Pajiba

This is like a census, only sexier.

Is coveredinbees REALLY covered in bees? Or has he/she ever been? 'Cause if so, that's a story I'd like to hear.

I am ashamed that my count didn't even crack the top. I am going for quality over quantity...yeah...that's it...

-when I-

HOW DO I HAVE THAT MANY? Oh yeah, that one year I posted 3000 times.

Ugh.
I suddenly feel very fat and lazy...

I'm with you Pink...I've been reading and commenting actively for more than 5 years, but have never even been close to being a bridesmaid, let alone the bride. I comment only when I feel the urge. If I could remember my first handle, my number would be higher but I was an intentional troll then so they don't count anyway.

I made the all-time list! I made the all-time list!

Now, I just need to to make sure I comment more regularly, so that I don't become one of those who have slipped away.

I think C. Rob/DarthCorleone gets the prize for best inquiry about my handle as he used the word "apiary" when he asked. Here's the story, Todd.

D-Day, I'd ask how my ass taste, but, I'm a lady. Tracer is a Bullet.

Wow, not a bad result for someone who can't access this site at work. I'm sure my stats will improve next year when my company either upgrades the OS on my work computer or lays me off.

This is why I need a more unique name. I'm assuming the Carrie in the first list is me, though my commenting has dropped off some. The one in the second list probably isn't me though. Still, it's nice to see the name represented even if it's not me.

Hey, Tracer, considering I've only been commenting since, like, August (September? July? Seriously, it was within the last six months...), I'd say my prolificality is exponential compared to yours. Give me a whole year and I'll scorch the earth with the sheer amount of times I click on "Post Comment". Believe it. (There's quite a bit of down time at my day job, which I used to use for writing -- then I discovered Pajiba.)

That said, your rectum has the distinct taste of Marlboro Reds. I'd suggest you stop blowing smoke out your ass, but we both know that ain't gonna happen any time soon.

Can SLW get the SQL to rank us by wordcount? Because I may not have the most comments but I probably have the longest*.

(*Intentional double entendre/ shot across the bow of Tracer Bullet.)

@coveredinbees: So... you were once a transvestite beekeeper? Also, your post count is the same as my birthday. It's fate, I'm telling you...

For this year, I get to be sandwiched between rep and stopthemadness? I am ENTIRELY on board with that.

three-nineteen...I call dibs on Slut-Bumwalla!

same here, arrrghzi. i started coming here around the time of the Homeland Security shut down, although i was a lurker for the first while.

i can, however, lay claim to being involved in the conversation that led to the coining of the term "Elequents", so at least i have that.

I might do cakeonmyhead, to compliment your cake motif.

Good point Miss Bees.

Holy Shit!!! It's causaubon!!!!

"Seriously, I need to write a book or something."

Pajiba: An X-Year Odyssey Through Internet Boredom, Celeb Gossip, Movie Bitching, And Intentionally Flameworthy Top Ten Lists.

Browse all the best threads, turn it into an e-book with the original article on one page, and the good comments next to it. Market the sum'bitch as an exploration of changes in society, mass marketing, the evolution of the industry, dick jokes, intentional race-baiting, the quest to appropriate proper nicknames to the twatwaffles that propagate modern history, and a special chapter for Skits' stuff, with a sheet of blotter acid as a bookmark should you go to print.

Step 3: Profit.

*note* I'm an ideas man. Someone else follow through.

I saw the title and went "oh, shit" because surely I was about to rank on another damn list. I did not disappoint.

1103 comments in a year? I want to say I'm proud of myself, but I know that's not true.

It wouldn't happen without all you crazy people setting me off in the most unexpected ways.

Wait. I also made the 2010 list? Really? 'Cause I sincerely feel like I've been slacking for the past year and a half or so (damn you Facebook, damn you straight to hell! No, no, I don't mean it. I've loved getting to know my Pajibapals on FB, but it has taken my limited focus (I don't multi-task) away from my original true love, Pajiba).

Duh. I was trying to figure out why my overall comment count was so low. I switched e-mails going into 2009 because of the...unpleasantness and haven't looked back since. I was also regularly jumping between four or five handles round here for the better part of a year before sticking with my real name.

I was getting worried about exponentially increasing my comment count each year. You don't want to know what goes on when I start involuntarily doing graphic math in my head as an anxiety coping mechanism. It's not a pretty thought.

Jeezy Creezy
Baboons in Mime
Strategic Sheep Purposes
Italian People on Scooter going "Ciao" (too long?)

And, of course these:

Zingelbert Bembledack
Tringelbert Wangledack
Slut Bunwalla
Klingybun Fistelvase
Dindlebert Zindledack
Gerry Dorsey
Engelbert Humptyback
Zengelbert Bingledack
Vingelbert Wingledanck

D-Day,

You lost me at "Pajiba: An." I just want to write about looking at my anus in the mirror and how my duodenum can achieve world domination given the correct barometric pressure and solar flare intensity.

Kballs

You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

/fires grenade launcher

It's a collaborative effort, anyway.

p.s. don't forget to include air pressure due to elevation in that analduodenaldomination algorithm. You over-dialate and you're just another gaping asshole.

Hey bees...Geoff is the god of biscuits. Simon is the god of hairdos. Last thing we need is crap-gods warring over titles.

causaubon...hanging well. You are responsible for one of my favorite comments ever. Don't recall it verbatum but it involved your musical theories vs. your younger brother's. ie: Usher being lumped into R'n'B with Marvin Gaye/Ottis Redding. The 'emo' tag with Evanescence vs. Bauhaus. Hip hop somehow involving 50 Cent vs. Pete Rock. PopPunk pitting Sum41 vs. The Clash.

Very similar to mine own musical preferences and opinions. I admit to you now that I have shamelessly stolen some of this logic and added it to numerous musical debates, for it brings more firepower.

Ooh, D-Day gave us a good one.

Over-dilated Asshole.

thanks for the compliment, PissBoy, especially considering your comments have had me in hysterics on more than one occasion over the years.

p.s. Eep, Popeye's chicken is the shiznit. This I know.

Totally up for that, bees (may I call you bees?). I'm picturing an Irish pub band crossed with Flight of the Conchords.

My excuse - I had a rough year. Didn't mean to take it out on your folks.

Back to lurking.

HOLY SHIT!!!!! I made BOTH lists!!! WOOOOOOO!!!

Ok, I was wrong...work has not REALLY impeded me as much as I thought it had.

HOORAY FOR WASTING TIME!!!!!!!

You know how bad my Pajibafetish is when I try to tell my fam about damn near ANYTHING, and their pat response is, "let me guess...on Pajiba, right?".....and, I have to differentiate between Pajiba friends and people I have actually met.....AND, I got a Christmas card from a Pajiba/Facebook friend!!!

Hey, that's a good name.... Pajibafetish

...now only 1. 2 days left to get the last'n in!

I've been quiet on this for far too long, and it's time I set shit straight. Cap'n Rowles called me about nine months ago in a drunken stupor, and from what I could piece together, he basically admitted to being about seventy percent of the people on that list. Sure, there's a small handful of commenters that actually exists (myself excluded), but the majority of this shit goes down in Dustin's carhole, where he's got a Dell wired to a car battery and more malt-liquor than you could shake a dwarf's femur at. Sad, really.

Also, I'm not sure whether I consider my number too high or too low, but know this: I blame everything on a series of blackout drunks.

...

I'll try harder?

*points gun at Craig*

I wouldn't be so sure about that . . .

WEEE!!!! Thanks caus. WOW! First mention of the Pajiba drinking game in there from Alex? Or at least one of the first.

"Can you shake a dwarf's femur at more or less malt liquor than a regular femur?"

There's your fucking tagline, Dustin. And in my humble opinion, the best fucking sentence I've read all goddam year. Who's got a steady hand, a tattoo gun, and a knack for Gothic Typefaces?

I'm ready to make a horrible, horrible decision. Thanks Three-nineteen, I owe you a coke.

Can you shake a dwarf's femur at more or less malt liquor than a regular femur?

More, obviously. Sure, the femur stolen from the leg of an inebriated dwarf is going to be shorter, but it's also going to be thicker. Since the range of motion in one's arm isn't changed, the width of whatever you're swinging is more important than the length.

Unless of course you're swinging the femur at bottles of Magnum Malk Liquor in which case, why aren't you drinking, fool?

I'm ready to make a horrible, horrible decision.

I nominate this for the site tagline, EE, an Emmy and President of Uganda.

OK, people, I need to seriously reevaluate my life choices.

I am number 7 on the list for this year.

I am higher (this year) than BSlim.

Yet, I didn't even get namechecked in the little name-checky post from yesterday. I'm feeling two things right now: Number one, my comments need to be more memorable. Number two, my life is clearly meaningless and empty, because I make TOO MANY FUCKING COMMENTS on this website. Explains why I don't get more work done.

Fuckety fuckety fuck.

PS I love you guys.

One would think that once joining Pajiba's employ, I wouldnt't really feel the need to comment. Nope. My crippling need for attention is boundless.

Dang. #22. Even with all the time I've been spending under this rock. I still wuv you sons of bitches.

Thanks for the explanation, superasente. It's good to know there was a special reason for the dwarf femur and it's not just because that's what Skitz had laying around the house.

I have no doubt that Skitz's home is filled with all varieties of oddities, the least of which is the various skeletal remains of assorted fantasy races (go ahead -- look me in my good eye and tell me dwarves exist -- YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ONE!).

Hmmm...I peruse the other articles and see only a handful of commenters posting commentary. And yet this purty little piece (and the other just like it), which offers commenters to basically talk about THEMSELVES has literally exploded with the comments

Pajibans: bunch of prickly narcissists, indeed! ;)

Who's getting name-dropped all over the place? This guy!

I'm still not loved though...

...I'll not work on that.

Posted by: smijca at December 29, 2010 2:35 PM

HA! Nice. I wish I could "like" this.

I wasn't expecting to make it on any of these lists, yay boredom and procrastination!

I know many of you are wondering how it's possible to comment 296 times in one year, the secret is to randomly come into a thread and say "sweet" or "awesome" and nothing else. It's a system that has worked well for me, it can work for you too, you'll see your name on this list in no time or your money back guaranteed!

Ah, Recondite. The only reason you weren't on the Bitchiest commenters list is because it would've meant re-opening all those painful wounds.

Yes, Rowles. And the only reason you didn't include me is that you are a blatant racist.

I have no problem with Pookie, just with the whole silliness of Rowles kicking him off the site and forcing Pookie to use an alias for his alias. The site went full retard on that one.
Posted by: L.O.V.E. at December 29, 2010 2:34 PM

Full retard? Or jumped the shark?

Full retard? Or jumped the shark?

I get what you're trying to get at, Xtreme but in my very observant time as lurker I learned that the term "jumped the shark" had officially, well, jumped the shark, no? Or am I mistaken?

I'm pretty sure some lovely Pajiban threatened to hurt, maim or (most likely) murder whoever next used that term.

So...watch your back, boyeee!

AvB: Awww, shucks! I was just blatantly stating the obvious. I mean, this thread is already at 106 and counting so, well, that has to say something about how much everyone hearts talking about themselves.

Except me, of course. I'd much rather talk about you all! Heh.

of all time. OF ALL TIME!!!!!!

“Yesterday, in unveiling the 10 Bitchiest Commenters of 2010, I noted that we used to rank the most prolific commenters each year but that, with 430,000 comments in the system, it would no longer be feasible. I was wrong. Steven Lloyd Wilson showed me how to do it on the site’s MYSQL database (which I like to pronounce My Squall to annoy programmer types). Steven Lloyd Wilson is some kind of genius. Seriously, people — most of you probably don’t realize how incredibly brilliant SLW is: You know he’s got a Master’s in Engineering, a Master’s in History, and he’s currently enrolled in a Ph.D. program from political science? Dude’s got both sides of the brain covered.”

Dustin Rowles,
Owner and Proprietor of Pajiba

Fuck Steven Lloyd Wilson, how you like them apples?

Thanks Xtreme.
Just be careful back there.
You know, in case of sudden stops or U turns.

The fact the I recognize every single one of these names makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing with my time. Sigh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA suck on it, bitches.

I can dig it.

Thank God for bad health.

I doubt I will ever be on the list of Pajiba's most prolific or bitchy or clever or eloquent commenters, so I will settle for being extremely well-read, and try to rank in the top 3 of the Cannonball Read again. Hell, if JenK isn't taking part this year, my plan shall be to win the whole thing.

Whoop! I talk too much!

I bet 2/3 of my overall comments are along the lines of "Hahaha @ so&so's comment up there!"

I know what my New Year's resolution is going to be.

Unless somebody has already said it. I've been checking this post all day and when I finally decide to comment, my short term memory kicks in.

Fine Be That Way made me giffle!

I suspect that either someone is using my name or Dustin pulled this number out of his ass because there's NO WAY I've made 700+ comments. I remember making TWO or THREE comments and maybe ONE on one of the LOST recaps, but yeah, no, there's no way I've chattered that much.*

*SHUT UP.

Me?

Jeebus.

I owe it all to "Kendra!"

but I was Googling

That's not a word.

As per the newest agreement with my liquor fueled self to make more attempts to delurk...
I'm happy to see the bar isn't as high as I once believed for name recognition. I'll start with once a week and work my way up. Unemployment should give me a fine edge.

I'm on top of dammitjanet? That can't be too bad!

206?!?

WTF! I really can't remember posting that many times. Would have guessed 50 at most.

All of you may want to find a new favorite website because I will try harder next year to subject you to my pedantic drivel. I can only hope to insult each and every one of you in the coming year.

288 Lauren
277 BigTodd

Ewwwww, gross! We're, like, touching!

So what happened? With the fake lady? Are you going to leave us in the dark, Dustin? It's cold and lonely and scary here... Shine some light. Please... Pretty please... Pretty please with sugar lumps on top... ?
Congrats you crazy cookies!

little to the left......YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 30, 2010 8:32 AM

I could only hear that in Cartman's voice. It made me chuckle.

Just remember....

I'm a screamer

2011 is definitely going to be the Age of DaC.

Ok. I've always wanted to know: What did Pookie say that was so awful that he/she was banned from the site?

qwdewdewf fwwfregrth knklndvdfc

Just remember....

I'm a screamer

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 30, 2010 12:06 PM

Should I bring the ball gag next time?

I feel all nostalgic. I made both lists and was around the middle of the pack for both. I haven't been around much, thanks to a freelancing lifestyle that keeps me either busy all day or busy all night and then sleeping all day. I miss you, Pajiba. I hope I can be around more in 2011.

And, for some reason, it makes me oddly teary that someone took the time to put this together. Whenever I get mentioned in a post on Pajiba, whether for EE or for any other reason, I always feel proud. So knowing that someone here in the Pajibaverse knows that I exist and acknowledges that existence touches me, and not in the funny uncle kind of way.

Also, I'm glad that this list is measuring the quantity of my comments and not the quality because I'm sure that most of my comments this year were "I agree with superasente/RD-DayJ" and "my secret boyfriend, ah-Mistah-Justin-Timbalaaaake" or "my secret husband, Robert Downey, Jr." Remember, folks, it's imperative that JT and RDJ not find out about each other!!!SHHH!!!

Love you guys. *hugs all around*

Shit. I was not expecting this. I've barely commented this year! And of course, for the all-time stats, I had to be juuuust behind my nemesis, Sarina. No wonder people can't/couldn't tell us.

#2, bitcheeeees!

Also, note how #1 is a Puerto Rican. LATINO POWER!

TAKING YER JERBS!