Pajiba's Weekly Caption Contest
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Pajiba's Weekly Caption Contest

By Michael Murray and Replica | Miscellaneous | August 3, 2012 | Comments ()


As expected, all the captions for last week's image were zingy and brilliant, except for those that weren't. As I abhor democracy, I paid little attention to the Upvotes and have awarded the winners based solely on my boozy whimsy.

In the spirit of the Olympics, I would like to award third place, the bronze medal usually reserved for Canada, to becks2point0. Becks, there will be a parade for you in Sault St. Marie and a folk singer will write a song about you that all Canadian children will learn in grade two. Second place, normally reserved for the USA, goes to Stallonewolf, whose caption was filthy and brilliant, much like America. USA! USA! USA! Stallonewolf, you will be drug tested. And the winner, the place normally reserved for China, goes to L.O.V.E because he was dirty and he provided a video link.

This was his caption:

You gotta pay the troll toll / If you wanna get into my boy's hole.

L.O.V.E. you get a DVD copy of Jersey Shore Shark Attack signed by Dustin Rowels. We do not know who this person is, but that's who signed it. Send us your address, or the address of the person, institution or plot of land you want to receive this video, and we will send it.

And let this be a lesson to Stallonewolf and Becks2point0, videos count. If you can add a creepy video-- like L.O.V.E did-- to your submission, you would have destroyed him.

Once again, we have no idea how exactly the voting is going to take place, but we do know that there will be a winner and that the winner will receive a prize. The prizes, I believe, are coming from the basement of the Rowels family, and it is said that the Rowels were royalty many generations ago, so you never know, you might get some vinyl or something cool (Publisher's Note: SyFy will be sending me free copies of Jersey Shore Shark Attack, so that's what the winner will get for the next few weeks).

This week, the image, once again supplied by Replica, is this:

You can do whatever you want with this, of course, but I was thinking of us giving chapter headings to the book, a bio of the author, a story of how the book intersected with your life, a jacket blurb, or little snatches of prose from the novel. But do anything, you can make a video of your Lego miniatures acting out a scene from the book or anything else that might indulge your appetite.

I will start things off with this:


"By page 36 I knew I was gay."

Fight the Power! Support Gay Marriage at Chick-Fil-A Today By Not Being a Complete and Total Douchebag | Eloquent Eloquence: Reincorporation Is the Secret to Great Comedy

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Marketing Blurb: You may not die in this house, but you'll wish you could.
    Table of Contents
    Ch. 1 - It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
    Ch. 2 - FVCK! Somebody Turn Off The Sun!
    Ch. 3 - Conversations With A Porcelain Bowl
    Ch. 4 - Whose Car Is This In The Pool?
    Ch. 5 - In Which Pooh Bear Learns That Aspirin Won't Bring A Dead Hooker Back To Life
    Ch. 6 - To Die. To Sleep. To Sleep, Perchance To Dream
    ...and so on... *
    * Which of course is the lazy way of saying, "Here is where I ran out of ideas."

  • All Carl had wanted was a safe place to vomit. He hadn't expected to fall in love.

  • Hangover House: A Dark Tale of Drunken Debauchery and Date Rape, as told by the President of Alpha Phi Alpha.

  • special snowflake

    The inside page reading
    More Books By Sax Rohmer:
    Dry Mouth Den
    Coughing Blood Cabin
    Barf Barracks
    Retching Ranch
    Inebriated Igloo
    Puke Palace
    Dry Heave Dwelling
    I'm all done here, honest.

  • special snowflake

    About The Author: Sax Rohmer is a prolific writer, with 17 novels of suspenseful and chilling mysteries to his credit prior to 'Hangover House', his first published work. From his humble beginnings as a foster child of indeterminate parentage in the rural outskirts of Blytheville, Arkansas, to his current status as a well-known pedestrian of no fixed income, Rohmer is a self-described 'renaissance guy' who has entertained the patrons of Slocum's Bar and Fixins with an eclectic variety of talents, ranging from shadow-hand silhouettes of deformed centipedes to delightful impersonations of Jimmy Durante and Agnes Moorehead.
    An accomplished classical air guitarist and mirror actor with a passion for creativity far exceeding his abilities, Rohmer has produced a stunning epic of complex personalities and unique plot contrivances of marginal interest with the debut of this astonishingly page-filled book.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I sorta love this idea, but "caption" is different from "creative inspiration for a short piece of writing or film".

    I guess I'm a wet blanket today. A very, uncreative-feeling wet blanket.

  • special snowflake

    "...The most ferociously original horror [novel] of the year..."
    Stephen King

  • Ted Zancha

    Chapter 7- And then there were hands.

  • Aston

    Wilson handed the manuscript back to Greg. "The story was moving, and the character of Sax was beautifully realised, but you may want to rethink your pen-name."

  • Max

    The unabridged travel guide to one of Mitt Romney's lesser known houses.

  • pumpkin

    In a terrifying alternate universe, President Palin and her fun-lovin' family are stalked by the ghost of John McCain.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Trying to profit from the success of the recent Hangover movies, Hugh Hefner renames the Playboy Mansion.

  • mrcreosote

    Hangover House, the leading fast food resturant in New Orleans fully supports gay marriage, but they draw the line at gay line dancing.

  • googergieger

    *finishes last page of book and closes it*

    I don't get it. I mean not once was that house ever hung over. In fact, the house seemed perfectly fine. I mean people inside got up to some shenanigans but all in all, I'd say that house was a very very fine house.

  • Bert_McGurt

    But I don't even see ONE cat in the yard, nevermind two!

  • Puddin

    O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend
    The brightest heaven of invention!

    Either that, or some fucking eggs, man. *burp*

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Chapter One: Who took my eyeballs out and rolled them around on a shag carpet?
    Chapter Two: Where's the cat that shat in my mouth?
    Chapter Three: What happened to my underpants?

  • bleujayone

    Dean Wormer thought his nightmares had finally come to an end after his dealings with Delta Tau Chi..... but they were only the beginning.

  • Bert_McGurt

    "Truly, Xi Nu Eta Lambda was the most disturbing fraternity in all of New England."

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Sax Rohmer lives in his very own Hangover House (studio apartment over a cheap bar) in New York. He lives with his two stuffed cats, Rosco and Muffin Sticks, and the ghost of his first wife. He enjoys Scotch, dumpster Chinese take out, and the occasional fine Cuban cigar butt that he finds on the streets. Rohmer has written over seven books, all creepier than that uncle of yours that no one talks about.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Hangover House: The House That Jager Built

  • Ha! Misread that as 'The House That Jagger Built'. Still fits.

  • L.O.V.E.

    TMZ Celebrity Tour voiceover:

    "And if you look closely enough, you can see the ghost of David Carradine...

  • L.O.V.E.

    Oh, yahhh. This is how I do it. My estate in Côte d'Azur is undergoing renovations, so just send it to my California beach house.

    Time to celebrate old school style. Kick it, Montell.

  • becks

    Having gotten the Al Gore treatment I will now devote my life to global warming and complex carbohydrates.

  • BWeaves

    1. When you announce the winners, it would be helpful if you repeated the visual and repeated what the top three winning entries were. Thanks.

    2. Chapter 1. Arrival. It was a dark and stormy night, and . . . I got nothing.

  • Michael Murray

    And so shall it be, from now on the top three entries will be reposted as will the visual!

  • BWeaves

    Thanks! Some of us have very short memories, or have a hard time refinding the original post. I only got RR Turbo yesterday. Can't say I notice any difference.

  • mswas

    a shot rang out! The maid screamed!

  • zeke_the_pig

    'After an uncertain start, Fifty Shades of Gargamel proved a surprising best seller.'

  • BarbadoSlim

    We have a weekly caption contest?

  • BWeaves

    If you didn't spend your days at Hangover House, you would know that.

  • Hawkeye Fierce

    This is why we can't have nice things.

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