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The Pajiba Pop Culture Disappointment Tournament – And The Winner Is…

By Brian Byrd | Miscellaneous | April 6, 2016 | Comments ()

By Brian Byrd | Miscellaneous | April 6, 2016 |


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I gotta say, y’all did positively OK with this bracket. Despite a few early-round debacles voters came to their senses as the tournament progressed. Four respectable, worthy disappointments advanced to the final four. A Star Wars Prequels-Fappening final, while a mismatch on paper, proved more difficult and divisive than anticipated. In fact, I’m not sure I could have engineered a better finale.

After more than 1,000 votes, we have a champion. And that champion is…
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NO. 1 SEED THE STAR WARS PREQUELS!

THEY DID IT! THE PREQUEL TRILOGY IS OFFICIALLY THE BIGGEST POP CULTURE LETDOWN IN A GENERATION! MORE THAN TRUMP! MORE THAN JEREMY RENNER! MORE THAN MOTHERFUCKING STOLEN CELEBRITY NUDE PHOTOS!!!! WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY FOR DISNEY, LUCASFILM, AND RACIST CGI CHARACTERS!

Let’s quickly go live to reddit for their reaction to The Fappening’s defeat:
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Axe-scented male tears aside, it’s difficult to argue the Star Wars prequels aren’t a deserving winner. George Lucas’ ill-conceived return to a galaxy far, far away didn’t just ruin Star Wars for a generation of fans. It permanently stained its creator’s legacy.

Anyone who went to see The Phantom Menace not tall enough to ride a roller coaster doesn’t remember a world where Lucas isn’t considered a bumbling clod who should be kept as far away from his creations as possible. Before Lucas had tits he was the tits, a legend to every socially awkward dreamer who spent their high school lunch periods crafting hero narratives to escape their moisture farm equivalent. The prequels shattered his mystique into a billion pieces like the Death Star did Alderaan. In hindsight, the most interesting question isn’t why the prequels failed so spectacularly, it’s why Lucas ever wanted to revisit the Star Wars universe at all. The original trilogy is arguably the most iconic adventure series in cinematic history, rivaled only by another Lucas creation, Indiana Jones. There are no more floors in that building. He occupied the penthouse with the infinity pool that looks out over another infinity pool where topless supermodels play videogames and feed each other Hot Pockets all day. The elevator only travels one way when you’re at the top.

Worse, the story he opted to tell didn’t need telling. We know Vader is Luke’s father. We know Obi-Wan used to be his friend. They told us in 1981, 18 years before Episode I stumbled into theaters with its dick out asking if anyone had seen its dignity. Jeopardizing cinematic immortality to show a rat-tailed Anakin Skywalker clumsily spitting grade-school game at Natalie Portman’s wax sculpture might be most catastrophic decision in entertainment history. The prequel trilogy won’t be in the first paragraph of Lucas obituary. But they’ll be mentioned somewhere above the fold. That’s both tragic and unavoidable. Couldn’t think of two better criteria for a Pajiba Disappointment champion.

Thanks so much to all of you for your participation. Over 80,000 votes were cast over the last three weeks. That’s damn impressive. These brackets take more effort to cobble together than you can possibly imagine, so we’re glad you all enjoy them the way you do. We”ll be back next March with another tournament (or two) for your voting pleasure. Won’t give any subject matter hints, except to say that taking a break from the negative might do us all some good.

See you next year. Don’t forget to click your bait.


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