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It's Science! Movies Will Turn Your Children Into Whores

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | August 7, 2012 | Comments ()


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Well, we know that watching movies apparently will give your kids lung cancer, turn them into alcoholics, and increase the chances that they become violent, and now we know that movies will also turn your teenage children into whores.

According to a new study conducted by psychological scientists at Dartmouth University, children who watch features films with sexual content have a tendency to start having sex at a younger age, have more casual sexual partners, and engage in unsafe sexual practices.

The study noted that a personal trait predominant in those aged 10-15 is "sensation seeking," in which adolescents seek out all kinds of intense stimuli. Combine this behavior with "wild hormone surges," and the researchers discovered that movie sex induced a higher peak in sensation seeking.

The study looked at over 1200 people between the ages of 12 and 14, and what was particularly "alarming" was that sexual content or situations could be found in 68 percent of G-rated movies, 82 percent of PG, and 85 percent of PG-13.

OH MY GOD.

OK. Let's work backwards from here. If 68 percent of G-Rated movies include sexual content, the definition of sex in this study is clearly very broad and includes innuendos and making out. Therefore, most kids between the ages of 12 and 14 have viewed sexual content, except for the kids that don't watch movies. Kids who don't watch movies are probably dullards, puritans, and kids who come from families with strict parents, so they're less likely to find other people in common with them, and therefore less likely to have sex between the ages of 12 and 14.

However, if you were to do a follow-up study on the same people who didn't have a lot of sex between 12 and 14 because of strict upbringings, you'll probably find that those same people are also more likely to engage in a profession that involves dancing with poles in their 20s and/or engage in fetishistic sex.

It's the law of averages.

Indeed, the only real way to decrease a person's level of promiscuity over his or her lifetime is to introduce Star Wars or Lord of the Rings to them at a very young age and ensure that their interest in those films becomes a full-blown obsession. Braces, unfashionable clothing, high-fat diets, and underdeveloped senses of humor might also decrease their levels of sexual activity, on account of no one wanting to have sex with them. If all else fails, there's always castration.

(Source)


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • I absolutely love the word "dullard".

  • Maguita NYC

    Wait a minute, your source is Fox "News"??!
    Shame.

  • If 68 percent of G-Rated movies include sexual content, the definition of sex in this study is clearly very broad and includes innuendos and making out.
    True, but until someone (greater than Pajiba, sorry) calls them on it this study will quietly become accepted as fact and trotted out every time someone wants to argue Hollywood is sexualising kids. The same method (no, I'm not trolling) has given us the often quoted but never sourced 'statistic' that one in four women will be sexually abused - but the definition of abuse is wider than most would think and includes 'an unwelcome sexual advance' ie being hit on in a bar.
    Whoever started the 'you have to drink 7 glasses of water a day' myth has got a lot to answer for.

  • googergieger

    Wait, then what in the hell are the Bratz dolls going to make our children?!

  • Sluts 'n whores, all of them. Guarranteed.

  • Yes, let's assume all sexual activity is bad sexual activity. Nothing like projecting false dichotomies into the already confused world of ignorance. The analytical nerd side of me would love to pick apart the large number of correlative factors that could also explain this with equal causality, while the parent of a girl who will soon approach puberty would love to spirit her away to the Shire, while the thoughtful modernist would love to suggest that it's not exposure to sexual activity that creates unhealthy activity among youngsters, but the moralistic context in which children view such activities. Of course, now I'm confused. Maybe I should just watch a Spartacus (STARZ version, natch) marathon to be sure.

  • Maguita NYC

    Ah yes, every parent's nightmare, how to deal with your little girl's approaching womanhood. Think upon the first punk you would meet who will be taking your daughter out...

    I sympathize @Tomas353:disqus .

  • If I wasn't already married and done having babies, I'd ask you to join me in both for this answer alone.

  • Cheers.

  • Lisa Bee

    Sometimes I think that even when there are sexual innuendos and the likes in G-rated movies, kids watching them never really "get it", do they?
    I mean, how many times have I watched a film as a kid and liked it, and then re-watched it as an adult and FINALLY understood all the jokes and references in it? So the only way that someone of a young age would understand a sexual reference or subject in a film would be if they were already exposed to some kind of lesson in sexual behaviour beforehand, right?
    I don't know, of course, but it seems unlikely that cinema would have a significant bearing on the actions of (most) young people, no matter how "influential" it might seem.

  • melissa82

    "Ruthless People" at age 6...I was on par with Bill Pullman, thought the police dude was killing that poor woman. And when I wanted to watch it again I called it the "Huey and Dewey Movie."

  • Maguita NYC

    The first time I saw a somewhat explicit sex scene in a movie I was 9 years old.

    My parents had a special place where they hid movies for more adult viewers, and thought us kids never knew about it. Until one day, I decided to take a peek. They were out and we had a 16 year-old babysitter who didn't give a shit, so I simply slipped one movie in (back then it was still VHS), and fast-forwarded until I saw what I think was kinky weirdness.

    A woman, fully clothed in long skirt and proper top, was hanging from a gym bar, and a naughty gym teacher had his hand under her skirt.

    And the woman was making weird painful moaning sounds.

    My 6 year-old sister looked at me with a huge question mark on her face, and of course as always, being the most knowledgeable secret agent for the Information Center for Tourism, I gave an answer, the way I understood the situation:

    "The bad-bad man is viciously pulling out all her pubic hair.'

    At 12 years old my sister started shaving all her pubes. How do I know this? My father kept on embarrassingly accusing me of using his razors without his consent, until the culprit came forward and admitted to it.

  • $27019454

    I'm oddly disturbed by this story. All of it.

  • alannaofdoom

    I certainly remember my elementary school years, when everyone was listening to "Baby Got Back" and my parents were SCANDALIZED and I did not understand why. He's just talking about hamburgers, right? Thick and juicy? Obviously you can't have a burger without the bun!

  • Snath

    "However, if you were to do a follow-up study on the same people who didn’t have a lot of sex between 12 and 14 because of strict upbringings, you’ll probably find that those same people are also more likely to engage in a profession that involves dancing with poles in their 20s and/or engage in fetishistic sex making up retarded surveys about movie sex and teenagers."

    Fixed.

  • BarbadoSlim

    So THAT explains it! Sorry mom.

  • Indeed, the only real way to decrease a person’s level of promiscuity over his or her lifetime is to introduce Star Wars or Lord of the Rings to them at a very young age...

    That worked for a little while, but even the addition of braces could not stop my eldest. Granted, the steady girlfriend (also a geek) may have had something to do with that. At least they waited until 16/17...I think (I don't want to know any more than I already do).

    Does reading about sex give similar results? How about advertising, television, or even having affectionate adults around? It seems to me it would be hard to control for other factors in this study.

  • True_Blue

    Should have gone with manga/anime. Then he would have had a virtual girlfriend (or a girlfriend pillow) and never engage in any sexual conduct (which involves another human).

  • Maguita NYC

    Great point! Movies alone are neither result nor cause. Too many outside factors impact such behavior as well.

    Starting with easy internet access: I'd rather my kid watch a movie heavy on tasteful sexuality/sensuality, rather than watch increasingly disturbing, nothing to say of unrealistic, web porn.

  • BWeaves

    Let's see, Pajiba is made up of movie reviewers. All said movie reviewers just had babies within the last 12 months, which implies they had sex at least once (or 1/2 in Dustin's case since he had 2 at one shot).

  • Fredo

    This, of course, explains the massive promiscuity that movie reviewers, critics and bloggers have.

    I mean, Sundance is nothing more than a massive orgy. And Cannes? Why do you think it's held in France?

  • pajiba

    A Sundance orgy?! Trust me when I say that would be the most unpleasant thing in the world to watch: A mass of beards, pasty skin, cellulite, awkwardness, and unwarranted self importance. Everyone would review each others' performances, and try to be the first one to finish.

  • Fredo

    And what's worst: everyone would be talking about how it's just a lame copy of the great orgies of the past.

  • Maguita NYC

    "A mass of beards, pasty skin, cellulite, awkwardness, and unwarranted self importance ."
    Sounds like the 70s to me.

  • brite

    Hah!

  • $27019454

    Or last weekend.

    It's a long story. Nevermind.

  • Maguita NYC

    Oh, that was your hairy ass? Nevermind.

  • Anecdata

    Yeah, there's absolutely no way this could be interpreted the other way around: that kids more interested in sex will seek out movies with more sexual content. Definitely not.

  • linny

    Say whaaaaa? You mean correlation doesn't automatically infer a single direction of causality? That there's crazy talk.

  • Mrcreosote

    Really? Nerd baiting? Come on, just because you got caught in a theater is no reason to take it out on the poor schlub wearing elf ears. Well, maybe that kid, he probably deserves it.
    68% of G rated movies have sexual content? Is there an unedited version of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang that I missed?

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    Have you watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Holy crow that movie is heavy on the strange! There's this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v... just to get you started.

  • Anne Lucchesi

    Wow, I remember the song, but not the costumes. Whoah.

    That said, have you read the book? It was by Ian Fleming and totally different than the movie. They made it so much more bizarre!

  • $27019454

    It's true. Totally fucked up movie. I'm scarred for life. And I'm pissed somebody brought this up. I thought I had it aaaaaall blocked out. Thanks.

  • PerpetualIntern

    I haven't read the article yet, but thanks for the header pic.

  • Fredo

    I don't know why but that header pic gives me the heebie-jeebies.

    It's like seeing the toddlers your friends have making out.

  • Maguita NYC

    Better them having sex then getting upsettingly too kinky into guns. More sex, less violence please.

    Obviously the more guns less sex did not work, and had the opposite effect so far.

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