tell us to shut the fuck up about the genetic glories of an actor and to focus on the film review.

Posted by: Julie at April 2, 2009 11:37 AM

Julie, would you like to go to the movies with me and my friend Otis? I know of some good adult movie theaters in Austin. Then we can go for a bite to eat and take it from there.

Posted by: Pookie at April 2, 2009 12:12 PM

I would be afeared for my life Pookums. So...ok!

Posted by: Julie at April 2, 2009 12:19 PM

I responded to conversations/arguments I was interested in. No need to "de-lurk", if you ask me, just talk (and accept that we're all in a huge glass house).

Posted by: Jay at April 2, 2009 12:32 PM

C'mon, we're only a couple of posts away from that obnoxious 300-mark. Do it for the children!

Posted by: Lauren at April 2, 2009 5:32 PM

Oh my god. I haven't had internet access in a few days, so I lost track of dates, and I thought the news about AlabamaPink was the April Fool's joke. I was all ready to go "NOT FUNNY,GUYS. NOT FUNNY AT ALL." But... it was moderated comments... so... never mind...

About reviews and comments: I used to spend much more time reading the actual movie reviews on this site, when they were the only things here. Now it's more music, books, and P.Love, and I often don't read the movie reviews. I definitely spend more time here with those things, so I don't know if it's a bad thing, but eh.

About outsiders: I was a mix of too intimidated and lazy to comment for a while. Getting a couple of my first comments in EE made me feel more comfortable, but obviously that's not an option anymore for new people. I do get annoyed when giant arguments break out in the comment sections, just because some new person decided to go against the grain. Especially when it's over a comment like "I liked the site better when it was just movie reviews," because yes they can only read those, but there's much less discussion on them, and that was one of my reasons for reading the reviews in the first place.

Posted by: SaBrina at April 2, 2009 6:25 PM

Nobody's reading this anymore, huh? Way to look at when the comments ended, Self.

Posted by: SaBrina at April 2, 2009 6:26 PM

THIS!

IS!

SABRINAAAA!!!!!


There ya go, Lauren.

Posted by: Jay at April 2, 2009 6:34 PM

Lurker, here. And a frequent one at that. And yeah, it can be slightly off-putting with all the clique-y-ness in the comments section between the Eloquents as an outsider but that's only because I don't usually have the time to be more of a presence than I am; which isn't their problem, so aye, I agree that the censorship should get right fucked. Maybe I should make myself more of a presence. Any L.A. kids in the house?

Posted by: kidtiger at April 2, 2009 8:14 PM

Long-time Lurker here... EE's can indeed be scary. I wrote a comment a few weeks ago and was about to hit POST when I thought, oh crap, if I do Pookie is going to just eviscerate me. So I didn't do it.

But now I'm thinking back to junior high school when (having must moved back from living in Germany for a few years) my mom made me wear leiderhosen on my first day because she thought it was cute. Well... naturally I was monumentally mocked and no one spoke to me for a full school year.

Now I realize that:
a) from this thread, the EE's seem very nice, and b) nothing Pookie could ever say to me beats LEIDERHOSEN. In JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

Posted by: kerin34 at April 2, 2009 9:50 PM

You almost made me do a spit take with your uncalled for anxiety.

The Pookie thing is not real.

Posted by: Jay at April 2, 2009 10:04 PM

I never really feel like part of the community here. I like the site, and the comments are by and large pretty good to read, but I always feel like I'm posting on my own private comment board when it's my turn. It has nothing to do with the flirting or the anti-newbie attacks, I just feel like no one is aware of me, and I can't connect with anyone else as a result.

How does my comment help? It doesn't, I guess, but it's how I feel. And I imagine that some of the lurkers feel similarly; there's a tight community of friends who've been here forever, and if you got in a bit late, it's hard to get in at all.

Posted by: Lucas at April 2, 2009 10:27 PM

Oh, kerin34, bless your heart! I hope you shunned your mom. *I* will shun her if I ever meet her. That's just wrong. Funny as hell, but so, so wrong.

Posted by: Lainey at April 2, 2009 11:23 PM

And I actually really liked bucdaddy's idea of a Like/Dislike button for comments.

Oh god no. I don't know if this was ever a serious idea, but no. The comment sections do not need to be more of a freaking popularity contest.

Posted by: SaBrina at April 3, 2009 12:55 AM

I just noticed you Lucas. (I have a talent for getting to the party late too. I call myself the secret thread killer because it makes me feel dangerous, but it's only 'cause of the aforementioned lateness/damned children requiring sustenance and all that malarky.) Anyways, I'll keep an eye out for you. Nothin' to fear but fear itself, and I am mighty curious to meet new people here. It's hands down barefacedly enthusiastic, and if you like it, I'll bet I'll like you too.

Oh, and Dustin:
:)

Posted by: replica at April 3, 2009 2:54 AM

I totally get that Lucas (and I always notice you), I almost stopped posting because it seemed like no one ever responded. I hope you keep commenting :)

Posted by: Julie at April 3, 2009 10:27 AM

Lucas! I have directly responded to your specific comments on several occasions, and thought you were ignoring me. And so now, I scold you.

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 4, 2009 1:21 AM

Thanks, replica and Julie. And I haven't seen your responses, Ms. Not Beaverplatz, but maybe I haven't done a good job of checking back in. I try to keep track of threads as best I can (I tend to forget which ones I posted in). Sorry. I'm going to do a Google search of Pajiba for your comments now just so I can reply to them.

Posted by: Lucas at April 4, 2009 4:13 AM

Dag nabbit. Almost everything I found had comments disabled, but I promise to do better from now on.

Posted by: Lucas at April 4, 2009 4:36 AM

It was only a light scolding, really. I just wanted you to know that people are paying attention and have noticed you, dear Lucas. As evidenced by the responses from Julie and replica as well.

Posted by: totally not Anna von Beaverplatz at all at April 4, 2009 9:56 AM

Right. Thanks. But you did make me realize that I don't do a very good job of replying to people, probably in part out of a conditioned assumption that no one is going to reply to me. I'll kick the assuming habit and be more attentive.

Posted by: Lucas at April 4, 2009 11:38 AM