If you're a Red Sox fan today, here are my condolences. And a tiny violin. Feel free to combine the two and $4 of your own cash, and buy yourself a cup of Starbucks Java. Congrats to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, who have no fans. Anywhere. Oh, and fuck the Phillies (for good measure).
Meanwhile, if you're an NFL fan: Wow! What a crappy, unexciting slate of games you had the misfortune of sitting through, and if you don't have DirectTV, and live in either the Buffalo or Cleveland markets, congratulations! You may have witnessed the dullest game of the decade. "Desperate Housewives" doesn't seem so bad after that sad excuse for football.
Here's what's on tonight:
-- "Brothers" on Fox. New episode. Special night and time! I have no idea what this show is.
--"Yankees vs. Twins" on TBS. Just go ahead and put the poor Twins out of their misery, New York. Who's excited for the LAA/NY matchup? Yeah. Nobody.
-- "America's Funniest Home Videos" on ABC. Tonight's episode features exclusively the Oakland Raiders defense.
-- "Extreme Home Makeover Syndrome" or whatever it's called. On ABC. Watch it. It'll give you syphilis.
-- "Amazing Race" on CBS. Great reality show, but it never gets that good until about week 5. I think the abusive husband was booted last week, so it's not even got the asshole factor going for it at the moment.
-- "The Simpsons" on Fox.
--- "Colts vs. Titans" on NBC. It's what I'll be watching tonight, though I wouldn't expect a particularly compelling game. Colts 42, Titans 17.
-- "Cleveland Show" on Fox. I'll let you folks make up your own Cleveland Steamer joke. And as god-awful as this show is, it's better than the Browns.
-- "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on HBO. The Seinfeld cast has certainly improved the show markedly. Although, seeing Michael Richards now is kind of creepy.
-- "Dexter" on Showtime. With Lithgow, it's already a better season than last.
-- "'Family Guy" on Fox.
-- "Drop Dead Diva" has its season finale on Lifetime.
-- "Three Rivers" has its second episode on CBS. A fourth episode is probably out of the question.
-- "Bored to Death" on HBO. The title sums it up nicely.
-- "Californiacation" on Showtime. I actually don't watch this show. Just never cared for it.
-- Nick Swardson has a special on Comedy Central. It's called "Who Farted?" If your DVR records it for you as a DVR suggestion, go ahead and kill yourself.
-- "Mad Men" on AMC. The problem with this show? It's great when it's in the office. When it leaves the office, it suffers.
-- "Brothers and Sisters" on ABC.