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Strange Highs and Strange Lows: A Layperson's (Slanted) Guide to Spader's Film Charms

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (37)



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James Spader clearly has a way with women. Ricky Gervais is onto that and has cleverly calculated he may be able to wrangle some new “Office” viewers by adding Spader to the mix. I’ve certainly never had any interest in the U.S. version of the show until now, but if my dear boy is going to be a regular, you’ll find me over by the water cooler (not-so-discretely panting). What is it about this strange man, who at times seems alternately aloof and uncomfortable in his own skin? He plays seedy or slimy, quiet and shy—a complete asshole, even—and yet he can still easily grab us by the panties. Whether a rich boy, scoffing at a girl’s insecurities, a bespectacled hit man or a quiet and sensitive boss, Spader has been luring us in for 30 years now. And even if he’s gotten a little puffy and his hair isn’t quite what it used to be, the man’s still got it (brilliantly proven by his Emmy winning “Boston Legal” role).

But let’s reminisce and take a hot, little stroll down memory lane, shall we? And if you have been fool enough to be negligent in succumbing to Jimmy’s charms, this can serve as your what to watch directory.


Pretty in Pink

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Doesn’t matter that he was a smarmy, rich asshole, you probably can’t name one chick that didn’t fall head over heels for Steff. Were we rooting for Andie and Blane? Sure. But our secret, dirty thoughts were over Spader.



Sex, Lies and Videotape

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Not many men can get away with weilding a spoon like this. Spader can and he can also steal your woman out from under you with merely a glance. Let’s all try to ignore the fact that the woman is Andie MacDowell.


White Palace

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In an unusually sweet and earnest turn (and a pretty corny film), Spader wins over the older woman. How could he not?


The Music of Chance

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If you’ve never seen this one, don’t watch the whole clip—you’ll want to see the film fresh. Even with no women in this bizarre tale, Spader is charming in a way you’ve never seen before. I defy you not to fall for him.

2 Days in the Valley


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The hair. The glasses. The voice. (Crappy video, but you get the idea.)


Secretary


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And of course, nobody knows how to bring out the best in an office worker like our man, James. If Gervais has a brain in his head, the next season of “The Office” will feature a few sly Secretary references. Now here’s a man who knows how to whip an organization into shape.


Sorry, there’s no embeddable video, so you’ll have to click over: Secretary scene

Cindy Davis doesn’t work in an office, per se, but she’s imagining James Spader as a visiting repairman…









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Comments

I don't know how to thank you for that lovely photo, Cindy.

Posted by: Jerce at July 8, 2011 1:03 PM

Oh c'mon. He's super creepy. He's obviously got a room in his house filled with stuffed dolls and pictures of his sister.

Posted by: superasente at July 8, 2011 1:13 PM

My favorite Spader film is “White Palace” because it reminds me of the time when I was in my early twenties and I was working as a security guard at this condominium community in Aventura in Miami. Anyways I lucked up and started laying the wood to this older white broad that lived there.

Posted by: Pookie at July 8, 2011 1:13 PM

What, no Crash? Why, I oughta....

Posted by: boscobarbell at July 8, 2011 1:17 PM

I loved Hammy Spader in Wolf. Overall an underappreciated movie.

Posted by: sars at July 8, 2011 1:21 PM

I mean, seriously. That Cronenberg work in (the only worthwhile) Crash stands pretty much on its own head and shoulders above all this other stuff.

Posted by: Jerry at July 8, 2011 1:32 PM

It's pretty simple: he's absolutely gorgeous. He's also been a man since birth, never a boy.

Posted by: samantha t at July 8, 2011 1:33 PM

That spanking scene really takes me back.

Spade's been a good actor. I liked him in Boston Legal.

Posted by: The Wanderer at July 8, 2011 2:00 PM

You shall not sully or besmirch or deride or defile White Palace. Pistols and paces at dawn, madame.

Spader is exactly what he needs to be in that movie, and Sarandon does not shy from looking blowsy and worn down by life

FWIW, I am Nora's age now, and I understand that movie so much better now than I did in 1990. I mean, come on, take a look at Max. The age difference wouldn't bother me one bit, nor would it most of the Pajibettes, gathering from the cougar den that the Harry Potter premiere entry turned into. (No judgment though because I would break me off a piece of all the pretty boys over there. What is that saying? "He probably can't do it well but he can do it often. And I can teach.")

Anyway, go Spader!

Posted by: Shonda at July 8, 2011 2:02 PM

No Tuff Turf? What kind of movie review site is this?

Posted by: Blank at July 8, 2011 2:04 PM

"a little puffy"?

Cindy, you are the master of the understatatement.

Posted by: PaddyDog at July 8, 2011 2:09 PM

Gah, you left out Stargate?!? Silly movie, but man Spader was the epitome of hot.

Posted by: elsie at July 8, 2011 2:17 PM

I should ... ah, I should not have watched that clip from Secretary while I was at work.

ungghgh

Posted by: Anna von Beav at July 8, 2011 2:25 PM

Puffy or no, Spader can bend me over a desk any day.
Ahem. Showing myself out...

Posted by: Jessie at July 8, 2011 2:38 PM

No Tuff Turf? What kind of movie review site is this?

Gah, you left out Stargate?!? Silly movie, but man Spader was the epitome of hot.

Y'all are both right. And I will add Jack's Back to the list of the neglected. That one has TWO Jameseses in it.

Posted by: Jerce at July 8, 2011 3:35 PM

The newspaper in the town where I grew up had some sort of controversy about the White Palace print ads as being inappropriate. I can't remember if they actually pulled them or not.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 8, 2011 3:44 PM

Less Than Zero, anyone? As a coke dealer named Rip who was pimping Robert Downey, Jr? In a movie full of despicable people, Spader was the only one I liked.

Posted by: The Fatling at July 8, 2011 3:45 PM

Come to Mama.

Posted by: klingonfree at July 8, 2011 3:46 PM

Love Spader, the man can do no wrong in my book. Two more Spader flicks I just love are BAD INFLUENCE and THE STICKUP. In the latter movie you get to see him with his real life lady love, Leslie Stefanson.

Posted by: Louise at July 8, 2011 3:51 PM


No Dream Lover love? What, has this place become G rated or something?

Spader gets to play wounded and alone, searching for reasons why, before the lucky happiness, hot dining table sex (with Madchen Amick), betrayal, and then it gets good.

Dream Lover is an exceptional guilty pleasure, which is not a bad tag for The Spader either.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at July 8, 2011 4:03 PM

De lurking to say... Guilty pleasure?! No way. No guilt at all. I would tear that ass up.

Posted by: June Velcro at July 8, 2011 6:16 PM

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Posted by: kikz at July 8, 2011 8:00 PM

What about Seinfeld? The only man to ever send George Costanza to anger-management class.

Posted by: kirbyjay at July 8, 2011 8:39 PM

guh...unf...::falls over::

secretary. yes.

Posted by: betsy at July 8, 2011 9:30 PM

In order for this to be more honest, you really need to include a clip of his recent guest spot on The Office. It would cool people down a bit. He looks like Christopher Walken. He will always be the consumate hot asshole in Pretty in Pink to me.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at July 8, 2011 10:03 PM

Snuggiepants, I saw him in RACE on Broadway last year and spoke with him; he was still gorgeous. He just needs to drop some pounds that he gained since then and get a haircut; when combed properly and cut his hair looks fine even if it is receding. I think the makeup department played up the sleazy look for the character.

Posted by: Louise at July 8, 2011 10:30 PM

My God, I admire and envy that man. I didn't realize how much till now. Spader just reeks of awesome. Hope he comes to my party next weekend.

Posted by: Greedy at July 9, 2011 12:16 AM

i was mesmerized by spader's turn in sex, lies and videotape. still love that movie after all these years. he's hot!

Posted by: splinter at July 9, 2011 11:52 AM

Seconding Wolf & Stargate. They're both such entertaining movies, & Wolf has the additional benefit of Michelle Pfeiffer being distracting & aloof. Stargate is, of course, hilariously great fun! Nothing can top Secretary (pun intended).

Posted by: harlequin at July 9, 2011 1:00 PM

I like Fat Spader even more than Steff. He's the consummate magnetic cocky bastard.

Oh, Mr. Grey!

Posted by: Stacy D at July 9, 2011 2:36 PM

i third star gate

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 9, 2011 5:24 PM

"Anyways I lucked up and started laying the wood to this older white broad that lived there."

Broad, huh?

Posted by: Brian at July 10, 2011 8:07 AM

So, it's not only me.

I've had the hots for that guy for about 30 years now and his aging and my aging haven't made one damned bit of difference.

Posted by: jmflynny at July 10, 2011 11:38 PM

Me too! I have had the hots for him for years. The great thing about loving Spader is that even if he is no longer an Adonis he is still such a terrific actor that you end up admiring and loving him anyways.

Posted by: SueB at July 11, 2011 9:36 AM

Crash. Bad Influence. White Palace. Lifetime pass into my pants for this man - forever. (also, his brain delights me; he's one of those freaky-intelligent actors who I love so much. Duchovny has badly disappointed me, and William Hurt is... well, he has a lifetime pass, too.)

Posted by: Terebi at July 11, 2011 7:45 PM

White Palace is on Netflix instant watch. Just saying.

Posted by: Debbye at July 11, 2011 9:41 PM

You have some exciting thoughts! Perhaps we ought to think about attempting this myself.

Posted by: DJ Taylormade at August 4, 2011 3:34 PM