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The Biggest Box Office Bomb Ever

By | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (30)

Over the rainbow.gif

As I was browsing through Youtube for some meaningless random shit to put up for you unappreciative lowlifes on what surely was a terrible Monday for everybody, I ran into this short clip which prompted some further investigation as it’s subject is our very own Matron of Multi-hued Murder, Katherine Heigl.

Apparently Kathy made a movie in 2006 which has the bizarre title of Zyzzyx Road and stars Kathy as a cleavagely afflicted woman of some sort and Tom Sizemore as her violent ex-boyfriend. Apparently Tom finds her in a hotel with another man, kills the man and drives to the desert in order to bury the body along the titular road. But, upon digging the grave, Tom finds that the body is missing from the trunk (Dun! Dun! Dunnnnn!) Tom engages in a pursuit of the dead guy who isn’t and dirty secrets are learned. Tom, you just can’t do anything right.

It doesn’t sound like a good movie nor even one that could induce me to watch Kathy’s delightful jiggle but it does exist so here’s the trailer.



Why would I bother you with this delightful little turd of a movie? According to IMDB this powerhouse feature made all of $20.00. That’s right, twenty dollars. The same amount as I pay two of my kids for allowance. Less money than an average family spends on a fast-food meal and even less money than I found on the sidewalk last month. If only Heigl had remained in these terrible pictures that we know nothing about we could have been spared the septic sludge she’s been pedaling for the past four years. I need to know who to blame and whether they prefer their flaming moose poo in plastic or paper.









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Comments

Just so I understand. You pay $20 TOTAL allowance between 2 kids? Is that weekly or monthly?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 8, 2010 8:07 PM

Posted by: Blair at November 8, 2010 8:15 PM

When I was a kid we got 50c a week, and WE WERE HAPPY DAMMIT.

Posted by: Arran at November 8, 2010 8:26 PM

I have seen Zyzzx Road many, many times in my life. We always pass it the way from Vegas to California. I like to think that the Street Naming Committee (this exists), got together and felt really bad that X Y and Z aren't given the same opportunities to appear in street names as the more glamorous letters like M and A. Therefore, in their illustrious wisdom, the powers at be proclaimed that just this once, X Y and Z would have their day, and dedicated this one lonely road to their sole composition.

Posted by: Wendy at November 8, 2010 8:51 PM

Wendy - Is this the same group of genii who came up with "Golden Shower Rd" in Guam?

As for the multicolored Manslaughter - Probably the dink who did the casting for "Gray's Anatomy".

Posted by: Uncle JR at November 8, 2010 9:18 PM

Hey Robbie, what the fuck is a titular road?

Posted by: Pookie at November 8, 2010 9:32 PM

I only clicked the clip to find out how to pronounce the name of this infamous exit on the way to Vegas. Now my life is complete. Thank you.

Posted by: ceejeemcbeegee at November 8, 2010 9:33 PM

Golden Shower Road! WOW, someone else knows about that?
So many unnamed roads on island. You'd see signs like "Rodney's Birthday Party" on a pole at end of the road, and we'd forever refer to it as Rodney's Birthday Party Road or Santos Family Reunion Road.

Sorry, off topic. 20 bucks for a Heigl/Sizemore epic? 20 bucks too much!

Posted by: nat at November 8, 2010 9:51 PM

I've heard about this film and the honor it holds. Now I've seen the trailer. I can die fulfilled. Not happy; it won't bring happiness.

I had a wonderful Monday, thank you. OK, it was only so-so. But it wasn't terrible. I am an unappreciative lowlife however.

Posted by: Patricia at November 8, 2010 10:15 PM

It sounds like a shitty version of Blood Simple.

Posted by: schrome at November 8, 2010 10:21 PM

Shouldn't that be "peddling" instead of "pedaling?" Sounds like Ms. Heigl is a bicycle hooker.

Posted by: The Wanderer at November 8, 2010 11:16 PM

@The Wanderer:

In Heigl's case the distinction probably wouldn't make much difference...

Posted by: Jerry at November 9, 2010 12:03 AM

When I was a little kid, I got a quarter a week. Twenty-five cents. 25. And I somehow saved up $6.00 to buy a guinea pig. At some point there must have been an extra dollar in there for a chore, or being really, REALLY good, I think. I honestly don't remember.

Anyway: KIDS TODAY! I TELLS YA!

Re: Heigl - eh, who cares.

Posted by: MM at November 9, 2010 12:12 AM

Give Bob a break. He's Canadian.

Posted by: Rykker at November 9, 2010 12:13 AM

I too have passed Zyzzyx Road many times on the drive between Vegas and LA. I took a photo of the sign because it was so eye-catching. I also considered the prospect and probability of being able to play it in Scrabble if it were a legal word. You would have to use both blanks for those two extra Zs, and as such it's neither likely nor strategically sound.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 9, 2010 12:27 AM

I got $3/week for mowing the HUGE FUCKING LAWN, and I saved up $100 which was the magical amount my parents had decided I needed to have before they would buy me a pony. The pony was $600, with saddle and all the usual shit. Oh, and it liked to shit. And bite. And bolt. Stupid pony.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 9, 2010 12:39 AM

Oh, and it liked to shit. And bite. And bolt.

Really, isn't that every pony? And dog? Cat? Boyfriend? Wait, what?

Posted by: MM at November 9, 2010 12:46 AM

I've seen this movie. It sucks ALL kinds of ass.

Posted by: Ed at November 9, 2010 1:51 AM

Well I know what I will be watching late on night on tnt when insomnia is kicking my ass.

Posted by: blacksred at November 9, 2010 7:09 AM

In fairness, this does sounds like the perfect movie and/or role for Tom Sizemore. If nothing else, that's a reason for this movie to exist.

Posted by: kevin_m at November 9, 2010 8:44 AM

The film opened at one theater, Highland Village Park Theater in Dallas, Texas.

It ran for six days, and made $30 at the box office. A crew member who took a friend got a refund, so the final domestic box-office gross was $20.

Posted by: osd at November 9, 2010 8:45 AM

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zyzzyx_Road#Release_and_box_office_gross for the full story. The movie actually made money overseas.

Posted by: Josh at November 9, 2010 9:10 AM

And once again, Dallas has the great movies!
(the craptastic ones)

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at November 9, 2010 9:32 AM

I feel kind of silly not knowing, but why exactly do we call her "Rainbow Killer" again? I can't find the reason anywhere, just endless references to it.

Posted by: RhymesWithSilver at November 9, 2010 5:02 PM

Oh, poor Bobby McFAILin'. If we're unappreciative, it's because we've known about this since 2007. But keep reaching for that 'Rainbow Killer'.

Yours in Syrup,
J.

@Rhymes: Rainbow Killer is the nickname that Rowles inflicted on Katherine Heigl when a portion of the readership demanded that he drop his earlier nickname for her: Skank Cancer. He really doesn't like her.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at November 9, 2010 5:20 PM

Count me among those whose family trips from Los Angeles to Vegas always included a stop at that famous (and utterly barren) spot. Good place for a leg stretch. We have photos.

And it's spelled 'Zzyzx,' Youtube.

Posted by: Corvus at November 9, 2010 6:19 PM

They really went all out with those Particle Storm title graphics.

Posted by: protoguy at November 10, 2010 3:22 AM

"In truth, nobody was supposed to see Zyzzyx Road at all. The Dallas screening was never meant to be a real theatrical run. Instead, it was set up to fulfill a Screen Actors Guild agreement, which permits low-budget films to pay actors a lower rate as long as the film gets a domestic theatrical release. The Dallas ''opening'' was merely a formality. ''I didn't want an audience,'' says Grillo. ''We looked at it and said, What's the cheapest way we can get out of this mess? We rented the theater for $1,000.'' "

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20011268,00.html

so much ado about nothing, gonna have to work a little harder robert,

Posted by: clancys_daddy at November 13, 2010 6:36 PM

Umm....this whole 'scenario' was already spoken of (AICN, CHUD, JoBlo) about 10 months ago....we know what happened and why it did and you're just now advertising this? idiots

Posted by: The Minn at November 13, 2010 7:25 PM

I like rainbows. Skank cancer was more appropriate.

Posted by: Zahara at November 13, 2010 11:11 PM