Results – The Third Annual Pajiba Academy Award Telecast Quiz & Contest
A few days have passed since this year’s Academy Awards, and I’m sure that many of you have already moved on to pondering next year’s nominees. (Watch out for Alexander Payne’s Nebraska, Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity, and Spike Lee’s Oldboy!) We still have some old business to finish first, though, so indulge me as we reflect one last time upon Daniel Day-Lewis’ acceptance speech smoothness, Jennifer Lawrence’s endearing stumble up those steps, and James Tiberius Kirk’s noble time-traveling effort to give us the best three and a half hour entertainment spectacle that history could provide.
In the previous two installments of this illustrious competition, you might recall a level of obnoxiousness on my part. Yes, I myself vanquished all comers with the best score in each of the first two events, and I reveled in that performance with written taunts of the highest order, before bestowing the title of champion upon the best performer that did not also write the quiz.
With all the humility that Pi displayed in the presence of Richard Parker, I must acknowledge that this year there will be no taunts. Sure - I did fairly well. You could even say my score was a better showing than the dancing of Pat and Tiffany at the end of Silver Linings Playbook. Nevertheless, four of you did better.
Before we reach the big reveal, I’ll riff on a few of the more entertaining proposition bets we placed on the evening.
Regarding Mr. MacFarlane, his creation Ted did show up and perhaps trumped his creator in the bad joke department. There were no Family Guy references, however. Also, MacFarlane’s uninspired Amour joke (“This is 90”) did not register with me.
The spoken “Lincoln” count had its share of drama as the evening progressed, but in the end - in spite of the fact that the film only won two awards - Day-Lewis’ acceptance speech references and MacFarlane’s jokes pushed the number just above 24. As for the spoken “Richard Parker,” one clip from Life Of Pi gave us two of them.
Ben Affleck fulfilled two questions in his emotional stream of consciousness while accepting for Best Picture winner Argo. He alluded to unrest in Iran and acknowledged that he must be forgetting to thank some people.
The most common dress color among the designated ladies was white, even though there was substantial variance among them. My own guess of green failed to even match one dress; I think that Jennifer Lopez dress from several years back might still be burned into my brain.
Jennifer Lawrence’s acceptance speech went way under 150 seconds. She was obviously overwhelmed by the moment, and next year I’ll probably be pushing the number in that question down.
I know you’re all very eager to learn the identity of this year’s champion of our little contest. First, I’ll tell you our runners-up. There are no prizes for these folks, but their names will forever be immortalized in Pajiba history - not unlike the manner in which our 16th President is emblazoned in our history books for his tireless efforts to pass the 13th Amendment to the Constitution.
In 4th place with 13 answers correct, we have rodulio01, who competed with the dogged determination of Zero Dark Thirty’s Maya, revealing correct answers to the questions as if Osama bin Laden hid behind each one.
In 3rd place with 14 answers correct, Trish “dreamed a dream” and persevered for “one day more” with a predictive acumen that could inspire Jean Valjean to burst into the most powerful song and Javert to hurl himself to his death.
In 2nd place also with 14 answers correct (edging Trish by one minute in the tiebreaker), the chaplain hunted down Oscar results with the cool efficiency of bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz. Even if your own irresistible principles caused you to come up just short of ultimate victory, Broomhilda and Django are appreciative of your efforts.
Finally, our big winner with a staggering 15 correct is…
Yes, Robert displayed a supreme composure under pressure that could earn him a job with the CIA retrieving stranded American citizens from the Canadian embassy in Iran. Report to Hollywood for a pretend job with a fabricated science-fiction movie production! You may also hit me up for that tour of the Dolby while in Hollywood or claim the alternative Pajiba prize!
Thank you, everyone, for your participation. As always, I had fun writing the quiz, and I hope that you had fun playing along. It’s all over now, but please do not descend into the depths of Amour’s despair with this adventure’s conclusion, for I shall return!
When I die, the scientists of the future - they’re gonna find it all. They gonna know - once there was a [C. Robert Dimitri], and [he] lived with [his wife and dog] in [North Hollywood].
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