Pajiba

The Holy Grail!
When I read that, me and a crowd of voices in my head went "yaaay" somewhat quietly.
Glad someone else recognized that too Morgan LaFai.

Oh and I was definitely rooting for Canada during that hockey game. And I'm American. Whooops.

As a Canadian I am embarrassed about the closing ceremonies, but I am super happy that these shenanigans are almost over. I have to go into Vancouver tomorrow so I hope that all the celebrations are all over by then.

But the highlight of the games was watching the tough American hockey players almost crying as they got their silver medals, it was almost worth all the money we spent on these stupid games.

Canada: Still employing mimes!

Alli, I know nothing about the lovely municipality of Vancouver, except that apparently it has at least one mime in it. But I do know about sporting events and the aficionados thereof, and if I were you I'd watch out for passed-out drunks in the street and wear galoshes and a Mackintosh so you don't get vomit on ya.

Fucking Mimes.

There are grades of Evil, you know - all the way up to Unspeakable, and the only way to communicate Unspeakable Evil is via mime.

The things you see when you can't call in an air strike...

If you didnt watch the closing ceremonies of the Olympics you have missed the funniest (and best ) closing ceremonies EVER. And I HATE these kinds of events.

Neil Young played the closing ceremonies.

What more do you need?

That was the most intense hockey game EVER! And as much as I loved seeing my Canadian guys win, I did feel bad that the American players had to sit there on the ice as everyone celebrated. And to make it especially painful, they marched the gold medals right by all of their sad faces. Ouch.

I wasn't a big fan of the Closing Ceremony. The CTV announcer said it best when she said it felt like she was walking through an airport gift shop... But flying moose? HELL YES.

I did the sound for the Gold Medal Game.
The Americans (Kesler and Miller in particular) looked FURIOUS that they had won silver!
I was pretty much prepared to lose, and imagined that the Canadians would have been smiling a bit more at just being there.

Tonight I was ChatRoulette Questing with my friend
(We were seeing if we could find each other by clicking next repeatedly)

AND...I got the Jonas Brothers! Well, either them or their doppelgangers. Weird? Also, they told me I'm cute!!!!!!!!!!! OMG the JoBros like me!!!!!!!! I can totes go to Cali and marry Joe! Cuz, like, Kev's already married, and Nick's probs a lil young for me. But, like, if he matures some I guess it'd work. Cuz his hair is adorbs.

Seriously, though, it really happened. I was so disarmed by Joe's eyebrows that I took off my cunning disguise. Except I may have inadvertently insulted them (oops).

I love clowns. (Good, proper, Jaques le Coq clowns.) And so does everyone in Quebec. And I told everyone, "At some point, there will be a clown." And there was, and it was HILARIOUS.

Only Canadians would make fun of their own international snafu (i.e. the giant joint's failure to launch). And they did, and it was HILARIOUS.

William FUCKING Shatner. And he did, and it was HILARIOUS. University of McGill, WHAT WHAT

And, the acid-trip Maple Leaf Forever pageant with slutty mounties and voyageurs in canoes? Brill! And you know the USA could never get away with that, because the Secret Amendment would prohibit them from expressing any irony whatsoever toward their country. Also, it wouldn't have the same zing because my general impression of middle america is, that's just how they live there life. Every morning starts out with a swingin' jazz reinterp of This Land is My Land where pilgrims and cowboys square dance and kill indians with gusto.

And then it all went to the shitter. Yes, they had Neil Young. He sucked. Yes, they had Alanis. Somehow, she sucked. It looked for a moment like her boob was going to pop out. Sadly, it didn't.

Ling:

If you are suggesting in any way, shape or form that "This Land is My Land" is a song for those of the middle-America mind-set, you are so badly off base. Also, middle-America: not so big on jazz.

I predicted it on my Twitter and I was right. Those giant inflatable Canadian animals and faux-ginger maple leaves gave me nightmares. Like, wake up in the middle of the night screaming nightmares. Dear Lord, that was horrifying. I love camp, but that was faceless clowns in the Electric Light Parade at Disney World status. Can't sleep, cardboard hockey players will eat me.

That was an amazing hockey tournament. It's going to be tough going back to watching the NHL. It makes the answer obvious: you're having trouble getting people to watch the games anyway, so shrink it to the key markets and consolidate the talent pool. There was no room on these teams for the cheap shot artists and clutch-and-grab cowards that slow down the NHL to near-unwatchable levels.

Then we can talk about getting rid of stupid crap like the shootout.

Michael J. Fox was absolutely just the sweetest thing of the closing ceremonies.

Team Canada - 14 Gold Medals!!!!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDD!

Fuck, yessity-yes! I ran out into the streets on Yonge and Eglinton and partied like a brain-damaged rhesus monkey. Those buses weren't going anywhere. I have no voice left and Courtney Love-level thigh and shin bruising and it's awesome. I'm not a hockey fanatic, but everything just came together in this perfect storm of impromptu elation and tomfoolery. It was good, clean fun and everyone smiled, clapped, sang and danced. We're talking about downtown Toronto here, and they effectively shut off parts of the roads so everyone could go play. The unseasonable warmth was a bonus. How often do you get to just forget that you're alive and go play?

Can you imagine how much monkey Sidney Crosby is raking in? I guess he'll be the one to have to adopt me until Julia Louis-Dreyfus starts answering my calls.

I went to my sister's place to watch the ceremonies. I was brushing my teeth and I heard her say, 'Noooooo!!!' Then Nickelback came on. Naturally, she said that this is worst choice for an ambassador, and naturally, I agreed with her. I submitted that this is a band for whom we are always compelled to apologize. Them and Avril Lavigne, and then guess what? What dimension was this? Where's Pazuzu?

I think the cheese factor would have been more successful if it involved someone like Martin Short heading it. I've never dropped acid, but would that have been it? I mean, there's nutzoid, and then there's Jackie Rogers, Jr. Mmmmm, imagine the lineup: Jackie Rogers Jr., Sammy Maudlin, Johnny LaRue, Bobby Bittman, Lola Heatherton, Bill Needle...why didn't I organize this? They could've had a telethon for something, they were always having telethons.

Then what? Simple (fucking) Plan? Dude's emo grate sounds like a weasel being shoved through a fan belt, and that is just dangerous for the humours. He was probably singing some arse about homework, and how he has to start cutting himself because he just now heard of the demise of Pretty Poison. 'Oh no, mom's back from the methadone clinic and says she sold my Sega in the yard sale, mwah.'

Then Hedley, featuring a lead singer who's name I do know, but I only refer to him as 'Mouth'. He should thank me.

Alanis is still sloughing the Ryan Reynolds stank off of her. I think the most charitable thing to do is to pray for her, for there is no desquamation of the soul. I was pretty sure that Celine was going to come out and do that thing where she's half-scatting, part dolphin-clicking and thumping the 'accent aigu' off of her chest. I wouldn't complain, that would have had razmatazz.

You know Peart wouldn't have shown up. They should've gone with Gino Vanelli. Black Car, Grey Carpet.

But yeah, some of those acts--why do we allow this? Do we think that our health care is so good that can reconstruct the heads of an entire nation after each one exploded a la Scanners? It's not. Why test the theory?

'Excuse me, I was watching the closing--'
'Wait in the Twitch Ward.'
'Where does the line start?'
'Chicoutimi.'
'Do you know how long--'
'India hasn't invented a number for that yet.'
'It's just, I kind of have plans for August--'
'This ward doubles as CBC soundstage, if you're not too covered in viscera, you can watch. Be quiet though, they've got twelve more minutes of footage to finish. That's half of the season.'
'Oh, what's it called?'
'The Scabiest Hobo.'
'Mm. Any reading material?'
'Farley Mowat's new--'
'Next.'
'The Erotic Mysteries of Meech Lake.'
'Uh...'
'Yes?'
'I'm already having blood issues.'
'Would you like to apply for a Nanaimo bar infusion?'
'Is that a thing?'
'Are M.R.I.s a thing?'
'Uh...,--uh.'
'It's covered in your Astral Projection Waiver.'
'You mean hypertension pamphlet?'
'I'm positive that it's astral projection, there are no second opinions'.
'Well, I...'
'So you know, by not saying your sentences in French as well, the hospital automatically rescinds its offer to wash the poutine off of your corpse.'
'Can they put in a long boat after?'
'Gravy train.'
'Oh.
'By groaning, OHIP no longer covers the 'Coast of Inhalation' tax on your hospital stay.'
'Okay and 'D'accord.'
'Just for Laughs is presenting a radio drama, 'Going Proroguing Go Rogue Pro-Go-Go Grow a Rogue-a-Brogue.'
'Where am I?'
'Basically, Stephen Harper has harnessed the power of his grasshopper eyes to lure us away from the 'P' section of our dictionaries, past the Plouffe Family, around the exploits of one Passe-Partout the Clown, and when he gives the signal, Sarah Palin seals everyone up in a lime cave.'
'Why?'
'For kicks'.
'Fair enough. Um, I'm in a lot of pain, do you have booze?'
'Wayne Gretzky has a vineyard--'
'Something already reviewed?'
'You know, since you're already dead on account of your head exploding, I suggest you leave the clients in peace, let triage continue with its quilting circle, and take your brain drain somewhere more suitable to your demands for fleetness.'
'Wonder where that could be? And the treatment?'
'You have to fill out a requisition and in six to eight months, you'll get a parcel with the scripts from a couple of 'Hinterland's Who's Who' episodes. I believe 'The Congress of the Loon' is included. You can use it to papier mache the stump, and some 'previously owned' butter tarts act as an apoxy. And proxy.'
'Munchies.'
'Hausen?'
'by Proxy'
'Ugh.'
'Send in the Dismembering Mannequins.'

And who is this Yanovsky chick? She performed at both? She must be some powerful jailbait. Someone brought up her inappropriate pants, and I was thinking about that too, because the reflection made a glare over her reproduction section. This wasn't helped by the fact that the new HPV vaccination with the scrambling over the area in question directly followed. They didn't think that through. Maybe they should've worked in a spot about scalding yourself at work or minding your illicit drug intake. Or 'The Sweater'. I'll never tire of that.

"I don't know why the American teams should be bawww-ing over anything; they still won more medals combined than anyone else. >.> Sheesh."

Well, I don't think the gold in the four-man bobsled was much consolation for the hockey team.