MAD MEN / GAME OF THRONES / MINDHOLE BLOWERS / NETFLIX



New Hobbit Posters Or Pantene Commercial? You Decide.

By Joanna Robinson | Miscellaneous | November 4, 2013 | Comments ()


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Only 39 shopping days until The Hobbit 2: Electric Dwarvaloo hits theaters. Here are seven new glossy-haired character posters to get you in the mood.

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First of all, what in blazes is going on with Bilbo’s face and hair? Why photoshop the adorable perfection that is Martin Freeman? I mean, I get giving the elves the marble statue treatment, but the hobbit? Leave his crags be. Also why is his hair fifty shades of darker? In case you forgot, this is what Bilbo Baggins looks like.
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Secondly, we all agree that after the Cumberbatch voice, Lee Pace’s performance as Legolas’s Dwarf Racist Party Dad, Thranduil is the thing we’re looking forward to the most, right? LOOK HOW DAMN FABULOUS.
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Thirdly, I am, with reservation, looking forward to Luke Evans as Bard The Bowman. Evans (that’s the second head of hair from the bottom) has been pretty decent in a number of terrible movies (The Three Musketeers, The Immortals) and I’d like to see him break out.

Finally, first person to photoshop “LothL’√≥real: Because You’re Worth It” on the bottom of these posters gets some freshly baked Lembas bread.



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins (as played by Harry Styles).

  • John W

    Lee Pace looks like the Incredible Burt Wonderstone.

  • llp

    These... look like the terrible Twilight posters we all mocked not so long ago. Dirrrrtttttyyyy.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Some of them rather look like they've been hitting the Brylcreem.

    "A little dab'll do ya."

  • Sean

    A few points:
    -Lee Pace's elven locks are fucking glorious
    -The Hobbit 2: Electric Dwarvaloo ought to be the real title
    -I agree, Martin Freeman's hair is needlessly dark
    -This film looks like a major improvement over An Unexpected Journey
    -JoRo wins the Internet

  • Lisa Bee

    More like Desolation of my Clothes when Thranduil whips his fabulous flowing cloak like that... (Lalalaaa nothing to see here)

  • Kathleen Allen

    "I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse and it's neither creamy nor rinsy."

  • emmalita

    Classic Buffy!

  • sanity fair

    All the upvotes for you!!!

  • Mrs. Julien

    We had to buy shampoo. The real poo was too expensive.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Ha ha ha these are almost entirely terrible. Take the photoshop away from these people, they're obviously drunk on Mirkwood's best wine barrels.

    Nothing stops me from impatiently waiting to see Thranduil, and my feelings re: Cumbersmaug are that the actual dragon probably won't be half as entertaining as those shots of him playing him on motion capture.

  • Samantha Klein

    Ohhhh, Lee. So SASSY.

  • bastich

    The posters look more like Clairol Loving Care commercials to me.

    ("I'm gonna wash that Smaug right out of my hair....")

  • Mrs. Julien

    If they can guarantee that Thorin Oakenshield will susurrate "Look back. Look back at me" at any point in the proceedings, I will pay to see this in the theatre; otherwise, I'll wait to fall asleep during the DVD.

  • Beth Ellen

    If he does, I will see it every week in the theatres until it leaves. I need John Thornton on the large screen.

  • alannaofdoom

    JONATHAN! BRING ME MY GREENLIGHT!

  • BWeaves

    Since when is Will Farrell playing Bilbo Baggins?

    And why are there so many bit parts and NON-parts getting big move posters, and practically none of the dwarves are?

    Let's face it, Thranduil has a very, very small part in the books, and Legolas, and girlfriend are non-existent. Well, technically, Gandalf disappears for most of the book, "If you mean that incident with the dragon, I was barely involved."

    Also, I was under the impression, from reading the book, that the Wood Elves were a bit more earthy than the Rivendell and Lothlórien Elves. Lee Pace's outfits just scream DRAG QUEEN to me.

  • Pawesl

    Because Peter Jackass is not following the books and adding in extra fluff and garbage to make this last even longer than it needs to be.

  • Mrs. Julien

    ... and drag queens? Because that would be some awesome Middle Earth realness right there.

  • BWeaves

    Elrond, Queen of the Desert.

    Thranduil, Queen of the Wood. (Oh! That works better than I thought it wood, I mean would.)

  • alannaofdoom

    "To Sauron Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar"

  • Leelee

    I might have let out a small sigh of "Legolas..." at his poster.
    Now all I need is Aragorn to make an appearance and let my sweet 2001 flashback continue.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Orlando Bloom was quite adorably charming on Colbert last week.

  • Guest

    What did they do to you Ned?

    *Bonus photos of Lee to cleanse Thranduil from your mind.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    You know what they did to Ned? THEY AWESOMEFIED HIM.

  • BWeaves

    That pornstache is disturbing.

  • troublesometots

    I'm with you. That stash looks like it's trying to lure girlscouts into an unmarked van.

  • emmalita

    If he were really luring GIRLscouts I'd be there and lurable.

  • llp

    You and me both, girlfriend.

  • emmalita

    How is life in Lee Pace's pants?

  • llp

    Much more mundane that the fabulousity up there would have you believe.

  • emmalita

    *sigh* Isn't that the way it always goes.

  • Guest

    I have to disagree, but that's only because with the stache he reminds of a young Tom Selleck.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Frederic Forrest.

  • Guest

    Totes.

  • Jesus, Martin Freeman looks like a sprightly, Botox-ed 90-year old woman, pissed off and coming at you with a knife after you've 'cheated' at bingo one too many times.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Judi Dench as Bilbo Baggins? Now that's a sequel I would watch.

  • Protoguy

    Who beat Freeman up with a makeup brush?

  • Monica

    The 14 year old girl in me needs those Legolas and Thranduil posters like lungs need air. Like lions need moisture.

  • JoannaRobinson

    The family that deep conditions together, stays together.

  • fluff_fluff

    People I never thought would be tryna sell me mascara: Martin Freeman?

  • Giroux IA

    Come Thranduil; "don't be a drag, just be a queen."

  • Andrew

    Photoshop really should get a producing credit at the bottom of all these posters.

  • Specifically the individual artist, and the exec who gave the thumbs up for each, so I know whose bloody kitchen to set fire to.

  • Ian Fay

    And that Martin Freeman one is almost unrecognizable.

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