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Results – The Third Annual Pajiba Academy Award Telecast Quiz & Contest

By C. Robert Dimitri | Miscellaneous | February 27, 2013 | Comments ()


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A few days have passed since this year's Academy Awards, and I'm sure that many of you have already moved on to pondering next year's nominees. (Watch out for Alexander Payne's Nebraska, Alfonso Cuaron's Gravity, and Spike Lee's Oldboy!) We still have some old business to finish first, though, so indulge me as we reflect one last time upon Daniel Day-Lewis' acceptance speech smoothness, Jennifer Lawrence's endearing stumble up those steps, and James Tiberius Kirk's noble time-traveling effort to give us the best three and a half hour entertainment spectacle that history could provide.

In the previous two installments of this illustrious competition, you might recall a level of obnoxiousness on my part. Yes, I myself vanquished all comers with the best score in each of the first two events, and I reveled in that performance with written taunts of the highest order, before bestowing the title of champion upon the best performer that did not also write the quiz.

With all the humility that Pi displayed in the presence of Richard Parker, I must acknowledge that this year there will be no taunts. Sure - I did fairly well. You could even say my score was a better showing than the dancing of Pat and Tiffany at the end of Silver Linings Playbook. Nevertheless, four of you did better.

Before we reach the big reveal, I'll riff on a few of the more entertaining proposition bets we placed on the evening.

Regarding Mr. MacFarlane, his creation Ted did show up and perhaps trumped his creator in the bad joke department. There were no Family Guy references, however. Also, MacFarlane's uninspired Amour joke ("This is 90") did not register with me.

The spoken "Lincoln" count had its share of drama as the evening progressed, but in the end - in spite of the fact that the film only won two awards - Day-Lewis' acceptance speech references and MacFarlane's jokes pushed the number just above 24. As for the spoken "Richard Parker," one clip from Life Of Pi gave us two of them.

Ben Affleck fulfilled two questions in his emotional stream of consciousness while accepting for Best Picture winner Argo. He alluded to unrest in Iran and acknowledged that he must be forgetting to thank some people.

The most common dress color among the designated ladies was white, even though there was substantial variance among them. My own guess of green failed to even match one dress; I think that Jennifer Lopez dress from several years back might still be burned into my brain.

Jennifer Lawrence's acceptance speech went way under 150 seconds. She was obviously overwhelmed by the moment, and next year I'll probably be pushing the number in that question down.

I know you're all very eager to learn the identity of this year's champion of our little contest. First, I'll tell you our runners-up. There are no prizes for these folks, but their names will forever be immortalized in Pajiba history - not unlike the manner in which our 16th President is emblazoned in our history books for his tireless efforts to pass the 13th Amendment to the Constitution.

In 4th place with 13 answers correct, we have rodulio01, who competed with the dogged determination of Zero Dark Thirty's Maya, revealing correct answers to the questions as if Osama bin Laden hid behind each one.

In 3rd place with 14 answers correct, Trish "dreamed a dream" and persevered for "one day more" with a predictive acumen that could inspire Jean Valjean to burst into the most powerful song and Javert to hurl himself to his death.

In 2nd place also with 14 answers correct (edging Trish by one minute in the tiebreaker), the chaplain hunted down Oscar results with the cool efficiency of bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz. Even if your own irresistible principles caused you to come up just short of ultimate victory, Broomhilda and Django are appreciative of your efforts.

Finally, our big winner with a staggering 15 correct is...

Robert!

Yes, Robert displayed a supreme composure under pressure that could earn him a job with the CIA retrieving stranded American citizens from the Canadian embassy in Iran. Report to Hollywood for a pretend job with a fabricated science-fiction movie production! You may also hit me up for that tour of the Dolby while in Hollywood or claim the alternative Pajiba prize!

Thank you, everyone, for your participation. As always, I had fun writing the quiz, and I hope that you had fun playing along. It's all over now, but please do not descend into the depths of Amour's despair with this adventure's conclusion, for I shall return!

When I die, the scientists of the future - they're gonna find it all. They gonna know - once there was a [C. Robert Dimitri], and [he] lived with [his wife and dog] in [North Hollywood].


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • rodulio01

    Jennifer Lawrence wins with the fall. She handled it perfectly as one would expect from her.

    Oh, and well played Robert! I'm thrilled whenever I can make Pajiba history! Until next year...

  • the chaplain

    I'm gunning for you next time Robert. I will not rest until I have received a copy of 'Beasts of the Southern Wild' on DVD. NEVER FORGET!

  • BWeaves

    That dress was strapless. SO MUCH could have gone wrong if she tripped on the front hem.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That J.Lo dress was for the Grammys, dude, but you're a man so I'll let it slide. Also, I'd not really say the prevailing color was white, but there was a boring array of neutrals.

    For all those who hated the boobs song, I give you:
    http://slog.thestranger.com/sl...

    (you can play it over this video)
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...

    and congrats, Roboito.

  • C. Robert Dimitri

    White. Cream. Whatever those shades' cousins are. Oscars. Grammys. One Red Carpet. Another Red Carpet. It's all the same to me. :- )

  • chanohack

    Can we talk about how gorgeous she is in that picture? She looks great standing in the dress, but AMAZING falling up the steps in it. I would never say she staged it (because I get the impression she stages nothing), but The Fall could not have been more successful if they'd planned it. How better to simultaneously humanize her AND show off her perfection? Ok, well, MAYBE it could have gone better if Hugh Jackman had simply scooped her up and carried her the rest of the way to the microphone, but then a lot of people watching at home (and possibly Jennifer) would have just died, so I'd say it was responsibly-played all around.

    Oh, and way to go, Robert!

  • Kati

    I was thinking the same thing. The curve of her back and the line of her dress are just lovely.

  • Robert

    I won? Wow.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Watch your back "Robert". if that's even your real name.

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